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Poll Question : What's your #1 insecurity when with a new partner?
Choice Votes Statistics
Being naked and bodily imperfections being noticed 23 54 %
Disappointment in your sexual skills/abilities 5 11 %
What happens after sex? (relationship/rejection) 0 0 %
Doing something (sexually) that will freak him out 8 19 %
Him doing/wanting something that you're not into 2 4 %
Whether or not you will both achieve orgasm 0 0 %
How you compare/measure up to previous partners 0 0 %
Other 1 2 %
I have no sexual insecurities whatsoever! 3 7 %

Sexual Insecurities - For Women Options · View
Dancing_Doll
Posted: Tuesday, May 08, 2012 6:42:59 PM

Rank: Alpha Blonde

Joined: 2/17/2010
Posts: 6,270
Location: West Coast
I posted the same poll in the 'ask the guys' section, so this one is strictly for the gals to answer, discuss, elaborate on.

If I haven't covered something, as in "other", please post.

Also - if you have an interesting story related to sexual insecurities (either related to yourself or to the men you've been with) or if certain things that bothered you when you were younger are different than what bothers you now, please share.


** For comparison, here is the men's poll on the same topic:
http://www.lushstories.com/forum/yaf_postsm762911_Sexual-Insecurities--For-Men.aspx#762911


Naughtygrl73
Posted: Wednesday, May 09, 2012 12:56:01 AM

Rank: Story Verifier

Joined: 5/21/2011
Posts: 1,418
Location: The Naughty Mansion, Australia
I was going to write I dont have any sexual insecurities, thats one of the great things with being with the same lover for 19 years, they know every little curve and dimple on your body, but its just not true.
I still worry about whether or not he looks at me and sees the small imperfections old and new.
The one saving grace of getting older you gain the ability to say this is me. Love me as I am.
I have in the last few years gained a sense of confidence that I only thought I had when I was younger. I'm strong enough now to say ...."This is what I want and this is how I like it and while you're at it why dont you try it like this"
I dont think we ever lose all insecurities but we do learn that most of them are just in our own mind, that our lovers look at us and see perfection

sexyeyes37
Posted: Wednesday, May 09, 2012 12:58:10 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/13/2012
Posts: 601
Location: United Kingdom
Is not the being naked part but when I have a new partner I am a bit wary of them seeing scars on my body.I had quite a few operations when younger and have s lit of scars which thankfly are not on show.When I was younger this didn't really bother me.But as I get older it does.

sexyeyes37
freakycactus
Posted: Wednesday, May 09, 2012 4:44:01 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 5/12/2010
Posts: 409
Location: On my cloud, United Kingdom
Mine don't fit into one category. It's scary getting naked in front of someone new, but I'm aware enough to know that they're my insecurities and they won't see most of what I notice in the mirror. Then there's the worry about sexual skills, but for me it's not just about not being good enough in bed, it's not being good enough in general. They're equally big issues, so they're both my number one.

There's always the worry about them seeing my scars and asking about them, that's just a constant one in the background, that I choose to ignore.

It's funny how many insecurities you have when you sit down and think about it.

gingerluv
Posted: Wednesday, May 09, 2012 5:30:25 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 5/1/2012
Posts: 46
Location: United States
I chose the first answer. I think it's safe to say, most of us women are insecure about our body in some way. I did have one lover that was extremely turned on by what I am most insecure with.
Dirty_D
Posted: Wednesday, May 09, 2012 7:41:44 AM

Rank: Head Nurse

Joined: 4/15/2011
Posts: 7,184
Location: Soaking up the sun, United States
I think we all have concerns, after all we all dress to downplay those aspects we don't care for. Once you remove that covering it leaves you open to the scrutiny of others. I don't mind being naked, I am fairly content with who I am, but I do worry that a new person will notice the areas that I notice. The rational part of me knows they aren't seeing what I see, but I still want to be that image of myself I see in my dreams. I don't worry to much about my skills, I feel I've got this down; I might not be the best but I am comfortable with what I do. I'm not worried about what I want verses what they want, again, I know what I like, but am open to learning/trying new ideas. As for after sex, it has taken me years, but I have discovered that it really doesn't change who I am. Since the most important relationship is the one I have with myself, I am content.

latinfoxy
Posted: Wednesday, May 09, 2012 8:25:31 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/5/2011
Posts: 816
Location: Here
As most have said, i dont know if it is that we are just wired that way or what, but i do not know one girl that doesnt have at least one issue with their body. So of course been completely naked in front of someone else its nerve raking or at least the first time it's for me. So for me that first time my mind always go to that part of your body that you dont like because you think your thighs are a little to thick or that your boobs are not as perky as they used to be, or whatever your issue with your body is at the moment. For me once i get more comfortable with the guy, this issues start bothering me less.
Coco
Posted: Wednesday, May 09, 2012 8:26:31 AM

Rank: Story Lover

Joined: 7/22/2011
Posts: 4,446
Location: Fantasy City, United States
I'm a kinky girl, some may even think me a nasty girl, so my biggest concern is my doing something that will turn him off or make him think I'm a nutcase. He knows of my desire for kink, knew of it before he proposed, but has yet to experience all of it with me. I'm looking forward to more, just not sure if he is.

Kimasa
Posted: Wednesday, May 09, 2012 11:56:20 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 11/18/2010
Posts: 1,264
Location: Narnia, United Kingdom
Being naked and bodily imperfections being noticed

I was a late developer, felt inferior to girls with larger breasts and didn't want guys comparing mine against theirs.
I guess that had a lasting effect and even now I'm still shy of being naked, Probably as a result of that I also enjoy sex with my clothes on.

My latest story:

http://www.lushstories.com/stories/reluctance/the-school-reunion.aspx
swollen
Posted: Wednesday, May 09, 2012 1:00:19 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 5/27/2010
Posts: 1,001

I'm a confident person sexually, but sometimes worry that I could very easily cross the boundaries of what is considered 'normal' sexual behaviour. That's my insecurity.
Nikki703
Posted: Wednesday, May 09, 2012 1:39:56 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/7/2009
Posts: 12,669
Location: The Other Side Of The Mirror
swollen wrote:

I'm a confident person sexually, but sometimes worry that I could very easily cross the boundaries of what is considered 'normal' sexual behaviour. That's my insecurity.


I feel the same way. Sometimes I like to push the boundaries sexually and I am not always sure that my partner feels the same way.
Dancing_Doll
Posted: Wednesday, May 09, 2012 1:56:31 PM

Rank: Alpha Blonde

Joined: 2/17/2010
Posts: 6,270
Location: West Coast
Nikki703 wrote:


I feel the same way. Sometimes I like to push the boundaries sexually and I am not always sure that my partner feels the same way.


And... that would make three of us.

I have freaked out guys in the past and/or had to censor or hold back certain things I would have liked to explore with them. You try to kind of get that vibe of what they are and aren't into, but with a new partner it can be a little tricky. Ideally you get to talk about kinks and desires ahead of time leading up to sex. Knowing what level they're willing to go to on the dirty-scale can still be an uncertainty though - there's that fear of judgment, shock, them making unfair assumptions or even making them insecure if they're not into it and feeling like they have to 'perform' or indulge me.




MMonroe
Posted: Wednesday, May 09, 2012 3:01:55 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/10/2009
Posts: 1,893
Location: United Kingdom
Theres a couple of those that apply to me:

Disappointment in your sexual skills/abilities
Him doing/wanting something that you're not into

Both relating to me dissapointing him i guess but the main one is 'Being naked and bodily imperfections being noticed', especially how i look down below. Im paranoid about how swollen i get when im aroused, even though ive never had any negative reactions or reponses from anyone.

I have my good and bad days where im feeling more sexy/confident than others but i also think it depends on the person you're with at the time. Some people just make me feel more comfortable and therefore confident than others do



*Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?*



Nikki703
Posted: Wednesday, May 09, 2012 5:36:23 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/7/2009
Posts: 12,669
Location: The Other Side Of The Mirror
Dancing_Doll wrote:


And... that would make three of us.

I have freaked out guys in the past and/or had to censor or hold back certain things I would have liked to explore with them. You try to kind of get that vibe of what they are and aren't into, but with a new partner it can be a little tricky. Ideally you get to talk about kinks and desires ahead of time leading up to sex. Knowing what level they're willing to go to on the dirty-scale can still be an uncertainty though - there's that fear of judgment, shock, them making unfair assumptions or even making them insecure if they're not into it and feeling like they have to 'perform' or indulge me.



Something I have found is that even when you talk about things before sex and they seem into some kinky things, when it comes "crunch time" you find out that they were acting more into it than they really are just to get you in bed or they have second thoughts. I have found this to be the case more often with men than with women. Women just are more honest about their likes and dislikes.

Maybe I am more adventurous than most but if you arent into something, just say it!! We arent all the same and have the same turn ons.
sunshinehigh
Posted: Wednesday, May 09, 2012 6:07:10 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/27/2012
Posts: 208
Location: United States
I put mine in other although it is i guess along the lines of being insecure...

Besides the fact that i have gained a tremendous amount of weight after my child which i admit i haven't worked hard enough to lose...

I always worry that pushing a baby out didn't help my down there area...i guess we see all these images posted on women and its hard to realize that it isn't what all women look like!!


ok now to go eat some ice cream lol
Dancing_Doll
Posted: Wednesday, May 09, 2012 6:29:29 PM

Rank: Alpha Blonde

Joined: 2/17/2010
Posts: 6,270
Location: West Coast
Nikki703 wrote:


Something I have found is that even when you talk about things before sex and they seem into some kinky things, when it comes "crunch time" you find out that they were acting more into it than they really are just to get you in bed or they have second thoughts. I have found this to be the case more often with men than with women. Women just are more honest about their likes and dislikes.

Maybe I am more adventurous than most but if you arent into something, just say it!! We arent all the same and have the same turn ons.


I agree, Nikki. I think most guys will say whatever they think they need to in order to close the deal. As well I think guys almost feel obligated to act like they are sexual dynamos. Like if you asked a guy, "I enjoy XYZ... do you?", I think a guy almost feels like he has to say 'yes' or else he'll look sexually conservative. So they agree in the moment in order to save face and maintain their ego, and probably just pray that it's just fantasy-talk for you as well or that the situation will never actually come up.

We should create a kink questionnaire and make them fill it out beforehand. Make them check off the boxes and then call them on it when they wimp out later. lol


Coco
Posted: Wednesday, May 09, 2012 6:46:36 PM

Rank: Story Lover

Joined: 7/22/2011
Posts: 4,446
Location: Fantasy City, United States
swollen wrote:

I'm a confident person sexually, but sometimes worry that I could very easily cross the boundaries of what is considered 'normal' sexual behaviour. That's my insecurity.


LIKE

LusciousLola
Posted: Wednesday, May 09, 2012 6:57:19 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/5/2010
Posts: 2,877
Location: Island of tranquility
I chose doing something that would freak him out, because it has happened before.
lafayettemister
Posted: Thursday, May 10, 2012 8:25:34 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/4/2010
Posts: 6,372
Location: Alabama, United States
Dancing_Doll wrote:


And... that would make three of us.

I have freaked out guys in the past and/or had to censor or hold back certain things I would have liked to explore with them. You try to kind of get that vibe of what they are and aren't into, but with a new partner it can be a little tricky. Ideally you get to talk about kinks and desires ahead of time leading up to sex. Knowing what level they're willing to go to on the dirty-scale can still be an uncertainty though - there's that fear of judgment, shock, them making unfair assumptions or even making them insecure if they're not into it and feeling like they have to 'perform' or indulge me.




If you have a guy who you think may be reluctant, how to you introduce new stuff with him? On your very first time in bed, do you go for broke and open up all the "kinks" in your treasure chest? Shove a finger up his ass right away? Or do you go slowly and start with vanilla stuff and slowly get more kinky?





When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser. Socrates
Dirty_D
Posted: Thursday, May 10, 2012 8:38:53 AM

Rank: Head Nurse

Joined: 4/15/2011
Posts: 7,184
Location: Soaking up the sun, United States
lafayettemister wrote:



If you have a guy who you think may be reluctant, how to you introduce new stuff with him? On your very first time in bed, do you go for broke and open up all the "kinks" in your treasure chest? Shove a finger up his ass right away? Or do you go slowly and start with vanilla stuff and slowly get more kinky?


well the first time I was with my current SO, i kinda freaked him out by straying farther then he wanted, I just backed off and have looked elsewhere for most of my kinks since then. Sometimes Ive started vanilla and gone from there, but by large its more of the push till they are uncomfortable and then back off a bit.

Dancing_Doll
Posted: Thursday, May 10, 2012 8:40:30 AM

Rank: Alpha Blonde

Joined: 2/17/2010
Posts: 6,270
Location: West Coast
lafayettemister wrote:



If you have a guy who you think may be reluctant, how to you introduce new stuff with him? On your very first time in bed, do you go for broke and open up all the "kinks" in your treasure chest? Shove a finger up his ass right away? Or do you go slowly and start with vanilla stuff and slowly get more kinky?


In the past I would look for signals/signs during sex with little test moves/verbalizations or try to bring something up as an abstract thought during non-sexual moments, like "wow, my girlfriend showed me this crazy porn scene the other day, blah blah blah... what do you think of that?" In the past when I have freaked guys out, it's been when I've been really drunk/high and just ended up letting the Kink-Monster out unleashed. It's had mixed results. To be honest I think you can kind of tell a lot based on how the guy responds to dirty talk, how he approaches sex and how comfortable he is talking about it in general conversation. Personally I love when a guy just lays it on the line and tells me what he wants - even if it's really out there, chances are very high I'll be game to try it at least once, even if it's outside my comfort zone. The confidence in telling me is quite a turn on - those guys are *always* amazing in bed. So I try to be the same way - as the saying goes, 'ask and you shall receive'... :)


honeyx
Posted: Thursday, May 10, 2012 4:19:03 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 12/12/2011
Posts: 49
Location: Anglia, United Kingdom
lafayettemister wrote:



If you have a guy who you think may be reluctant, how to you introduce new stuff with him? On your very first time in bed, do you go for broke and open up all the "kinks" in your treasure chest? Shove a finger up his ass right away? Or do you go slowly and start with vanilla stuff and slowly get more kinky?


the other side of that coin is how to introduce stuff to someone you have been with forever and it now just seems to be same old...same old....


I picked the second one but not sure if its my skills and abilites that are lacking or hisdontknow
Guest
Posted: Thursday, May 10, 2012 7:07:03 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 534,741
For me, it's doing something that may freak him/her out. You never really know how sexually compatiable you are with someone until that first time. I'm a wild one so I'm always more nervous that I'll be too much for them. It has happened a few times and every time, the entire encounter goes downhill and afterwards it becomes painfully awkward.
ilovethiswebsite
Posted: Friday, May 11, 2012 4:20:42 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 5/5/2012
Posts: 20
Location: Middle Of Nowhere, United States
Being naked and body imperfections. Because I'm not comfortable with my body.
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