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latinfoxy
Posted: Monday, April 09, 2012 5:47:01 PM

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Im reading this books right now and i have to admit i know the basics of the BDSM lifestyle, i understand is not for everyone and defenetly NOT my thing, but while reading this books i started to wonder how much of this book really reflects this way of life and how much is just how the writter sees it. So i decided where else can i find this answers than with all the lushies that know about these very well.

Please dont take my questions as offensive its really not my intention, just take in concideration that this questions come from a person that trully dont understand this lifestyle.

- How much does the dominant person really trully enjoys the inflicting pain in others? in the books he really needs to do this.

- Is it a normal thing to have a BDSM relationship without feelings involve? In the book he cares about his subs, but he doesnt have any feelings for them.

- Do you think a lot of people enter this lifestyle because of a painfull background and this is the only way to cope with reality?

- What about the rules? he has some insane rules like never touching him unless ask to, or never seeing him in the eyes, never sleeping in the same bed... are this the normal rules?

- Do you live by this rules all the time? i mean you never have a break from them? you never can just talk to the other person like you do in a (i know normal shouldnt be the word i say but is the only one i can think of) normal relationship?

- If you are a dominant and you see this girl or guy you want to take as a sub and that person is really not into the lifestyle do you try a relationship or no?

Im sure a lot of more questions will pop in my mind while i continue reading this books but for now those are it.

PS: if you havent read this books, i really recomend them they are really good!! If you are a guy you probably wont like them though, they are kind of like a chick flick but with BDSM on it evil4
jgg123
Posted: Monday, April 09, 2012 7:37:57 PM

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I haven't read this book, been hearing about it though. i'll do my best to answer your questions.

How much does the dominant person really truly enjoys the inflicting pain in others?

-It really depends on the person, I personally enjoy dealing pain to a certain point, but only the pain she wants to experience as well as a bit of pushing. I don't like breaking her by hurting her I know i've seen in alot of stories here.

Is it a normal thing to have a BDSM relationship without feelings involve?

-Again i think it depends on the person. For me personally its a relationship, i care very much for my sub and my first priory is to make sure she is protected and safe from harm. I can't image having a relationship of the D/s dynamic without feelings, but to each his own.

Do you think a lot of people enter this lifestyle because of a painfull background and this is the only way to cope with reality?

-I wondered this same question for a long time when i started my journey into BDSM. but a lot of the people I've met seem to have no more baggage than the normal person. I have also met my fair share of people who have some intense baggage but you'll find people like that in every social group.

What about the rules?

-Again here it depends on the person. Personally, the time's we've talked about her coming to stay with me, we have discussed getting her a cage to sleep in and about different rules. Some of them people might find funny, but they exist so that my girl can get used to following the rules that matter.

Do you live by this rules all the time? i mean you never have a break from them? you never can just talk to the other person like you do in a normal relationship?

- use of the word normal doesn't bother my any. While it might offend some people, most people understand that the dynamic of the relationship is not a traditional one.
The rules i set for my girl are not ones she is allowed to turn on and off. now i don't limit how she can talk to me or when she can speak her mind. it's a relationship and with that communication is key.


If you are a dominant and you see this girl or guy you want to take as a sub and that person is really not into the lifestyle do you try a relationship or no?

- depends on the person, i'm not restricted in needing to be a dom in order to be happy for the right person i'd have no problem having a traditional relationship



Hope i was able to help, always enjoy answering questions lol.
Fugly
Posted: Tuesday, April 10, 2012 4:19:45 PM

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- How much does the dominant person really trully enjoys the inflicting pain in others? in the books he really needs to do this.

There are so many different variants of BDSM such as fetishes, pain, control, humiliation and extreme, so this is hard to answer as not all bdsm lifestyles involves pain. Myself, I am more into control/humiliation such as male chasity belts, restraints etc, but if I were to inflict pain, it would be very slight and often with candles which are specially bought that are low burning or paddles which are used with minimal force.

- Is it a normal thing to have a BDSM relationship without feelings involve? In the book he cares about his subs, but he doesnt have any feelings for them.

Not normal as it really depends on the relationship, but it can and does happen. I may be wrong, but I am assuming when you are talking of feelings, you mean love??? You can care for their well-being, even like, but depending on the situation, love does not factor in at all.


- Do you think a lot of people enter this lifestyle because of a painfull background and this is the only way to cope with reality?

I can't really answer for myself as I am not into pain, unless that is what the sub is into and even then I draw the limits to what I feel comfortable with. But the funny thing is that it was only the other day I was reading a book which had a segment about Albert Fish. Fish had a very strong fetish of self inflicting pain and often involved sticking needles into his cock and involved his wife and family, getting them to spank his behind with a paddle that had nails sticking out *ouch* It went on to say that he was an orphan and at the orphanage they used corporal punishment which he admits that he required a taste from being whipped and beaten as a result from the experience. So I would have to yes it could and would be a reason for some.

- What about the rules? he has some insane rules like never touching him unless ask to, or never seeing him in the eyes, never sleeping in the same bed... are this the normal rules?

For me, these rules are not insane at all. I have rules about not touching and also use neck and wrists restraints as an extra measure - a great tease gadget btw. I also have rules about not speaking unless spoken to etc., plus other rules which mainly requires respect. The only rule I find amusing is the one of cum on command - I have yet to meet someone in real life that can do this in an instant LOL. I am not saying it can't happen, I am just saying I haven't seen it happen.

- Do you live by this rules all the time? i mean you never have a break from them? you never can just talk to the other person like you do in a (i know normal shouldnt be the word i say but is the only one i can think of) normal relationship?

Some live it 24/7, others live it when they are not working or their children are in bed or out of the house etc. So yes, you can live as a normal couple and have 'pet time' (as I call it) a couple of hours a day or even just on weekends.

- If you are a dominant and you see this girl or guy you want to take as a sub and that person is really not into the lifestyle do you try a relationship or no?

No

I've heard of this book before and found it amusing that grey ties have increased in sales because of it, but had no idea what it was about. Now this book sounds very interesting, so I'm off to get a copy, thank you
Big Hugs

latinfoxy
Posted: Thursday, April 12, 2012 10:08:17 AM

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Thanks for the answers!!

yes when i said feelings i was refering to Love, thats one of the things that make me more in ow, i cant grasp the idea of having a relationship without love in volve, but as they say to each their own.

the book is really good you should read them!!
Sirene_Jaune
Posted: Thursday, April 19, 2012 3:22:22 AM

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I'm kind of thinking about reading it. However after seeing the author in an interview who was blushing and giggling. It kind of turned me off. If she is that embarrassed by the content she has written about then do I want to read it?

Axl - Take a look at our piercing menu.

Daria - I don't think that's how you spell "uvula."

Axl - That's not "uvula."

From: "Daria" episode "Pierce Me"
Sirene_Jaune
Posted: Thursday, April 19, 2012 7:03:04 AM

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latinfoxy wrote:
Thanks for the answers!!

yes when i said feelings i was refering to Love, thats one of the things that make me more in ow, i cant grasp the idea of having a relationship without love in volve, but as they say to each their own.

the book is really good you should read them!!


From what I hear she uses the format that Stephenie Myers wrote for her Twilight books. May I suggest Latinfox the wonderful BDSM story called "The way of a man with his maid." Which can be found in book stores.

Axl - Take a look at our piercing menu.

Daria - I don't think that's how you spell "uvula."

Axl - That's not "uvula."

From: "Daria" episode "Pierce Me"
Aaannn
Posted: Tuesday, June 19, 2012 11:23:25 PM

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Actually, it's a fanfiction of Twilight... The author even admits that she doesn't even think it's very good

"He tongued at my chocolate starfish before thrusting three fingers between my quivering butt cheeks and wiggling his fingers around like he was searching for something he dropped inside of my ass.”

50 Shades of Gray
(supposedly)
horny_girl_in_need
Posted: Sunday, July 01, 2012 7:21:52 AM

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I've just finished reading the 3rd book in the series and I have to say they wouldnt usually be my kind of books but they're actually really good. They're like an erotic story combined with a love story and comedy. Worth a read in my opinion.
Sirene_Jaune
Posted: Sunday, July 01, 2012 7:43:44 AM

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Location: In my mind, Australia
Aaannn wrote:

"He tongued at my chocolate starfish before thrusting three fingers between my quivering butt cheeks and wiggling his fingers around like he was searching for something he dropped inside of my ass.”

50 Shades of Gray
(supposedly)


I would be screaming in pain if that was me. Actually an ex did that to me, out of fraustration because I wouldn't give him my arse. It wasn't three fingers it was four and the thumb. Tore me.

Axl - Take a look at our piercing menu.

Daria - I don't think that's how you spell "uvula."

Axl - That's not "uvula."

From: "Daria" episode "Pierce Me"
BigShyPussyKins
Posted: Sunday, July 01, 2012 10:39:09 AM

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The questions you asked are the same as what I was thinking so thank you for posting and thank you to those that responded as well.

I was also wondering like Christian did in the book when he fell in love with Ana, he started to turn his back and change his point of view of the whole BDSM. Is that possible? Would someone who seemes as deep into it as he was/is be able to just give it up because a potential submissive didn't want to do something?
Shylass
Posted: Friday, July 06, 2012 6:33:09 PM

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I was in a second-hand book shop the other day, and saw this:






The note says, "BEST SELLER (Gawd knows why!)" evil4


Ut incepit fidelis, sic permanet.

***
********************************CLICK THE BANNERS TO BUY THESE WILLY-STIFFENING BOOKS!********************************
Dancing_Doll
Posted: Friday, July 06, 2012 6:41:32 PM

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Shylass wrote:
I was in a second-hand book shop the other day, and saw this:






The note says, "BEST SELLER (Gawd knows why!)" evil4



I haven't read these but I guess it's safe to say that EL James is the new Stephenie Meyer.


Shylass
Posted: Friday, July 06, 2012 6:46:25 PM

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Dancing_Doll wrote:



I haven't read these but I guess it's safe to say that EL James is the new Stephenie Meyer.


I haven't read them either, but judging by how much Stephanie Meyer's characters annoy the hell out of me, I think I'll be giving this lot a miss unles I read something about them that intrigues me. Not so far...


Ut incepit fidelis, sic permanet.

***
********************************CLICK THE BANNERS TO BUY THESE WILLY-STIFFENING BOOKS!********************************
DirtyMartini
Posted: Friday, July 06, 2012 9:35:21 PM

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Shylass wrote:


I haven't read them either, but judging by how much Stephanie Meyer's characters annoy the hell out of me, I think I'll be giving this lot a miss unles I read something about them that intrigues me. Not so far...


I bet if they came out with a book called 50 Shades of Gingas you'd buy it right away...



You know you want it, you know you need it bad...get it now on Amazon.com...
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Guest
Posted: Saturday, July 07, 2012 4:47:57 AM

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I finished the first book... didn't quite learn my lesson.... half way through the second.... I listened to my "inner goddess".. she was screaming at me....."why the fuck are you reading this crap?"

I have to tell you, I've read better BDSM stories on Lush
Guest
Posted: Saturday, July 07, 2012 6:53:16 AM

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I have a different take on the whole thing.

One I've play for 7 years is was a very mild type play no real pain involved, but I did get off on bondage, it used to be the only way I could have an orgasm. We were a married couple and only played on weekends when I wasn't working and our young kids where down for their afternoon nap. I known many others who have been in BdSm life style and each are so different. It takes two people talking about their likes and dislikes and discovering which best fits them. We also switched a few times. It's fun and it's very safe.

Two I read Fifty Shade when it was written as a twilight fan fiction the author and I became friends. Even as a fan fiction she couldn't believe how popular the story was. She doesn't have any first hand knowledge of the lifestyle, but did talk to a few Dom's to get a little help on understand the mind set. Many authors do this they find a mentor to help them make their story more real. When she was asked to turn this into a non-fanfic she jumped at the chance because it was a dream to be a published author. Other Twilight fan fictions have also been changed to be published, in the case of Fifty Shade only the names changed. She never thought she had a top book, never dreamed they would want to make this into a movie, yes a movie deal has been signed, no actors have been picked yet to play the parts.
TheDevilsWeakness
Posted: Saturday, July 07, 2012 3:21:32 PM

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Shylass wrote:
I was in a second-hand book shop the other day, and saw this:






The note says, "BEST SELLER (Gawd knows why!)" evil4


Even this is overpriced...
I read two chapters at a friends place (Yes, two... I had hoped it would get better... I was disappointed) and I came to the conclusion it would be better used as tinder for my outdoor BBQ.

Shylass
Posted: Saturday, July 07, 2012 3:34:54 PM

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TheDevilsWeakness wrote:


Even this is overpriced...
I read two chapters at a friends place (Yes, two... I had hoped it would get better... I was disappointed) and I came to the conclusion it would be better used as tinder for my outdoor BBQ.


I take it you're not going to see the film, then? evil4

PS The shop was asking for £2.50.


Ut incepit fidelis, sic permanet.

***
********************************CLICK THE BANNERS TO BUY THESE WILLY-STIFFENING BOOKS!********************************
honeyx
Posted: Sunday, July 08, 2012 2:42:10 PM

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I enjoyed all three of the books. I don't really know anything about BDSM relationships but found it didn't matter....

Will I watch the film when it comes out? Probably not far too many good books have been ruined when they go to the big screen 9 times out of 10 I end up disappointed
MoonlightSerenity
Posted: Thursday, July 26, 2012 4:31:09 PM

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I know I should let this thread die but I just found this - http://www.westword.com/2012-07-26/news/fifty-shades-of-grey-spurs-run-on-adult-toys/ and I think that it's now officially going to get milked the hell out of by the author....

Teased and Tormented -My very first story and competition entry is now up!
ProfessionalMaster
Posted: Friday, July 27, 2012 11:06:05 PM

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If you want my opinion on that series simply read my signature line. The fact is that this book is entertainment and that is all. There is absolutely nothing about the book that portrays the real lifestyle in a way that is truthful. The fact is that the characters in the book don't even start with the base of what makes a BDSM couple work.

If you have read 50 Shades of Gray and think that you are ready to be a dom or a sub. Then you have a lot to learn.

Follow my slave's blog slave skye's real life blog if we can get 100 followers she is going to start posting pictures!!! I know there are at least 100 of you that want to see that click the link enter your email and follow. We hit 100 then she has said she will post a picture of herself.
jerseylynn
Posted: Saturday, July 28, 2012 7:11:05 PM

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The only thing i liked about the books was in the beginning they discussed contracts. I don't feel they are discussed enough and the fact they did discuss them and mention it even explain it was great..other then that the books and sub annoyed the hell out of me.

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timeflys
Posted: Wednesday, August 01, 2012 5:10:23 PM

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Excuse me if I sound hipsterish by saying this, but I enjoy the books but then I realized they have SOOO much attention. I feel like if a book in this style is good then y'know privately advertise it, but the cash cow its become has made me lose respect for the author. Bottom line I enjoy the books but god help me I will not be apart of it if it becomes another Twi-tard fad. Good books, too much hype.
ssshspotter
Posted: Wednesday, August 08, 2012 2:53:50 PM

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latinfoxy wrote:


PS: if you havent read this books, i really recomend them they are really good!! If you are a guy you probably wont like them though, they are kind of like a chick flick but with BDSM on it evil4


Hi, I am a guy and I have, literally, just finished reading the first of the triolgy. I quite enjoyed it. I will definitely be reading the other two books.
I liked the banter and behavioural patterns, between them. Possibly because I was in a similar relationship dynamic to them. Just, without the BDSM parts. We both wanted each other but, in very different ways. When we were together, it was sex, sex, sex and more sex. We could only "communicate" electronically. Perhaps that makes a difference to my enjoyment of them?

Sex makes the world go around. If two (or more) people are involved, so much the better!
Sirene_Jaune
Posted: Wednesday, August 15, 2012 2:37:51 AM

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I think the reason I dislike the series is because the writing is so cliched, the characters is so far fetched. The style of writing looks like it was written by a virgin teenager not a married middle aged woman. Ah I could go on and on.

Though for me it was that Christian is down right an abuser. He gave Anastasia welts because she sunbathed topless in France as punishment. He called her all the names under the sun because she was pregnant and he hit into her while she was carrying his child.

He pretty much stalked her and groomed her to be his living sex toy. Did anyone else find it creepy that he got her a personal trainer who had to report to him everything that Anastasia did.

The bondage, bdsm is just a cover up for his abusive behaviour. Surely no BDSM relationship is like what is described in 50 shades.

Christian openly said he is an abuser. Yet dimwitted Anastasia stays with him because he is oh so gorgeous, and he doesn't mean to be abusive. And she can change him to be a good man.

Also it isn't realistic that every abused child turns into an abuser. Saw an epsiode on Dr Phil of two famous Comic actors who suffered childhood abuse from the hands of their own mothers. They are not abusers to their partners.

Many women and men can not change the behaviour of their abusive partners no matter how much they try. At the end of the day the partner will choose to be abusive.

Sometimes when I see people that crow how much this book is great in the sex/romance department and feeling naughty. And how they want a Christian of their own. I wonder did these people have a lobotomy or have some sort of brian damage from taking drugs.

Axl - Take a look at our piercing menu.

Daria - I don't think that's how you spell "uvula."

Axl - That's not "uvula."

From: "Daria" episode "Pierce Me"
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, August 15, 2012 1:50:37 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
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Wildcat wrote:
I finished the first book... didn't quite learn my lesson.... half way through the second.... I listened to my "inner goddess".. she was screaming at me....."why the fuck are you reading this crap?"

I have to tell you, I've read better BDSM stories on Lush


I concur!

It really should be renamed "Fifty shades of shite".
MoonlightSerenity
Posted: Wednesday, August 15, 2012 2:15:42 PM

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DoraTheSexplorer wrote:


I concur!

It really should be renamed "Fifty shades of shite".


I already call it that.

Lets all work together to get the name changed of the book!!!

Teased and Tormented -My very first story and competition entry is now up!
Dani
Posted: Wednesday, August 15, 2012 2:44:07 PM

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Sirene_Jaune wrote:
I think the reason I dislike the series is because the writing is so cliched, the characters is so far fetched. The style of writing looks like it was written by a virgin teenager not a married middle aged woman. Ah I could go on and on.

Though for me it was that Christian is down right an abuser. He gave Anastasia welts because she sunbathed topless in France as punishment. He called her all the names under the sun because she was pregnant and he hit into her while she was carrying his child.

He pretty much stalked her and groomed her to be his living sex toy. Did anyone else find it creepy that he got her a personal trainer who had to report to him everything that Anastasia did.

The bondage, bdsm is just a cover up for his abusive behaviour. Surely no BDSM relationship is like what is described in 50 shades.

Christian openly said he is an abuser. Yet dimwitted Anastasia stays with him because he is oh so gorgeous, and he doesn't mean to be abusive. And she can change him to be a good man.

Also it isn't realistic that every abused child turns into an abuser. Saw an epsiode on Dr Phil of two famous Comic actors who suffered childhood abuse from the hands of their own mothers. They are not abusers to their partners.

Many women and men can not change the behaviour of their abusive partners no matter how much they try. At the end of the day the partner will choose to be abusive.

Sometimes when I see people that crow how much this book is great in the sex/romance department and feeling naughty. And how they want a Christian of their own. I wonder did these people have a lobotomy or have some sort of brian damage from taking drugs.


These are my sentiments, exactly. I don't know much about the BDSM lifestyle, but this was no BDSM "relationship". All I got out of this was that he enjoyed abusing/controlling her...and her pleasure wasn't a factor. And the writing itself was absolutely ridiculous.



We're tiny. We're toony. We're all a little looney. And in this cartoony, we're invading your TV.

BabydollSlave
Posted: Wednesday, August 15, 2012 5:51:24 PM

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i actually got these books from a co worker that was in love with them. i recently just got into a relationship that is well....controlling. I guess you say if you were a fan of the book i am being groomed and corrupted XD. he read parts of the books and said....really? that is shit! so as far as the books go they were better then twilight but not worth all the hype.
two as far as the relationship in the book to real life...not sure im just learning ^^

my newest :)
Pixie
Posted: Saturday, August 25, 2012 4:57:26 PM

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I am reading this book now and I would LOVE to find a man like Christian Grey!

♥ Listen, touch, and look around in the air and on the ground. If you watch all nature's things, you might just see a fairy's wings. ♥
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