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Couples who live together before marriage more likely to get divorced Options · View
Guest
Posted: Sunday, August 21, 2011 9:17:09 AM

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"Sharing the same home can pressurise people into getting married for all the wrong reasons, according to scientists.

In the UK more than three-quarters of couples live together before marriage - and one in four children is born to parents who are cohabiting.

A survey of over 1,000 married men and women in the US found those who moved in with a lover before engagement or marriage reported significantly lower quality marriages and a greater potential for splitting up than other couples.

About one-in-five of those who cohabited before getting engaged had since suggested divorce - compared with only 12 percent of those who only moved in together after getting engaged and 10 percent who did not cohabit prior to the wedding bells.

Psychologist Dr Galena Rhoades said: "There might be a subset of people who live together before they got engaged who might have decided to get married really based on other things in their relationship - because they were already living together and less because they really wanted and had decided they wanted a future together

"We think some couples who move in together without a clear commitment to marriage may wind up sliding into marriage partly because they are already cohabiting."

The participants, aged between 18 and 34, had been married ten years or fewer and were questioned about their relationship satisfaction, dedication to one another, level of negative communication and sexual satisfaction.

To measure the potential of a couple to divorce they were also asked "have you or your spouse ever seriously suggested the idea of divorce?"

Overall about 40 percent reported they didn't live together before marriage, 43 percent did so before engagement and about 16 percent cohabited only after getting engaged, according to the findings published in the Journal of Family Psychology.

Study co-author Prof Scott Stanley said: "It seems wise to talk about commitment and what living together might mean for the future of the relationship before moving in together - especially because cohabiting likely makes it harder to break up compared to dating."

The Denver University researchers say couples could even be nudged into nuptials because of a joint lease or shared ownership of a pet along with other practicalities - and the initial reasons for moving in together could impact the relationship quality.


What do you think about it? Do you really believe couples who live together before marriage more likely to get divorced?
Buz
Posted: Sunday, August 21, 2011 8:51:49 PM

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We got engaged very soon after moving in together, then married in spring of 2011. And we had dated off and on since Dec. 2004 and I have known her since we were toddlers. Maybe our chances are good. I think they are!

1curiouscat
Posted: Monday, August 22, 2011 8:25:08 AM

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I believe its actually the other way around. At least in the cases I have personally seen

Like I wrote in another thread.

I think it is crucial that you live together before you get married.
You only really know someone after you have lived with them for a while.



Overwhelming Reality

From Across the Room
MissyLuvsYa
Posted: Monday, August 22, 2011 4:52:39 PM

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Officially my boyfriend and I do not live together. He just stays over for a 'slumber party' with me about 5 or 6 nights a week. LOL
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, August 24, 2011 2:33:55 PM

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I have lived with my partner for 4 years and we only got engaged this year. We'll be married in about two years. I think living with someone before marriage is imperative. It helps iron out the kinks e.g. puters vs. leavers
Buz
Posted: Wednesday, August 24, 2011 8:44:11 PM

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Congratulations Lois!

Guest
Posted: Thursday, August 25, 2011 5:02:41 AM

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Loislane wrote:
I have lived with my partner for 4 years and we only got engaged this year. We'll be married in about two years. I think living with someone before marriage is imperative. It helps iron out the kinks e.g. puters vs. leavers


I hope you have a long happy life with him
Guest
Posted: Thursday, August 25, 2011 5:02:43 AM

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i lived with my husband for 7 years before we were married and the first year of our marriage was still one of the hardest. fast forward 15 or 16 years and we are facing real problems; none of which were solved by living together first. i used to think it was the best way to go too, now i am not so sure. i agree with King (the original poster) that one pitfall of living together is that its harder to break up when you need to...im wondering if that didnt happen to us.

arranged marriage, marriage for love, living together first or not, or living together never getting married.....today, i feel like its all a crap shoot.
Guest
Posted: Thursday, August 25, 2011 5:10:18 AM

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I found something like that.


3 Warnings: Living Together Might Not Be Smart

1. Higher Divorce Rate
Perhaps the most compelling and widespread argument against living together before marriage is that several researchers say it increases the risk of breaking up. Virtually all studies of this topic have shown that the chance of divorce is significantly greater for married couples who lived together first. And in 1992, the National Survey of Families and Households found that, in 3,300 families, married couples who had lived together first were judged to be 46 percent more likely to get divorced.

2. Lower Quality of Life
When it comes to living together, more research suggests that the quality of life for unmarried couples is far lower than for married couples. Researchers David Popenoe and Barbara Dafoe Whitehead say cohabiting couples report lower levels of happiness, lower levels of sexual exclusivity and sexual satisfaction, and poorer relationships with their parents. Annual rates of depression are more than three times higher. And, finally, cohabiting women are more likely than married women to suffer physical and sexual abuse.

3. Living Together Doesn't Necessarily Lead to Marriage
After five to seven years, 21 percent of most cohabitating couples are still doing just that -- cohabitating, without getting married. In a new study by Popenoe and Whitehead, one of the top 10 reasons why men said that they are reluctant to get married at all is because they can simply live with a woman -- and enjoy the same benefits.

Simply_Susan
Posted: Thursday, August 25, 2011 8:39:57 AM

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Firstly, Congrats to the happy couples.

don't think there is a guarantee either way. I lived with my now ex husband for a few years before we married. I won't go into ugly details but as I said..Ex husband. I've seen both ways work as well as fail.
The key I think is facing the reality of the day to day existence of being a part of something bigger.
My mother told me once during my wild younger days.."its easy to sleep with someone, the real test comes when you wake up with them every day"

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
Guest
Posted: Thursday, August 25, 2011 9:06:23 AM

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co-habitation is the root of all evil. Everyone knows that brides should be virgins on their wedding night. Why buy a cow when the milk is free? OH, wait a minute.....This is lushstories. So very sorry. Living together is a good way to get all the kinks out and let the kinkyness flow free and easy. It gives the male a chance to learn how to put the toilet seat down and it gives the female a chance to learn all the names of all the NFL football teams by heart. I would think living together is like taking a test drive. If the ride is sweet just put the pedal to the floor and take the checkered flag of marriage.
Guest
Posted: Thursday, August 25, 2011 10:58:22 AM

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These stats are just stats. It is easier to live with someone without marriage. I will be honest and say I was the one with the commitment issues. I needed to know I could trust my partner and live with him without throwing the pressure of marriage into it. I needed to grow up basically. We have had our ups and downs.cohabiting is not easy some days. I feel marriage is just that extra bit of commitment we both need plus it is a great excuse to have an awesome party lol. Plus I want my future kids to have their father's name. Lovely bloke analogy, Harry
ArtMan
Posted: Thursday, August 25, 2011 11:09:26 AM

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I say live together for a long time before you make that jump.

You are invited to read Passionate Danger, Part II, a story collaboration by Kim and ArtMan.
http://www.lushstories.com/stories/straight-sex/passionate-danger-part-ii.aspx

dirtysweatywhore
Posted: Monday, August 29, 2011 9:30:05 AM

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I would never say I don't believe in marriage bcuz I do and would like to be. What I do not understand is why for some people the dynamic of the relationship changes once they wear a ring. What is it that changes? Isn't being in a relationship about the commitment and that marriage only reinforces the commitment?

I guess I understand the data about people falling into marriage after living together - my question to that would be... doesn't that mean that one or both weren't really committed in the first place and the relationship would have ended regardless?

Shouldn't one of the first questions to be asked... is our living together about convenience? If the word convenience even comes close to this conversation, then someone needs to get the hell out of dodge asap!
Guest
Posted: Monday, August 29, 2011 10:17:13 AM

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Volition
Posted: Tuesday, August 30, 2011 9:26:25 AM

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Have to iron out the kinks before you get married. Cohabitating is a necessary evil in this day and age. Courting has long since gone the way of the rotary phone.
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, August 30, 2011 10:59:38 AM

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Volition wrote:
Have to iron out the kinks before you get married. Cohabitating is a necessary evil in this day and age. Courting has long since gone the way of the rotary phone.


well i am living proof that the kinks that were there before are still here now. living together did exactly shit to help that. what really needs to happen is one needs to get ones OWN kinks ironed out on ones own THEN go out and get married or live together or whatever.
dirtysweatywhore
Posted: Wednesday, August 31, 2011 11:59:11 PM

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LittleMissBitch wrote:
Volition wrote:
Have to iron out the kinks before you get married. Cohabitating is a necessary evil in this day and age. Courting has long since gone the way of the rotary phone.


well i am living proof that the kinks that were there before are still here now. living together did exactly shit to help that. what really needs to happen is one needs to get ones OWN kinks ironed out on ones own THEN go out and get married or live together or whatever.


couldn't agree more!
Guest
Posted: Thursday, September 01, 2011 8:25:43 PM

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"Ironing out the kinks" is a seriously misguided theory.
whether or not a couple lives together before marriage matters relatively little.
The key to a good marriage is communication. Be honest with your partner. Listen to your partner. Make sure that you understand what your partner is saying (don't assume you understand, confirm it). Deal with conflict as it comes up, rather than letting things fester underneath the relationship.
Communication, communication, communication. This is at the key to a good relationship.
Without good communication, any relationship will never be as good as it could be.
Naughtygrl73
Posted: Wednesday, October 12, 2011 8:28:59 PM

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I met my husband just before my 21st birthday, we dated fell in love quickly. We discussed marriage as something that we both saw in our future together but then his work took him across the country, it was either move in together or loose one another. I chose to move and we lived together for 2 years before getting married. We have been together for 18 years. Now Im not saying its easy and we have had our ups and downs but if something is worth it you work on it together.
You learn so much about one another when you live together and I think its an important step before marriage.
My view is that you live with the person you want to marry, it shouldnt just be because they are the person you love right now, or think you may love in the future. If you move in together it should be because you both see the next step as being marriage.


Rembacher
Posted: Wednesday, October 12, 2011 8:54:40 PM

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Studies like this always seem to overlook how the personal beliefs of each group play into the situation. From growing up in a very religious community, I know that the same religious pressures which kept certain couples from living together before marriage will also keep them from divorcing no matter how long ago they realized they didn't love each other anymore. From my own observations, these stats only show that the people who are more likely to live together before getting married are also more likely to be willing to get a divorce when it doesn't work out. It doesn't mean that their marriages are any less fulfilling or successful than those who didn't live together first.

For me personally, I would have no problem with cohabiting before a marriage, and would actually prefer it so that I can get a taste of what life would be like with her.
34D
Posted: Wednesday, October 12, 2011 10:59:36 PM

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My friend just got married on the 8th and she says that she would never have married if she hadn't moved in with him. Her last relationship she was engaged to the guy and a week before she was going to get married to him she was looking through their shared AOL email account and found a bunch of messages between him and another girl saying "You should just break up with Katie, and we can get married instead." Apparently the guy had been cheating on her the whole time they'd been together. She printed off the emails and handed them to him and he laughed and said "I'm inlove with both of you." He's single now, forever alone hopefully.
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, October 12, 2011 11:00:25 PM

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Well i wouldnt knw cuz i dnt live with my man but it shouldnt matter because if there is true love then there shouldnt be heartbreak but thats just me
hypnotic3206
Posted: Thursday, October 13, 2011 1:13:30 PM

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I've been living with my so for 22 years. We have discussed getting married but I was nervous it would change things. If it's not broke I do not see a reason to fix it. I'm not against marriage. It just wasn't right for me. Just my two cents.
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