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Guest
Posted: Wednesday, January 13, 2010 9:51:27 AM

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Think they need a man or partner to be happy and "complete"?. I heard someone mention that a woman he knew was "desperately" seeking a man. Why do women think that? Can't they be a happy, productive, well rounded person without a man?
LushPrincess
Posted: Wednesday, January 13, 2010 10:17:59 AM

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Well Chef, I think it comes down to how the women were raised. My family believes that if a woman isn’t married by the time she’s 25 she’ll end up alone – and no one will want her. The younger she gets married the better wife she will be and there is no reason to want to be anything BUT a wife and mother.

Some of us don’t fit their mold and we’re outcast in our own family. Want to hear a fucked up real life story about just this – IM me.
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, January 13, 2010 11:47:25 AM

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I never understood that reasoning. Some woman aren't meant to be paired or a parent. And they can still be happy, healthy, productive members of society. I'll bet I could name at least 20 woman that never married and still left a great impact on our lives.
I think you're right though. Until we can change how we make our female children think of themselves, it'll never change.
Guest
Posted: Thursday, January 14, 2010 1:49:10 PM

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I agree Mara, some families are just way to much when it comes to women and getting married. Same with mine, some of my male cousins are 40 and have never married while my 30 year old female cousin is 32 never married and she gets made fun of all the timecussing

Me, I don't need a man to make me happy but having one sure makes for happy timesevil4
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, January 03, 2012 5:14:52 PM

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chefkathleen wrote:
Think they need a man or partner to be happy and "complete"?. I heard someone mention that a woman he knew was "desperately" seeking a man. Why do women think that? Can't they be a happy, productive, well rounded person without a man?


Tried that with a marriage for 7 years.... the happiest I ever was in that time was when my neighbor who worked nightshift would wait until my husband left for work and would come over and fuck me.
Since then, I've found it much better enjoying life without a significant other.
Bunny12
Posted: Thursday, January 05, 2012 2:42:14 PM

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I've known men that are the exact same way I think it's insecurity issues with both genders.

Bunny12


Bunny Rabbits cute and fuzzy they want to love you but they have razor sharp teeth - don't piss them off!
1Zratedgal
Posted: Thursday, January 05, 2012 2:48:14 PM

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chef,

I believe it comes from the individual persons upbringing but also the lack of self confidence and the ability to be successful on their own, without a mate! Male or Female!

I have seen too many women who could not change and grow with the times and were never prepared to be on their own, so they are lost when their marriages crumbled apart. Part of that is also due to the relationship with their husbands in keeping the woman as subserviant rather than equal partners.

Nowdays, it's almost mandatory for women to find some way to establish themselves as an individual. But I bet the answers are different from woman to woman and they results would be startling


Kisses!

Sy
VickieLynn1
Posted: Thursday, January 05, 2012 2:49:58 PM

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I can agree with that bunny. there are those of us who remain married for that exact reason. seeing that have been married since 20 I really don't want to know what its likely to be alone. I just keep taking the bs instead. ? no its what life has become and would rather must leave it alone

nothing beats a luscious kiss from well painted lips ;) mmmmmmmmm...........
abygaleturner69
Posted: Thursday, January 05, 2012 3:09:58 PM

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I'm in my early 40's, not married nor have been, no children, can't give birth, and I have a happy, health, successful life and stay extremely satisfied. It's all in the mind, the way one is raised, the way society preceives a "good life". It falls back to the mainstream of thinking; what is taboo and what is not, what is expected and what is not, what is considered successful and what is not. The norm of reality, expectations and preceptions.

Abby
Dancing_Doll
Posted: Thursday, January 05, 2012 3:55:06 PM

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chefkathleen wrote:
Think they need a man or partner to be happy and "complete"?.


Because Walt Disney brainwashes us from an early age that one day 'our prince will come' and that is the only prelude to happily ever after. Otherwise you get cast as the ugly spinster step-sister or the homely chick that sews the beautiful dresses the princess will wear while she frolicks in the meadows with her royal boy-toy. No girl really wants to see herself as a supporting actress in the big fairytale of life.

Then, as girls leave their Disney'fied adolescent years, further bolstered by teen-love melodrama like the Twilight Saga 'life is not worth living without my man' sentiments, girls get sucked into the giant marketing machine called the bridal industry which convinces us like confectionary candy, that we *must* wear white one day while everyone swoons in our wake.

I know some girls that 'shopped' their husbands the way they do a new car or a pair of boots. True love often takes a backburner because let's face it... true love is rare... and we live in an impatient society.


Nikki703
Posted: Thursday, January 05, 2012 4:56:24 PM

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Most everyone is dead on. Society said women are the weaker sex and need a strong man to take care of them. A woman must become a mother or she is not complete. And as DD said, TV and Movies did nothing but re-enforce this belief.

Its funny, I have a distant cousin who is 33 and very successful but has never been married. And she is very happy, but her family thinks something is wrong with her. Meanwhile her older sister, has been married 5 (or maybe it is 6) times and is not able to take of herself without a man in her life. And the family doesnt see any problems there.

When I was young, I sort of thought this way too, that I needed to get married and have kids. Well I did and it was a disaster. And now I am not married, think I am a pretty good mom and relatively successful. Thankfully, I think society is starting to realize that women can survive without a man.

But there are still the women that do go "man shopping". They have their list of all the requirements he must possess. And it seems like Love is always one of least important requirements. No wonder divorce rate is like 50%!!
Guest
Posted: Thursday, January 05, 2012 8:00:31 PM

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Guest wrote:

Me, I don't need a man to make me happy but having one sure makes for happy timesevil4


oh yeah!!!!
Guest
Posted: Friday, January 06, 2012 1:02:46 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
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Dancing_Doll wrote:


Because Walt Disney brainwashes us from an early age that one day 'our prince will come' and that is the only prelude to happily ever after. Otherwise you get cast as the ugly spinster step-sister or the homely chick that sews the beautiful dresses the princess will wear while she frolicks in the meadows with her royal boy-toy. No girl really wants to see herself as a supporting actress in the big fairytale of life.

Then, as girls leave their Disney'fied adolescent years, further bolstered by teen-love melodrama like the Twilight Saga 'life is not worth living without my man' sentiments, girls get sucked into the giant marketing machine called the bridal industry which convinces us like confectionary candy, that we *must* wear white one day while everyone swoons in our wake.

I know some girls that 'shopped' their husbands the way they do a new car or a pair of boots. True love often takes a backburner because let's face it... true love is rare... and we live in an impatient society.



That statement just about sums up my life! Haha.

On a more honest note, I wouldn't say that "all" women are looking for a Prince Charming or a Happily Ever After. I do think that it is human nature, however, that we are seeking companionship. It's just tradition or like Dancing Doll said the media/society and storytelling that makes us think it should come in the form of marriage.

Guest
Posted: Friday, January 06, 2012 5:37:01 PM

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When I started this thread almost 2 years ago I had no idea why women thought this way. Still don't know. I was taught to be self sufficient and not rely on anyone but myself. If you happen to pair up with another, all well and good. If it doesn't work out, you're not "stuck" you can take care of yourself and still be happy.
I agree the movies and media has tried to paint us into a corner with one brush but we're such a diversified lot that you can't do that anymore.
ShyDreaming
Posted: Friday, January 06, 2012 6:53:12 PM

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I think you're right we shouldn't blame society and media exclusively, though they are the main perpetrator... after all let's not forget we're social creatures and while we don't chose our mates for life like some birds, we do like a certain kind of stability... sometimes that comes from having a man/woman next to us. And to that I might add the need for companionship or simply of purpose; I've met a few women who are absolute wonders in their work fields but what drives them is not the "I'm doing this for me" philosophy but for "us" - meaning them and their partners. They draw strenght, satisfaction and motivation from the "couple".

MissMimi
Posted: Wednesday, January 11, 2012 4:40:36 PM

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I totally agree, women do not need a man to be happy or fulfilled. You can have fun and be single.

I'm not single, and haven't been for most of my adult life, but I know that if I was, I think I would cope just fine.

Miss Mimi.
xx
Sirene_Jaune
Posted: Wednesday, January 11, 2012 9:21:49 PM

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I agree I think it's just we are lead to believe that there is another half that we are searching for or the "one".

Take my highschool friend for instance, she wasn't the most attractive of girls long nose, skinny body, horse teeth (and that's after having braces). Now she is engaged to a very handsome fellow and is very happy. Though she is one of those girls who like to brag about their achievements in life.

I on the other hand was a dork or nerd, I kept to myself in school. I did find attraction to guys and yes some girls. Didn't act upon them until I got into a FWB relationship. Now days I have been with my boyfriend for six and a half years. There is no sign of an engagement ring and you know what I thought about it and I infact am happy not to be married or engaged.

It's nice to know I have someone always there. Without the flashy bling or a piece of paper to
scream out how much in love I am in. Plus I don't have children, I find my lifestyle to much fun to be tied down with playing servant, bank, chauffer etc to a child all my life.

Though offnote I'm babysitting tomorrow an eight month old for the night. Wish me luck.

Axl - Take a look at our piercing menu.

Daria - I don't think that's how you spell "uvula."

Axl - That's not "uvula."

From: "Daria" episode "Pierce Me"
CrimsonBlaze
Posted: Wednesday, January 11, 2012 10:59:47 PM

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I agree with everyone in their assessment that it has a great deal to do with how a person is raised, as well as the influence from the media; however, I would also add that a person's individual personality traits have much to do with it. There are some people such as myself who is quite independent and self-sufficient, never "needing" someone else in my life to make me complete in some way. Then there are those who, regardless of their ability to support themselves, seem to be unable to function well without having a significant other in their lives at all times. They jump from one relationship to another acting as if the world will end if they remain single and unattached for any length of time.

My thoughts on this are quite basic, actually. I feel a person must learn to love themselves first, finding peace and happiness within themselves by themselves before they can ever expect to find it in someone else. If a person is unhappy with their life, then expecting to find all of their problems miraculously solved simply by having another person in their life is unrealistic. It just means the things that are making you unhappy in the first place are just going to keep making you unhappy...but now there's another person involved instead of just you.

I don't 'need' another person in my life to make me happy...but it doesn't mean I don't 'want' someone in my life. I just understand the difference between wanting and needing. It shouldn't be such a complicated thing, you know?
castlequeen
Posted: Monday, January 16, 2012 6:51:42 PM

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I don't understand it myself, but I agree with the thought that you have to love yourself first to be truly happy. I'd gotten my career in order, gotten my self esteem in order, and my health in order, and I was plenty happy by myself. Some of my friends had gotten married, and a few wondered why I wasn't pushing the issue. I told them that my life was just that, MY life, and it was fine the way it was. Of course, when you're not looking for it, you get hit hard and fast. I was NOT looking when the guy apologized for taking the last of the soy milk at my favorite coffee place, and the sparks fired right up! However, had he never shown up, I'd still be happy with what I've done in my life. However, had I not married, I would have eventually wanted a child, because I feel so...complete as a mother.

"A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere." - Groucho Marx
Naughtygrl73
Posted: Monday, January 16, 2012 11:09:02 PM

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Not sure how this will go down but here it goes

I love being married and I do need my Man in my life.
Was I happy before I met him...sure, but I'm happier with him than I would ever be without.

I'm a capable, strong woman but I love being able to pass those things over to my Man that I just dont wish to deal with.
I didn't go shopping for him :) nor did I search everytime I went out. Like Castlequeen and her Man, we looked up saw one another and I knew that he was the one.
I've always wanted to be married and have a family. No brainwashing required. Being a mother was and is, what I wanted for my life.

As a student, I had no dreams of a career or high powered job. I have the ability to succeed at whatever I put my mind to but my desire was to be a mother.
I was raised in a loving family where we were encouraged to be whatever we wished. Being married was never mentioned as being part of what should be included as a must for happiness or success.
I didn't dream of the big wedding or the flashy ring. I just dreamt of living my life with someone who would love me for who and what I am. Someone who would be standing beside me while I'm strong and behind me when I need his support and strength to get me through.

My Man has had to leave us for the year due to work commitments. He will be living 6hours away.
will I cope...of course.

will I be happy....yes. Just Not as happy as I am with him
will I be complete... yes. I'm a person in my own right. Just not as complete as I would be if He was sitting here beside me


Guest
Posted: Wednesday, July 25, 2012 6:32:16 PM

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chefkathleen wrote:
Think they need a man or partner to be happy and "complete"?. I heard someone mention that a woman he knew was "desperately" seeking a man. Why do women think that? Can't they be a happy, productive, well rounded person without a man?

Why do some Men think they need a woman in their life to be happy??
Dudealicious
Posted: Thursday, July 26, 2012 5:37:58 AM

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menarealwaysignorged wrote:

Why do some Men think they need a woman in their life to be happy??


Come on, you have done this on a few occasions now. You have turned a specific question around about why women do certain things to why men do or do not do the same thing.

Relax, someone has seemed to hurt you. Life will get better Regaeman Man

The night that changed my life, a four part series of a married man lusting after his co-worker

clum
Posted: Thursday, July 26, 2012 6:58:30 AM

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menarealwaysignorged wrote:
Why do some Men think they need a woman in their life to be happy??


Before I had a woman in my life, even though everything else about it was fantastic, I was fundamentally unhappy. Now, even when things start to go to shit, I'm still happy because I have her.

I don't know "why" but I have actual proof of it in my own personal life.

The lion is most lionlike when he roars.
Shylass
Posted: Thursday, July 26, 2012 1:35:06 PM

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I think a great deal probably has to do with insecurity and loneliness. From my point of view, all I ever wanted was to love and be loved.

My place in the world rests on whether I make a positive difference, on whether I add something that without me, would make the world a duller, uglier place. Yes, screwed up, I know, that I have to have the world give me a justification for being alive, but there we have it.

As far as a partner goes, I have only ever wanted to love somebody, to encourage, support, love, laugh, and enjoy life with, to walk alongside them as they find out who they are and enjoy being "them", but in such a way that I make their life better, to add something positive and wonderful that they would miss without me. And in turn, I would dearly love for them to do the same for me, and to love the process of it.

My self-esteem (I think you can guess what level that resides at) should not be down to other people, I know a lot of you think. But it is. It's the way I have always been. I know a relationship of the romantic variety is not the be-all and end-all of life, but for somebody to allow me to love them, and to truly love me back, would be a joy beyond words to me. I see many people of about the same level of attractiveness, and with far nastier personality and attitudes than my own, and they are happily with somebody. It simply says to me that I have nothing to offer anybody, and that makes me feel like crap.

I did have a couple of people tell me in the last few months that they were a bit interested (one online and one in real life), but I know them well enough that I know could not offer them what they need and want. I know for a fact that as soon as I was able to share some of my vulnerabilities and the things that I hide from the world in general with them, I'd pee them right off, and their natures are such that they wouldn't handle it well. evil4

There is nothing wrong with being single; I love not having to think about people (I can be very selfish), or sacrifice my precious space that helps me cope with day-to-day life. But likewise, for the right person, I would be willing to give it all up if they were willing to do the same for me.

Being with somebody does not make one's life complete, in my opinion. But I dream that it makes life better when you truly love and care for each other. There are some intimacies and joys you cannot share platonically.

Dear god, I sometimes spout some crap! Sorry. d'oh!


Ut incepit fidelis, sic permanet.

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TheDevilsWeakness
Posted: Thursday, July 26, 2012 1:39:58 PM

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Shylass wrote:
Dear god, I sometimes spout some crap! Sorry. d'oh!


Big Hugs Never... good post

thesilkyknot
Posted: Saturday, July 28, 2012 8:10:36 PM

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lol ... this question ...wow... people need to get their scientific facts straight..... it is as normal as needing food or water... its a part of our physiological process... "THEORY OF EVOLUTION" from Darwin.. reading this book might help some..LOL
Guest
Posted: Saturday, July 28, 2012 9:29:14 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
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thesilkyknot wrote:
lol ... this question ...wow... people need to get their scientific facts straight..... it is as normal as needing food or water... its a part of our physiological process... "THEORY OF EVOLUTION" from Darwin.. reading this book might help some..LOL


Ah. No. Not true.
Shylass
Posted: Sunday, July 29, 2012 4:03:07 AM

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thesilkyknot wrote:
lol ... this question ...wow... people need to get their scientific facts straight..... it is as normal as needing food or water... its a part of our physiological process... "THEORY OF EVOLUTION" from Darwin.. reading this book might help some..LOL


So what you're saying is that I'm destined to be desperate and spazz out over any male who even glances my way mistakenly because evolution has kindly turned me from an ape to a blushing, quivering wreck of need?

Just the excuse I need. Now, who wants me to throw myself at their feet and beg them to Take me hard (when I've finished the washing up and cooked their dinner) so I can bear their children with my child-bearing hips?dontknow
book
FFS. angry7


Ut incepit fidelis, sic permanet.

***
********************************CLICK THE BANNERS TO BUY THESE WILLY-STIFFENING BOOKS!********************************
clum
Posted: Sunday, July 29, 2012 6:13:24 AM

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Joined: 5/13/2011
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thesilkyknot wrote:
lol ... this question ...wow... people need to get their scientific facts straight..... it is as normal as needing food or water... its a part of our physiological process... "THEORY OF EVOLUTION" from Darwin.. reading this book might help some..LOL


Not only have you misinterpreted the question but you have given a rude and ignorant response.

Your point would be valid if we were talking about finding a sexual partner with whom to reproduce. As it is, we are not.

What we are, in fact, talking about is the emotional need of people to be in a relationship with someone in order to be happy. The human race could carry on quite easily without one person becoming happy and without anyone having a life partner of any variety.

I find it useful to stop and think before I open my mouth. Less shit comes out that way.

The lion is most lionlike when he roars.
adele
Posted: Monday, July 30, 2012 4:39:39 PM

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Location: if I knew where I was then I would not be here...
CrimsonBlaze wrote:
I agree with everyone in their assessment that it has a great deal to do with how a person is raised, as well as the influence from the media; however, I would also add that a person's individual personality traits have much to do with it. There are some people such as myself who is quite independent and self-sufficient, never "needing" someone else in my life to make me complete in some way. Then there are those who, regardless of their ability to support themselves, seem to be unable to function well without having a significant other in their lives at all times. They jump from one relationship to another acting as if the world will end if they remain single and unattached for any length of time.

My thoughts on this are quite basic, actually. I feel a person must learn to love themselves first, finding peace and happiness within themselves by themselves before they can ever expect to find it in someone else. If a person is unhappy with their life, then expecting to find all of their problems miraculously solved simply by having another person in their life is unrealistic. It just means the things that are making you unhappy in the first place are just going to keep making you unhappy...but now there's another person involved instead of just you.

I don't 'need' another person in my life to make me happy...but it doesn't mean I don't 'want' someone in my life. I just understand the difference between wanting and needing. It shouldn't be such a complicated thing, you know?


Well said. I have been unhappy with another person in my life, and maybe part of that was that I was very insecure with myself. I have also been very happy with another person in my life, but he passed away. I am alone now, I can take care of myself for the most part, but I truly WANT another person to share with. I don't NEED one, but I do WANT one.

There is no mark of self,
And no mark of others,
No mark of living beings,
And no mark of a life.


-- The Diamond Sutra
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