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How do you deal with antisocial people? Options · View
justagreeting
Posted: Tuesday, June 19, 2012 9:39:53 AM

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Joined: 5/27/2012
Posts: 12
I am not talking about lonely people, or people with no social skills,or awkward people who can´t handle a simple conversation, or molotov-throwing anti-system thugs. I have many friends like that, and I love their company.


I am talking that type of people who seems to hate every single person around them, when you get close to them, they make you feel as if you were violating their sacred space, as if you were their sworn personal enemy. They seem to try to live in a fortified island an anyone around them is an intruder. And I say "try" because no man is an island, for better or worse, we need to interact with other people following some rules.

Of course, that type of people is scarce, but just coming across anyone like that can spoil your day, or even your life if you have the bad luck to have one as neighbor, or co-worker.

We all us have bad days, moody days, rainy days, but those guys seem to live in a perpetual state of bitterness and frustration. They are not rude, they are downright aggressive.

You can think "okay, perhaps life treat them badly, or they were abused when they were kids, or they suffer some sort of mental disease, etc". But the next thought is "so is it my fault? Why should I have to take any crap from this person?". And then a confrontation comes, in many cases leads to violence, and you find yourself in a point of not return with that person.

I've come across several people like that, from all walks of life: bus drivers, clerks, waiters, housewife's, and after just a few minutes, or even seconds of "interaction" with them, I was glad I didn´t own a gun, because I'd be in jail right now.

So, I wonder is there's some sort of technique to deal with difficult people? Any wise advise?

Mind you, perhaps I look a bit intense about this, it's because I had an "interaction" with one of them a few minutes ago and I am trying to do something constructive to clear my mind.

Thanks.
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, June 19, 2012 11:23:13 AM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 531,756
I used to try and do the whole anti-social bit. my advice, kill em with kindness. it doesn't have to be anything over the top, simply a "hi how are you"
Invite them to group events etc. if it is some one you see on a daily basis.
If it was just a one time deal, brush it aside and don't let it worry you, they could have just been having a really bad day. i have torn peoples heads off for nothing more then trying to introduce themselves to me depending on the day.
MMonroe
Posted: Tuesday, June 19, 2012 12:16:54 PM

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Location: United Kingdom
Way to deal with rude/difficult people: You dont have to take any crap, but dont give them any either. Violence leads to nothing but trouble and does not make you look like a big man or teaches them a lesson. Just do whatever business you have to do with them and move on.

I try to distance myself as much as possible from people like that because frankly i dont have the time or energy for it, and am not gonna let something as small as that ruin my day



*Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?*



Nikki703
Posted: Tuesday, June 19, 2012 1:07:47 PM

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Simple, I DONT!! Why waste my time with people who are just rude and do not want to be friendly. Unless they are work collegues and I must deal with them, in that case I just try not to be confrontational and just accept what they are. And I will minimize my time with them as best I can.
Ruthie
Posted: Tuesday, June 19, 2012 1:24:38 PM

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Nikki703 wrote:
Simple, I DONT!! Why waste my time with people who are just rude and do not want to be friendly. Unless they are work collegues and I must deal with them, in that case I just try not to be confrontational and just accept what they are. And I will minimize my time with them as best I can.


Nikki has given the perfect answer.
TheDevilsWeakness
Posted: Tuesday, June 19, 2012 2:00:56 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 7/19/2011
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Location: I'm the girl that your father hoped he could date.
I worked in an environment that brought me into contact on a regular basis with strung out junkies.
You want to see aggressive? Try telling them they can't have a drink in a bar.
Firm, one word answers to questions worked for me. A confident manner with a no-bullshit attitude helped me out in spades.

Now depending on the situation sometimes a smile just as easily diffuses them.
Sometimes people have really rotten days/weeks/years and it shows in how we interact with others.
A little kindness such as a smile and a compliment on their shoes/essay/dinner/hair/whatever can brighten anyone's mood.
Whatever you do... DON'T ask them how they are!

FelineFantasy
Posted: Tuesday, June 19, 2012 2:27:34 PM

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Joined: 1/14/2011
Posts: 387
First off, in the wise words of Eleanor Roosevelt "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
Secondly, fuck em! I refuse to acknowledge, accept, or mingle with any negative energy in my life.
I don't give second chances when it comes to that, I've cut some of my own flesh & blood out of my life and I'm better off for it :)

Click > here < to read my first feature story, Techno Aphrodite by Piquet!
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, June 19, 2012 4:43:29 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 531,756
Simply give them their space.
There are some people who just don't seem to communicate right and I found that it has to do with
things they've battled in the past or things that are bothering them as of current. I even noticed that some people seem "Aggressive",
and they don't even know that they are doing it. It is a part of who they are, and if you want to be in their life, you have to learn to
deal with it. I would advise not to push the relation, just let it grow on it's own. If they want to talk to you, they will. You just have to be patient. That is if you want to get to know someone. For me, aggressive behavior isn't my cup of tea, I'd rather avoid those people and do my best to do so...

As for random strangers that you'll never see again, I don't let their behavior get a hold of me. I simply smile and wish them a great day, which I know they love to hear. Smiles
arbxxx
Posted: Wednesday, June 20, 2012 5:39:15 AM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 4/14/2012
Posts: 63
Location: Mostly Riga, but let's see where the world takes m
Don't get in their way and they won't be getting in yours. Worst thing to do is try to be friends with them because usually they already have their small circles of trust and most probably you wont become a part of it. Keep interaction with them to a minimum and avoid speaking badly about them to anyone, even if you are a bit angry. (it can bite back much worse than you imagine)
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, June 20, 2012 7:05:46 AM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 531,756
I just be nice to them and live and let live
SirBunny
Posted: Friday, June 22, 2012 8:36:23 AM

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Posts: 5,908
Location: KZN, South Africa
Some people just need a high-five .......... In the face .......... with a chair! If I don't have a chair, I walk away, it's their lucky day, though I have been known to use my foot.




Buz
Posted: Friday, June 22, 2012 8:48:14 AM

Rank: The Linebacker

Joined: 3/2/2011
Posts: 5,697
Location: Atlanta, United States
With a taser! A high voltage shock does wonders in adjusting their attitude.

Dragging them behind your cars works well too! laughing3

Guest
Posted: Sunday, June 24, 2012 11:26:43 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 531,756
There are all kinds of people out there and you can't let every one of them get to you. Let's just discount this one person and move on to the someone new, who may be more constructive.
Guest
Posted: Sunday, June 24, 2012 12:40:48 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 531,756
I always try to ignore them. If that doesn't work, violence usually does, though I hate using violence because I had very antisocial neighbours when I was growing up and (I'm not proud of this, just saying as a cautionary tale) one day they riled me up so much that I nearly killed one of them, hence my natural reaction to ignore or gently persuade them using words. Violence rarely helps.
sexygeek
Posted: Sunday, June 24, 2012 3:04:59 PM

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Posts: 2,317
Location: Mystic Falls, United States
Anti social... Like people @ work?...Hell! I loved working with them :) *sarcastic*
petersr
Posted: Sunday, June 24, 2012 4:32:52 PM

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Joined: 3/2/2010
Posts: 50
Location: St. Petersburgh, United States
Life is to short . Just make your life what you want. Be happy.
Dudealicious
Posted: Sunday, June 24, 2012 4:51:54 PM

Rank: Wise Ass

Joined: 11/12/2010
Posts: 5,411
Location: The center of the universe, Canada
justagreeting wrote:
I've come across several people like that, from all walks of life: bus drivers, clerks, waiters, housewife's, and after just a few minutes, or even seconds of "interaction" with them, I was glad I didn´t own a gun, because I'd be in jail right now.So, I wonder is there's some sort of technique to deal with difficult people? Any wise advise?


Thanks.


From an outsiders view on this story, the way I perceive it as maybe you are trying too hard for people to like you and end up taking things personally. I currently have a 22 year old son who does just this. If someone doesn't respond when he says hello to someone, he looses it.
We have gotten him to see that snarky remarks from people are due to their mood and attitude it's nothing personal.

Others have said it before, smile and kill them with kindness. If the lousy behaviour still persists, walk away......

As for the question of violence and glad you didn't own a gun. I would suggest that you speak to someone about anger management (no seriously, you should)

The night that changed my life, a four part series of a married man lusting after his co-worker

honeydipped
Posted: Sunday, June 24, 2012 5:01:37 PM

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Location: this side of bliss..., United States
i've always lived by the adage, you never know what people are going through. i went through a difficult period and was probably seen as "anti-social". don't get me wrong, i was NEVER rude to people. i just didn't accept many social invitations. i just needed my down time to take care of me. take that into consideration when dealing with ppl who may seem aloof. now on the other hand, no one should have to deal with rudeness. if you feel you've been as nice as you can, move on. My 2 cents

"it is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." -aristotle
Guest
Posted: Sunday, June 24, 2012 6:28:20 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 531,756
smack em in the face and move on.
The_Young_Swell
Posted: Thursday, June 28, 2012 4:41:37 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 6/8/2012
Posts: 158
Location: Canada

The World Health Organization has described something akin to what you mention as a dissocial personality disorder. The disorder is characterized by at least 3 of the following:

1. Callous unconcern for the feelings of others.

2. Gross and persistent attitude of irresponsibility and disregard for social norms, rules, and obligations.

3. Incapacity to maintain enduring relationships, though having no difficulty in establishing them.

4. Very low tolerance to frustration and a low threshold for discharge of aggression, including violence.

5. Incapacity to experience guilt or to profit from experience, particularly punishment.

6. Markedly prone to blame others or to offer plausible rationalizations for the behavior that has brought the person into conflict with society.


If this is the sort of person you believe you have encountered, remember that they are suffering from a personality disorder which will make them suffer much more than they have made you suffer, providing that you forget the irritation they caused you, and do your utmost to avoid them in the future.




Always drink upstream from the herd and never miss a good chance to shut up..
legallyme
Posted: Thursday, June 28, 2012 5:02:13 PM

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Location: Sunny Side Up, United States
I leave them be if they don't want to be social thats their loss that might sound cold but i think half the anti social people out there are just doing it to get attention and pity invites and stuff.
easy_rider75
Posted: Saturday, June 30, 2012 2:03:24 PM

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Joined: 1/29/2011
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Location: Playing with knives , United States
When I want to be social I am nice to others though some friends of mine might describe me as the anti social type, not that I hate people I just prefer not to be around them much. I guess some might describe me as a loaner type and they would be right. Now someone who is rude or ill mannered I just tend to try and bite my tongue to ignore them till they push the wrong button.

“I'm not one of those complicated, mixed-up cats. I'm not looking for the secret to life.... I just go on from day to day, taking what comes.”~Frank Sinatra~
Guest
Posted: Saturday, June 30, 2012 3:32:23 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 531,756
Dont like them, i like to use my pepper sprey on them cussing
1ball
Posted: Saturday, June 30, 2012 5:24:29 PM

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Sometimes introverts can't find good jobs so they take whatever job they can get.In some of those jobs, they meet a lot of extroverts who drive them crazy. Extroverts drain the emotional batteries of introverts. Introverts treasure their space and feel that unnecessary intrusions are not something that extroverts have a right to. So introverts sometimes act grumpy as a defense mechanism. They don't usually turn violent, but they can when they never get a chance to be alone long enough to recharge their battery.

My latest story is too hot to publish. My most recent story before that is Even Stranger In Lust
adele
Posted: Monday, July 02, 2012 9:36:21 AM

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I try to be as friendly as possible to everyone I meet. If they seem reluctant to engage in conversation, I leave them be after giving it my best shot.

There is no mark of self,
And no mark of others,
No mark of living beings,
And no mark of a life.


-- The Diamond Sutra
Naughty_Magician
Posted: Monday, July 02, 2012 9:40:53 AM

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Joined: 5/21/2011
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Location: Sublime Heights, Germany
If they are antisocial, why do I have to deal with them?

Had a dream I was king, I woke up still king!!
justagreeting
Posted: Tuesday, July 03, 2012 3:53:51 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 5/27/2012
Posts: 12
The_Young_Swell wrote:

The World Health Organization has described something akin to what you mention as a dissocial personality disorder. The disorder is characterized by at least 3 of the following:

1. Callous unconcern for the feelings of others.

2. Gross and persistent attitude of irresponsibility and disregard for social norms, rules, and obligations.

3. Incapacity to maintain enduring relationships, though having no difficulty in establishing them.

4. Very low tolerance to frustration and a low threshold for discharge of aggression, including violence.

5. Incapacity to experience guilt or to profit from experience, particularly punishment.

6. Markedly prone to blame others or to offer plausible rationalizations for the behavior that has brought the person into conflict with society.


If this is the sort of person you believe you have encountered, remember that they are suffering from a personality disorder which will make them suffer much more than they have made you suffer, providing that you forget the irritation they caused you, and do your utmost to avoid them in the future.






Thanks, very interesting. I think this type of behaviour is much more common in the West. The richer a country is, the more individualist, and agressive their citizens turn, with the exception of Scandinavia, Japan, and the Nederlands, where social harmony is still quite solid.

I visited certain parts of Latin America, and was amazed at the level of respect people used in their interactions, not a loud word, not an agressive face, very fluid and respectful dialogue was the norm. (things were far from peachy in many other aspects, of course, but that's another story)

WellMadeMale
Posted: Tuesday, July 03, 2012 3:54:08 PM

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Posts: 10,281
Location: Cakeland, United States
easy_rider75 wrote:
When I want to be social I am nice to others though some friends of mine might describe me as the anti social type, not that I hate people I just prefer not to be around them much. I guess some might describe me as a loaner type and they would be right. Now someone who is rude or ill mannered I just tend to try and bite my tongue to ignore them till they push the wrong button.


Hey, I could use a low interest loan sometime, Jimbo. Maybe even a grant. drunken

I gots beer to buy and I'll drink it and think pleasant thoughts of you.

If ya can't beat 'em... pay someone to do it for you.
HotSticksHarry4U
Posted: Tuesday, July 03, 2012 5:00:26 PM

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Location: upper east tn., United States
I don't let them use my time, I treat everyone the same, no mater what their status. I limit the time Negitive or strange people have with me because I don't want to be like them.
Guest
Posted: Monday, July 16, 2012 12:39:14 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 531,756
Ignore them.
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