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So, getting over someone? Want to help? Options · View
lifeafterdeath
Posted: Saturday, August 20, 2011 7:22:39 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 12/12/2010
Posts: 162
Location: Places, United States
So, I'm sure some of you read my previous thread (Is it sad that I take my personal life and put it up here for random people to criticize?)
I know time is the only real way you can get over someone, I'm just looking for a way to speed things up, you know? Kick it up a notch.


I'm halfway gone.
MMonroe
Posted: Sunday, August 21, 2011 5:37:33 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/10/2009
Posts: 1,893
Location: United Kingdom
1. Delete, throw away, or just hide all memories of them. Photos, things he/she left at yours etc. Delete them from facebook if necessary to get rid of the temptation to stalk their page and then cry over the photos of him/her
2. Get out the house and do something. Go out with mate, start a new hobby etc, anything, so that you're not sitting around bored and lonely and then finding your mind drifting to them.

After that, its really just a matter of time. There is no set amount of time for you to get over someone (i still dont think im over my first bf), it takes however long it takes but it will happen



*Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?*



Dancing_Doll
Posted: Sunday, August 21, 2011 1:41:35 PM

Rank: Alpha Blonde

Joined: 2/17/2010
Posts: 6,272
Location: West Coast
MMonroe named all the best points.

Avoid all contact with this person until you have perspective. Never attempt to do the "let's be friends" thing until time has passed and there are no residual feelings left there at all. Everyone needs a cooling-off period because most break-ups are not mutual decisions that both people are totally ok with right from the beginning.

I usually indulge in going out a lot, alcohol, hanging with friends, taking a vacation (mainly escapist things) until I have things better sorted out in my head.

As MMonroe said... distractions are great... start a new hobby, get a new pet, write that book you always wanted to, take up kickboxing...

The point is to just distract yourself enough until you feel normal again.


CellarDoor
Posted: Sunday, August 21, 2011 3:39:54 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/11/2011
Posts: 126
Location: Realityville
MMonroe and Dancing_Doll made excellent points!

There is absolutely no set amount of time it takes a person to get over someone they loved. It can, unfortunately, be a lifelong process and even years after the fact it's irritating more than anything when a certain somebody crosses your mind. All I can say is that you really need a good support system.
Having someone distract you from your slump is a huge help because most often we are our own worst enemies!
You need to take the time you need to heal and realize that you did the best you could. You were honest with yourself and your emotions and try to not have any regrets. Never blame yourself for another person's reasons for ending a relationship, because they obviously had theirs. And really, who wants to be with someone else who clearly isn't as invested in the relationship as your are?
It's important to realize your self worth and that it's the other persons loss - because, gosh darn, you're quite the catch!


whyusearealname
Posted: Sunday, August 21, 2011 5:49:13 PM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 8/7/2011
Posts: 8
One thing that you absolutely need is a friend that will be there for you no matter what. No matter what time it is, where you are, or what condition you are in. I am one of those types of friends. I wrote something a while ago but don't think it fits on Lush so here it is:

What is a friend?
Friends are someone that is always there for you - either miles away or seconds away. Night or day no matter what.
A friend listens and doesn't judge.
A friend is always supportive even if their opinion doesn't agree with yours.
Friends will lean against each other holding each other up when need be or just holding the other friend up.
A friend sees when the other friend hurts and helps no matter what the cost to themselves.
Friendship means you can call, write or text anytime day or night whether you get a reply or not. This allows you to open up and tell your friend anything knowing your friend will help no matter what is written or said.
A friend will always find a way to make you smile, giggle or just flat out laugh out loud when you need it.
Friendship means being honest with your friend at all times. Honesty builds the strongest friendships. You always know the truth when you are friends this way.
Friends will wear your shoes for you if need be to get you through your darkest times.


Having that type of person in your life will make the process go much smoother and faster as well.
Kandikiss51
Posted: Monday, August 29, 2011 1:32:00 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 6/28/2011
Posts: 21
Location: United States
First you must have a good support system, like family, and true blue friends. Realize that it takes time to heal, and be honest with yourself and your emotions. Plus never blame yourself for his shortcoming, or behavior. Like my soon to be ex, he isn’t worth it. As the old saying, “One cannot fix stupid.” He is so far from that he is pathetic. He also preys on women who are disabled, and look need--I am disabled, not dead not needy! But oh boy did he put on a good act, had me hook line and sinker, until he turned abusive, then I called it quits. Time will heal all wounds they say I'm just not sure they will heal mine! Having some great friends does help, and admitting life happens, deal with it, and move on. Realize your own self worth, and its there loss, and you a unique individual, well worth someone’s love, and one day, you will find it, just be patient. Geez I sound like my mother. LOL

HUGS & MORE
kochankatulipan
Posted: Monday, August 29, 2011 7:19:03 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 6/11/2011
Posts: 148
I agree with Kandikiss 51. At the moment I'm being the 'good friend' two several women who's ex's have been totally awful (even sawing toilet roll holders in half - yes you heard right!) and have done a fantastic job in making them feel totally worthless. Wish I knew the answer but I think you need to do something major to demonstrate to yourself that you have moved on from the relationship. Choose something that could never do while you were in the relationship and do it. For me it was to learn how to dance argentine tango. I hope that is helpful.
kochankatulipan
Posted: Monday, August 29, 2011 7:21:00 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 6/11/2011
Posts: 148
Just read what I wrote and had an 'oh shit that came out wrong' moment. I should explain that it was their partners who made them feel totally worthless, not me!
Guest
Posted: Monday, August 29, 2011 7:12:54 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 535,080
never appoint a "go between" person do the talking for you. have friends that actualy care, and glass of wine is not bad.
erectus_2011
Posted: Saturday, September 03, 2011 1:11:38 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/7/2011
Posts: 197
Location: Delta of Venus
I suggest yu take a bit of philosophical approach , give a deep thought that If you love, you will know that everything begins and everything ends, and there is a time for beginning and there is a time for ending, and there is no wound in it, One is not wounded or hurt, one simply knows the season is over, you shud not be in despair, just understand and Thank your spouse , for she gave you so many beautiful gifts,she gave you new visions of life, she opened a few windows which you might never have opened on your own.

Now the time has come to separate and your ways part,not in anger, not in rage, not with a grudge, not with any complaint, but with tremendous gratitude, with great love, with thankfulness in the heart.

If you know how to love, you will know how to separate and move forward
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