A handful of years ago, before I'd ever even stumbled across Lush, I'd had an AdultFriendFinder personal ad running a slow troll through the churning waters of my local area.
I had changed my profile interests a few times over the previous few years, but at that moment I was a
Straight Man in search of
Women and interested in...
Discreet Relationships, 1-on-1 sex, Miscellaneous Fetishes, Other 'alternative' Activities and Group Sex (3 or more).
By placing too much on your profile, you ran the risk of scaring women off...but by not outlining what you were game for, you stood the chance of meeting vanilla cupcakes all the time...At least that was something I had figured out quickly.
Anyway, Mary replied to my ad. Mary identified herself as
Bi-curious, in her profile...and she'd been a member for just a short two month timeframe. No photo's on her profile, which indicated to me that she was discreet, didn't have a scanner or digital camera or was as attractive as a mud fence.
In her 1st greeting to me, she claimed he was a volleyball coach at a local area high school, 40 years old...taking care of her long term partner (a 56 year old female whom she had been in a life-long, monogamous lesbian partnership with - the woman approached Mary when she was 18 and on the college volleyball squad, and they'd become fast friends). Her partner had developed some muscular degenerative disease at the age of 48 and there was little intimacy between the two of them for the last 6 years. Mary had become a caretaker and she still loved her partner...
But you can draw your own conclusions, just as I had to, as well.
Mary had never had penetrative sex with a man. No boys or men had ever even fingered her. She made out with just a very small number of young men before she decided that she was 100% lesbian and lived that way for the next 22 almost 23 years.
Mary was propositioning me to become her 1st fuck.
When I replied back, I informed her that I was flattered. I also replied that I'd never been with, to my knowledge... a virgin in that aspect and was quite hesitant. I ticked off a few of my reasons and ended the email with... My friends call me Jeff, maybe we can be friends first?
Mary sent back four photographs of herself.
She was Hot Bro. 5'10", blonde, blue eyed, racked and stacked, tanned, athletically lean and quite tasty looking. Lipstick femme was my first visual impression. My mind immediately swayed towards.........
Um, well maybe I can, ummm, overlook my own bias just this once. There I was, 46 yrs old and thinking with my dick, again.
I replied with: "You're a very attractive woman, Mary...but you've lived as a lesbian your entire life. Your partner is still alive, I understand your sexual frustrations, but have you considered how you might feel if you cheated on her for the 1st time ever? I'd have to be that guy and then watch as you careened emotionally with demons which I had a hand in feeding.
I then reiterated a few key points to consider, such as... I was not looking for a life partner, but more a fuck buddy type of casual relationship, as I was still interested in pursuing more playmates. I wanted a stable of women to fuck...one for every day of the week, if possible. I attempted to paint myself as quite the rogue.
I was tossing her grenade back into a sack of crap and lobbing it back into her sports car. I knew it was risky, as I might have to actually man up at some point in time.
Mary was not to be put off. "Yes, I have thought long and hard about my decision. I first ran an ad on AFF 2 years ago and met a few men, but none of them, in the end...could pull the trigger, so-to-speak. They all wanted a trophy lesbian girlfriend, but had no clue how to give me a hard cock. I became disillusioned quickly, but the point now is I am fucking tired of my gawddamned Rabbit, no physical touching, being the nursemaid to my girlfriend who cannot really now remember even who I am...her death is imminent and I've made my peace with this too. Do not worry, I have considerable thought put into my searching and you won't be the first person I've had who has penetrated me, just the first one with a real, hard penis...which I hope to experience and then swallow your cum as you treat me like the whore I want to be treated like. Even if only for a night...or perhaps, I could be your Wednesday night slut?
Mary grabbed the bag of crap, with the grenade inside and loaded it into a mortar shell and fired it back across the bow of my aircraft carrier...knocking a flight of F-18 super hornets into my churning waters.
Now which man here could resist such bold talk and dare I say...confidence being issued forth and fucking challenging his masculinity?
Okay, so maybe there is some hyperbole on my part, but that is the basic crux of her last reply to me, before I caved and agreed to meet her...one week before xmas 2006.
While I was shopping at Bed Bath & Beyond. Ya gotta pick the right venue, don'tcha? I did not want alcohol to come into my decision, and I wanted her to feel as comfortable as possible too. Who knew...maybe we'd meet and (hopefully) she'd have a third eyeball growing under her left armpit or something. Mary could help me pick out presents for sisters-in-law, such as the proper bath towels or frilly scented soap baskets...and we could if nothing else, become friends.
No fucking sex to follow.
In the end she wore the DebonairRogue down. She did in fact assist me with purchasing Christmas gifts for all the females in my immediate family that evening...and she did indeed show me how she wanted to suck my cock, when she pulled her familiar Rabbit from her purse, while we were standing in an isolated area...expertly showing me that she'd been practicing her deep throat techniques with it... No gag reflex.
You guys know how long and thick those vibrating dildos are, right? The are slightly bigger than I am and she almost wrapped her lips around the whole fucking thing!
Back to my place as fast as I could check my cart full of gifts out.
Turns out, fucking Mary was like fucking a virgin for the 1st time. Tighter than hell...needed additional Astroglide...and reminded me of when I as 19 and messing around with 17 and 18 year old young women. Had not clue one how to move or glide or grind or thump and I felt as if I was going to break her in half...with all her shrieking, finger nail clawing - I think she dug furrows in my upper shoulder blades!
In short...the worst fucking sexual experience I'd endured in over 25 years.
Mary loved it. She started climaxing the moment I got myself fully inside of her...three strokes and she had turned into Linda Blair's character in The Exorcist. Complete with head spinning 360 degrees and calling me a fucking mother fucking mother fucker! She had to learn about talking sexy too...and I wasn't really in the mood, at 46 years of age...to break a virgin in...and train her...to my preferences. Even a woman as fucking fine looking as Mary was/is.
She wanted to spend the night cuddling. I wanted no such thing as I could tell where this was heading...Mary was in-fucking-faturated to the Nines, and already calling me her version of pet names...sweetykins, honeypie, babydooodle, sugarbritches, etc...
I had done gone and fucked up but fucking good, gentlemen.
I managed to convince her that I was one who woke up at 4 am...(in 6 short hours) to get ready and be in my office by 5:30 for work. And that she'd sleep a lot better in her own bed, etc. I practically had to push her out of my house with a scoop shovel, then hold her hand to walk her to her car in my driveway.
Teen infatuation in full bloom. She was striving to become my Wednesday, Thursday and Friday night slut whore bitch!
I had violated the Rogue's rule number 1. Some fantasies are better left - a fantasy. And hell was left to pay, yet.
Mary pestered me every day and night for the next three weeks, until I finally answered her 47th phone call one evening and just laid it all on the line.
"Mary, you're a lovely person, but you're too fucking much for me. This is not what I wanted and told you before hand...I was not relationship material at this point in my life...you're a likeable and personal woman...and very sexy...and you'll make the right fellow extremely fortunate. But I am not the right fellow...Let's be friends. Not to put this all behind us...what happened happened, but I'm seeing three other women (I wasn't) and between them and you...I am flat worn out...in a good way, but still...you're wanting a 24x7 relationship, and I am not."
She got that message.
Last I heard from Mary via email in the late spring of 2007...she was engaged to be married to a man from Omaha...some 180 miles away from our town. I wished her the best of luck...and she disappeared from everything but my memory.
Dudes...some fantasies are best left...right inside your brains.
The best thing you can do for your fellow,
next to rousing his conscience, is - not to give him things
to think about, but to wake things up that are in him...
to make him think things for himself - George MacDonald