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Why Do People Have to Be So Crap? Options · View
Shylass
Posted: Friday, August 03, 2012 11:43:48 AM

Rank: Gingerbread Lover

Joined: 1/6/2012
Posts: 3,591
Location: Trumpton, United Kingdom
Regular as clockwork, at least twice a year, somebody says something mean about how I look. They are always strangers, always men, always in public (usually as we pass each other in the street), and always for no reason with no eye contact or provocation.

Please don't give me your sympathy or tell me to ignore them. I know what I am and how I look. I can't escape it and it can't be changed. They're only speaking the truth.

But why do they have to do it? This morning was a new one on me. He said, "Fucking hell!" really nastily and looked at me as if I were a piece of dog poo. Normally they ridicule me by laughing, making sarcastic comments about what they'd have to do to fuck me or how they'd love to (not). Sometimes they point out the obvious about certain features, sometimes they tell me I should stay out of sight. One person once told me I should kill myself and do everybody a favour.

I do my best to be kind to people in general. I spent 8 years as a community worker with abused families, schools, training adults to work with disaffected youth and to train other adults. I go out of my way to try and justify my existence in the world. I wish I wasn' t here. I never wanted to be here, but I am and whilst I'm not well enough to do what I used to, I try to make positive difference wherever I can.

Why do people have to be so crap? I'm doing my best. It's clearly not good enough, but that's not for want of trying. Why can't people just live and let live? Why do they have to make it so hard? Because if people do it to me, they must be doing it to other people.

I just feel like actual crap and I can't stop frying. Ha ha i meant to write crying but i'll leave it. Why do they do it? What does it achieve? Even if what they said wasn't true, what do they stand to gain from being so mean?

Sorry for going on, i just don't understand why.

Ut incepit fidelis, sic permanet.

***
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WellMadeMale
Posted: Friday, August 03, 2012 12:06:16 PM

Rank: Constant Gardener

Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 10,213
Location: Cakeland, United States
People who exhibit this sort of behavior are suffering their own degrees of miserable existence, Shy. That's about the only reason I've ever been able to think up for the why.
I've received doses of this seemingly random yet directed vitriol before, in my own life.

I'd suggest that you not let it get to you, but I know that it is often times very difficult to just ignore.

Those people are miserable wastes of meatbag flesh, eventually I just accepted them for the stain they are and as long as they don't attempt to inflict anything approaching physical abuse towards me, I can either sneer back, lob a verbal bomb towards their shit infested personalities or blissfully ignore them - as I see fit. It depends upon what time of the month I'm caught off guard. evil4

This one comment has helped me since I was an often picked upon teenager:

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt



If ya can't beat 'em... pay someone to do it for you.
Dancing_Doll
Posted: Friday, August 03, 2012 12:11:10 PM

Rank: Alpha Blonde

Joined: 2/17/2010
Posts: 5,956
Location: In your dirty fantasies
Maybe you need to move to a new neighbourhood. Or to Canada. I mean, do people really act like this? Damn.

I thought juvenile stuff like this was reserved for junior high antics. These are the low-class types making remarks like this - and I'll go out on a limb and guess they are not exactly prize catches themselves. Maybe they feel better about themselves for about 5 seconds after putting someone else down - that's typically the motivation.

Just dumbasses being dumbasses, I guess. It's easy to say 'don't let it get to you' but easier said than done. I can only imagine how gutted you must feel after hearing these things.


elitfromnorth
Posted: Friday, August 03, 2012 1:19:42 PM

Rank: Brawling Berserker

Joined: 2/12/2012
Posts: 1,588
Location: Burrowed, Norway
Like WMM said, they do it to make themselves feel better. They have some features or flaws in their character that makes them feel inadequate and useless. They can't work with themselves to get past them or find other ways so they can look in the mirror and say "I feel pretty good about myself". Usually on a daily basis they're lower than you, at least on the inside. They might appear like confident people, but when the cover is blown it's usually nothing more than a scared little boy that has to abuse other people to make themselves feel like less shit. Some people are just cunts.

If you want to then you could always throw a remark back. You're an intelligent girl and I'm quite sure you'd be able to come up with something good that would make them blush and look like a complete and utter idiot Big Hugs

Or just leave them alone. Probably the best thing. Hugs

"It's at that point you realise Lady Luck is actually a hooker, and you're fresh out of cash."
Magical_felix
Posted: Friday, August 03, 2012 4:48:43 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/3/2010
Posts: 4,543
Location: California
I don't suggest you do this... I'm just saying "hey, wouldn't it be funny?"

Hey, wouldn't it be funny if next time some dude randomly did that you fucking pepper sprayed his face and then run away as fast as you can after savoring the scene for a couple of seconds, maybe kicking him over so you get a head start, in case you didn't get him in both eyes?



Michael
Posted: Friday, August 03, 2012 5:00:15 PM

Rank: Author

Joined: 10/22/2011
Posts: 2,005
Location: Expat in, Russia
In the few months you have been here you have already made nearly two hundred friends... That is two hundred people that are your friends because they like you... the real you. Enjoy the friends you have and try to remember them when you hear comments from these other idiots that will never know you for the truly lovely person you are.

I am proud to be one of your two hundred friends.


Guest
Posted: Friday, August 03, 2012 5:41:36 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 470,343
FtLMale wrote:
In the few months you have been here you have already made nearly two hundred friends... That is two hundred people that are your friends because they like you... the real you. Enjoy the friends you have and try to remember them when you hear comments from these other idiots that will never know you for the truly lovely person you are.

I am proud to be one of your two hundred friends.



Where's the Like button?My 2 cents
Lisa
Posted: Friday, August 03, 2012 5:50:55 PM

Rank: Moderator

Joined: 3/3/2009
Posts: 5,080
Location: Victoria, Australia
Shylass wrote:
Why do people have to be so crap? I'm doing my best. It's clearly not good enough, but that's not for want of trying. Why can't people just live and let live? Why do they have to make it so hard? Because if people do it to me, they must be doing it to other people.


I think it's generally a good indicator as to how they really feel about themselves. Most people internalise their negative feelings, taking it out on themselves while they put on a brave face for everyone else. Then there are others like the ones you mentioned who like to inflict their feelings on those around them, trying to make everyone else feel as miserable as they do.

I have a friend who hears similar things to those that have been said to you. She has no problem telling these people what she thinks of them, but in private it upsets her a lot. I don't know what can be done about it. I'm sorry you've been treated this way.
littlemissbitch
Posted: Friday, August 03, 2012 6:39:18 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/6/2011
Posts: 778
Location: the land of enchantment, United States
Magical_felix wrote:
I don't suggest you do this... I'm just saying "hey, wouldn't it be funny?"

Hey, wouldn't it be funny if next time some dude randomly did that you fucking pepper sprayed his face and then run away as fast as you can after savoring the scene for a couple of seconds, maybe kicking him over so you get a head start, in case you didn't get him in both eyes?


yes that would be funny..

and direct them here Shylass...here they would be nobody while you are a shining star :) here you are loved for who and how you are where it matters most over how you might look. here in these forums is where substance of character is revered rather than appearance and those losers would have not one thing of import to contribute to our society, while you have brought a sunniness and a perspective that i personally have found refreshing and endearing.

or...fuck em, they suck.

littlemissbitch ~ professional face ripper offer, at your service..
Guest
Posted: Friday, August 03, 2012 6:57:36 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 470,343
Shy, I often wish I lived closer so that I could hang around and kick idiots like that's arses... I'm not even joking!

You're an awesome person and I've seen that for myself, in person...

I must say that I am proud to call you my friend and as you know, I'm going to come and visit you again, soon...

Not because I feel obliged, but because I think you're WAY cool, you know?

As for these idiots? Fuck em...
Guest
Posted: Friday, August 03, 2012 7:03:16 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 470,343
FtLMale wrote:
In the few months you have been here you have already made nearly two hundred friends... That is two hundred people that are your friends because they like you... the real you. Enjoy the friends you have and try to remember them when you hear comments from these other idiots that will never know you for the truly lovely person you are.

I am proud to be one of your two hundred friends.


Agreed!!

I have sent out exacty 3 friend requests. Daisy was one of them, you have to be pretty special for me to send you a request ^_^

Next time someone tries to put you down, think of a shark flopping up onto a large boat full of centipedes and eating them all, then think to yourself: Thank goodness I wasn't on that boat. .. .. that poor shark, all those centipedes must be harsh on it's stomach.
Shylass
Posted: Friday, August 03, 2012 7:03:36 PM

Rank: Gingerbread Lover

Joined: 1/6/2012
Posts: 3,591
Location: Trumpton, United Kingdom
Fanks.

Gonna get me some pepper spray.

Gonna learn me how to post in green from my Shiny without screwing it up.


Ut incepit fidelis, sic permanet.

***
********************************CLICK THE BANNERS TO BUY THESE WILLY-STIFFENING BOOKS!********************************
Guest
Posted: Friday, August 03, 2012 7:13:39 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 470,343
Ive just read my mum this whole thread...

She says that these people (the ones you're talking about, daisy, not my fellow Lushies) are fucking morons...

There you have it... Mazzas mum said so... Word...

(I SO never said anything about lush though... Jesus!!! Ha ha)
Shylass
Posted: Friday, August 03, 2012 7:21:40 PM

Rank: Gingerbread Lover

Joined: 1/6/2012
Posts: 3,591
Location: Trumpton, United Kingdom
Mazza wrote:
Ive just read my mum this whole thread...

She says that these people (the ones you're talking about, daisy, not my fellow Lushies) are fucking morons...

There you have it... Mazzas mum said so... Word...

(I SO never said anything about lush though... Jesus!!! Ha ha)


Jesus is a Lushie? You'd think He'd 'ave a word or summat! angry7

Ut incepit fidelis, sic permanet.

***
********************************CLICK THE BANNERS TO BUY THESE WILLY-STIFFENING BOOKS!********************************
sprite
Posted: Friday, August 03, 2012 7:35:34 PM

Rank: Her Royal Spriteness

Joined: 6/18/2010
Posts: 13,613
Location: My Tower, United States
some people are just mean. that's not a reflection on you, that's merely a reflection on them. sadly, it doesn't change the hurt it causes when they do it. i wish i had good advice on how to handle it other then having a prepared come back, but that's just not something you should have to worry about either. i hope that, one day, someone will do the right thing and hear those comments and step in and tell them off for making them. hopefully, someone rich and handsome and charming who will then sweep you off your feet and buy you a boat and a garden and treat you like the princess you are. *hugs*

1ball
Posted: Friday, August 03, 2012 7:37:36 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/13/2011
Posts: 970
Location: United States
I'm going to take each of your questions as it they weren't rhetorical. Maybe what I say will give you some perspective.

Shylass wrote:
But why do they have to do it?


When I was very young, maybe 4 or 5, I was with my mother in a supermarket and I saw a girl about my age whose face was more than half covered with deep red blotchy birth marks. I said, "Ooh! Look at her face!" I didn't mean anything by it. I was surprised and I just didn't know better. I might even have been a little afraid. My mother immediately corrected my behavior and apologized to the girl's mother. I'm 55 years old and I remember it like it was yesterday and I have never done anything like that again. So my answer to your question is, they weren't raised right. They may have been told not to do things like that, but they weren't taught not to do things like that.

Quote:
Why do people have to be so crap?


They don't. It's entirely voluntary, but some people don't respond well to being startled by the unusual and they speak before thinking. They may then feel embarrassed, which of course they hate, but then they blame the person who they believe caused the embarrassment. It's like I said, they weren't raised right.

Quote:
Why can't people just live and let live?


People, especially males, are taught to win, to trounce, to trash talk, to humiliate opponents, to dominate, to control. Being insensitive is actually even rewarded, especially if they were raised by someone who believes it's their responsibility to raise their kids to be hard. Like I said, they just weren't raised right.

Quote:
Why do they have to make it so hard?


They aren't trying to. That's just a consequence of not being raised right.

Quote:
Why do they do it?


Because they are emotionally immature.

Quote:
What does it achieve?


Probably a feeling of superiority, but if we're lucky, and they are with somebody who was raised right, they get a stern lecture or at least get told that they are fucking assholes.

Quote:
what do they stand to gain from being so mean?


Nothing worth anything. They get to postpone becoming more mature until somebody calls them a fucking asshole for it.

I'm not sure what response would be appropriate in Scotland, but in the US, "Fucking inbred piece of shit!" works, because it lets them know you think they weren't raised right. evil4


My latest story is too hot to publish. My most recent story before that is Even Stranger In Lust
Frank_Lee
Posted: Friday, August 03, 2012 7:38:37 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/30/2010
Posts: 204
I'm not sure what to say, other than Daisy is the kind of person anyone with a shred of decency and basic awareness would treat with a very high degree of regard. To say the very LEAST. But just imagine what a hard core life it must be for a sadass motherfucker like that goosestepping every day through the deep manure of his own, lamentable existence. HIS friends probably have to be soundly pissed in order to tolerate the aromatic tedium of his presence. I just feel pity - not sympathy, mind you...i'm not that generous - for anyone who has to get through their day with that big a void smack dab in the middle of what makes us different than...say...um...flatulent, needle-dick gnats.

I'm not even sure it's worth trying to figure people out anymore. I mean...the same species that produced John Coltrane, Mother Theresa and Mozart also brought us Ted Bundy, Margaret Thatcher, Sarah Palin, Donald Trump, Donald Trump's barber, the first three Mrs Trumps and the asshole who invented childproof bottle tops.

Go figure.

Shylass rocks.



tazznjazz
Posted: Friday, August 03, 2012 8:18:42 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/30/2012
Posts: 329
Location: under bright lights, United States
I would suggest you concider all the wonderful people you know, and the sweet things people have said to you and about you and I bet that there are many more fine, caring people in your world than small minded idiots that dont deserve your time or attention. Concentrate on good people and walk away from haters that dont deserve your notice, as that is why they say hateful things, to try to raise themselves, but end up with a belittling boomerang.
Guest
Posted: Friday, August 03, 2012 8:42:46 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 470,343
Just because someone says something Shylass doesn't make it the truth.

Stupid little fuckers like this belittle others because they have no feelings of self worth and it makes them feel superior for a couple of minutes. If someone says something rude or belittling to me, I pretend I didn't hear it, and move on. People like this don't DESERVE your time or recognition. When there is no reaction from me all attention is diverted back to the abuser, making him look like the idiotic little fuckwit he really is. Try it Shylass, you will be surprised at the power and confidence it will give you.
Frank
Posted: Friday, August 03, 2012 8:58:56 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 11/16/2011
Posts: 9,201
Location: Pleasure dome, United Kingdom
Unfortunately many individuals fundamentally are both sexually repressed and feel inadequate in themselves to a greater or lesser degree, resulting in denial in their own true identity and insecurities. Their actions and/or words providing emotionally immature and irrational responses illustrating the point, as in your example.
There is a pathetic false sense of self belief being clearly illustrated by such behaviour.
The sad truth is that only in times of tragedy do these individuals get a wake up call.
Live and let live.
Love and hate are close bed fellows, both obsessions. Only have one. Those who dwell and store up hate do themselves so much more damage than that originally inflicted.
I do not feel sorry for you but rather think it a shame you had this happen to you. I, but more importantly you, know you have so much more about yourself.

My 2 cents

________________________________________________________________

Experience is not what happens to you; it's what you do with what happens to you.
Aldous Huxley

LauraLee_sugah
Posted: Friday, August 03, 2012 9:47:08 PM

Rank: Purveyor of Sweetness

Joined: 9/10/2011
Posts: 2,324
Location: the sweet, sunny south, United States
are any of these people those who should care for you? have they said they were your friends and then acted like they had their heads up their butts???? we need to find a mental picture you can call up so you can laugh in their faces when they act like that.... YOU are wonderful... they are idiots...

sometimes i have to watch....

read my masturbation story, Isla
scooter
Posted: Friday, August 03, 2012 10:23:15 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 2/24/2010
Posts: 2,698
Location: Ohio
WellMadeMale wrote:
People who exhibit this sort of behavior are suffering their own degrees of miserable existence, Shy. That's about the only reason I've ever been able to think up for the why.
I've received doses of this seemingly random yet directed vitriol before, in my own life.

I'd suggest that you not let it get to you, but I know that it is often times very difficult to just ignore.

Those people are miserable wastes of meatbag flesh, eventually I just accepted them for the stain they are and as long as they don't attempt to inflict anything approaching physical abuse towards me, I can either sneer back, lob a verbal bomb towards their shit infested personalities or blissfully ignore them - as I see fit. It depends upon what time of the month I'm caught off guard. evil4

This one comment has helped me since I was an often picked upon teenager:

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt



Rock-on WMM
Saga
Posted: Friday, August 03, 2012 11:27:58 PM

Rank: Corporal Turnip

Joined: 6/7/2012
Posts: 4,835
Location: Canada
People like that makes me so mad!! They have no bloody right to make you feel bad about yourself. You have a whole bunch of people here that care about you and know the real you! Dont even listen to those other useless piece of shit ASSHATS!! You are worth so much more then that! *hugs*
Guest
Posted: Saturday, August 04, 2012 1:57:54 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 470,343
I am so very sorry,..and yes I know you don't wish sympathy, but I just want to hug you, I want to make the sun shine just above where you are standing,..and a big rain cloud to follow and be above the mean people in this world. Don't even try to change for others even if you could, sounds to me like you have a heart of gold and that my dear is priceless. I recently lost a lot of weight after a life time of being told nasty cruel things, being called names as people drove past, people barking or mooing like a cow..and guess what, after losing so much, then people started to ask what was wrong with me,..I looked sick, did I have cancer..I went from feeling great to being a bit lost..now I am just trying to be me. Hold your head high!
Dani
Posted: Saturday, August 04, 2012 2:38:21 AM

Rank: Penguin Wrangler

Joined: 12/25/2010
Posts: 4,019
Location: Under Your Bed, United States
Some people are just ignorant little shits. When you KNOW better, you DO better. As others have said before me, it's a reflection upon them, and not YOU, my dearest Daisy. And again, as others before me have said, you are just pure delight. You outshine those miserable fuckers even on your WORST day. Your existence doesn't need to be justified, sugar plum. Everything that you are is one of the few good/beautiful things in this fucked up world. No one will ever know the exact reasons why people feel the need to put down a random stranger on the street. My best guess would be that they're compensating for something missing in their own pathetic lives. I personally see no reason why any well-adjusted human being would feel the need to so carelessly bring down another. But alas, them putting you down says EVERYTHING about them and nothing about you. I'm gonna close my eyes for a minute and mentally send you the biggest hug I can muster...Big Hugs I hope you felt it!

And also, I'm gonna teach you a philosophy I've been living by since I was 18 years old (legal here in the states). It's called the "3 'F' Rule", and it's a bit silly, but it's helped me to put things into perspective: If they're not Feeding, Financing, or Fucking you, then their opinions don't matter...unless you want them to.



We're tiny. We're toony. We're all a little looney. And in this cartoony, we're invading your TV.

NathanDrake
Posted: Saturday, August 04, 2012 3:01:36 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 1/15/2011
Posts: 15
Location: United States
Quote:
Regular as clockwork, at least twice a year, somebody says something mean about how I look. They are always strangers, always men, always in public (usually as we pass each other in the street), and always for no reason with no eye contact or provocation.


You just don't notice women saying mean things because more often it'll be behind your back.

I have more experience hearing women saying cruel, vicious things about other women, than men saying mean things to a woman to her face. Actually, for every one mean thing I heard a man say to a woman I've heard thousands of compliments.

Save some pepper spray for your fellow women.


crazydiamond
Posted: Saturday, August 04, 2012 3:34:41 AM

Rank: Clever Gem

Joined: 7/17/2011
Posts: 2,285
Location: Exactly where I should be!, Canada
I tend to be quite non-confrontational, so with that in thought I would maybe Yell as loud as I could muster "GLASS HOUSES PRICK" and then proceed to run like hell.
But I stick by what I said on the phone D, he obviously hates himself so much, that he has to put other people down to feel better about his sorry ass.


jollylolly
Posted: Saturday, August 04, 2012 5:39:49 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 6/24/2012
Posts: 334
Location: Texas, United States
Wow, I really don't understand that kind of deliberate maliciousness. They must feel the need to offload their misery and insignifigance onto complete strangers, but THEY should be the ones who can't stop frying/crying, because who could actually enjoy the company of someone like that?!?! You, however, are a shining light of wit, charm, and wisdom here on Lush, and I think your real life friends and family are very lucky to have you!
Guest
Posted: Saturday, August 04, 2012 5:43:33 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 470,343
They are just asshole...once an asshole always an asshole..just like bein an idiot they can help themselves because their dumber than a box of rocks..some people are just right down mean they think it makes them superior to others but all it does is show their ignorance..most people like that dont have many friends they wouldnt know what a friends is if one bit them in the ass..one day they will meet someone meaner than they are and say something mean to them it'll make them pause for a second..but i doubt they'll know what was said like i said thet are dumber than a box of rocks..you have friends that love you think about that next time an asshole says something..
freakycactus
Posted: Saturday, August 04, 2012 9:24:32 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 5/12/2010
Posts: 409
Location: On my cloud, United Kingdom
slipperywhenwet2012 wrote:
Some people are just ignorant little shits. When you KNOW better, you DO better. As others have said before me, it's a reflection upon them, and not YOU, my dearest Daisy. And again, as others before me have said, you are just pure delight. You outshine those miserable fuckers even on your WORST day. Your existence doesn't need to be justified, sugar plum. Everything that you are is one of the few good/beautiful things in this fucked up world. No one will ever know the exact reasons why people feel the need to put down a random stranger on the street. My best guess would be that they're compensating for something missing in their own pathetic lives. I personally see no reason why any well-adjusted human being would feel the need to so carelessly bring down another. But alas, them putting you down says EVERYTHING about them and nothing about you. I'm gonna close my eyes for a minute and mentally send you the biggest hug I can muster...Big Hugs I hope you felt it!

And also, I'm gonna teach you a philosophy I've been living by since I was 18 years old (legal here in the states). It's called the "3 'F' Rule", and it's a bit silly, but it's helped me to put things into perspective: If they're not Feeding, Financing, or Fucking you, then their opinions don't matter...unless you want them to.


I don't have anything to add to what's been said but I just wanted to echo what others have said, particularly the bolded bits. We've never spoken, just exchanged a message or two in the forum and I know that what I've bolded is true.

I hope that never happens to you again but some people are just shit so it probably will, if it does, just remember all the replies you're getting on this thread. People feel this strongly because of the impact you've made since joining - this is how much everyone loves you.

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