If you think you are a Dom don't follow through with it straight away ask advice form established Dom's. This way you can be sure if you are Dom or not without making a fool of your self, as i know has happened to people in the past.

I have read this thread through twice now. The advice and opinions of Dom and Sub are all valid and I find that I learned a couple of things even though I have lived the lifestyle for many years. Some of the play mentioned I have not done (Limits and personal preferences mostly) I was given formal training... By that I mean my Masters were actually trained in the arts and they trained me beginning as a "pet"... I am a natural submissive. I am also trained as a "switch" and I was many years after becoming a "slave" trained to be a "trainer" then I became an "alpha" and just a few years ago i became a Mistress myself. I did not know myself going in that I could learn all these new tasks and find inside me the person I am today.

This lifestyle is not for everyone. It takes dedication, many years of study (book wise as well as human observation) and to top it off there is always more to learn, more to do, added responsibilities of being the whole me. I am still mostly submissive... But I was trained by the best and thus I give the best to my pet/slave/sub that I can. It is a job I love but one that I take seriously. I found that I agreed with most every aspect of what was said here. I tend to lean towards being a strict Mistress and a loyal but strong willed sub. That is who I am and because of that switch aspect, my Dom(s) have to be stronger willed and willing to take me to task for my short comings.

I do feel that a warning on "couple" BDSM as I call it, should be given... Topping from below is a common thing in this relationship. My experience, my training and my observations lead me to this statement. There will always be the exceptions that prove the rule however.... Love has many forms, takes many turns and twists and grows, changes and even fades over the years. I was married to my Master. IRL married, I was wife, mother and slave. It was a full time job to say the least. In that confusing dynamic I began to see all the different facets that make up the person I am today. I do not regret any of my experiences good bad or ugly. The only thing I miss is the life itself. I miss being able to give up control when I am submissive. I miss switching midstream and going for broke to please us both. I even miss being the Mistress to my long lost pet.

Every life is a journey of self discovery and finding your "place" in the world... Mine is (mostly) on my knees aiming to please... But then there is that other small percentage that comes to the fore and states its readiness to be heard and acted upon.

I hope this thread continues and is added to continually. This is a wonderful life. It is a gift that one can give themselves for a while or for life...

But as with any relationship it takes much work and communication. Trust and loyalty... And it needs LOVE...

I plan to check back often and maybe even add tidbits as I go...

Had I stayed in the life today would have been my 20th anniversary.... Perhaps that is why I posted this...

To all of "Us" out there... Do what makes you happy but harm nothing...

I got bored, so let's talk about different types of toys that can be used and how to check for good quality with them (I'm only using ones that I own as examples, if anyone else wants to add anything then chip in)


Underbed restraint kits

These can be very fun indeed, and are a good introduction to the world of bondage. The usual basic set includes a pair of cuffs with links on them and everything you need to tie someone down with. They are very versatile, not so much as rope, but with a good imagination you can do plenty with them. If you get a good enough set they can be comfortable enough to wear them for long periods of time. When using them make sure that the cuffs aren't attached too tight as this can cause issues with circulation and that. The set that I got cost me about £60 from Ann Summers, sadly they no longer stock these which makes me sad, because what they do sell now is really cheap naff stuff. The cuffs on them are secured using velcro which is great in case you need to get your sub out quickly. Just one thing you need to watch out for is if the cuff is made out of fabric, then the velcro can ruin the cuff during storage and make it all bally... Not good. Most kits you can buy should come with care instructions, but if not be sure to check for wear and tear on them and clean them when needed.


Massage Candles

These can be an amazing experience for both the Dom/me and the sub. They can come in all shapes and sizes. As with all heat things test a small amount of it on your arm before putting it on more sensitive areas. There are many ways of applying them to skin. The one who's got the candle can drip it onto their hands first then transfer it onto the other person. Or pour it directly onto the others skin. This can either be a drip to let it fall down or letting it pool before rubbing it in. The latter will cause the heat to get more intense on the skin and so only do it if you know the person will be able to handle it. Like all toys - if the price seems too cheap don't buy it. Especially true for this. If you think that you can get a cheap regular candle for that price do not get it. I have had experience with candles from two different manufactures. Monogamy and the discountinued massage candle by cosmopolitan (Ann Summers again). The two despite the Monogamy one being cheaper for me to buy, although granted it was smaller, was of better quality, flowed really nice and completely dissolved into the body as it in oil form should. Although the other one had an issue that when I opened it the wax itself was all flaky around the top, it ended up turning into a not so nice residue on my hand after use. Both do smell nice though. Care for candles is that when burning let it burn for ages so that it melts evenly and not just a little bit in the middle, this was a mistake of mine despite me being someone who commonly uses normal candles, and so I'm having to melt around the edge to make it better. Also if it comes in a little tin or ceramic dish with a lid then smother the flame, don't blow it out, this helps to keep the wax pure from the stuff from the wick. And if it does come in something like that then a good thing is using the candle holder afterwards as a very nice ornament or storage for trinkets (some are even able to be used as cups but that's only for those who know how to clean it right)


Wartenberg Wheel

Medical fetish people this one's for you. This is my newest toy that I got from Bondara. These are used by gently dragging across the subs body, or harder depending on the sensation that you wish and the sensitivity of the one who it's being used on. They can be heated up and cooled down to give different sensations and are a great way of getting into medical play and mind fucks. Be careful when you're using it sensitive parts as it could hurt them (unless their a pain slut it's not advised). But on less sensitive points it could even turn into a tickling sensation. The best material to look for when buying these is ones made out of pure metal, the ones with plastic bits in them can be harder to clean and less sanitary (especially if you accidentally break skin). These can be cleaned with alcohol wipes and are best kept in a sheath if they came with one so that they don't get damaged. Because of the nature of said items you may need to lubricate the moving parts. This should not be done with any sexual lubricant or massage oil, it should only be done by proper oil that you use when the hinges on the door get squeaky.


Blindfolds

Can come from anywhere, so long as they can cover the subs eyes and don't hurt them they can be used.



I hope that this comes in handy for everyone and if you want to add some more then go ahead. I'll add more to this if I ever get more toys.

I'm so happy, I managed to make this one my 500th post.

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Teased and Tormented -My very first story and competition entry is now up!

I'd love for my partner to be more dominating since I'm submissive in nature in the bedroom, but I'm not sure how to approach him about it.
We dabble with handcuffs and toys but that's the extent of it.

Any suggestions on how to introduce it?

Thanks MistressS :) I'll give it a go x

Ok I'll weigh in on this subject...
I am new to Lush Stories and this forum, but I have been a R/L Master for many years now. My slave was first My wife. She and I developed the trust part of our relationship long before we entered into the D/s realm, although for Me being a Dom has been a lifelong thing. Once she found out about My "dark side" and she understood better that I wasn't some wife-abusing pervert, she got interested in it as well.

Ok so much for the background info....

Now , the first thing I would like to speak on is terminology. The O.P. (original poster) was correct in her definitions. However, I still see the terms D/s and BD/SM used interchangeably and they really shouldn't be. D/s (Domination/ submission) is the lifestyle those of us who are into this sort of thing live. It is a valid lifestyle that two people enter into willingly and after a lot of discussion.

BD/SM on the other hand, are aspects of the D/s lifestyle that can be used if desired. You don't have to tie someone up (bondage) to dominate them. My pet and I are connected by a bond stronger than any rope. You also aren't always disciplining in D/s either. My pet knows the rules and (for the most part) obeys My wishes because she wants to please Me. Not because she is afraid of discipline. And I can discipline her without even touching her, simply by showing My displeasure in what she did.
As for the S and M parts, I don't practice Sadism or Masochism although I know that some do. My pet and I have a loving, devoted relationship. We were married, but we have gone beyond mere wedding vows...we are more than Mr. and Mrs. We are Master and slave.

I think there are two kinds of Sub-Frenzy.

The first kind is when a sub first discovers how D/s fits into their life (the A-ha Effect), and they get the feeling they can't get enough of it. You can usually see these people posting in blogs and forums about having "no limits" and how they don't need safe words. It sort of reminds me of that song from Reamonn "Supergirl". They think they can fly. The sub seems to develop this sort of bucket list about wanting to do the entire Kama Sutra in one afternoon, and live the rest of their life in a dark dungeon in chains.

The second kind of sub frenzy is when play sessions pre-occupy them to the point of distraction. This can happen even with experienced subs, particularly when they come under new ownership, and can range from everything to spontaneous continuous orgasming right out of a dead sleep (believe me, this is worse than having hiccups) to things like forgetting to feed the cat and take out the trash because they are constantly thinking about what their Dom/me is going to do to them.

A responsible, experienced Dom/me will be able to recognise Sub Frenzy and take His/Her sub down and bring them back to reality. Usually this entails requiring strict discipline from the sub so they learn better self-control.

It's a real condition; not something a sub does just to get attention. Being brought up to a state of very high sexual arousal (psychological higher than normal sexual arousal) releases high amounts of endorphin in the body - a drug your body naturally produces that has an effect similar to heroine. Being constantly in the state of high sexual arousal will make you crave sex. A responsible Dom/me needs to teach His/Her sub/slave how to control this craving.



I also think there are two kinds of Sub-Drop.

The first kind is the "curtain call" sub drop. After the sex ends, and the sub slowly winds down after being in a very high state of sexual arousal. The bliss slowly wears off, and their conscious kicks in. Depending on what their Dom/me asked them to do, they may start to get very emotional mixed signals. For example, if the Dom/me was able to bring them to sacrifice their pride to do something the sub usually believes is humiliating, they may be "dropping" into the zone of self-recrimination, and their self-worth may erode to sub-zero levels. Female subs can drop down into this "He/She doesn't love/like me anymore 'hole'" after a session, because female body produce higher levels of oxytocin during sex than men do. Scientists believe this to be the "need to be cuddled" hormone. This is why Dom/me aftercare is essential after the "curtain call". It safely brings the sub back down and strengthens their sense of self-worth.

The second kind of sub-drop is the "absent Master/Mistress" sub-drop. Not everyone in a D/s relationship lives it 24/7. Many have to be satisfied with 24/2 (weekends), online relationships, or once-a-month public dungeon sessions. And then there are other circumstances like Master/Mistress has to take a plane to New York for a week, or Master/Mistress has decided to severely punish His/Her sub/slave with the "silent treatment". I am certain that if you conducted a sub poll and asked them what kind of punishment they would rather have:

a) 20 strokes of the tawes or the cane over their naked skin, or
b) the silent treatment for 24 hours

about 90% of the subs would pick "a" hands-down - especially if they already experienced "b" once or twice.

The worse case-scenario which is practically pre-programmed sub-drop is when a Master/Mistress discards their sub/slave, especially if They do this without reason or explanation.

Not being able to communicate with their Master/Mistress is pure psychic torture for many subs, and many can drop like a pebble in an empty, deep, dark well. That's because the one person they really need to pick them up isn't there. And they fall into this deep depression, where they begin to doubt everything good about themselves. They say it’s worse for slaves than it is for subs, but if you ask any sub who's been abandoned by their Master/Mistress, I’m sure they'd disagree with that.

The only safe-guard against this kind of sub drop is a responsible Master/Mistress who communicates more often with His/Her sub/slave, or by making sure that the sub/slave has other people to look after His/Her property in His/Her absence – be it the sub/slave’s close friends or relatives, other poly-household members, or trusted Munch contacts. Some websites recommend putting together sub-drop kits to combat depression if they can’t handle 24/2 arrangement, and the Master/Mistress can’t communicate with them due to other situations like marriage to vanilla partners. The kits include things that make a sub feel more secure such as favourite movies, books, music, a security blanket, even things like stuffed animals, sweets and recordings of their Master’s/Mistress’ voice.

For the worst-case-scenerio kind of sub drop (Master/Mistress dumps you), the only thing that helps if a sub can’t pull themselves out of the deep dark well, is seeking group contact, regardless if it’s related to the lifestyle or not. Healthy positive contact and communication is really the only way to combat this kind of sub drop effectively.

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Si vos postulo me, sed non vis me, oportet me manere.
Sed si vis me, sed non vos postulo me, oportet me abire.

Thanks to all the doms and subs that have submitted input on this thread, since joining lush i have became interested in finding out more about this lifestyle and the information that has been provided on here has really helped alot. Thank you :)

I think I'd like to try being submissive to my partner, since the idea of being controlled really turns me on. However, I need some guidance and everything I've found online links back to 50 bloody shades of grey at the minute, or hardcore porn sites.
Does anybody have any advice on how to start off with experimenting and how to bring up the subject with a partner? I'm curious to try it all out :)

I respectfully disagree with this part of your posting and yes I do realize that its your opinion and this is mine. A submissive can have the same desire and resolve as a slave but just prefer to not be referred to as a slave. Just because I do not like that term does not mean that I cannot live out a 24/7 D/s relationship to any extreme. It can be just as extreme and intense as any Master/slave relationship with the choice of being referred to as a submissive and not a slave.

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Again, I disagree and we will just have to chalk it up to that :)

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