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All women say looks don't matter Options · View
Mrtime
Posted: Tuesday, September 13, 2011 1:29:25 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 7/12/2011
Posts: 11
Location: usa, United States
But when it comes down to it, I get shot down every time. I have been called the nicest/sweetest guy in the world more then once. (Today actually) I'm starting to think that being nice doesn't mean anything. All the assholes that just care about sex and such always get the girl. The girls get used and abused and they go back over and over. Here I am sitting along.. Not by choice. I'm not a teenager and I'll leave it at that.
Magical_felix
Posted: Tuesday, September 13, 2011 1:44:02 AM

Rank: Wild at Heart

Joined: 4/3/2010
Posts: 4,908
Location: California
That's not the rap you use when you talk to woman is it? Could be the root of the problem...



sweetaz
Posted: Tuesday, September 13, 2011 4:02:18 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 7/25/2011
Posts: 9,078
Location: New Zealand
Some woman are always going to be attracted to those blokes you describe, obviously you don't put yourself in that catergory. What are you looking for in a woman why you've noticed the low self esteem female and take the time to wonder and write why? Is it really worth the energy to figure them out or is this the type you yourself are attracted to ... the needy?
So your a nice guy and obviously thats a quality thats been picked up on, go with it someone (female) will eventually notice that and any other qualities you have. Curiosity may lead to a date, good luck
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, September 13, 2011 4:27:17 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,383
Looks matter as well as personality. Lets face it, there has to be that chemistry there to begin with. I could't ever see myself marrying a fella just because he was a good talker and listener. It has to be the best of both worlds.
To be honest, I couldn't even cyber with someone I wasn't interested in looks wise or personality wise.
Lisa
Posted: Tuesday, September 13, 2011 4:30:31 AM

Rank: Moderator

Joined: 3/3/2009
Posts: 5,190
Location: Victoria, Australia
Do you always approach really attractive/beautiful girls or do you go more for the girl-next-door type? Men who complain that women don't notice them often do the same thing themselves, they overlook the not-so-glamorous ones in their efforts to snag the hottest women.

It's easy to blame women for your loneliness, but it won't help you find someone. You seem to think your niceness is what's holding you back but if you really take an honest look at yourself and the way you approach women, you'll realise it's something else.

Guest
Posted: Tuesday, September 13, 2011 4:41:42 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,383
Mrtime wrote:
I'm not a teenager and I'll leave it at that.


you're 20, so yeah you are.

fact of the matter is that nice guys do get screwed and lot of women gravitate towards men that need to be fixed. and no offense but girls your age are running around just as clueless as you are. id say either chill out and wait for your girl to come...and she will, it just seems like it takes forever.

...or you can try going up the age scale...women a little older really are not hung up on looks and actually do like nice guys.

good luck! :)
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, September 13, 2011 4:55:49 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,383
it depends what you really seek. if girls only care about looks, when they find a better looks guy than you, they will leave you. if they care your heart, she will stay with you even if you don't look very well. she can be bored with a good looks in a short time, but good heart never. leaving a good heart is not so easy, it is harder than leaving a good looks guy
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, September 13, 2011 5:09:24 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,383
I have heard the "Girls don't date nice guys" thing for years. Women are typically honest with a man within the first 2 dates about their feelings for them. They are usually sensitive enough to hone in and hype up your best traits before 'lowering the boom'. Yes, I'm sure you are a nice guy but if you asked women (Hey, good follow up Forum question) what traits do you value in a man that would make you want to pursue a relationship with him; I gonna guess you will hear things like:
1. A man who knows what he wants
2. Strong sense of direction.
3. Ambition
4. Looks (facial, over all)
5. Looks (shape, size)
And related stuff... just as men look for beauty and sexuality, women, intentionally or not, seek 'providers', 'protectors'.

Men often accuse women of being motivated by money this is actually not a huge motivator either BUT... sucessful men often have the traits of the 'provider/protector' they seek.

Don't assume that because a man has a strong sex drive and is ambitious that he isn't also 'a nice guy'.

You need not take my advice on this... but next time a girl is telling you 'gee you're a nice guy but...' or 'I just wanna be friends', take that minute to ask: "what traits do you look for in a partner?". Learn from the burn!
Squirthero
Posted: Tuesday, September 13, 2011 6:22:35 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/5/2011
Posts: 373
Lisa wrote:
Do you always approach really attractive/beautiful girls or do you go more for the girl-next-door type? Men who complain that women don't notice them often do the same thing themselves, they overlook the not-so-glamorous ones in their efforts to snag the hottest women.

It's easy to blame women for your loneliness, but it won't help you find someone. You seem to think your niceness is what's holding you back but if you really take an honest look at yourself and the way you approach women, you'll realise it's something else.



I'm afraid to say I thinks she's right. Albeit rather bluntly put. I'd say you may well be unaware that you are sporting the kinds of women that go for hunks and badboys, therefore setting urself up to fail from the off. The ones with any heart will befreind you and reject you kindly with the familiar words, your the nicest guy I know etc. But they are not attracted to nice guys, so youll end up being their 'nice guy hag' so to speak. There are inate drivers in both sexes for many of us to go for these types. But these drivers are thousands of years in the making. They are not equipped to handle the complexity of what's really needed in this day and age for the majority of types. So, let the hot obvious chicks run around not getting it, banging all the hunks and bastards, and getting messed around. Its the sex and the City crap all over again.If your not prepared to construct a persona like that fukwhit 'Big', then go and find some holesum groups and societies ( I dont mean bible bashers) and just get to know people in more activity based context. outdoor pursuits, fitness groups, etc. Pretty soon, you'll realise, there are some really fine girls that are driven by more complex and less superficial attractions.

You'll find you niche in no time at all..

Stop looking, stop obsessing, start living..
:)



Squirt is in the eye of the beholder
Nikki703
Posted: Tuesday, September 13, 2011 7:20:15 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/7/2009
Posts: 12,674
Location: The Other Side Of The Mirror
I hate to say it but Looks Do Matter! You may be the nicest, sweetest most caring, fun loving guy or girl in the world but the physical attraction has to be there or you will never get to the point where you find out how nice that person is.

Are looks the #1 thing you look for, only trying to meet super hot women every other guy wants? Do you act like the guy that no one wants? If you think and act like no one wants you, then be sure no one will want you.

You can blame women or men, depending on preference, for your rejections and for being lonely. But in the end it doesn really matter why, you wiull still be lonely. Figure out the problem and fix it.

Find out what works for you. Live your life!!!
scarlettlopez
Posted: Tuesday, September 13, 2011 7:33:34 AM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 8/16/2011
Posts: 50
Women will always say looks don't matter. I'm not saying you have to be good looking to get a girl but thats the first thing women see then it goes on to the personality. Try getting to know someone first and don't come on to strong with them. Everyones beautiful in their own way and there is someone out there for everyone you've just got to relax and not look to hard. Expect the unexpected. I would personally go for someone with looks but i wouldnt seperate people who are average looking from the good looking ones. Looks catch the eye, personality catches the heart as they say. I couldn't marry someone just for their looks though, so as long as you have a good heart you will find someone.
Mistress_of_words
Posted: Tuesday, September 13, 2011 9:23:45 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 2/14/2011
Posts: 591
Location: At my keyboard, writing stories for you
Some very good points made there. I agree with the others who've said, if you're not magazine cover material you may have to set your sights a little lower. Consider how you factor in looks and see if you're doing the same thing you're criticising girls for doing.

The truth is, looks can be a very important factor, especially if all the person is looking for is a hook up. What do you actually want out of a relationship? Do you want something serious and long term, or just a bit of fun? As some of the others have already said, consider where you're looking and ask yourself if you really expect to find the kind of girl you want there.

And remember, there are looks and then there are [i]looks[/l]. You can only blame genetics for so much. A little effort to get a decent hair cut, buy clothes that suit (and fit) you and the way you conduct yourself count for a lot. If you've got bad teeth or a crooked nose, distract away from it with a sharp outfit and confident attitude.

Dancing_Doll
Posted: Tuesday, September 13, 2011 11:01:31 AM

Rank: Alpha Blonde

Joined: 2/17/2010
Posts: 6,281
Location: West Coast
Wow, who said that looks don't matter for women? Maybe for gold-diggers but then they have their eye on a different kind of prize, right?

As others have already said... don't set your sights on a woman that is out of your league (physically). People tend to do best when they are dating at their own level of attractiveness. If you want a girl that doesn't focus on looks, then you need to be a guy that doesn't have the same tendency.

As for the whole "the assholes always get the girl and treat them like shit and women love it" thing... There is a level of ego in even making this statement. That being that you think you are this great catch and it's all the women out there that the idiots for not recognizing this. Kind of like a passive-aggressive approach to the whole "nice guy's finish last" argument. Yes, some men are assholes. But they clearly have some traits that women find attractive if they continue to be with them. Same as how there are plenty of dim-witted bitches with hot bodies that guys salivate over as they ignore the size 12 'nice girl' in glasses with sweet, nurturing personalities. Yet you rarely hear the 'nice girl's complaining about why the captain of the football team won't give them the time of day. In fact I don't think I can recall a single post like this made by a female on the Lush forums compared to a staggering collection of 'nice guy' vs 'bad boy' threads. Or maybe that's just because Lush appears to be over-run with babes and supermodels who have never encountered such problems. happy8

Looks matter (to a certain degree) for both sexes. As long as people are realistic about their prospects, it really shouldn't be that hard to date and mate.


vance
Posted: Tuesday, September 13, 2011 1:23:03 PM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 11/18/2010
Posts: 7
Location: alone with my thoughts
i think you are all taking this a little serious.

looks matter, if you are fat, to thin, to tall, to short. you would'nt accept a drink from a man who doesn't appeal to you.

books are judged exactly on their covers.

the thing you have to think about is matching the cover to the genre.

tall women like tall men, sports women like sports men,ect

i believe this.

if a man appears confident, self assured and relaxed but not arrogant, it only takes a certain smile and gesture to break down
the sternest of fronts.

i know i'm taking this in a different direction but thats how i feel about this subject.
poizenivy
Posted: Tuesday, September 13, 2011 1:31:51 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/5/2011
Posts: 9,099
Location: In a suspended state of permanent horniness, Unite
I have dated some pretty ugly men because they really did have good personalities. I have dated handsome men who presented themselves as having a good persoanlity so later became monsters. Do looks matter? To me it is really about their confidence level and how they take care of themselves. I don't care how cute someone is if they have poor hygiene, habits, or personality I don't find them attractive.

I have found that people who are not considered attractive by society's norms will often assume their looks are the reason they can't find love or become successful when in fact it is more likely due to a lack of self confidence and the chip on their shoulder because of that assumption. Also, not so attractive good guys tend to try too hard because they are trying to overcompensate for their looks.

Bottom line, at least for me, is a confident secure person.

Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer. ~Swami X

Guest
Posted: Tuesday, September 13, 2011 3:35:44 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,383
Danny_B wrote:
I have heard the "Girls don't date nice guys" thing for years. Women are typically honest with a man within the first 2 dates about their feelings for them. They are usually sensitive enough to hone in and hype up your best traits before 'lowering the boom'. Yes, I'm sure you are a nice guy but if you asked women (Hey, good follow up Forum question) what traits do you value in a man that would make you want to pursue a relationship with him; I gonna guess you will hear things like:
1. A man who knows what he wants
2. Strong sense of direction.
3. Ambition
4. Looks (facial, over all)
5. Looks (shape, size)
And related stuff... just as men look for beauty and sexuality, women, intentionally or not, seek 'providers', 'protectors'.

Men often accuse women of being motivated by money this is actually not a huge motivator either BUT... sucessful men often have the traits of the 'provider/protector' they seek.

Don't assume that because a man has a strong sex drive and is ambitious that he isn't also 'a nice guy'.

You need not take my advice on this... but next time a girl is telling you 'gee you're a nice guy but...' or 'I just wanna be friends', take that minute to ask: "what traits do you look for in a partner?". Learn from the burn!


I like what you have to say here.
Fugly
Posted: Tuesday, September 13, 2011 4:41:03 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/11/2010
Posts: 1,004
Nice/sweet guys = pushovers, agrees with EVERYTHING you say Brick wall , non individuals, and generally non opinionated.

Take away those annoying traits and looks don't matter!
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, September 13, 2011 9:05:24 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,383
Well looks do matter, because us girls, just like guys want to feel attracted to the guy. Also, I like being treated like a Princess, but not all the time. A guy needs to have a spine and also being funny helps. I personally am really attracted to smart guys, so it just depends on the girl. Some girls love lots of muscles, but for me I like just toned bodies. Also you can meet a guy and he doesn't attract you right away and you think his body/face is not your type. But then the more you get to know him the more attractive he becomes because of his personality, his sense of humor, etc. Mostly don't be a loser in your life. Don't spend your day playing X-box or wasting your time. Us girls like interesting guys who are doing something with their life. Take up a sport (rock climbing), learn to cook (I love Italian), travel (a man who has been exotic places is so sexy), study wine, do something so you are interesting and active. I hate couch potatoes.
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, September 14, 2011 8:11:33 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,383
what is the source of real beauty? body, heart, mind, thoughts, idea...we can add many. there are many unpleasant things which is covered with unreal beauty. there are many ugly heart who cover it with body beauty. at last, it shows what it hides. you know the flower which eats insect. it deceives them with its beauty, its colors. don't forget some girls are like that :)
EwaBeachSlut
Posted: Wednesday, September 14, 2011 10:43:54 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/3/2011
Posts: 124
Location: United States
Lots of good stuff has been said before me. Never the less there are certainly women in the world would accept a guys with less than the "Handsome Title" but what makes the first connection. Looks are still way ahead of whatever else is on the list.

Deepdown we still have the cave woman mentality of "Who will be the best breeder"

Whenever you start out a statement or question with ALL you are definately WRONG.

But what could a newbie know.
Mrtime
Posted: Thursday, September 15, 2011 1:28:26 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 7/12/2011
Posts: 11
Location: usa, United States
Lisa wrote:
Do you always approach really attractive/beautiful girls or do you go more for the girl-next-door type? Men who complain that women don't notice them often do the same thing themselves, they overlook the not-so-glamorous ones in their efforts to snag the hottest women.

It's easy to blame women for your loneliness, but it won't help you find someone. You seem to think your niceness is what's holding you back but if you really take an honest look at yourself and the way you approach women, you'll realise it's something else.



I am not a very picky person. The way I approach women is semi-flawless. If my personality was in the body of someone else, I feel I would be flawless. Just kidding. But really, personality, not so much the issue. but thanks for the input
Mrtime
Posted: Thursday, September 15, 2011 1:29:33 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 7/12/2011
Posts: 11
Location: usa, United States
LittleMissBitch wrote:
Mrtime wrote:
I'm not a teenager and I'll leave it at that.


you're 20, so yeah you are.

fact of the matter is that nice guys do get screwed and lot of women gravitate towards men that need to be fixed. and no offense but girls your age are running around just as clueless as you are. id say either chill out and wait for your girl to come...and she will, it just seems like it takes forever.

...or you can try going up the age scale...women a little older really are not hung up on looks and actually do like nice guys.

good luck! :)


pretty much the best comment
Mrtime
Posted: Thursday, September 15, 2011 1:34:40 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 7/12/2011
Posts: 11
Location: usa, United States
LaniWhore wrote:
Lots of good stuff has been said before me. Never the less there are certainly women in the world would accept a guys with less than the "Handsome Title" but what makes the first connection. Looks are still way ahead of whatever else is on the list.

Deepdown we still have the cave woman mentality of "Who will be the best breeder"

Whenever you start out a statement or question with ALL you are definately WRONG.

But what could a newbie know.


Good point.
Mrtime
Posted: Thursday, September 15, 2011 1:47:02 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 7/12/2011
Posts: 11
Location: usa, United States
Well some really interesting comments. 1 or 2 to be helpful. I am currently growing a beard to try something new. My personality is pretty good. I have my flaws. But when you are called, " the sweetest guy I've ever met", "the nicest guy ever", "no one else says such nice things about me" more times then I have fingers and toes on both hands and feet and I still get over-looked. What else is one to think? I refuse to beleive that all women are shallow because I have seen some interesting match-ups with people I consider less "nice" or less "easy going" then myself. For the record I could keep this going conversation forever because I like talking about topics with a group of people.

Inconclusion: we men on average are bigger ass-holes by very far, but women have their darks moments too.
Dancing_Doll
Posted: Thursday, September 15, 2011 4:30:45 PM

Rank: Alpha Blonde

Joined: 2/17/2010
Posts: 6,281
Location: West Coast
Women want guys that are basically "nice" and "sweet" but there are other criteria on their list too (and I'm not talking about physical attractiveness).

but...

should we automatically assume that a guy that is told that he is the "sweetest, nicest guy ever" automatically translates into being "perfect"? Women look for a lot of different things when it comes to being a compatible personality for them. It doesn't meant that guys are either nice/sweet OR total assholes. Think about the gray zone in between. Maybe there's just a mismatch and she's trying to give you a compliment. It doesn't necessary mean that it's about looks.

A nice/sweet guy with a great body doesn't really translate into the perfect man for a lot of women (including me). There's more to it than that. But when we see the incompatibility, we tend to default to complimenting a guy's positive traits before backing off. It doesn't mean the only reason we don't want to date him is because he isn't hot enough.




rudyP34
Posted: Thursday, September 15, 2011 4:42:00 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/27/2010
Posts: 127
Location: Canada
Dancing_Doll wrote:
Women want guys that are basically "nice" and "sweet" but there are other criteria on their list too (and I'm not talking about physical attractiveness).

but...

should we automatically assume that a guy that is told that he is the "sweetest, nicest guy ever" automatically translates into being "perfect"? Women look for a lot of different things when it comes to being a compatible personality for them. It doesn't meant that guys are either nice/sweet OR total assholes. Think about the gray zone in between. Maybe there's just a mismatch and she's trying to give you a compliment. It doesn't necessary mean that it's about looks.

A nice/sweet guy with a great body doesn't really translate into the perfect man for a lot of women (including me). There's more to it than that. But when we see the incompatibility, we tend to default to complimenting a guy's positive traits before backing off. It doesn't mean the only reason we don't want to date him is because he isn't hot enough.




Compatibility goes far beyond being generally sweet and nice. A complete asshole might turn into the sweetest guy ever in the presence of someone he truly cares for. So, finding a good match is tricky. It's trials and errors. One day you fail miserably and blame the entire universe for your misfortune, another day you hit the jackpot. The only important thing is not to give up and stay true to yourself, and enjoy yourself. A rejection should be seen as a good thing, although it's really hard on the spot. It's a process of elimination. One woman rejects you, move on to the next. One down, 3 billions to go!
heartoftheweb
Posted: Thursday, September 15, 2011 5:22:53 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 7/21/2011
Posts: 83
Location: In the darkness of your heart
If I need to Fugly to you then no, I'm not going to date you. I seek strong confident men, men who know what they want. If he's gonna whine about sitting home alone...SEE YA!
Looks matter, so does personality, humor, confidence, ability to hold down a job and not living with his mommy is key.
Life is never as simple as I'm too nice.
My 2 cents

spank me hard please
Guest
Posted: Thursday, September 15, 2011 5:23:23 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,383
This is stating the obvious, but personally I like a man to not really over analyse his feelings and emotions. I think guys tend to do this a lot these days, conditioned by what they are fed by magazines and television. I am turned off by an over groomed man too, I don't want him hogging my bathroom time! Looks are important of course, who could fall for somebody they didn't find even a chink of attraction towards? It's just a matter of if and when the attraction grows.
Buz
Posted: Thursday, September 15, 2011 5:56:19 PM

Rank: The Linebacker

Joined: 3/2/2011
Posts: 5,819
Location: Atlanta, United States
I got a couple of friends so ugly that even I know they're ugly, but they are super nicer outgoing guys and have hooked up even married absolutely gorgeous glamorous chicks. Of course family money and high paying jobs probably improved their appearance.

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