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He doesn't want to fuck when I do???? Options · View
JellyTug
Posted: Wednesday, October 19, 2011 11:42:39 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 10/11/2011
Posts: 11
Location: Mesa
So my fiance and I have been together for 2 years.
In the past 3 months it seems like when I DON'T want to have sex he DOES.
When I DO want to have sex, he "falls asleep".
Why the hell is this?
Is this some subconcious new thing that has developed because he isn't sexually interested in me anymore?
When we do have sex, he keeps his eyes closed.. so I know he is thinking about another female, situation etc.
He never used to do that.
And I am NOT ugly, by far.. if you see my pictures and videos you would know that.
So what the HELL is going on?
And when we DO have sex it's so uninteresting with NO passion.
Ugh so frustrating!

JellyTug!!!!
JellyTug
Posted: Wednesday, October 19, 2011 12:09:39 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 10/11/2011
Posts: 11
Location: Mesa
BUMP!!! No Advice?

JellyTug!!!!
SensualDesires83
Posted: Wednesday, October 19, 2011 12:10:43 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/27/2009
Posts: 373
Location: Southeast, United States, United States
Seeing that you both have been together for two years now, I personally do not see it as a "growing apart" thing, and I am most definitely not saying, by any means, that is what's happening. I can tell that you still love him very much and very dearly.

It sounds more to me that there is a loss of interest on his part, but you already know that! LOL! I guess what I am trying to say is that it's more "gone cold" instead of a loss of interest. Maybe to him it's basically the same over and over with no change at all. To him it may be "boring" because there is no "flare."

I am not saying that there is no "spice" in your sex life, but maybe he thinks there should be more. Maybe he wants to try other things and is scared to bring them up to you. While you both more than likely vary positions and do other things to make it interesting, maybe he wants more. It's hard to say.

Maybe more foreplay will encourage him more; suggest roleplay or bring toys to make the sexual act "kinkier;" massage oil and other things that could enhance the experience even more could help also.

I have also thought of another thing and the only reason I mention this is because it happened to me. Has he started taking any new medication? I ask because you say it has been in the past 3 months. Three years ago, I was diagnosed with diabetes and I was prescribed medication for it, and it had an affect on me. I lost interest. It was not because of anything she did. I just did not want it any more. That concerned me and I spoke with my doctor about it, and we found a different medication that worked.

Just trying to give some advice of some sort. Not saying this is going to help, but maybe it will a little.

(And for what it's worth, since you mention your pictures, you are definitely not ugly. You are very beautiful, so I doubt very highly that has anything to do with it!)

"So don't cry to me.
If you loved me,
You would be here with me.
Don't lie to me,
Just get your things.
I've made up your mind."

--Evanescence
ricinatl
Posted: Friday, October 21, 2011 6:48:27 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 5/5/2011
Posts: 207
Location: United States
There are a lot of reasons why this could be happening. Since we gentlemen aren't good with sharing our feelings, discovering the true dynamics of this situation could prove difficult . I'm my own experience, I lost interest because when I was interested she wasn't. I turned off the horny meter in my head and simply satisfied myself when the need arose. Even in a long term relationship rejection can weigh heavy on a man.
wolverine15
Posted: Friday, October 21, 2011 7:31:27 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/16/2010
Posts: 1,135
Location: sardonic-ville, United States
I think the two above have hit on some very valid topics, but the common theme they all involve is the most important sex organ of all - the mind. Your 'timing' could be off simply because of a change in schedule, stress (impending nuptials can have all kinds of effects on guy), or any number of reasons. You can try any of the above mentioned ideas, but the most forgotten part of communicating is listening. I bet if you listen to him, and vice versa, you might find that the solution is as simple as not worrying about sex and enjoying each others company. You might just find that you both relax and let nature takes its course, and the proverbial 'happy ending' might be the out come.

“If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you."

stephanie
Posted: Friday, October 21, 2011 7:46:55 PM

Rank: Bohemian

Joined: 1/1/2010
Posts: 4,620
Location: Dublin, Ire., Ireland


You mention, Three Months...... (So, presumably, it was okay before then????) Has something changed in the meantime? Maybe someone got a new job? You're saying he still wants to have but the timing isn't right??????)

Best of luck. And your Avatar is gorgeous..... I'd trouble you!!!!!

XX S



"I'm a writer... Honesty is not my first language..." (Stephen Flashman)
mxxx
Posted: Saturday, October 22, 2011 8:03:53 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 9/24/2010
Posts: 26
Try and talk and compromise. Have it when he wants sometime and when you want other times. If that does not work then you may have problems brewing
Guest
Posted: Saturday, October 22, 2011 1:45:23 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 473,578
All the advice is good advice. I can not imagine what is gong on with your man. He may be stressed at work, school or something else. I know at times when I am having sex, I close my eyes, not to fantasize about another woman, but to help focus in on pleasing and receiving pleasure. It should not be that he is getting bored with you. If he truly loves you then 2 years is only the beginning. I would suggest that you sit down and express your concerns with him. Let him know how you feel. If everything is ok, then I am sure he will try to adjust to make you feel more comfortable.
Archadia
Posted: Thursday, November 03, 2011 1:00:20 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 11/1/2011
Posts: 420
Location: Middlesbrough, United Kingdom
Weird, whata strange case. Well firstly, you said he does want sex, but at different time to you, so that tells me hes still well into you, you just need to sort each others radars out lol. When is it that he wants sex? It just sounds like it needs to be spiced up somehow, maybe you could work on trying to yourself hornier at the times he does? Maybe dress up (although at your age that shouldnt really be necessary), get him really turned on first, maybe go out for a meal and dont wear any underwear, try and lead him on that way. Your 23, you should be doing alot of experimenting at your age, so be open minded, and maybe try and look to take it other places than just the bedroom
Guest
Posted: Thursday, November 03, 2011 2:51:51 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 473,578
My Girl, there is a lot of things that can go wrong. Let me start with the worst...It could be possible that you have reached the limit of your shelf life....your respective bio-dynamics are simply not matched any more and this creates havoc. Yes!! Absolutely, you do love each other and dreads the thought of not being together, him with somebody else, you testing the waters but not ready to accept the security of another relationship. These things happen!! And it can and will happen even when you are in your thirties...untill that HE steps into your life...Like I said this is the worst scenario.
On the other hand, you must remember the Brain is the most powerful sex organ. Use it to your advantage. Your Brain vs his Libido. This means you have to devise plans to make yourself more "attractive" to him (you are a very attractive young woman so that is not what I mean). Surprise him, take his "pants of" when he least expect it. This is done by doing things diffrently around the house (If you share a house) like including a sexy note INSIDE his sandwhich, leave a pair of wet nickers in his attachecase if you have to. An important aspect is to determine his current Bio-dynamics. Go Scientific and note exactly when and at what time he feels like fun. Time that and if the event occurs (according to your clock) while you are not together , text him something sexy, or a very sensual pic of yourself.
Another option is to put both your libido's away for a pre-agreed time. Go to the zoo, take up a new hobby which both of you would enjoy and spend time together, communicate about things other than sex, love or intimacy. I left out romance deliberately as you two need to romance each other again..WITH YOUR CLOTHES ON, Separate bath times, Privacy.
Then you need to talk as well, give your relationship a trial period of three months and both work toward making a deision at the end of this period to hold or fold. This decision must not be one sided, it must be mutual. If such happens, its not a breakup, its parting ways, as friends.

I hope this helps? If not PM me and tell me whats going on and I'll try to give advice
Magical_felix
Posted: Thursday, November 03, 2011 4:31:05 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/3/2010
Posts: 4,555
Location: California
Okay so he's your fiance. Did these problems start around the time you were engaged? Sometimes men need to feel like they have chased and conquered. Now that you're engaged he might feel like its too easy. Or maybe YOU have changed without realizing. Like sometimes women will get more bossy, matronly, less sexy, put in less effort in their appearance when they get married or engaged. They become less fun. Men do that too. Maybe that is whats going on.



PrettyMom
Posted: Friday, November 04, 2011 12:00:09 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/13/2011
Posts: 300
Location: Eastern PA
I am going to play devils advocate here and say that you need to figure out why you don't want to when he does. Before you try to figure out what is going on with him you should really figure out what's going on with you. Other than him waking you up in the middle of the night or wanting to fuck when you are in an argument there shouldn't be many times where one of you isn't interested and the other is. Why is it that you are asking him to fuck when he is so tired he can fall asleep? I also think you maybe over reacting to the fact that his eyes are closed. I'm betting he is just pissed off at you for blowing him off so regularly. A pretty easy fix for the not looking (beyond not blowing him off anymore) is to whisper in his ear that you want to look him in the eyes when you cum. There are very few guys who can turn that down, if necessary say please a few times. You really should make a serious effort not to turn him down unless you have a dam good reason. If your not in the mood ask him to help you get in the mood, but don't just say no unless you are on the way out the to meet someone. Scratch that most ppl would totally understand you being late :D lol
Guest
Posted: Friday, November 04, 2011 1:59:50 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 473,578
Some thoughts:

You automatically assume he's thinking of another when he closes his eyes. Don't, unless you know for sure and the only way to know, is to talk about it. If it's not true, but you still assume, it will fester inside you, and that feeling will come through in how you reply physically. Which can be as subtle as the slight wince when he hugs you. The little things add up, if you don't talk about it.

At 23, you've got a long road ahead. It can be continuously tenuous with thoughts of infidelity, or it can be beautiful. Start talking now, it gets harder to speak clearly later.

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