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kat_noire
Posted: Monday, October 24, 2011 7:06:19 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/20/2011
Posts: 247
I looked around but didn't find a topic like this, so I'll just start one. If I overlooked something: Mea culpa ;-)

From a pure Reader standpoint: What really bugs you off when reading a story. What immediatly turns you off or maybe even makes you stop reading? See it as a chance to vent some and a chance for aspiring writers to learn of some things they can avoid to better the quality and reception of their stories.

To start things a big peeve of mine (and one that just ticked me off twice this morning):

Measurements... what do numericals have to do with eroticism? Why have breasts have to be measured in cup size alone or dicks in inches? What is wrong with adjectives and leaving some things to the readers imagination? Ample, supple, engorged, humungous... need more? ;-)

Tiemeup
Posted: Monday, October 24, 2011 7:36:27 AM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 10/5/2011
Posts: 79
Location: United States
Great topic question! Fairly new to Lush, but have read many stories so far. My main pet peeve is spelling and grammar. A couple of mistakes is ok, but when there are some in every 2-3 sentences....ugghh! Spell/grammar check is available for a reason...USE IT!

Okay, my rant is done!


Makavelli
Posted: Monday, October 24, 2011 9:06:49 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/15/2010
Posts: 2,176
Location: United States
My biggest pet peeves as a reader are spelling, grammar, and clichés. I enjoy reading fresh, well-written stories that leaves me wanting more!
Fugly
Posted: Monday, October 24, 2011 2:52:50 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/11/2010
Posts: 1,007
I could list quite a few as I am a story verifier, but I will keep it down to my most annoying three. evil4

1. Excessive use of exclamations!!!!!!! One day for a joke, I am going to reject a story with the reason 'If Alice is that shocked that you have to use more than one exclamation, she should be in a hospital, not in an erotic story. Please save her from an early heart attack and only use one'. Also, an exclamation at the end of every sentence d'oh!

2. All capitals in narration indicating shouting. "OH BABY, I THINK I AM GONNA CUUUUUMMMMMMMM," he yelled. There is no need, especially if it is stated that he/she yelled or shouted. Really, if two people are having sex, that would mean they are right next to each other and who would want the other shouting in their ear during what is supposed to be an intimate moment - if not intimate, please think about the neighbors.

3. Forgetting about punctuation in speech. 98% of the stories that I verify, have a full stop rather that a comma before 'he said/she said' or nothing eg. "Oh baby I think I am gonna cummmmmm." He yelled. It should be, "Oh baby, I think I am gonna cummmmm," he yelled. As there is a comma, the following 'He' should therefore be 'he' (in lowercase).
DirtyMartini
Posted: Monday, October 24, 2011 5:14:36 PM

Rank: Purveyor of Poetry & Porn

Joined: 10/19/2009
Posts: 5,725
Location: Right here on Lush Stories...
Fugly wrote:


3. Forgetting about punctuation in speech. 98% of the stories that I verify have a full stop rather that a comma before 'he said/she said' or nothing eg. "Oh baby I think I am gonna cummmmmm." He yelled. It should be, "Oh baby, I think I am gonna cummmmm," he yelled. As there is a comma, the following 'He' should therefore be 'he' (in lowercase).


Damn Fugs, you've been reading my stories I see...actually, I used to make this mistake but I've been learning...I have to admit, English was never one of my favorite subjects in school...I did do well in lunch and study hall though, think I got all "A's" as matter of fact...

And yeah, I agree about the yelling thing...if two people are having sex, it should imply they are at least in the same room...though you don't really know nowadays...

Anyway, I could add a few...there's not much that actually makes me stop reading a story but there are a few annoying things...not starting a new paragraph often enough is one...

I mean, there is never any reason for one paragraph to take up a whole page...heck, even I know that...happy8


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Michael
Posted: Monday, October 24, 2011 7:02:13 PM

Rank: Author

Joined: 10/22/2011
Posts: 2,005
Location: Expat in, Russia
I have to agree with Kat, the use of numbers is a cheap trick to keep from having to describe a person properly.

I try to set aside grammatical errors when reading, but I am bothered when conversations between two characters seem more like one character playing both sides. I want to be able to know who is speaking by the way they speak and their choice of words, keep it in character.

I also detest shallow stories that seem to pander to the crowd. Using incest, jumping into sex immediately, tossing in lesbians and BJ's in the first paragraph is just writing for the most reads.

Give me a story that transports me to someplace new, introduces me to new interesting characters and has a story line that builds into a surprising, satisfying ending will quickly put that author in my follow list.

DirtyMartini, note I did start new paragraphs frequently, thanks for the tip.


NYJacko
Posted: Monday, October 24, 2011 8:04:25 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 10/6/2011
Posts: 14
Location: Orange County
I agree that the measurements thing is annoying. Based on my experience, I never thought "Wow, she has DD breasts" when I was about to have sex. I think the one that annoys me most is when the author gives too much exposition. I want to feel like I know the characters and the stories are definitely hotter if each character has a personality and even a little backstory, but that does not mean I need their entire life story, especially not in the form of a long expositional narrative.
WellMadeMale
Posted: Tuesday, October 25, 2011 6:24:54 AM

Rank: Constant Gardener

Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 10,214
Location: Cakeland, United States
Can you imagine Sam Kinison narrating some of the stories submitted to Lushstories for publication?

"OMFG...Oh My Fucking Gawd, I THINK I AM CUMMMMMMMMMMMMING ALL OVER YOUR 40DDD TITS WITH MY 10 INCH MONSTER COCK!!!!"

Just the thought of such happening gives me a fine little chuckle this morning.



If ya can't beat 'em... pay someone to do it for you.
kat_noire
Posted: Tuesday, October 25, 2011 6:35:11 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/20/2011
Posts: 247
LMAO Wellmade, you just made my day...cheers!
Buz
Posted: Tuesday, October 25, 2011 7:03:17 AM

Rank: The Linebacker

Joined: 3/2/2011
Posts: 5,189
Location: Atlanta, United States
Overuse of measurements might get annoying to me. I do enjoy the adjectives used to describe genitalia better than numerical measurments, however numbers are really great and to the point in describing height, weight and distance.

As for as grammar and punctuation I think we all will have to live with those weaknesses since those things are not a priority in education anymore. Political correctness is now deemed more important in education than reading, writing, and arithmetic.



I have written a new poem. It is called 'Long Twisty Woman.'
You can read it at: http://www.lushstories.com/stories/erotic-poems/long-twisty-woman.aspxx
Also, if you wish, check out my co-authored a story with the wonderful DanielleX. It is called 'Focus on Sex.'
You can read it at: http://www.lushstories.com/stories/quickie-sex/focused-on-sex-1.aspx

Sirene_Jaune
Posted: Monday, October 31, 2011 9:59:38 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 5/6/2011
Posts: 771
Location: In my mind, Australia
What annoys me is also the measurements. It's typically bad when the characters have huge wangs or boobs. I know that everyone comes in all shapes and sizes, just quit with the big.

To me it's like reading a teenage erotic fanfiction when for example "Hermione" and "Ron" have sex and they like have big boobs and he has a huge cock and it shocked them both.

Another pet peeve would have to be the novice author who goes "This is a real story but I changed the names of the people so no-one knows who it is about."

Great you are retelling a story but I didn't need to know that you changed the names. Because it's the internet as if I or any reader will know you in person.

Another example that peeves me off:

"Hi I'm Rebecca, but you can call me Bec. I'm 17 years old and I got long blonde hair, green eyes. I'm a size 2 and I have big tits. All the boys love me but I have a boyfriend called Tristan. We had you know what yesterday, it was kinda scary. It hurt a bit and there was like a bit of blood. Yeah that's right I was a virgin."

And on it goes.

Show don't tell lol.

Axl - Take a look at our piercing menu.

Daria - I don't think that's how you spell "uvula."

Axl - That's not "uvula."

From: "Daria" episode "Pierce Me"
BiGuy2sucku
Posted: Tuesday, November 01, 2011 6:00:18 AM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 10/10/2011
Posts: 6
To me, one of the greatest turnoffs is the use of the second person for the reader: "Your breasts are heaving as you..." works well if the reader is a female, and not at all if the reader is a male. By describing the actions and feelings of the participants in the third or first person, the reader can imagine being in either position. By arbitrarily determining the sex of the reader, at least half the potential reading audience is automatically lost. I suppose more may be lost as the author attempts to control or predict the reader's further reactions to particular situations, and misses the mark (I never get that far into any such stories, so I wouldn't know).

It seems more than a tad egocentric and controlling (or at least an attempt to be so).
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, November 01, 2011 1:48:07 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 473,806
Iloveoldermoms
Posted: Tuesday, November 01, 2011 2:10:22 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 11/30/2010
Posts: 12
Location: United States
To me, I find it annoying to read that a spouse or a relative had died in recent times or character was raised by a single parent because of the death of another. Please find another solution to remove a character rather than death. This turns me off quicker than reading an extra paragraph of how they just took off one night and never came back. I never really keep reading after the death part.
Guest
Posted: Sunday, November 06, 2011 1:12:46 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 473,806
I agree with everything everyone has said and can't think of much to add except that I hate when sentences exist for no reason. Every word should add something to the story.
freakycactus
Posted: Sunday, November 06, 2011 8:17:15 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 5/12/2010
Posts: 409
Location: On my cloud, United Kingdom
Phrases like, 'love tunnel', 'love cave', or the latest little gem I've just read, 'juicy jugs'. They stop me from being able to take the story seriously.

Text speak - you have the use of a keyboard, and you're nowhere near to hitting the word limit, spell your words properly.

Lack of punctuation and over punctuation. And the overuse of full stops. Stop it, it makes my head hurt!

Impossible movements, 'Standing behind her he bent her over and pushed her face into the carpet, before kissing her hard on the mouth' - really? Is one of them a contortionist? Or does he have magical powers so he can move his lips onto inanimate objects like carpet?

Generally it's any story that leaves me reaching for a red pen, or wanting to roll up a newspaper and hit the writer on the nose with it.

DLizze
Posted: Sunday, November 06, 2011 9:55:44 AM

Rank: Story Verifier

Joined: 4/23/2011
Posts: 2,519
I know this may sound pedantic, but the thing that brings me up short every time is the use of "that" when referring to a person. No matter how well the rest of the story is written, or how interesting the plot, my mind keeps reverting to the offending sentence.

"There's only three tempos: slow, medium and fast. When you get between in the cracks, ain't nuthin' happenin'." Ben Webster
overmykneenow
Posted: Monday, November 07, 2011 7:57:37 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 6/8/2010
Posts: 966
Location: United Kingdom
I have to agree with those coming down against second person stories - and there seem to be more and more of them. What are we meant to get out of this - are we reading someone's mail? This isn't a story this is like something you tell a person with amnesia. There are some authors who seem to write exclusively in this turgid drone.

Also agreeing with the measurements: fine if you're writing a cake recipe but i don't want to read your fantasy shopping list.

One final thing that bugs me - unnecessary adjectives/adverbs. "Expectantly, she painstakingly slowly moved her delicate feminine hand lightly over his engorged swollen love muscle" - SHUT UP!

Warning: The opinions above are those of an anonymous individual on the internet. They are opinions, unless they're facts. They may be ill-informed, out of touch with reality or just plain stupid. They may contain traces of irony. If reading these opinions causes you to be become outraged or you start displaying the symptoms of outrage, stop reading them immediately. If symptoms persist, consult a psychiatrist.

Why not read some stories instead
DLizze
Posted: Monday, November 07, 2011 12:44:00 PM

Rank: Story Verifier

Joined: 4/23/2011
Posts: 2,519
WOuld it have been bette if it were "...purple-headed engorged swollen love muscle" ? :)

"There's only three tempos: slow, medium and fast. When you get between in the cracks, ain't nuthin' happenin'." Ben Webster
soul_purpose69
Posted: Tuesday, November 15, 2011 10:24:26 AM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 3/26/2007
Posts: 5
Location: United States
I like to get to know the characters of a story.. I want to know more about them rather than just their sexual desires.
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, November 15, 2011 12:20:56 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 473,806
I have to agree, a well developed plot and characters make for a hot read. When the author takes the time to really build the story, describing the how the encounter came to be is very important. I hate it when stories jump right into the dirty stuff.
RumpleForeskin
Posted: Tuesday, November 15, 2011 7:35:55 PM

Rank: The Right Rev of Lush

Joined: 7/3/2009
Posts: 2,848
Location: Lost in the ozone somewhere east of Luckenbach Tx,
A big second to those down on 2nd person. They can be done well, but even the best are annoying.

The never ending orgasmic yell (in CAPS) followed by multiple exclamation marks should be assigned a place in the hall of writing infamy. "I'm CUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMIIIIIINNNNN (etc)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Extra deductions for adding a he/she shouted tag.

As several other have so shrewedly observed, opening a story with a personal description, especially if it icludes numeric measurements, is an automatic back click.

glasses8

Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed of, but do it in private and wash your hands afterwords. - ROBERT HEINLEIN

REUNITINGhis need, her want, in a cab -- my contest entry

FROM:
Becky -- FOR: Matt -- With Love:
a Festive contest winner – honest

HOW HUMANS DO IT: a fish-eye view of sex an Editor's Pick - no kidding
DLizze
Posted: Tuesday, November 15, 2011 8:41:27 PM

Rank: Story Verifier

Joined: 4/23/2011
Posts: 2,519
I have just skimmed through all the posts in this thread, and think i can sum up what most are saying. I think what we all want is realism. We want characters who are real people, not just bodies that happen to accidentally be attached to genitalia. We want to know who the people are, and we really don't care if they have twenty four-inch horse cocks hanging between their legs, or 54 G-cup boobs hanging to their knees. We also don't care if they are true blonds, unless it is germane to the story plot.

"There's only three tempos: slow, medium and fast. When you get between in the cracks, ain't nuthin' happenin'." Ben Webster
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