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How do you handle not having sex for a long time? Options · View
Pelicanbill
Posted: Friday, December 02, 2011 9:37:12 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 2/13/2011
Posts: 304
Location: Top Of The South
I had a sexless marriage for seven years. When I got out of it I was physically ill with emphysema and so the lack of sex has just carried on.
You learn to handle, but, I get times when I just want a soft body to hold and inter-act with. What happens then? I call on "Mrs Palmer
and her five daughters", of course with Lush and other stimuli to accompany me.
frogman1
Posted: Friday, December 02, 2011 9:38:40 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/23/2011
Posts: 142
Location: United States

So I understand the question and alot of the advice, but what do you when you have tried to romance and make them feel sexy, But it doesn’t help?

Do you stay in the relationship for the love, maybe it's strong enough to handle it and what does the other person do to help satisfy their needs?

Will the other person be able to not feel less about themself for the other person taking care of his / her needs masturbating?

Is the other person willing to help the other person to reach that satisfaction no and then and stay in the relationship?

Or do you say what it is why they don't want to have sex, love, or whatever you want to call it and if not workable, do you walk away and give up what you built up in the relationship with emotions.
:dontknowBig Hugs dontknow boxing crybaby Pour Wine dontknow
Espresso
Posted: Friday, December 02, 2011 1:43:28 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 2/22/2011
Posts: 938
Location: United States
Dudealicious wrote:
I have actually lived out this scenario, I was in a sexless relationship for almost 5 years of my 10 year marriage. I am a very sexual person and started to wonder if it was me that was the cause of the problem. I asked on numerous occasions and was told that it was actually her that had the problem. I tried to be as understanding as I could but over time it became a friendship to me, not a relationship anymore.

Then one day hit, and I had enough of it. I called off the 10 year marriage and have found someone with a sex drive that equals mine....I have never looked back.

If there is no sex in a relationship, wouldn't it be just a friendship?
Thanks for this Dudealicious! I'm so glad you found a happier situation. Compatibility is a very real issue, isn't it?

I do indeed think sex is important in a marriage. Here's the thing - It's like a recipe for a cake. Each ingredients builds on the other. Each works to hold it together and give you that sweet creation you just want to devour. So is sex the cake or the icing? I think it's one or the other for some folks. That's the sex drive.

You can make substitutions for some things. There are reasons why people no longer have sex with their partner (especially if were on the same page before!!). And until that is dealt with it's like throwing a cup of salt in your cake batter. And I tell you, you don't want that on your dessert! Actually, it's not even a dessert anymore - it's bitter, the sweetness is gone and you will want to throw it out or hide it away or something.



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Dudealicious
Posted: Friday, December 02, 2011 1:51:30 PM

Rank: Wise Ass

Joined: 11/12/2010
Posts: 5,414
Location: The center of the universe, Canada
Here's some of my own thoughts based on my experience.

frogman1 wrote:
Do you stay in the relationship for the love, maybe it's strong enough to handle it and what does the other person do to help satisfy their needs?


That's why I stayed an additional 5 years, with my very high sex drive and without the intimacy I could have been living with a best friend.


frogman1 wrote:
Will the other person be able to not feel less about themself for the other person taking care of his / her needs masturbating?



Without human touch from another person doesn't masturbation get a little mundane? Isn't the biggest sex organ your brain as well. It's not like I was stuck in traffic wondering which hand I was going to use to wank off later that night. Or if a lubed glove would produce a different sensation. Ohhh baby!

Isn't it more fun to plan out role plays etc with a partner? My ex didn't care if I masturbated, however she would have if I looked for sex outside of our marriage!

frogman1 wrote:
Is the other person willing to help the other person to reach that satisfaction no and then and stay in the relationship?


Nope nor for me anyway. When one person in the relationship doesn't want sex and has to "help the person reach satisfaction" they start to resent the whole sexual act. Would you like to have to do something you didn't like? Not many people do.


frogman1 wrote:
Or do you say what it is why they don't want to have sex, love, or whatever you want to call it and if not workable, do you walk away and give up what you built up in the relationship with emotions.


Yes for my well being and happiness I had to walk away. I was very lucky that we didn't have kids. She took a whack of fuckin cash in the divorce, but that can be replaced.

The night that changed my life, a four part series of a married man lusting after his co-worker

Guest
Posted: Saturday, December 03, 2011 5:47:55 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,704
I've been living this on and off for 12 years. I take care of the need. The bad part is the loss of the emotional tie, it does be come friendship like. Until the resentment starts to build.
Michael
Posted: Sunday, December 04, 2011 6:21:08 PM

Rank: Author

Joined: 10/22/2011
Posts: 2,005
Location: Expat in, Russia
Espresso wrote:
What happens to you and the relationship when you go with out sex for awhile?

Sorry, if I wasn't clear before. I hope that helps.


Is the lack of sex due to falling out of love? If this is the situation, it is best to break it off, the sooner the better.

But if the lack of sex is for other reasons, it will only increase the desire. This will lead to frustration, which will cause friction within the relationship unless it is addressed.

The obvious action is to first identify why the relationship no longer includes sex, and take steps to remedy it.


evets3
Posted: Friday, December 23, 2011 3:31:13 AM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 9/23/2011
Posts: 68
Get married and it then comes naturaly d'oh!
Magical_felix
Posted: Friday, December 23, 2011 8:14:42 AM

Rank: Wild at Heart

Joined: 4/3/2010
Posts: 4,908
Location: California
Your favorite game becomes tug-o-war. And your favorite opponent becomes your dick.



Guest
Posted: Friday, December 23, 2011 10:25:30 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,704
My man is away from home at least two weeks in every month. Working on the logic that what he doesn't know won't hurt him I have a married lover who himself needs total discretion. Living without sex can make me irritable, moody, even depressed sometimes and that's no life for anyone.

I love my man dearly but my body commands and dictates my physical needs. I do feel sorry for anyone who through necessity or otherwise has to forego the most powerful urge nature endowed us with.
Jane_Awsum
Posted: Friday, December 23, 2011 10:46:59 AM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 5/4/2010
Posts: 55
Not well, not well at all.
TheDevilsWeakness
Posted: Friday, December 23, 2011 11:48:29 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 7/19/2011
Posts: 1,302
Location: I'm the girl that your father hoped he could date.
I end up with alot of hobbies, sadly. I now know how to paint with watercolors and acrylics, make sculptures and write stories for Lush.

Michael_X
Posted: Friday, December 23, 2011 2:33:28 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 12/20/2011
Posts: 76
Location: T.M.I., United States
After awhile I become kinda, Aggressive? When it comes to kissing and such. Then PDA (Public Desplay of Affection) gets kinda aggressive, like butt grabbing, grinding, etc. The sexual tension gets really high. But we usually don't have sex unless were really busy.

But if anything, she becomes.. sexier in a way? more desirable since I'm missing it.

"Do you want to live to work or work to live"

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing"

"Always hold you head up high, never come off weak"

Michael
Guest
Posted: Saturday, December 24, 2011 9:30:06 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,704
Being denied intimacy may cause resentment and a frustration that can send your man looking elsewhere. He may even at one point turn you off in his head so the lack of attention from you will have no effect and at that point he won't care about your feelings at all. If there is no sex in a relationship, wouldn't it be just a friendship instead of being lovers or partners?
Mnguy20
Posted: Tuesday, January 03, 2012 11:28:49 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 8/9/2011
Posts: 35
Location: ask me, United States
well if your like me and dont have sex it is a pain in the ass but i guess a lot of jacking off is how i stay somewhat sane from not having sex
_mal_
Posted: Tuesday, January 03, 2012 7:51:46 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 11/27/2010
Posts: 191
Location: Somewhere, United States
I can't speak to dealing with a lack of sex within a relationship because that has never happened to me.

Outside relationships in the land of Singledom, I can say that a healthy diet of Lush (and other erotica websites), my own imagination, writing sexy stories, porn, and copious amounts of masturbation are what I rely on. The occasional fuck-buddy helps that also.
Espresso
Posted: Thursday, January 05, 2012 4:02:23 AM

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Joined: 2/22/2011
Posts: 938
Location: United States
Michael_X wrote:
After awhile I become kinda, Aggressive? When it comes to kissing and such. Then PDA (Public Desplay of Affection) gets kinda aggressive, like butt grabbing, grinding, etc. The sexual tension gets really high. But we usually don't have sex unless were really busy.

But if anything, she becomes.. sexier in a way? more desirable since I'm missing it.
That's an interesting response. You better not tell her though, she may have you wait longer so she can be more attractive to you! lol

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SigurdOokami
Posted: Thursday, January 05, 2012 5:41:12 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 12/23/2011
Posts: 418
Location: At a computer, United Kingdom
I've yet to have the pleasure because of my own personal beliefs, so from the age of consent in my country to now means I've been without for 6 years. I find however that if I keep busy I don't even care or feel the need to masturbate, though I still do because its fun, and yes I know that its different for people who have been having it regularly only for it to stop, but I only know what I know.

This post comes to you from the original and highly disorganised mind of mine...be scared, I certainly am, lol
Guest
Posted: Friday, January 06, 2012 10:45:44 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,704
i my self is in a LDR, but i am faithful i have never cheated and i never will.In matter of attraction between us it gets really really hotter. The moment u see each other next , you wont be able to lay off of each other.On cons yes u do get jealous way too much and that is bad,if u dont commit to keep the relationship alive its a lost cause
ItsJustMeIsAll
Posted: Saturday, January 07, 2012 4:35:19 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 5/21/2011
Posts: 24
Location: Macon, United States
I take matters into my own hands. lol Watch alot of porn read alot of stories and fantasize a bunch.. However nothing beats the real deal
cougarlovers
Posted: Monday, January 23, 2012 5:40:45 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 11/5/2011
Posts: 42
Location: Finland
In my case there is a lot of other things that can be also kinda of help.Watching some porn and having some voyeur eye can be helpful
yocowboy
Posted: Sunday, February 12, 2012 8:46:37 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/17/2011
Posts: 115
Location: United States
Dudealicious wrote:
I have actually lived out this scenario, I was in a sexless relationship for almost 5 years of my 10 year marriage. I am a very sexual person and started to wonder if it was me that was the cause of the problem. I asked on numerous occasions and was told that it was actually her that had the problem. I tried to be as understanding as I could but over time it became a friendship to me, not a relationship anymore.

Then one day hit, and I had enough of it. I called off the 10 year marriage and have found someone with a sex drive that equals mine....I have never looked back.

If there is no sex in a relationship, wouldn't it be just a friendship?




THis is correct. Living in one now
Guest
Posted: Sunday, February 12, 2012 11:05:20 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,704
I think I get a bit grouchy....and find more reasons to masturbate than otherwise
sprite
Posted: Sunday, February 12, 2012 11:09:18 PM

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Joined: 6/18/2010
Posts: 14,648
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umm... i just make sure not to go without sex for a long time? what does everyone else consider long? like a week, right? Embarassed

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sheepdogls
Posted: Sunday, February 12, 2012 11:18:20 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 8/24/2009
Posts: 53
Location: Texas, United States
jerk off......a lot!. haha My girlfriend live about 150 miles away, some wouldn't consider that far, but I work about 6.5 days a week at 12-14 hr shifts. I don't get a chance to see her very often. I am lucky to get 2 days off a month. So I go a while at a time without sex and to cope, I have to masturbate when the need arises and the stress builds up.gotta do what you gotta do.
mare24
Posted: Monday, February 13, 2012 1:58:32 AM

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Location: Second star to the right, straight on til morning.
Find alternatives.
Guest
Posted: Monday, February 13, 2012 3:27:18 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,704
sprite wrote:
what does everyone else consider long? like a week, right? Embarassed


Yes evil4 Actual conversation with the boyfriend a couple of days ago during sex:

Me: God, we haven't had sex in AGES.
Him: ........Um, baby, it was a week ago.

d'oh!
Magical_felix
Posted: Monday, February 13, 2012 3:29:41 PM

Rank: Wild at Heart

Joined: 4/3/2010
Posts: 4,908
Location: California
Quote:
How do you handle not having sex for a long time?


I just handle...myself.

Edit: I didn't realize I had already posted this thread... My answer is consistent at least.



Guest
Posted: Monday, February 13, 2012 5:24:15 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,704
Magical_felix wrote:


I just handle...myself.

Edit: I didn't realize I had already posted this thread... My answer is consistent at least.


Consistent wanker evil4
Guest
Posted: Monday, February 13, 2012 8:32:20 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,704
That's what porn, Lush, and my hands were made for. free-sexy-smileys-947
budwilliams
Posted: Tuesday, February 14, 2012 2:00:10 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 2/17/2011
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Location: United States
I have been in a sexless relationship since 1996, and take matters into my own hands three or four times a week
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