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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 7/20/2009
Posts: 210
Location: Rivendell, United Kingdom
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Ive only recently discovered bdsm and only explored it lightly with my partner. Ive always thought that the slave/master thing is just not my thing so never really thought about it but im currently reading 50 Shades of Gray and ive found its actually exciting me in ways i never have been before mainly because i never thought about it properly like i am now. Iknow it sounds silly but i think its just the term "slave" im not keen on.
Im in a happy relationship and so far weve always been sexually compatible, i always have been the more submissive one, letting him take control and i know he really enjoys it that way but now im starting to think i would like to have some more serious Dom/Sub roleplay. We have kids and opposite working patterns so it couldnt be a full time lifestyle thing but saying that it would be a new thing to both of us so its not something we could just switch to like that.
If you dont mind me asking how did everyone else get into the lifestyle thing? Did you find it with a partner who was also new to the idea or was it something youve always wanted and you found someone to suit your wants? Forgive me if i sound ignorant at all, id just love some insight. T be honest i wouldnt know how to start the conversation with my partner or if he just wouldnt be into it or realise exactly what i mean if i were to talk to him about it, maybe i need to get him to read the book too?
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Rank: Active Ink Slinger
Joined: 3/2/2012
Posts: 19
Location: caerphilly, United Kingdom
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You will have to sit down with our partner and talk about your feelings, as you both already play abit with the Dom/sub scenario it probably won't come as a surprise to him. You will need to discuss any boundaries as there has to be the up most trust in a Dom/sub relationship. My wife(sub) and myself have enjoyed this in our relationship yes made mistakes to start but soon realized we had to talk about our expectations. Hope this helps.
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Rank: Lurker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Posts: 326,941
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If you are new to BDSM then easy into the Dom/Sub roleplaying by just simply asking your partner to slowly take more control and have a safe word set up incause things go to far read the topic BDSM 101 there you can read more about the lifestyle.
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 7/20/2009
Posts: 210
Location: Rivendell, United Kingdom
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Thanks for the suggestions, Im really hoping to have a talk with him about it all and tell him id like to go the extra step, its exciting to think where this could go. Ive been thinking maybe a suggestion that we have a "play night" through the week after discussing roles and terms and stuff, punishments would be new to us but im sure they wouldnt have to be dished out too often, id be a good sub  lol
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Rank: Advanced Wordsmith
Joined: 4/9/2012
Posts: 63
Location: close to you, United States
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Good advice from all above. Let me add another thought. We are new to BDSM too. I (dom) didn't think too much about it until one day during regulare sex, she said something and I popped her lightly on the butt. She let me know she liked it and over time we have done more things. One thing she did to re-enforce that she is more than ok with it was to email a Lush story to me with things she woudl like included. I'm not a rocket scientist, but also not clueless.
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Rank: Lurker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Posts: 326,941
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Well. When I first got into the lifestyle I was not sure about it. After a little explanation/instruction from my Mistress/Owner I found I liked it.
Like some of the others have mentioned take it slow and set boundries. I have yet to use a safe word with my Mistress. I find I like it a little too much sometimes when I am punished for bieng a naugty pup/sub. It takes a lot of respect/trust. It doesn't hurt that I am in love with my mistress either.
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