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Being asked to be the "Alibi" for a cheating friend Options · View
Dancing_Doll
Posted: Sunday, March 28, 2010 10:52:51 AM

Rank: Alpha Blonde

Joined: 2/17/2010
Posts: 6,302
Location: West Coast
Have you ever been asked to be the ‘alibi’ for a cheating friend?
Have you ever agreed to this?
If not, are there are any circumstances that would ever convince you to say yes?
Does the level of your relationship with their significant other influence your decision? ie. if you don’t know their significant other, are you more likely to agree?

I’m curious about other people’s experiences with this, because I have been asked to be the alibi on many occasions, and my own opinions on this topic continue to change and evolve…



sassycheergirl
Posted: Tuesday, March 30, 2010 10:14:06 AM

Rank: Lollipop Girl

Joined: 11/7/2009
Posts: 1,502
Location: a corn field , United States
A friend of mine was cheating and she would ask me to lie for her and after about a month of it i got sick of being used and told her husband. We are no longer friends now either.


*smiles, hugs, and lollipops*



Sassy
MMonroe
Posted: Tuesday, March 30, 2010 10:28:41 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/10/2009
Posts: 1,893
Location: United Kingdom
A friend of mine isnt cheating or anything but because she still lives with her parents and they think she's an angel, we have a pact to say we're with each other if either of our parents rings the other one.



*Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?*



LadyX
Posted: Tuesday, March 30, 2010 10:40:08 AM

Rank: Artistic Tart

Joined: 9/25/2009
Posts: 4,827
I dont even try to get involved in who is right and what the reasons are, thats for somebody else to decide. But if I have a friend who needs my help in their life, even if its to tell a lie to save their back, then I will do it. I may need the same someday and I will want to know that they have my back too.

I could refuse but why? I dont know why they do the things they do. And for me to tell the other? lol, no way in hell do I get involved in their business.

lovetotasteyou
Posted: Tuesday, March 30, 2010 11:09:10 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 3/3/2010
Posts: 13
Location: Winnipeg
A real friend would and should never ask you to do that , I know I would not and could not, I have if nothing else I have integrity, she or he should make there own beds if thay lie in them.angry9
lovetotasteyou
Posted: Tuesday, March 30, 2010 12:32:32 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 3/3/2010
Posts: 13
Location: Winnipeg
NO FUCKING WAY, DONT GET ME INVOLVED, MAKE YOUR BED NOW SLEEP IN IT. I HAVE INTEGRITY YOU SHOULD TOO, GOOD LUCK.Boo hoo!
lovetotasteyou
Posted: Tuesday, March 30, 2010 12:34:50 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 3/3/2010
Posts: 13
Location: Winnipeg
Friends should not ask friends to do that ever.angry7
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, March 30, 2010 1:07:41 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,935
If you are open and honest, you have no reason to lie, and would not have to have a friend lie for you. A friend that does lie for you is no friend at all.flower
castlequeen
Posted: Tuesday, March 30, 2010 6:17:40 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/24/2009
Posts: 590
I'd never do it. Had a friend ask me once, and after about a 15 minute argument, she was no longer my friend.

"A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere." - Groucho Marx
Milik_Redman
Posted: Tuesday, March 30, 2010 8:27:33 PM

Rank: Internet Philosopher

Joined: 8/14/2009
Posts: 4,416
Location: somewhere deep under the Earth, United States
I've never been directly asked to do this, but if I was it would depend on the friend who asked and how well I knew his or her significant other. I have a few friends that I have known for better than 20 years and for them I would do it. I would also tell them that they we're being low class cowards for cheating, but I would still do it. I don't pretend to be right or moral about this, but there are some friendships that you don't turn your back on.

“It is a great thing to know your vices.”
― Marcus Tullius Cicero


My New collaboration with Dirty _D is one I am extremely proud to offer:





WellMadeMale
Posted: Tuesday, March 30, 2010 8:54:21 PM

Rank: Constant Gardener

Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 10,302
Location: Cakeland, United States
I've had two of my friends (at the time) attempt to do this.

The first one, tried it in 1987...after he and I had been thick as thieves from 1979 til that afternoon. He didn't like being turned down by me, four years younger than him - who had never turned down any of his friendship requests during the 1980's. He was a major skirt chaser. "Mark, don't bring me in on your schemes, dude...you've used 50 other excuses over the years, don't introduce your drama to me, like this."

End of what I had felt was a diminishing friendship, anyway.

Brett, again 5 years older than I, had been my running buddy since 1991. His serial cheating made Mark look like an amateur, even by that point...since he had told me numerous stories of his behavior in the dozen years before I ever met him, and for the next 7 years, I witnessed him in action, on average, twice a month.

Brett violated many Man Laws, chief amongst them - "Never stick your dick, in the crazy." He had been using me as his foil and alibi for several years, without telling me. I had met his wife and young son in 1994 and again briefly at a company picnic in 1996. In 1998, he'd disappeared from his home on a Friday morning, left work and hooked up with some much younger woman he'd met earlier that week during another of his forays (without me as his wingman). He spent the entire weekend with her and arrived at his home late that Sunday evening.

As he was driving to his home, he called to ask, "Have you heard from Jeannie this weekend?"

"Nah, man...you guys okay, or...what?"

"I've been gone all weekend, man...so, I'm going to tell Jeannie that you collapsed in the nightclub Friday night and I took you to the hospital and spent all weekend trying to get ahold of your next of kin...I called my house twice over the weekend, and have the backstory all settled, but if you talk to Jeannie in the next few months - You had a heart attack at Touche's...okay?"

"No dude, that's far from okay. If you tell her that crock of shit, I swear to gawd, I won't call her myself, but if she calls me or we bump into one another, I'm going to play dumb and it'll crash around you later. Think of another excuse and do not ever use me again for an alibi...I've never considered using a friend for an excuse and certainly not something like that."

He apologized...I don't know what he told his wife to explain his nearly 72 hour diversion from normal life.

He's a good guy, he's just a serial cheater. But I didn't marry him or have a child with him. We're still friends, but I had to lay the law down to him, only one time in 19 years.

Interesting side note...Both Mark and Brett are under 5'9" tall. Both own swagger, exude sex appeal (to the women) and are definite Type A personalities...and the women flock all over 'em. And, they were both married and cheating.

If ya can't beat 'em... pay someone to do it for you.
Dancing_Doll
Posted: Wednesday, March 31, 2010 6:16:53 AM

Rank: Alpha Blonde

Joined: 2/17/2010
Posts: 6,302
Location: West Coast
WellMadeMale wrote:
I've had two of my friends (at the time) attempt to do this.

The first one, tried it in 1987...after he and I had been thick as thieves from 1979 til that afternoon. He didn't like being turned down by me, four years younger than him - who had never turned down any of his friendship requests during the 1980's. He was a major skirt chaser. "Mark, don't bring me in on your schemes, dude...you've used 50 other excuses over the years, don't introduce your drama to me, like this."

End of what I had felt was a diminishing friendship, anyway.

Brett, again 5 years older than I, had been my running buddy since 1991. His serial cheating made Mark look like an amateur, even by that point...since he had told me numerous stories of his behavior in the dozen years before I ever met him, and for the next 7 years, I witnessed him in action, on average, twice a month.

Brett violated many Man Laws, chief amongst them - "Never stick your dick, in the crazy." He had been using me as his foil and alibi for several years, without telling me. I had met his wife and young son in 1994 and again briefly at a company picnic in 1996. In 1998, he'd disappeared from his home on a Friday morning, left work and hooked up with some much younger woman he'd met earlier that week during another of his forays (without me as his wingman). He spent the entire weekend with her and arrived at his home late that Sunday evening.

As he was driving to his home, he called to ask, "Have you heard from Jeannie this weekend?"

"Nah, man...you guys okay, or...what?"

"I've been gone all weekend, man...so, I'm going to tell Jeannie that you collapsed in the nightclub Friday night and I took you to the hospital and spent all weekend trying to get ahold of your next of kin...I called my house twice over the weekend, and have the backstory all settled, but if you talk to Jeannie in the next few months - You had a heart attack at Touche's...okay?"

"No dude, that's far from okay. If you tell her that crock of shit, I swear to gawd, I won't call her myself, but if she calls me or we bump into one another, I'm going to play dumb and it'll crash around you later. Think of another excuse and do not ever use me again for an alibi...I've never considered using a friend for an excuse and certainly not something like that."

He apologized...I don't know what he told his wife to explain his nearly 72 hour diversion from normal life.

He's a good guy, he's just a serial cheater. But I didn't marry him or have a child with him. We're still friends, but I had to lay the law down to him, only one time in 19 years.

Interesting side note...Both Mark and Brett are under 5'9" tall. Both own swagger, exude sex appeal (to the women) and are definite Type A personalities...and the women flock all over 'em. And, they were both married and cheating.



This totally cracked me up. I've learned that I was an alibi after the fact on many occasions. And usually it involves some pathetic story of them telling their significant other that they had to take care of me (the single friend) because I was:

1. Stumbling drunk and passed out and they stayed with me overnight to ensure I didn't choke on my own tongue.
2. Having an emotional melt-down over a guy and they needed to stay with me incase I succumbed to vodka and razor blades.
3. I just came back from the doctor with some disturbing test results and I needed my 'friend' to talk me through the stress.

I have also been told after the fact that if the significant other ever asks, you were over at our place the other night and insisted on opening up those $200 bottles of wine that my man was saving for a special occasion... because if he finds out that it was me who opened them, then he'll freak out on me.

Fun stuff, because I end up looking like the completely unstable, ridiculous friend... Needless to say, the significant other isn't exactly embracing me warmly at group get-togethers.

I do speak my mind when a friend reveals they've used me as an alibi, but half the time I'm sure I don't even know myself.



Magical_felix
Posted: Sunday, June 06, 2010 7:56:43 AM

Rank: Wild at Heart

Joined: 4/3/2010
Posts: 4,913
Location: California
My best friend asks me to cover for him all the time. It's annoying because his girlfriend is a sweetheart. I usually agree (he'd do anything for me, anything) but I tell him to think of a different excuse and only use me as a last resort. The moment when we're both standing there explaining what we did to his girlfriend feels like an eternity. She just stands there and stares right into my soul and doesn't say a word. It sucks... But I still help him out. I guess it is a guy code thing, you just gotta help your friends.



LadyX
Posted: Thursday, January 19, 2012 5:57:02 PM

Rank: Artistic Tart

Joined: 9/25/2009
Posts: 4,827
fish
naughtymaggie
Posted: Thursday, January 19, 2012 7:12:44 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 1/7/2012
Posts: 22
Location: United States
I generally feel that if you're going to cheat you should keep it to yourself. I wouldn't be that upset if someone wanted to use me as an alibi, but I'm a terrible liar so if they're SO ever asked me I wouldn't be very good cover.
tomc82d
Posted: Thursday, January 19, 2012 8:25:49 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/12/2012
Posts: 147
Location: Hamilton, United States
I have to agree with all 3 of lovetotasteyous' post.

Veni, vidi, vici" Julius Caesar 47 BC
Guest
Posted: Thursday, January 19, 2012 8:42:11 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,935
Wouldn't do it! Would have to say NO! I have to be responsible for my own actions and so should others. True friends wouldn't even ask this of another.
Pelicanbill
Posted: Thursday, January 19, 2012 8:47:14 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 2/13/2011
Posts: 304
Location: Top Of The South
Wouldn't do it. For a start I can't lie and face the person I'm doing it to, and secondly I believe that if you are with one person
and you (have) to go elsewhere have the guts to tell the person you're doing it to.
rxtales
Posted: Friday, January 20, 2012 3:06:04 AM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 11/28/2008
Posts: 2,589
Location: Newcastle, United Kingdom
I was in a situation one where a friend's pregnant fiancé was having sex with the guy I was sleeping with. They asked me to keep it a secret, as we were close friends. I knew his fiancé quite well too, and I really struggled with whether or not I should tell her. In the end I did, she shouldn't have been marrying a man who was cheating on her, not once, but all the time with the same guy. Everyone was a little mad at me at first, but now everyone is a lot happier not being together.
clum
Posted: Friday, January 20, 2012 4:30:17 AM

Rank: Clumeleon

Joined: 5/13/2011
Posts: 4,655
Location: Edinburgh, United Kingdom
I've never done this but I reckon I could be persuaded to do it as a 'one-off' favour to a good friend under the condition that they listen to me lecturing them about it. They would have to be a really good friend, mind. And the lie would have to be a simple one.

Every day is a school day.
Guest
Posted: Friday, January 20, 2012 4:40:13 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,935
I have done this and I don't have a problem with it (having had someone do it for me in the past)

However, I would not want to find myself in a situation where this was demanded of me regularly - that would NOT be cool...

Also, I have a problem with lying - I just do not like doing it, so I would have to find ways to creatively avoid asking questions, rather than out and out lie...
Guest
Posted: Friday, January 20, 2012 4:43:31 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,935
For my best friend, sure.

For others, no. I would rather be left out if it altogether.
overmykneenow
Posted: Friday, January 20, 2012 4:56:40 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 6/8/2010
Posts: 1,024
Location: United Kingdom
You have to wonder what the motivations are behind asking. My money is on that it's a cry for attention. These people are more likely to be caught because they talking about their affairs with other people - and the more people who know, the more likely the injured parties are of finding out. They're either desperate to boast about their extended sex-life or want your sympathy of the desperate acts they've had to resort to in their relationship.

That said, if you're going to meet up with someone off the internet, for safety's sake it's probably best to tell someone you trust where you're going.

Warning: The opinions above are those of an anonymous individual on the internet. They are opinions, unless they're facts. They may be ill-informed, out of touch with reality or just plain stupid. They may contain traces of irony. If reading these opinions causes you to be become outraged or you start displaying the symptoms of outrage, stop reading them immediately. If symptoms persist, consult a psychiatrist.

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1curiouscat
Posted: Friday, January 20, 2012 7:58:29 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/25/2011
Posts: 1,144
Location: São Paulo , Brazil
I (thankfully) have never been put in a situation that would require me to make such a decision... but...

This is a tricky situation. If you are friends with the one being cheated on, then you will be lying to a friend... Which is a shitty thing to do. Friendship or any kind of relationship (in my opinion) is built on trust. So to be an Alibi for a friend that is screwing over another friend -- I would probably say no.

If the one asking me to be an alibi is screwing over someone I have never met or don´t know, I think I would be more inclined to help out.



Overwhelming Reality

From Across the Room
Nikki703
Posted: Friday, January 20, 2012 8:18:38 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/7/2009
Posts: 12,684
Location: The Other Side Of The Mirror
I have done this a couple of times and really didnt feel good about it. All of the times I did not really know the other person very well. But if I was very friendly with both of the people, I really would prefer to not get involved in it as I would feel like I was betraying one friend for another
SITTING
Posted: Friday, January 20, 2012 8:53:26 AM

Rank: Story Verifier

Joined: 8/11/2011
Posts: 727
Location: Leeds, United Kingdom
Totally depends, as you say, on how well you know the person who's getting cheated on.
It makes you feel like crap anyway so i tend to turn a blind eye and not participate at all; 'It's their relationship, they can screw it up.'
mercianknight
Posted: Friday, January 20, 2012 9:15:25 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/11/2009
Posts: 2,029
Location: whispering conspiratorially in your ear, Bermuda
I have been asked, however, because I am such an awful liar due to my poor memory, I have always declined. It may seem awkward at the time, but it has made my life so much calmer.
coffee

"Whoa, lady, I only speak two languages, English and bad English." - Korben Dallas, from The Fifth Element

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Iszofia
Posted: Sunday, January 22, 2012 1:39:04 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/26/2010
Posts: 534
Location: Cloudland, AUSTRALIA
No, I havent been asked before and if I was I'll flat out refuse to partake in his/her web of lies. I would lose respect for my friend. I think its always better to tell the truth. The act of lying hurts more than the truth. Particularly when you know that he's cheating and he knows that you know too but wont admit to it.
lilaudrie
Posted: Tuesday, March 27, 2012 5:59:40 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/7/2012
Posts: 250
Location: United States
Never...

My mom taught me to always tell the truth. That way, you won't have any trouble keeping your story straight.
Buz
Posted: Wednesday, March 28, 2012 6:18:51 AM

Rank: The Linebacker

Joined: 3/2/2011
Posts: 5,840
Location: Atlanta, United States
I wouldn't like it and I'd say no.

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