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How soon a girl puts out? Options · View
MMonroe
Posted: Tuesday, April 26, 2011 9:54:05 AM

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Location: United Kingdom
Guys, how much truth is there to the idea that a girl thats puts out/sleeps with you on the first date is only good for a fling or fuck buddy, but a girl that holds back til say the 3rd date is a keeper and one that you'll take home to your mum??

Personally, im only asking this out of curiosity, I dont believe in 'rules' when dating, you either like someone enough to see them again or you dont. Sleeping with someone on the first date shouldnt immediately make her a slut or whore. I dont put out straight away or give it away like its going out of fashion, i like to keep a bit of mystery back but im still flirty and have had relationships with guys ive slept with straight away and it hasnt mattered at all.

So guys what do you think, do you prefer a girl to hold back til the 3rd/4th date or does it not matter at all?



*Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?*



whysoserious
Posted: Tuesday, April 26, 2011 10:20:39 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 2/3/2010
Posts: 261
I agree with you, regarding that you either like someone or you don´t.

Just because a girl sleeps with you on the first date shouldn´t mean that it won´t be for life. Although I suppose the longer a girl holds out, the more effort the man would make, the thrill of the chase and all that.

So as far as i´m concerned, it doesn´t matter at all!!
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, April 26, 2011 12:24:01 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,425
I don't like to judge anyone and as for a lady or a guy for that matter having sex on the first meeting, should be a personal choice and should not be judged by others.
Now for as how I would feel about a first meeting incounter, I think it would be very exciting and if the lady wanted to carry it farther and I felt the same, I would go for it.
We are all human and have feelings and not one of us is like a (bic lighter) to be used and then thrown away. Respect your fellow man and woman for what they are and enjoy the ride.

My 2 cents for what it is worth.
Thanks for asking the question.
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, April 26, 2011 1:27:39 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,425
MMonroe wrote:
Guys, how much truth is there to the idea that a girl thats puts out/sleeps with you on the first date is only good for a fling or fuck buddy, but a girl that holds back til say the 3rd date is a keeper and one that you'll take home to your mum??

Personally, im only asking this out of curiosity, I dont believe in 'rules' when dating, you either like someone enough to see them again or you dont. Sleeping with someone on the first date shouldnt immediately make her a slut or whore. I dont put out straight away or give it away like its going out of fashion, i like to keep a bit of mystery back but im still flirty and have had relationships with guys ive slept with straight away and it hasnt mattered at all.


Well my love...either I have grown boobs and I am you...or you grew a tallywacker and have become me!

I couldn't agree more with your "personal" opinion...I either have a connection with a woman or I don't regardless of the ending of our first date! And who knows...maybe a woman that typically hasn't slept on the first date has a case of the hornies that night...maybe my pheromones are working...who knows why she maybe cut loose on that first date...but I offer no verdict because it happened or didn't happen.

Good question though!
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, April 26, 2011 3:58:32 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,425
Depends.

If a female represents herself in one way, then hits the sack contrary to all she's said, then respect dwindles. Not for the act itself, just the fact that I won't be able to believe anything else she says.

I actually married (been so only once) someone I slept with and slept over on about the second time around. It's part of the romantic in me. Holy crap, cool, smart, funny, and we click sexually...bonus. The separation was after years of growing apart, but at the time it worked very well for quite some time.

I know it's cheesy, but better to have loved and lost and all that.

How soon in my book does not matter, how much it means will decide, no matter the timing.
WellMadeMale
Posted: Tuesday, April 26, 2011 4:15:23 PM

Rank: Constant Gardener

Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 10,301
Location: Cakeland, United States
As I analyze all my eight long term relationships (if it reaches 30 months I classify it as long term), I realize that those girls/women who made me work for that pussy - lasted about as long dating me - in terms of months with me, before they got sick of my shit...as those who tossed me for a loop on date #1 and rocked my world with some of the naughtiest sexual entertainment this side of a Tijuana strip joint - and then told me when I called 'em the next time: "Hey, Jeff...no offense, but girls just wanna have fun - but fuck off and quit calling me, k?"

Surprisingly, on those rare occurrences when I actually have a formal date #1, I have been known to put the brakes on myself...and try to get to know the woman in question, before I risk opening myself up to: sticking my dick in the crazy.

And other times, if she's just someone who's caught my eye in a nightclub after a few slow twirls together on the floor...I have been known to throw caution to the wind and pursue, pursue, pursue. Okay, so I get shot down more often than not, but...them's the breaks.

Hell, for all she knows...I'm an axe murdering, kidney stealer who waits til she's sleeping after her 1st real climax and fourth faked one.

Good girls are as likely to fuck on date number one, as they are to hold out and make us blokes work for it by date number 5.

I love ya all!

If ya can't beat 'em... pay someone to do it for you.
WorkAlone
Posted: Tuesday, April 26, 2011 7:41:06 PM

Rank: Cogent Sensualist

Joined: 2/27/2010
Posts: 1,516
Location: Subject to Change without Notice, Canada
I certainly don't judge either way. It'd be hypocritical of me to do so since I'll sleep with her on the first date so why would I judge her for doing the same? As with WMM, if I look at my history, there's no correlation between number of dates to first sex and the length/quality of the relationship.
realz
Posted: Thursday, April 28, 2011 6:33:42 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/29/2011
Posts: 207
On our first date we wound up having mutual oral sex before we even left the car.

Now we're married.
Guest
Posted: Friday, April 29, 2011 3:44:22 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,425
Hell, why even wait for the first date?? As a matter of fact, I wouldn't mind skipping all the niceties and go straight from hi, my name is ***" to "wow! I love how your ass bounced in the ceiling mirrors reflection!"

LOLOL
Guest
Posted: Saturday, April 30, 2011 5:52:38 AM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,425
If the attraction (and fire) is there, then why wait, unless it's to tease and build the intensity a bit more? I've had deep, lasting relationships with women I've waited for and women I've slept with within hours of our first meeting. Judgements? It takes two to tango. I like indulging the passion and spark. If you are with someone and you both feel an uncontrollable urge to give in to it, then there's nothing wrong.

I had a first date once that ended in passionate kissing. Our hands were on each other but on hips, sholders, arms...nothing too daring, but electric all the same. It was very intense and we were very much caught up in sensation. She suddenly noticed that her blouse was undone and halfway down her shoulder, just from our bodies moving together (I swear, I touched not a button)! She got up abruptly and said she had to go. Three years later (still together) we recalled that night and she said she was just overcome and felt like her clothes were coming off of her on their own, and she was afraid of what (I imagine) spurred this question in the first place - that if we did go further, that I wouldn't respect her and be open to a deeper connection.

Sex is stigmatized, though, I have hope (especially because of forums like this one) that as women and men become more comfortable and assertive with their sexualities, that those ideas of gender-based sexual mores will become less entrenched. Women should feel like they can be wild and free without shame, and men should be able to do the same, and benefit from a partner giving herself fully without fear of reproach.

Trust, after all, is the best aphrodisiac of all (in my humble opinion).

SirSpanksAlot80
Posted: Saturday, May 07, 2011 6:33:55 PM

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I love the chase it makes it more pleasurable when you finally get the goods. So I like the ladies to wait.

GREAT question :)
dan17
Posted: Sunday, May 08, 2011 10:28:15 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/14/2011
Posts: 283
actually it is not a matter on when you did the sex what matters most is the right feeling not for the sake of doing it. Then introduce with parents will follow

mrgay
LoverBoy20
Posted: Thursday, May 12, 2011 4:12:16 PM

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Joined: 2/8/2011
Posts: 361
Location: Here, United States
it doesn't matter.
If the chemistry is right, go for it.
However, great sex doesn't mean great life together forever.
You need a lot more than sex to survive long term.
nastynate69
Posted: Sunday, June 26, 2011 2:24:24 AM

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Joined: 6/14/2011
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Location: Germany
well my gf and I started as a one night stand, then became fuck buddies, and now we're a couple evil4
thesilkyknot
Posted: Sunday, June 26, 2011 8:14:51 AM

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Joined: 2/23/2011
Posts: 5,520
nastynate69 wrote:
well my gf and I started as a one night stand, then became fuck buddies, and now we're a couple evil4



ahaan!!! kudos to her!!lol
realz
Posted: Sunday, June 26, 2011 9:24:00 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/29/2011
Posts: 207
I think this 'putting out too soon will doom the relationship' is largely a myth.

First it's part of a societal control to scare people out of sexual openness.

But also, there is a statistical component to it that may make it seem true but is actually an illusion. Consider this:

1) there are more first dates than 2nd or 5th dates

2) putting out on the first date means essentially more chance of having sex with people you may eventually tire of (not to say that such sex is bad)

3) looking back, then, there will be a number of hot sex first dates that went nowhere longterm, but they probably they would have gone nowhere long term anyhow. However the statistical illusion created is that the first date sex cooled the relationship when in fact it actually did not.


If it feels right, go with it. Don't throw away some magic that might happen. As I mentioned earlier, my wife and I started out with first date sex and never looked back.

Guest
Posted: Sunday, June 26, 2011 11:31:53 PM

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Who knows, it's both her choice and her body
Guest
Posted: Monday, July 11, 2011 3:07:14 PM

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I don't think that there's any truth in that it depends on the girl
Guest
Posted: Monday, July 11, 2011 4:45:16 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
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SirSpanksAlot80 wrote:
I love the chase it makes it more pleasurable when you finally get the goods. So I like the ladies to wait.

GREAT question :)

And that kind of waiting is why you are SSA
Guest
Posted: Monday, July 11, 2011 6:02:09 PM

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I had an active sex life before I met my husband to be at a party. He called me the next day and asked me out. Which I declined knowing I was not the kind of girl guys married and certainly did not the kind they wanted as the Mother of their children. He called again and I declined again, and he called again and I declined once more. When I finally agreed to Coffee and told him my history, I knew he would run, but he has not .

On our first real date I put out and was more than ready to do so. I know this is from a woman's prospective, but this is my experience.

There was not issue that I had been with others and had sex the first time that I was with at least some those other men.

We have been married for more than 20 years and have twin daughters.

Doesn't seem that my willingness to"Put Out" as you say has made the slightest difference in our relationship
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, July 12, 2011 10:50:28 PM

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its depends on the girl..honestly .some girls take their time to put out
master117
Posted: Thursday, August 04, 2011 9:00:58 AM

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Honestly, I don't really think it matters how long a girl waits, it's really her choice above all else and if she wants to wait, then let her wait. I dated a girl for about a year and a half before we finally had sex, and that was fine with me.
Guest
Posted: Thursday, August 04, 2011 12:39:47 PM

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well if i want the girl to meet the family i will wait for a while no problem
masso66
Posted: Friday, August 05, 2011 4:00:40 PM

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I married a girl that I had sex with after just a couple of hours of meeting her. The " lets wait" girl in my opinion is also going to be the one that will hold back sex unless you finally cleaned the
basement got this and that done an so on
kochankatulipan
Posted: Sunday, August 07, 2011 2:21:27 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 6/11/2011
Posts: 148
Well I'm happy to play it cool and wiat until the moment is right, be it the 3rd, $th or even 5th. Trouble is that recent experience is that the woman has made the first move by the second date and, as I am a total slut, I haven't been able to hold back. :-)
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, July 31, 2012 7:22:49 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,425
nastynate69 wrote:
well my gf and I started as a one night stand, then became fuck buddies, and now we're a couple evil4

lol I remember the night you guys met, she wanted to have a 3some with you and wooody lol, and of course wooody being wooody rejected her so she look you right in the face and said I guess I'll have to settle with just YOU lol
1ball
Posted: Tuesday, July 31, 2012 8:29:26 PM

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Joined: 9/13/2011
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Location: United States
If the chemistry is there, it takes as long as it takes. If the chemistry isn't there, or if the attraction is purely physical, I suppose it could be one and done.

My latest story is too hot to publish. My most recent story before that is Even Stranger In Lust
Marcus72
Posted: Wednesday, August 01, 2012 12:24:07 AM

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Joined: 7/9/2012
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What bull. It's 2012. Who "puts out"?!! Makes it sound like sex is something women reluctantly allow men to do to them, rather than something they both enjoy.
Hayley79
Posted: Wednesday, August 01, 2012 12:30:00 AM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 7/14/2011
Posts: 61
Location: My pants, United Kingdom
Marcus72 wrote:
What bull. It's 2012. Who "puts out"?!! Makes it sound like sex is something women reluctantly allow men to do to them, rather than something they both enjoy.


Well said Marcus. The idea of putting out or waiting is sexist crap. Have sex when you want to, first date or 99th, but if it is a question of making the guy wait so he will think you are some sort of 19th century good girl, he is probably a knobhead anyway.

What you say is spot on. It sounds like sex is something only men want and something they do to women, rather than something you both want equally. "Putting out" sounds like schoolyard talk. It depresses me that people still talk like this about sex and still put value judgements on women who want sex. Here's a thing, what if the woman wants to do it on the first date, then doesn't want to have another date? How long should the guy wait before putting out? Sexist claptrap.
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, August 01, 2012 9:14:53 AM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
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I don't think is about how soon you have sex...but on how you act in front of other people. If you act like a slut in front of other people, I will not take you home to my mum.
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