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Guest
Posted: Monday, March 21, 2011 5:29:32 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,774
I have made friends with a number of men who claim their wives, who they still care about have no interest in sex. Many of these woman would appear to be under 50 years of age and more than a few under 40. I do not expect most woman to be like me, but to live in a sexless relationship is just beyond my understanding.

Help me guys have I just met the unfortunate few or is this a common thead with our Lush Brothers. If it is true on Lush what must it me on Society in general. Please Help!!
Guest
Posted: Monday, March 21, 2011 5:35:01 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,774
what if I say true statement
Guest
Posted: Monday, March 21, 2011 9:09:30 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,774
It's true for me. Getting close to 2 years for us. My wife is 45.
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, March 22, 2011 6:44:45 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,774
WHR43 wrote:
I have made friends with a number of men who claim their wives, who they still care about have no interest in sex. Many of these woman would appear to be under 50 years of age and more than a few under 40. I do not expect most woman to be like me, but to live in a sexless relationship is just beyond my understanding.

Help me guys have I just met the unfortunate few or is this a common thead with our Lush Brothers. If it is true on Lush what must it me on Society in general. Please Help!!


This is a really good post, it requires further thought...i'd like to get back to you if i may.
cotto2000c
Posted: Tuesday, March 22, 2011 7:26:12 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 2/26/2011
Posts: 2,421
Location: United States
When we were younger, we had an amazing sex life. Now that we have gotten into our 30's it has slowed down immensly. Once a month is a pretty common number. We have very busy lives and work different schedules now, but she mentions frequently how horny she is and then we can't find the time to be together. I miss sex!!!
Kinkme
Posted: Tuesday, March 22, 2011 8:38:02 AM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 1/21/2011
Posts: 68
Location: United States
Great topic; My wife and I were just talking about this exact thing. Married 16 years, kids, and completely manogomous, and We feel like oddballs in that we are 40/43 and our sex lives have never been better. Trying things we never thought of, sex at least 3-4 time a week and GOOD sex at that. I can't imagine not having sex for a year-or a month - or a week for that matter....if that's the case, it indicates bigger "issues" in the marriage/relationship to me...
DJ

Oh; and things improved greatly after I had my vasectomy at 37...no worry about suprises anymore.
Fenton
Posted: Tuesday, March 22, 2011 9:29:26 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/3/2011
Posts: 297
Location: Maidenhead
I have a few mates that are in sexless marriages. They get the sex elsewhere. I do not see how a wife can be surprised if her husband has affairs if she won't have sex with him. What does she think is going to happen?
MMonroe
Posted: Tuesday, March 22, 2011 2:50:24 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/10/2009
Posts: 1,893
Location: United Kingdom
God, i couldnt end up in a marriage like that. I know its normal for the sex to die down a bit but to go completely without! There would definately be some bigger issues that would need sorting if that was the case



*Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?*



myself
Posted: Tuesday, March 22, 2011 3:11:07 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/17/2010
Posts: 966
Location: .showyourdick.org/
very common -ponder..

Torture the data long enough and they will confess to anything.
realz
Posted: Thursday, March 24, 2011 6:11:48 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/29/2011
Posts: 207
Since this is the 'ask the guys' section, form the guys' perspective it can be devastating.

I don't think many women realize what long term withholding does to a guy, the frustration, the loss of self confidence, how much it can hurt to see a sexy woman, or worse, a demonstrative loving couple.

It will likely end in one of two ways, serious depression, or desparately looking for a woman that will make him feel whole again.

Kenny8227
Posted: Thursday, March 24, 2011 6:23:26 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/4/2010
Posts: 5,537
Location: Georgetown
It is very common issue whereby once reaching the age above 40, they tend to lost interest in sex.
amber
Posted: Friday, March 25, 2011 11:12:44 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 11/24/2010
Posts: 495
Location: New Mexico
Kenny8227 wrote:
It is very common issue whereby once reaching the age above 40, they tend to lost interest in sex.


I am going to have to disagree here.

I do not think this is the case that it's very common anymore. I think the younger generations of women are now much more comfortable and aware of their sexuality to maintain great interest in sex well well past 40.

What I think it could be is more of how long the relationship has lasted. I think it's up to both parties to keep the sex exciting and out of routine.

Like WHR, I just cannot comprehend how a relationship can get to the point of sexless, tho. Less frequent is perfectly understandable. But, without completely?

I don't see how it can last without as Fenton and Realz said, going outside the relationship for the sex. And that seems to me, pretty much the end of it anyways, so what's the point of staying in it?

Guest
Posted: Friday, March 25, 2011 4:43:26 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,774
Stayed married for 24 years...kids finally out and on their own...too young to live the rest of my life like this...next step was to just start cheating...got divorced instead...life is good now!
g00dfe11a
Posted: Wednesday, March 30, 2011 2:40:35 PM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 3/29/2011
Posts: 9
Location: Northern Virginia
I think marriages where the spouses no longer have sex is a symptom of deeper issues (besides ones that are the result of some medical or physical condition). Maybe they didn't marry for the "right reasons", meaning it wasn't out of genuine love and attraction for one another. Maybe some people stay married out of a sense of obligation for their kids but the couple has fallen out of love and aren't attracted to one another any more. I think there are many other reasons why some marriages are sexless. I have several friends who have told me that their marriage is completely sexless and it was for all the reasons above.
MattDyne
Posted: Friday, April 01, 2011 1:26:42 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 3/7/2011
Posts: 13
Masters and Johnson, in their book Heterosexuality, state that on average men and women like sex equally, but how much one likes sex varies greatly among individuals.

There are many people, men and women, who are not very horny most of the time. That may seem odd to one who is always aroused, but I'm sure you can think of some men and women you know who just don't seem that interested in sex.

Some women need to have sex every day or more often, either with a partner or with themselves. Some women are only turned on by candlelight, wine, romance, talking, touching, and lots of foreplay, and many men don't have the patience for that or the skill to pull it off. Pulling themselves off is so much easier.
Guest
Posted: Friday, April 01, 2011 3:28:45 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,774
MattDyne wrote:
Masters and Johnson, in their book Heterosexuality, state that on average men and women like sex equally, but how much one likes sex varies greatly among individuals.

There are many people, men and women, who are not very horny most of the time. That may seem odd to one who is always aroused, but I'm sure you can think of some men and women you know who just don't seem that interested in sex.

Some women need to have sex every day or more often, either with a partner or with themselves. Some women are only turned on by candlelight, wine, romance, talking, touching, and lots of foreplay, and many men don't have the patience for that or the skill to pull it off. Pulling themselves off is so much easier.


I'd be an idiot if I didn't say..."What Matt said"....+1 here!
Dudealicious
Posted: Saturday, April 02, 2011 7:31:54 AM

Rank: Wise Ass

Joined: 11/12/2010
Posts: 5,414
Location: The center of the universe, Canada
Having lived in a sexless marriage for quite sometime I know exactly what is being said here. It started off great sex was plentyful and exciting, we would often have sex 10-12 times a week and it seemed like it would never end. As time went by she started to "lose herself" a little and gained weight, to me she was just as beautiful as the day I met her - in her eyes she was fat and not that appealing. She cited the fact that she was self concious about her body and asked for the lights to be turned off and only to have sex at night due to the fact that she was embarresed about her body.

5 years in, it went from sex 10-12 times a week to once a month. I started to get frustrated but still wanted to support her with her self image, I started to work out more myself running 5 miles a day and 10 miles on the weekend in hopes that she would come out with me....that didn't happen.

10 years in, sex was now down to once every three months. Now I am a very sexual person and saw the writing on the wall, one day I had asked her what differentiates a marriage from a friendship. She was stunned and had no idea where I was going until I blurted out - SEX! We aren't having it anymore and I can't take it. I filed for divorce a few days later.

This probably the best decision I have ever made. I started to resent her for not being sexual with me and it took it's toll on our overall relationship.

To date I know have an amazing sex life (one I never knew existed) and still think back as to why it took me so long to realize that I needed a change in partners.

The night that changed my life, a four part series of a married man lusting after his co-worker

MinaMiranda
Posted: Sunday, April 03, 2011 12:55:28 AM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 3/29/2011
Posts: 71
I was in a sexless relationship for seven years and it nearly destroyed me. But I was still in love with the guy and hoped some miracle would occur. It never did. We broke up - not because of this, but because I found out he had initiated an affair with a 21 year old.

There is no pain on earth quite like lying next to someone you adore with your heart and soul, and yet know they will not touch you.

It's only years later after talking to him he admitted he found my sexual preferences a turn-off. But at the time, he refused to discuss it.

I still harbour a great deal of resentment towards him for this.

It does not just happen to men.

Stock answer to most forum questions:
Some do, Some don't

Love blindsides us all.
Guest
Posted: Sunday, April 03, 2011 10:56:51 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,774
Thank you to all of you who have provided a response. Sex is such a basic instinct and should be carried long into the senior years. This is a subject that should take further study. Not why couples become sexless, but how get them beyond the issues that caused the problem.

We women do become overly sensitive in the changes in our body as the years pass. But it seems to me that men get something hanging over there belt in later years too.

Some people have health or emotional conditional that may contribute to the problem, but that should certainly be the minority in this issue.

Please continue to send your contributions.

Thanks again
Guest
Posted: Thursday, April 07, 2011 6:44:53 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,774
It seems to me the emphasis is on men being deprived. Although I guess the question was asked of the guys. But I gotta put in my two cents worth. Over the years, I've talked with a considerable number of women, mostly 45 plus. These women and I include myself, are all deprived to some extent. Some complain of once a month to anywhere up to none for "the last few years." The majority of us all agreed we still loved our husbands, and tried to get things moving again, but as the saying goes, you can lead a horse to water but......

Women stay in a sexless marriage for a lot of reasons, stuck in their comfort zone, fear of loneliness, financial security, guilt, family ties...the list goes on. It seems a lot of men just grow old and get stuck in a rut. Women, those who often rediscover themselves once children are independent, start taking stock of their lives. They find a lot of empty spaces to fill, pardon the pun.

The women who look for sexual fulfilment outside the marriage, I know four who are honest about it, still love their husbands. They're all having affairs with much younger men. They enjoy the passion, excitement whatever, but still go home to their man.

Perhaps marriage licenses should be like drivers ones, renewable every five years.

Guest
Posted: Thursday, April 07, 2011 2:36:25 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,774
[quote=Wildcat]It seems to me the emphasis is on men being deprived. Although I guess the question was asked of the guys. But I gotta put in my two cents worth. Over the years, I've talked with a considerable number of women, mostly 45 plus. These women and I include myself, are all deprived to some extent. Some complain of once a month to anywhere up to none for "the last few years." The majority of us all agreed we still loved our husbands, and tried to get things moving again, but as the saying goes, you can lead a horse to water but......

Women stay in a sexless marriage for a lot of reasons, stuck in their comfort zone, fear of loneliness, financial security, guilt, family ties...the list goes on. It seems a lot of men just grow old and get stuck in a rut. Women, those who often rediscover themselves once children are independent, start taking stock of their lives. They find a lot of empty spaces to fill, pardon the pun.

The women who look for sexual fulfilment outside the marriage, I know four who are honest about it, still love their husbands. They're all having affairs with much younger men. They enjoy the passion, excitement whatever, but still go home to their man.

Perhaps marriage licenses should be like drivers ones, renewable every five years.

Would you suggest wildcat that at renewal time, that a performance test be a part of the renewal process?
stephanie
Posted: Thursday, April 07, 2011 7:12:22 PM

Rank: Bohemian

Joined: 1/1/2010
Posts: 4,886
Location: Dublin, Ire., Ireland
WHR43 wrote:
I have made friends with a number of men who claim their wives, who they still care about have no interest in sex. Many of these woman would appear to be under 50 years of age and more than a few under 40. I do not expect most woman to be like me, but to live in a sexless relationship is just beyond my understanding.

Help me guys have I just met the unfortunate few or is this a common thead with our Lush Brothers. If it is true on Lush what must it me on Society in general. Please Help!!


Interesting topic...

I'm in my 40s, Male, and despite having had several long-term relationships, (some with people I deeply loved) I've never married and have no kids...

In recent years, with the advent of FaceBook etc I've hooked up with several ex-girlfriends who have married and who have families and who are deeply bored by the fact that fun-filled sexual passion seems to be something that simply doesn't happen in their marriages anymore....

Most, if not all of these women remain fantastic dinner/theatre/gig dates, brilliant company, still fondly attractive, extremely sexual in both looks and attitude and terribly flirtatious in demeanour.... I enjoy our dates, I flirt with them, I enjoy them, I appreciate them, frankly I'd still have them in a minute and more importantly we laugh when we date and we have fun...

Some are available. I bash myself over the head sometimes 'cos a moral code I can't really explain prevents me from having sex for sex sake with someone I'm fond of if they're married.... (And if I were to be honest, for me it wouldn't just be about the sex....) The fact that we date and talk tend to make me think that they don't just want sex either....

I was recently asked by a married friend of mine, a girl, who has two children but hasn't slept with her husband in two years, (she's 40, a successfull career woman and extremely attractive), if I might be able to organise a scenario where we might pose as a 'swinging-couple' in order to meet a similar couple for bi-play and straight sex..... (She's bi-curious, I'm..... Let's say experienced....)

I'm tempted...... (We've passionately kissed before but neither of us has taken it further, although she has suggested it...)

When I asked why she wouldn't ask her husband to do such a thing she laughed.

"I don't want to do it with HIM," she said.....

When I pointed out that such a scenario would involve both her and I having sex again she pointed out that that was one of the reasons the idea appealed to her....

She points out that she loves her husband dearly, he was the one who stopped desiring her sexually on a level that she could accept (she's a very sexual girl) and eventually she simply didn't think of him sexually... She doesn't want a divorce 'cos of the kids... (And 'cos it's Ireland.....)

Quite frankly, he bores her sexually, and expresses no interest in her that way..... When she suggested, (more than a year ago,) that they should sleep in different rooms he accepted this without a murmer.... She insists he has no other women and as she says, "He doesn't even watch porn..."

I really can't understand how ANY guy could ignore someone like her.... She's funny, beautiful, clever, intelligent, arch, dark, loving and occasionally dangerous....

I dunno......


xx SF



Imbecile! - de som empire
Si nos efforts te delevraient,
Tes baisers ressuseraient
Le cadavere de ton Wampyr! (Baudelaire.)
(I'll ATTEMPT a free translation...)
"Idiot! Even if our efforts were
To deliver you from Her empire,
Your kisses would bring back to life
The corpse of your beloved Vampire."
EVERYONE WHO SPEAKS FRENCH: "THat isn't quite correct..."
Guest
Posted: Friday, April 08, 2011 1:53:35 AM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,774
Whitney, I think heaps of guys would fail the test. I had two conversations with a couple of friends overnight on this topic. I posed the hypothetical question..If you left the marriage tomorrow, what did they think their husbands would miss the most. These ladies, 48 and 49, gave almost identical answers. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, designated driver of drunk husband. I asked what about sex? Both replied similarly....what sex?, don't tell me you still get it.
Denny62
Posted: Friday, April 08, 2011 1:06:24 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 10/18/2010
Posts: 35
Location: Wisconsin
I have been in a semi-sexless marriage for going on 30 years. We marrried young, ironicly because she got pregnant. Without going into mind numbing detail, she wasn't faithfull in the first few years. Citing the fact that I was working too much. Since the bills we got didn't pay themselves, I worked 2 full time jobs. She also worked full time and slept with her co-workers.

A few years later she told me all about it. . . . at that point, we had 4 kids. I decided that I could get past the affairs, and thought staying together would be best for the kids.

We've gone long periods of time without touching eachother in spite of sleeping in the same bed. At other times, the gaps aren't as long. Most of this in-activity is because I've never really been able to get past what happened.

Our youngest just turned 18, and I look back and feel like I've wasted 30 years. I look around, and feel like I have a couple bad roommates. I look forward. . . . not sure which way I'll go.

All that, Is my way of agreeing that there are always deeper issues!
budwilliams
Posted: Friday, April 08, 2011 1:22:19 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 2/17/2011
Posts: 494
Location: United States
My sex life suddenly went from three times a week to zero in 1996
The reasons vary:
Sometimes it's because of her meds
Sometimes it's because she wants no part of any situation she doesn't have 100% control over
Sometimes it's because one of her councilors told her that sex is degrading and has no place in a loving relationship
redhot363236
Posted: Friday, April 08, 2011 3:37:08 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 2/16/2011
Posts: 607
Location: United States
When I was 20, it was 10 times a week
When I was 40, it was once a month, IF I was lucky
The last time was around three years ago

And yes, we have both been known to go elsewhere looking for it
Guest
Posted: Friday, April 08, 2011 10:36:50 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,774
lol Thank god for erotic stories and porn at least i know what I'm missing
Guest
Posted: Saturday, April 09, 2011 3:32:52 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,774
Id say its true when we were engaged we had sex anywhere and every where now were married im lucky if we have sex 4 times a year
WellMadeMale
Posted: Saturday, April 09, 2011 8:15:24 PM

Rank: Constant Gardener

Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 10,301
Location: Cakeland, United States
stephanie wrote:


I dunno......


xx SF




Dude, you are fucking twisted 9 ways to Sunday. I'll buy you some drinks. Let's party.

If ya can't beat 'em... pay someone to do it for you.
MinaMiranda
Posted: Sunday, April 10, 2011 11:25:02 AM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 3/29/2011
Posts: 71
budwilliams wrote:
My sex life suddenly went from three times a week to zero in 1996
The reasons vary:
Sometimes it's because of her meds


Oh hell yes, meds - especially ones for depression and similar things damn well ought to be marketed as contraceptives. They cosh the libido well into submission. You can lie there for hours trying to get yourself off and it just won't happen. Same goes for the Depo injection - brilliant. No chance of children at all. Because you're two stone heavier and your hormones are having their own party to which you're not invited.

Someone earlier in the thread mentioned the concept of renewable marriage - I believe Wiccan Handfasting ceremonies are renewable yearly. So, if all goes well, you get to have a romantic ceremony and party with friends every year, and if it doesn't go well, there's no divorce drama to struggle through. I honestly think it's genius.

Stock answer to most forum questions:
Some do, Some don't

Love blindsides us all.
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