|
|
Rank: Balloonmeister
Joined: 12/25/2009
Posts: 1,279
Location: In the clouds, United States
|
Magic Apple
Sarc ... My second favorite 'asm!
|
|
Rank: Constant Gardener
Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 9,499
Location: Cakeland, United States
|
 
 The best thing you can do for your fellow,
next to rousing his conscience, is - not to give him things
to think about, but to wake things up that are in him...
to make him think things for himself - George MacDonald
|
|
 
Rank: Her Royal Spriteness
Joined: 6/18/2010
Posts: 8,107
Location: Oz, United States
|
|
|
Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 10/4/2010
Posts: 5,579
Location: Alabama, United States
|
Hahahaha
When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser. Socrates
|
|
Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 12/7/2011
Posts: 384
Location: United States
|
A pirate walks into a bar, the beertender says ''hey matey, theres a steering wheel comin out the top of your pants!" The pirate says''Aye! It's drivin me nuts''. 
|
|
Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 12/7/2011
Posts: 384
Location: United States
|
A big ole termite walks into a bar, thumps his fist on the bar, and says ''Is the bartender here?''
|
|
Rank: Lurker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Posts: 327,048
|
I love that joke. I can't believe they made a video out of it!! 
|
|
Rank: Story Verifier
Joined: 5/21/2011
Posts: 728
Location: The Naughty Mansion, Australia
|
lol this in now my favourite way to to 'hear' a joke
|
|
Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 10/4/2010
Posts: 5,579
Location: Alabama, United States
|
Two nuns walked into a bar, the third one ducked....
When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser. Socrates
|
|
Rank: Clumeleon
Joined: 5/13/2011
Posts: 2,938
Location: United Kingdom
|
|
|
Rank: Lurker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Posts: 327,048
|
A skeleton walks into a bar...
He asks for a pint of lager and a mop...
|
|
Rank: Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
Joined: 10/19/2009
Posts: 5,351
Location: Right here on Lush Stories...
|
 You know you want it, you know you need it bad...get it now on Amazon.com...Lush Erotica, an Anthology of Award Winning Sex Stories
|
|
Rank: Clumeleon
Joined: 5/13/2011
Posts: 2,938
Location: United Kingdom
|
A countably infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a pint; the second orders a half pint; the third orders a quarter pint... The bartender sighs, says, "You guys are idiots," and pours two pints.
|
|
Rank: Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
Joined: 10/19/2009
Posts: 5,351
Location: Right here on Lush Stories...
|
clum wrote:A countably infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a pint; the second orders a half pint; the third orders a quarter pint...
The bartender sighs, says, "You guys are idiots," and pours two pints. Oh dear...we're getting into the mathematical humor...now I'm going to have to start drinking for real... Believe it or not, there is a variation on that one... A countably infinite number of men walked into a bar...http://plus.maths.org/content/countably-infinite-number-men-walked-bar
You know you want it, you know you need it bad...get it now on Amazon.com...Lush Erotica, an Anthology of Award Winning Sex Stories
|
|
Rank: Clumeleon
Joined: 5/13/2011
Posts: 2,938
Location: United Kingdom
|
I like that one better. A joke is always improved by throwing in a pun.
|
|
Rank: Story Verifier
Joined: 5/27/2012
Posts: 937
Location: United Kingdom
|
|
|
Rank: Lurker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Posts: 327,048
|
The past, the present and the future walked into a bar...
It was tense...
|
|
Rank: Lurker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Posts: 327,048
|
Two scientists walk into a bar. The first orders a pint of H2O, the second orders a pint of H2O too He died... Ha! 
|
|
Rank: Wise Ass
Joined: 11/12/2010
Posts: 4,925
Location: The center of the universe, Canada
|
The night that changed my life, a four part series of a married man lusting after his co-worker 
|
|
Rank: Lurker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Posts: 327,048
|
|
|
Rank: Author
Joined: 10/22/2011
Posts: 2,005
Location: Expat in, Russia
|
A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar and turns to the astonished patrons.
"I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth, and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."
The crowd murmurs their approval. The man stands up on the bar, drops his trousers, and places his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closes his mouth as the crowd gasps. After a minute, the man grabs a beer bottle and raps the alligator hard on the top its head. The gator opens his mouth, and the man removes his genitals, unscathed, as promised. The crowd cheers, and he receives the first of his free drinks.
The man stands up again and makes another offer: "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try."
A hush falls over the crowd. A moment later, a hand goes up in the back of the bar.
"I'll try," says a small woman, "but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."
|
|
Rank: Lurker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Posts: 327,048
|
|
|
Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 9/30/2010
Posts: 691
Location: northeast, United States
|
sex is like a joke...it's only good if you get it 
|
|
Rank: Author
Joined: 10/22/2011
Posts: 2,005
Location: Expat in, Russia
|
Oh shucks... tough crowd.... btw
A dyslexic guy walks into a bra...
|
|
Rank: Lurker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Posts: 327,048
|
|
|
Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 12/6/2009
Posts: 3,560
Location: Hanging around, Glasgow, United Kingdom
|
A guy walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please and one for the road."
|
|
Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 9/30/2010
Posts: 691
Location: northeast, United States
|
Two blondes walk into the bar....You'd think one of them would of seen it? *couldn't resist* 
sex is like a joke...it's only good if you get it
|
|
Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 12/29/2010
Posts: 1,594
Location: a land down under where women glow and men plunder
|
An old cowboy sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his drink, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life, breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy." She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women." The two sat sipping in silence. A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."
Women are like angels, but when someone breaks our wings.......
We continue to fly......on a broomstick If you can bear the Aussie accent... sit back close your eyes and listen Let The Game Begin |
|
Rank: Lurker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Posts: 327,048
|
|
|
Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 2/24/2010
Posts: 2,667
Location: Ohio
|
Cowboy: Gimmie three packs of condoms.
Chemist: Will you be needing a bag sir?
Cowboy: Nope - I got one at home.
|
|
|
Guest |