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The_Writer
Posted: Sunday, April 06, 2008 9:03:41 PM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 3/15/2008
Posts: 2
Hey,
I wrote a story a while a go 'Baby sitting for Miss Greenslade' and am considering writing another one, either a sequel or something completely different.
Would love some feedback on the story; what was good, what was bad and ideas for the next story.

Thanks

The_Writer
nicola
Posted: Monday, April 07, 2008 4:50:31 AM

Rank: Matriarch

Joined: 12/6/2006
Posts: 24,909
Location: Sydney, Australia
Hi The_Writer, and a warm welcome to the site. hello2

I gave your babysitting story a quick once over.

The story itself is pretty good. It is incredibly hard to read with the formatting the way it is though, there are up to around 8 line spaces between some paragraphs. It would be much easier to read if you didn't have to keep scrolling down constantly.

I really liked the way you included the thoughts going through his head, that was a nice touch.

I'm sure some other people will give you more feedback.

Feel free to ask anything you want here, we're a friendly community icon_smile

Cheers,

~ Lush ~
Guest
Posted: Monday, April 07, 2008 2:55:38 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 473,808
Everyone has a different style, but I'd echo what Lush said, and just tighten up the formatting. Adding the emotions helps a story; good to see.
The_Writer
Posted: Monday, April 07, 2008 9:58:12 PM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 3/15/2008
Posts: 2
okay, i've fixed up the spacing issue...which must have happened when i copied the story from word to the website.
nicola
Posted: Monday, April 07, 2008 11:16:34 PM

Rank: Matriarch

Joined: 12/6/2006
Posts: 24,909
Location: Sydney, Australia
Thanks for that, word is notoriously poor with formatting. I prefer writing in wordpad or notepad for that reason. Word drives me up the wall.
Guest
Posted: Sunday, July 06, 2008 8:35:30 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 473,808
All i have is ms word. sad7


Welcome to the forums, The Writer. Glad you decided to join. Good luck with your future stories.
nicola
Posted: Monday, July 07, 2008 1:07:56 AM

Rank: Matriarch

Joined: 12/6/2006
Posts: 24,909
Location: Sydney, Australia
jackoffjecht wrote:
All i have is ms word. sad7


Welcome to the forums, The Writer. Glad you decided to join. Good luck with your future stories.


Do you run windows JoJ? If so, click the start button, then run, then type notepad or wordpad.
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