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How do you find that perfect "fit"? Options · View
TheDevilsWeakness
Posted: Friday, March 09, 2012 11:27:01 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 7/19/2011
Posts: 1,300
Location: I'm the girl that your father hoped he could date.
As a Dom or a Sub

What are the qualities do you seek when looking for a new top/bottom?

Where do you look?

What DON'T you want?




Dudealicious
Posted: Friday, March 09, 2012 11:49:05 AM

Rank: Wise Ass

Joined: 11/12/2010
Posts: 5,413
Location: The center of the universe, Canada
The single quality that I look for is trust. If you cannot trust someone forget it. Don't even go any further. You have to have open lines of communication as well, trust has to be a part of that. You need to make sure that as a Top you have to trust your sub. They need to be open and honest with you, if not the relationship will go nowhere.

I was very lucky I didn't have to look anywhere, we were already friends. Over time the relationship developed and here we are. This special someone was closer than I knew.

I personally don't want someone who will be submitting to multiple people. Like I have said before if I can't trust you, it's going nowhere anyway.

The night that changed my life, a four part series of a married man lusting after his co-worker

myks1967
Posted: Saturday, March 10, 2012 5:04:55 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 3/2/2012
Posts: 19
Location: caerphilly, United Kingdom
Dudealicious I totally agree with you trust is the key ingredient to a relationship and communication. Im lucky my wife is my sub/slave but we will talk things through if we are not comfortable our have any doubts.
Naughty_Magician
Posted: Monday, March 12, 2012 10:37:18 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 5/21/2011
Posts: 1,800
Location: Sublime Heights, Germany
I see if she is naturally submissive, I have met some wannabe subs who are actually not fine with being controlled. Experience is also important, its much easier with someone who knows what is expected of them. Finally, honesty and loyalty, it turns me on when I'm sure she is mine and mine only.

Had a dream I was king, I woke up still king!!
TheDevilsWeakness
Posted: Thursday, March 15, 2012 1:13:39 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 7/19/2011
Posts: 1,300
Location: I'm the girl that your father hoped he could date.
Naughty_Magician wrote:
I see if she is naturally submissive, I have met some wannabe subs who are actually not fine with being controlled. Experience is also important, its much easier with someone who knows what is expected of them. Finally, honesty and loyalty, it turns me on when I'm sure she is mine and mine only.


I think Dom/sub relationship should go BOTH ways.
I don't want a bully (this is not a Dominant - this is someone that abuses the trust and faith the sub has placed in their hands)
A truly good dominant has been a sub or switch in the past (this is just my opinion mind you)

From your posting (again this is just my opinion and I tend to call a spade, a spade) you sound like you want a slave. Someone you can own mind, body and soul and be damned their opinions, wants or needs. I personally think this abusive. Submissives are people, too. We have wants, needs and desires.

If I say APPLE (this is just an example of a safe word) I fully expect my Dom to hear it and immediately stop.
We allow a Dom to play by OUR rules. Because we set the limits and the safe word for if/when you may cross those limits.

In hindsight a submissive actually holds the most control.
I expect my Dom to push my limits and see how far I'm willing to go. This is a journey only the two of you can discover together. Its what makes a Dom/Sub relationship so alluring to me. To allow someone with my best interests to push me where I would never go myself. To allow me to grow as a person, sexually or not. Sometimes its that little push that gives me the confidence to take on that new job, or get that outrageous outfit and take it on with that confidence.
My Dom is my sexual cheerleader that has the ability to impact the rest of my life.

secretcharm
Posted: Thursday, March 15, 2012 2:04:05 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 2/26/2012
Posts: 149
Location: In front of my computer
TheDevilsWeakness wrote:
As a Dom or a Sub

What are the qualities do you seek when looking for a new top/bottom?

Where do you look?

What DON'T you want?




I want someone like Axe ;) Embarassed Is it too much too ask? dontknow

I don't look ... hoping the universe we'll send him to me. confused5

You don't want the creepy type.



“Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.”
― Oscar Wilde
secretcharm
Posted: Thursday, March 15, 2012 2:07:19 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 2/26/2012
Posts: 149
Location: In front of my computer
idea1 My best friend used to say: "trust is like virginity. Once you lose it...



“Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.”
― Oscar Wilde
Dudealicious
Posted: Thursday, March 15, 2012 3:32:07 PM

Rank: Wise Ass

Joined: 11/12/2010
Posts: 5,413
Location: The center of the universe, Canada
TheDevilsWeakness wrote:


I think Dom/sub relationship should go BOTH ways.
I don't want a bully (this is not a Dominant - this is someone that abuses the trust and faith the sub has placed in their hands)
A truly good dominant has been a sub or switch in the past (this is just my opinion mind you)

From your posting (again this is just my opinion and I tend to call a spade, a spade) you sound like you want a slave. Someone you can own mind, body and soul and be damned their opinions, wants or needs. I personally think this abusive. Submissives are people, too. We have wants, needs and desires.

If I say APPLE (this is just an example of a safe word) I fully expect my Dom to hear it and immediately stop.
We allow a Dom to play by OUR rules. Because we set the limits and the safe word for if/when you may cross those limits.

In hindsight a submissive actually holds the most control.
I expect my Dom to push my limits and see how far I'm willing to go. This is a journey only the two of you can discover together. Its what makes a Dom/Sub relationship so alluring to me. To allow someone with my best interests to push me where I would never go myself. To allow me to grow as a person, sexually or not. Sometimes its that little push that gives me the confidence to take on that new job, or get that outrageous outfit and take it on with that confidence.
My Dom is my sexual cheerleader that has the ability to impact the rest of my life.


Bravo Angel, you are exactly right on this one! As I had stated previously, a sub has an enourmous amount of control. So much so it could be argued that they are in control of the relationship.

The night that changed my life, a four part series of a married man lusting after his co-worker

Ravyn
Posted: Thursday, March 15, 2012 5:53:54 PM

Rank: Cock Connoisseur

Joined: 4/26/2010
Posts: 2,089
Location: Bend, United States
Naughty_Magician wrote:
I see if she is naturally submissive, I have met some wannabe subs who are actually not fine with being controlled. Experience is also important, its much easier with someone who knows what is expected of them. Finally, honesty and loyalty, it turns me on when I'm sure she is mine and mine only.


Even the most naturally submissive person who has experience will not know what is "expected" of them from the get go. That comes with a tremendous amount of communication between the M/s. To expect that just because one has experience they will know what any Dom out there will expect is just ludicrous. I do hope that is not your intent with your statement. You can expect all you like but not knowing what your potential submissive's limits are its very much open to interpretation until those boundaries are set.

Naughty_Magician
Posted: Friday, March 16, 2012 12:55:14 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 5/21/2011
Posts: 1,800
Location: Sublime Heights, Germany
TheDevilsWeakness wrote:


I think Dom/sub relationship should go BOTH ways.
I don't want a bully (this is not a Dominant - this is someone that abuses the trust and faith the sub has placed in their hands)
A truly good dominant has been a sub or switch in the past (this is just my opinion mind you)

From your posting (again this is just my opinion and I tend to call a spade, a spade) you sound like you want a slave. Someone you can own mind, body and soul and be damned their opinions, wants or needs. I personally think this abusive. Submissives are people, too. We have wants, needs and desires.

If I say APPLE (this is just an example of a safe word) I fully expect my Dom to hear it and immediately stop.
We allow a Dom to play by OUR rules. Because we set the limits and the safe word for if/when you may cross those limits.

In hindsight a submissive actually holds the most control.
I expect my Dom to push my limits and see how far I'm willing to go. This is a journey only the two of you can discover together. Its what makes a Dom/Sub relationship so alluring to me. To allow someone with my best interests to push me where I would never go myself. To allow me to grow as a person, sexually or not. Sometimes its that little push that gives me the confidence to take on that new job, or get that outrageous outfit and take it on with that confidence.
My Dom is my sexual cheerleader that has the ability to impact the rest of my life.


I agree with what you said. I'm not really looking for a slave and I don't treat my pets as one either. What I meant to say was that some people don't really understand the meaning of the relationship. I had trials with two young girls recently (around 20), they had not been subs before and it didn't go too well. One of the them found out that she was not really submissive, she just wanted to try out because she thought she was!

Had a dream I was king, I woke up still king!!
Guest
Posted: Thursday, July 19, 2012 8:36:06 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 535,127
TheDevilsWeakness wrote:



In hindsight a submissive actually holds the most control.
I expect my Dom to push my limits and see how far I'm willing to go. This is a journey only the two of you can discover together. Its what makes a Dom/Sub relationship so alluring to me. To allow someone with my best interests to push me where I would never go myself. To allow me to grow as a person, sexually or not. Sometimes its that little push that gives me the confidence to take on that new job, or get that outrageous outfit and take it on with that confidence.
My Dom is my sexual cheerleader that has the ability to impact the rest of my life.


^I definitely agree, I've gained so much confidence since the start of this relationship.

I'm also noticing a theme of a people thinking they're sub and then not being, thought I'd share my opposite spin on it. Having always been with guys below my maturity level, and being in a position of leadership in my day-to-day, I was surprised to find out I'm actually highly submissive with the right person. I found a really good fit through someone I had been friends with for a long time, and already trusted. I've already grown to trust him more in a few months than I have any other partners who I was with for years, and that's in all aspects.
freakycactus
Posted: Friday, July 20, 2012 4:21:08 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 5/12/2010
Posts: 409
Location: On my cloud, United Kingdom
What are the qualities do you seek when looking for a new top/bottom? I need to be able to trust them, as others have said, this is the most important quality. I need to know that if I say my safe word, everything will stop. There also needs to be a connection, I met a Dom through a website, we got together and had a good time but something was missing because there wasn't that connection.

Where do you look? That's something I'm still figuring out

What DON'T you want? A bully, or someone who thinks they have what it takes to be a Dom. I also don't want to be one of many subs, I want to be the only one.

Guest
Posted: Wednesday, July 25, 2012 5:48:35 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 535,127
The good: Intelligent. Adventurous. Sense of humor. Trustworthy. And I wouldn't be honest if I didn't also say "cute butt."

The bad: Self-hating. Unstable. Takes it all too seriously.

Where to find: In the haystack.
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