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If you found out your mistress had been in an abuseive relationship in the past Options · View
Guest
Posted: Sunday, June 10, 2012 9:51:33 AM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,338
Would that change the dynamyics of the current mistress/sub relationship and/or would that knowledge change the way you wished to interact with her?
Sensei
Posted: Sunday, June 10, 2012 11:38:44 AM

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Joined: 5/16/2012
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Location: United States
I'm a dom, so I'm sure I'm not the right person to answer this, but I'll give it a try.

If a woman had turned to BDSM as a dominant as a way of asserting control and expressing power as a way to make up for her past, where she had been denied that power by abuse, then I'd caution that "DIY mental therapy" like that might not be the best approach. I'd be the first to admit that I'm not an expert, however.

If she had been in an abusive relationship, however, then I'd almost suggest that that would heighten her sensitivity to issues surrounding partner abuse. I would, admittedly without knowing anything about the situation, be less inclined to believe that she'd be out for revenge against a proxy for her abuser than that she'd be sensitive to insuring that she wouldn't hurt anyone the way she had been hurt.

If you're talking about your mistress, then you likely know better than any of us. If she's still dealing with issues from her past abuse, then she probably would benefit from talking to a professional. Other than that, if you are satisfied with the relationship dynamic - particularly that you feel safe while she is exerting physical control - then that's probably the only other real worry, and it's not particularly different in this case than any other.

I hope I haven't put my foot in my mouth.

My novel, The Society, is available now in the Kindle Store: http://www.amazon.com/The-Society-ebook/dp/B00BPF9U2I
Guest
Posted: Monday, June 11, 2012 12:35:48 AM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,338
As a person that grew up in an abusive home I can state for a fact that in most cases it causes the person to want to make sure they did not treat someone the same way. It would not change the relantionship one bit or atleast it shouldnt, but mind you that be weary that she/he does not attempt to seak revenge by treat a sub as poorly as they where treat. If that happens you need to speak up regardless because it is not healthy for either parties to allow that to proceed, because it can take a turn for the worst quick. At that point its to late.
Guest
Posted: Monday, June 11, 2012 7:38:22 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,338
Thank you. And for the first poster, Sensi, I was refering to my mistress. It concerned me but if she is okay with her past and moving forward
then I guess as her sub I should too but also remain aware of possible triggers.
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