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What to do when your spouse won't have sex with you??? Options · View
usmcvet
Posted: Sunday, March 18, 2012 12:55:30 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 2/26/2012
Posts: 32
Location: United States
Help!! I think it's been 6 months!! I could be off by a month or two, but.....I have an extremely high sex drive to begin with and this is killing me. I am not one to cheat, but how long am i supposed to put up with this?? And yes, our relationship is not perfect. There are thing she's not happy with and things i'm not happy with, but what the hell? We do have children and I think if not for them, shit would have already hit the fan. I know alot of guys that would be sleeping around already.....I don't think she's cheating. What do you think?
BornyHouseHusband
Posted: Sunday, March 18, 2012 3:50:22 AM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 1/21/2012
Posts: 64
Location: Newquay, United Kingdom
My Missus is the same no where near as bad yours we go a month and a half but so long as I've got lush to chat and have a good time I get by
MMonroe
Posted: Sunday, March 18, 2012 4:56:47 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/10/2009
Posts: 1,891
Location: United Kingdom
Have you actually tried talking to her about what wrong? And I dont mean yelling and making her feel bad for not having sex with you, but trying to understand HER.

Also try making her feel special in ways other than the bedroom. Do you kiss/cuddle, make her dinner, make her feel beautiful and loved? If the only time my other half made me feel wanted was when he was horny i'd probably feel used and wouldnt wanna have sex either.

Alot of women dont feel turned on just by sex, they feel turned on by feeling loved and wanted



*Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?*



Guest
Posted: Sunday, March 18, 2012 5:25:55 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 470,102
MMonroe wrote:
Alot of women dont feel turned on just by sex, they feel turned on by feeling loved and wanted


I think it's fair to say that you don't have to be a married woman to know that if you don't feel emotionally connected to someone there's a pretty good chance you're not going to want to physically connect with them...ie have sex.

No doubt you'd love for there to be some quick fix... but the reality is that the only thing that's likely to fix this is fixing your relationship - fixing it in her eyes, anyway.

Good luck happy8
Jane_Awsum
Posted: Sunday, March 18, 2012 7:07:54 AM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 5/4/2010
Posts: 55
It sounds like you need to seduce her all over again. Children are a major distraction for a woman. They are now the center of her life. The best seduction will be to rescue her from them on occasion: sitter, dinner, casino...something, and lots of compliments, not just about how sexy she might be but also about how good a mother she is and a good wife. Don't expect sex right away, this seduction will probably take a lot longer than the first one. Just be sure that every time something about her seems nice, the way the sun hits her hair when she's doing the dishes, the way the kids seem to adore her or simply the way she holds up during the day, TELL HER!

Guest
Posted: Sunday, March 18, 2012 8:53:21 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 470,102
And yes, our relationship is not perfect. There are thing she's not happy with and things i'm not happy with, but what the hell? We do have children.

And there lies the crux of your problem. You only get one life and if it ain't working, walk on. It's not worth the emotional heartache. I have been in this situation and the one that's doing all the trying just get's worn down. Either stay or move on - but don't mess with Mr Inbetween!!!!
Nikki703
Posted: Sunday, March 18, 2012 10:08:45 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/7/2009
Posts: 12,322
Location: The Other Side Of The Mirror
Talk To Her!!! Find Out What Is Wrong Before It Is Too Late.
Guest
Posted: Sunday, March 18, 2012 3:39:44 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 470,102
Most surely, you two need couples help. It is not clear that the flame is still there or not. But would you or would you not go to a professional for help.

Certainly the children are most important part of her life especially if they are young. May I recommend a date night once or twice a month, that is a good starting place. How about reserving a hotel suite and taking her there after a romantic dinner?

Many woman today are trying to balance job, family and husband. I know the feminist will kill me for saying this but in most cases she does none of these things as well as she could.

Guys do you carry your share of the load at home with the house and the children. An exhausted wife my not be as sex driven as you would like her to be. I do not remember that husband/fathers job description calls for two beers and watching the NBA,
Guest
Posted: Sunday, March 18, 2012 3:56:43 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 470,102
sex is a main component in a healthy relationship so if its been that long you have major problems. without it you might as well be two friends living together. how long was it the time before this 6 month hiatus? If it was a long time I would say shes got some personal problems like the therapist kind, hates you, or hates you/cheating.
Anjasa
Posted: Monday, March 19, 2012 10:55:27 AM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 2/16/2012
Posts: 61
Location: Canada
Nikki703 wrote:
Talk To Her!!! Find Out What Is Wrong Before It Is Too Late.


Definitely. Talking is your best bet, to find out why she's not interested in sex. Find out if there's something you can do to improve your sex life.
fishing01
Posted: Monday, March 19, 2012 12:57:14 PM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 12/18/2011
Posts: 3
I have to agree Nikki709 you need to find out whats wrong befor its to late,I have been with mine for 40 yrs. and have had the same long dry points but sat down with her and ask about it,Her repliy was the kids,job,house,stress,after her dad pasting and her moms morning,and needing her help.do not think i did not help out with every thing ther was 7yrs i came home and cooker for all and cleaned.but felt alone so i sat her down and talked with her about it she had no idea i felt this way i told her that i was not mad but felt flustrsted sexaly.she broke down stared crying I held her, things have been have improved alot .
fishing01
Posted: Monday, March 19, 2012 1:00:30 PM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 12/18/2011
Posts: 3
I have to agree Nikki709 you need to find out whats wrong befor its to late,I have been with mine for 40 yrs. and have had the same long dry points but sat down with her and ask about it,Her repliy was the kids,job,house,stress,after her dad pasting and her moms morning,and needing her help.do not think i did not help out with every thing ther was 7yrs i came home and cooker for all and cleaned.but felt alone so i sat her down and talked with her about it she had no idea i felt this way i told her that i was not mad but felt flustrsted sexaly.she broke down stared crying I held her, things have been have improved alot .
Dudealicious
Posted: Monday, March 19, 2012 2:01:02 PM

Rank: Wise Ass

Joined: 11/12/2010
Posts: 5,336
Location: The center of the universe, Canada
Do like I did, divorce her and move on!

Edit, we are both in a much better place now. We just weren't a good fit sexually.

The night that changed my life, a four part series of a married man lusting after his co-worker

VanGogh
Posted: Monday, March 19, 2012 8:47:29 PM

Rank: Sarcastic Coffee Aficionado

Joined: 2/10/2012
Posts: 2,752
Location: Vancouver, Canada
Dudealicious wrote:
Do like I did, divorce her and move on!

Edit, we are both in a much better place now. We just weren't a good fit sexually.


definitely! why waste your time? .... life is far too short!

3601



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usmcvet
Posted: Saturday, March 24, 2012 11:49:42 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 2/26/2012
Posts: 32
Location: United States
Thanks for all the suggestions. Some have been tried, some not, so at least I have some new ideas!! thumbright
simplyjohn
Posted: Sunday, March 25, 2012 1:34:43 AM

Rank: Chat Moderator

Joined: 11/24/2011
Posts: 4,638
Location: Woking, United Kingdom
My marriage broke down after 23 years and there were a few issues which probably could have been resolved and sex was one of them. At the end of the day we didnt make the effort to communicate .. sit down and talk the issues through and look for solutions .. so .. as others have said above .. talk and I would say agree when and perhaps get into a different environment to have that chat.

Good luck anyway.

sorry .. was an ask the gals question but suspect the men could offer advice also.
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