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Does the boyfriend not want to talk to me? Need opinions. Options · View
Sirene_Jaune
Posted: Wednesday, February 29, 2012 3:21:34 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 5/6/2011
Posts: 771
Location: In my mind, Australia
This past week has been strange with my boyfriend. He went M.I.A over the weekend with no contact to his family or to me. (He doesn't believe in cellphones so no one could get in touch).

Tonight I called his parents place in the city and his dad said that the boyfriend came back last night. Then he said that the boyfriend came back to the coast.

I called the number at the coast and his mom said that the boyfriend got in touch and wouldn't say where he went but he was at in the city.

I'm so confused a part of me is thinking he doesn't want to talk to me. I don't know why? We talked fine last Tuesday.

Is it something with me or do you think he has something to hide?



Axl - Take a look at our piercing menu.

Daria - I don't think that's how you spell "uvula."

Axl - That's not "uvula."

From: "Daria" episode "Pierce Me"
Mistress_of_words
Posted: Wednesday, February 29, 2012 8:51:37 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 2/14/2011
Posts: 591
Location: At my keyboard, writing stories for you
So your boyfriend has disappeared and hasn't called or contacted you in any way in a week, with no warning or indication as to why he was going, where or for how long. And you want to know if he doesn't want to talk to you or has something to hide.

My short answer: "No shit, Sherlock."

I don't think even the crappiest of self centered men think they can simply up sticks and leave for a week without any explanation at all.

But, that doesn't necessarily mean the end of the relationship or that there is someone else involved. Some men don't like to be seen when they are vulnerable, so it may be entirely unrelated.

Treating you like this is unacceptable, though. Unfortunately, with no way of contacting him, all you can really do is wait. It won't do you any good to dwell on what the answer might be.

If he is contacting his parents you could try talking reasonably and rationally with them in the hopes that when he next contacts them they will pass your messages on. Try to keep calm and just focus on the fact you are worried about him and want him to treat you with respect.

Good luck. Give it some time and see what happens.

Guest
Posted: Wednesday, February 29, 2012 9:09:11 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,401
What MoW said. Its not about disappearing for a week, its his lack of thought and consideration for you. Its just ignorant and selfish. However, you dont say how long he has been your boyfriend. If you have only been dating a short while, I wouldnt be too concerned.

Treat others the way you want them to treat you is a good guide to any kind of interpersonal relationship.
Dancing_Doll
Posted: Wednesday, February 29, 2012 9:37:52 AM

Rank: Alpha Blonde

Joined: 2/17/2010
Posts: 6,292
Location: West Coast
He's thinking about breaking up with you.

Sometimes guys or girls will pull a mini-disappearing act to "think it over" and also to signal to the their significant other that 'something is wrong'. Then when you do finally get in touch, he will probably do a "I went away for a few days, alone to really think things over and get some perspective on us... blah blah blah..."

The key evidence:

1. His parents clearly know where he is.
2. By now, they would have given him the message that you're looking for him and concerned.
3. If he was just out cheating or doing something under the radar, he would have cared enough to cover his tracks with you and make sure you weren't wondering where he was, calling his parents, or generally being suspicious... therefore this behaviour leads me to believe he doesn't care if you are pissed off with him.

Think about the last month or two with this guy... Has he been seeming a little distant? Is he less enthused than usual to get together? Does he seem more moody than usual?

The conclusion... something will shift. Either a break-up or he'll tell you that he wants some space for a prolonged while or the relationship is too serious/intense for him right now, and he wants to cool things down but still hang out with you on occasion (ie. have sex).

If you're more in the early stages of a relationship or casual dating, then it could be that he just doesn't feel like he owes you an explanation for every move he makes, and is using this as an opportunity to assert that fact. But again - this should give you some idea that he's not up for a serious relationship, so if that's what you want - you might have to reassess where you invest your energies.


Nikki703
Posted: Wednesday, February 29, 2012 10:10:20 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/7/2009
Posts: 12,675
Location: The Other Side Of The Mirror
I agree with everyone above. He could be with another girl and his parents are covering for him. Or he could be thinking about breaking up with you and is using this time to be sure. Or another possibility, his parents are trying to break you up by putting doubt in your mind. Maybe they arent giving him the messages that you are looking for him. Has he gone MIA like this in the past? How long have you been together? How is your relationship with his parents?

Either way, it isnt a good situation for you.
MMonroe
Posted: Wednesday, February 29, 2012 12:37:35 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/10/2009
Posts: 1,893
Location: United Kingdom
Im sorry to say this but i agree with whats been said. Something is wrong, and he doesnt want to talk to you mainly because he probably feels guilty and its easiest to ignore you than face the problem.

My first bf did this to me several times. Every now and then it would be an odd few days where i wouldnt hear from at all because he was annoyed at me for something i'd done, or probably something he'd done but one day..... no contact for SIX weeks. I didnt know if he was dead or what, or what i had done to upset him, and i couldnt just go and see him cos he lived at the other end of the country. After about 2 weeks of major depression and non stop crying, I gave up trying to text, call, and email and just moved on. Of course, a month later when i was just about there he came crawling back full of apologies, but like someone has said, that fact that he can go AWOL like that shows a lack of consideration and respect for you and your feelings. My ex could have been dead for all i knew and he didnt have the courtesy to just say 'sorry i need some space'.

Dont give up on him yet but be prepared for some kind of underlying problem to surface out of this



*Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?*



Sirene_Jaune
Posted: Wednesday, February 29, 2012 3:36:20 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 5/6/2011
Posts: 771
Location: In my mind, Australia
Thank you for the replies. I forgot to mention we have been together for nearly 7 years.

He was fine on my birthday at the end of January. In fact he was suspiciously over the top with my birthday. Bought me expensive gifts and a day out. Which he hasn't done so in the past.

Twice in one week he started a fight, all because I refused to do something for him and he knew I wouldn't do it.

I'm guessing I should brace myself for whatever he has on mind.



Axl - Take a look at our piercing menu.

Daria - I don't think that's how you spell "uvula."

Axl - That's not "uvula."

From: "Daria" episode "Pierce Me"
JesseS
Posted: Thursday, March 01, 2012 11:32:01 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/1/2010
Posts: 119
Location: United States
If he has not decided that it is over, you should. First off, because after this length of time he should have more respect for you. Second, because by now the relationship should have moved to the next level. Don't wait for the excuses, move on. Sorry, unfortunately these things are never easy. Good relationships require honesty, respect and trust, on both sides; never settle for less.
Iszofia
Posted: Thursday, March 01, 2012 1:05:54 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/26/2010
Posts: 534
Location: Cloudland, AUSTRALIA
Sounds like a curse of the seven year itch

You could ask him about it... maybe you should be the one that breaks up with him rather that waiting for the bad news

Whatever happens stay strong and look after yourself! You come first!
Guest
Posted: Thursday, March 01, 2012 1:31:00 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,401
Sirene_Jaune wrote:
Thank you for the replies. I forgot to mention we have been together for nearly 7 years.

He was fine on my birthday at the end of January. In fact he was suspiciously over the top with my birthday. Bought me expensive gifts and a day out. Which he hasn't done so in the past.

Twice in one week he started a fight, all because I refused to do something for him and he knew I wouldn't do it.

I'm guessing I should brace myself for whatever he has on mind.



Sometimes a guy will pull crap like this when he is freaking out about a relationship but the doesn't always mean a breakup. Sometimes it means that they are thinking about things becoming more serious. I say let him come back but make sure he addresses his reasons for doing this to your statisfaction.
Sirene_Jaune
Posted: Friday, March 02, 2012 12:37:20 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 5/6/2011
Posts: 771
Location: In my mind, Australia
Maybe, my younger sister told me a few days ago that he spoke to her about proposing to me with a handmade ring of sorts. I wouldn't have believed her however he said the same thing to a friend of mine and apparently I "rejected" him.

I did hear about the idea of a ring but I said no to a handmade one.

Well it's close to the weekend. I think I need to get an answer once and for all.

Axl - Take a look at our piercing menu.

Daria - I don't think that's how you spell "uvula."

Axl - That's not "uvula."

From: "Daria" episode "Pierce Me"
JesseS
Posted: Thursday, March 08, 2012 5:49:17 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/1/2010
Posts: 119
Location: United States
Sirene_Jaune wrote:
Maybe, my younger sister told me a few days ago that he spoke to her about proposing to me with a handmade ring of sorts. I wouldn't have believed her however he said the same thing to a friend of mine and apparently I "rejected" him.

I did hear about the idea of a ring but I said no to a handmade one.

Well it's close to the weekend. I think I need to get an answer once and for all.


Sounds like he is trying to live life like some bizarre TV sitcom. Is this really how you want to continue YOUR life?
sherleen
Posted: Monday, March 19, 2012 11:28:49 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 35
Location: United States
Silent treatment feels horrible hope it turns out well for you.
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