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Guest
Posted: Friday, January 20, 2012 1:53:07 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 531,807
I've been married 26 yrs, My wife no longer pursues me sexually, She went from seldom to not at all. We have talked about it and she says that I'm the one that should be pursuing her, I feel like it's something that we both should be involved in. To me it's a very lonely feeling, I've kept my body in very good shape working out three to five times a week yet she doesn't touch me. A little background on us is that we own a very small business and have for 20 yrs, She operates it and I assist her. It's a hard business to own/operate. Is it just me or do other women pursue there partners ? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks Terry
Dudealicious
Posted: Friday, January 20, 2012 2:11:07 PM

Rank: Wise Ass

Joined: 11/12/2010
Posts: 5,411
Location: The center of the universe, Canada
Hey there Terry,

While I haven't had an experience of being married for 26 years, I did end a 10 year marriage a short time ago. Some of the factors of which you are talking about right now.

The long and the short of my experience was that she just no longer wanted it. No matter what I would try to do, I read up on "all things sex" to hopefully become a better lover and have her want more. That never happened, I am a very sexual being (like most of us here) and those needs need to be addressed. It came to a point where it felt like a friendship more than a relationship. Sex with her was great for the first 8 years, then slowly it all started to shut down. Towards the end of our relationship, I was lucky to have sex once a month.

Stress is a factor that can really ruin one's libido, maybe work is getting to her. If you say that you help out with your business, I would suggest maybe you give her a week or two off and cover for her at that time. She may need to chill out a little and not have to worry about the business, you never know it could possibly be the perfect thing to let her get away for a bit.

I am very fortunate to be in a relationship now where I don't have to do any "persuing". We pretty much just jump each's others bones now bates

Hope this helps a little...

The night that changed my life, a four part series of a married man lusting after his co-worker

Guest
Posted: Friday, January 20, 2012 2:35:28 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 531,807
Hi Dudealicious, It's funny (not) I have done the very same thing you have done, When I first got on this site I thought I would just flirt with women to replace what I was missing, Hell that just made me fill worse. I can cover for her, And I will insist that she take time away more often in the future. Thanks for sharing, Terry.
Catnip
Posted: Friday, January 20, 2012 3:45:43 PM

Rank: Internet Sensation

Joined: 3/30/2009
Posts: 3,969
Location: Cloudy dreams., Sweden
I have a few fun suggestions you could do. (Yes I'm totally on her side, you should pursue her. If you want sex, you should try and find the spark in her.

x Write notes. Leave small notes around the house. I don't know what sort of man you are, but let them reflect you and how you feel. Me for example could write something like: "Earlier when he passed me by the scent of him almost made me blush." "He's watching tv, god his hands look inviting!" This is something I would like to do, but I don't have a man living with me so I can't.

x Introduce toys. Now, I know it sounds weird to introduce sextoys to a relationship that lack sex, but maybe she doesn't feel as much as she used to, she might need some extra stimulation or more adventure in the bedroom.

x Suggest books. Suggest books to her with good sex scenes in them. Nothing gets a woman going more than thinking about sex. If you manage to introduce hot books to her she might feel that urge inside of her.



Hm.. I don't know if any of it would help but it's things I thought about. I hope things work out for the two of you,


Guest
Posted: Friday, January 20, 2012 9:40:42 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 531,807
Hi, Catnip. Thanks these are great ideas and I will try. I know that it's not just her but myself as well. Thanks again, Terry
Dudealicious
Posted: Saturday, January 21, 2012 12:09:44 PM

Rank: Wise Ass

Joined: 11/12/2010
Posts: 5,411
Location: The center of the universe, Canada
Catnip wrote:
x Write notes. Leave small notes around the house. I don't know what sort of man you are, but let them reflect you and how you feel. Me for example could write something like: "Earlier when he passed me by the scent of him almost made me blush." "He's watching tv, god his hands look inviting!" This is something I would like to do, but I don't have a man living with me so I can't.


Great suggestion Catnip, I do this with my woman on occasion. I will not only let her know where to go, but I will also give a little prelude as to what I am going to do to her.

The night that changed my life, a four part series of a married man lusting after his co-worker

Nikki703
Posted: Saturday, January 21, 2012 2:36:42 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/7/2009
Posts: 12,620
Location: The Other Side Of The Mirror
tj1 wrote:
I've been married 26 yrs, My wife no longer pursues me sexually, She went from seldom to not at all. We have talked about it and she says that I'm the one that should be pursuing her, I feel like it's something that we both should be involved in. To me it's a very lonely feeling, I've kept my body in very good shape working out three to five times a week yet she doesn't touch me. A little background on us is that we own a very small business and have for 20 yrs, She operates it and I assist her. It's a hard business to own/operate. Is it just me or do other women pursue there partners ? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks Terry


One thing I am not sure about. She says you should pursue her. When you do pursue her, is she responsive? Or is she just not interested in sex anymore?
Guest
Posted: Saturday, January 21, 2012 4:42:01 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 531,807
I would like to say Thanks To everyone for there replies,
JesseS
Posted: Saturday, January 21, 2012 5:24:36 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/1/2010
Posts: 119
Location: United States
The first thought that I had after reading your question was, is this the classic dual relationship disaster? When married people also work together, or compete in some sport together, or one is caretaker for the other [or others relatives], or any other scenario where there is the marriage and the other, there is often spill over emotion/feelings/stress etc. In your situation it would seem that there is no way for either of you two to actually leave work. It is possible that when she looks at you, she sees work. That, 24/7, can't be good. It is virtually impossible for a couple to be good at being husband/wife and boss/employee, or even business partners. Things might change a little if you pursued her etc. However, it is more likely that for real change you need to be just husband/wife. If you worked elsewhere and she had an employee, the dynamics of your relationship would probably be greatly improved.
JesseS
Posted: Saturday, January 21, 2012 5:25:26 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/1/2010
Posts: 119
Location: United States
The first thought that I had after reading your question was, is this the classic dual relationship disaster? When married people also work together, or compete in some sport together, or one is caretaker for the other [or others relatives], or any other scenario where there is the marriage and the other, there is often spill over emotion/feelings/stress etc. In your situation it would seem that there is no way for either of you two to actually leave work. It is possible that when she looks at you, she sees work. That, 24/7, can't be good. It is virtually impossible for a couple to be good at being husband/wife and boss/employee, or even business partners. Things might change a little if you pursued her etc. However, it is more likely that for real change you need to be just husband/wife. If you worked elsewhere and she had an employee, the dynamics of your relationship would probably be greatly improved.
Guest
Posted: Saturday, January 21, 2012 7:19:27 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 531,807
Thanks JesseS, I think that is huge part of it. We have talked about it in past. Seeing it written out really gives something to think about. Thanks, Terry.
sprite
Posted: Saturday, January 21, 2012 7:24:45 PM

Rank: Her Royal Spriteness

Joined: 6/18/2010
Posts: 14,415
Location: My Tower, United States
i don't have a solution for you. however, i do have this to say. it's not a woman's job to pursue her husband. nor is it a man's job to pursue his wife. it should be done because you want to, it shouldn't be a chore, and it should be mutual - i can't imagine ever being in a relationship with both of us weren't thinking of ways to get the other into bed, or finding reasons to touch, kiss, flirt or tease on a day to day basis. no, i don't think it should or has to be constant, but it should be there in the air between you - yes, we all get stressed, tired, sick, or distant at times, but that should be something that lasts for days, not weeks, months, years sex should never be something that you have to get her a little drunk for her to enjoy. she should want you, just as you should want her. if that is missing, then there's a problem, not a minor one, but a big one, that needs to be addressed.

http://www.lushstories.com/stories/hardcore/west-coast-games-part-one-the-beach.aspx
Nikki703
Posted: Sunday, January 22, 2012 12:25:02 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/7/2009
Posts: 12,620
Location: The Other Side Of The Mirror
sprite wrote:
i don't have a solution for you. however, i do have this to say. it's not a woman's job to pursue her husband. nor is it a man's job to pursue his wife. it should be done because you want to, it shouldn't be a chore, and it should be mutual - i can't imagine ever being in a relationship with both of us weren't thinking of ways to get the other into bed, or finding reasons to touch, kiss, flirt or tease on a day to day basis. no, i don't think it should or has to be constant, but it should be there in the air between you - yes, we all get stressed, tired, sick, or distant at times, but that should be something that lasts for days, not weeks, months, years sex should never be something that you have to get her a little drunk for her to enjoy. she should want you, just as you should want her. if that is missing, then there's a problem, not a minor one, but a big one, that needs to be addressed.


Very Well Said!!!!
shutterbug63
Posted: Sunday, January 22, 2012 5:38:21 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 6/15/2011
Posts: 18
Location: United States
Know you're not the only one out there in the same situation. I too have been married 26 years and have noticed our sex drives head in opposite directions as well. Though we don't work together, we've both kept in pretty good shape with all our after work activities. My misses says she enjoys sex, but I question why one doesn't pursue something they enjoy more often. Like yourself, I don't like being the only one to bring it up after "enduring". I'm a touchy feely guy, always hugging and caressing when we're together. My wife has told me it doesn't matter how many times we "do it" I'd always want more. I wonder when that became a bad thing in our relationship.

I appreciated reading the responses. I think "Sprite's" well thought out response hit's the nail on the head. A healthy relationship meets on common ground. Since making love, and sometimes just fucking should be a part of feeling close with your partner this is going to keep coming up. I haven't found the answer to the riddle yet, but I'll keep trying.
Guest
Posted: Monday, January 23, 2012 12:49:04 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 531,807
THANKS TO ALL FOR YOUR REPLYS
kinkitten
Posted: Friday, February 17, 2012 10:10:08 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 2/17/2011
Posts: 382
i think you should both consider going to counseling together. if your wife is not interested in sex any more there may be thousands of underlying reasons and a professional could help both of you find them out and resolve them. you should talk to your wife about it in a non blaming way and explain what you feel and maybe she will be able to do the same.

http://www.lushstories.com/stories/milf/the-neighbors-boy-1.aspx
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