Is sex on a first date wrong?

By BELLA BATTLE
April 30, 2007

SEX on a first date is for one-night stands, right? Well, actually, no.

According to new book The Rough Guide to the Brain, sleeping with someone early on can INCREASE your chances of a long-term relationship.

Author and biologist Dr Barry Gibb reckons romps spark chemical changes in the brain that lead to love.

He explains: “During sex and particularly orgasm, the hormones oxytocin and vasopressin are released, which are associated with the build-up of commitment, bonding and trust.”

So if that’s the case, can it really be so wrong to bounce into bed together from day one?

Here top sexperts Sarah Hedley and Dr Petra Boynton argue for and against first-night nookie with your fella.

IS IT BAD TO HAVE SEX ON A FIRST DATE?

YES
SARAH HEDLEY is the Sun online’s resident sexpert and editor of Scarlet magazine.

“I’m not here to dictate how women run their sex lives – we should all have the right to choose without fear of judgement – but personally I think first-date sex is a bad idea.

If it’s a one-night stand then fine, but if you’re considering a long-term relationship, there’s still stigma attached to getting it on the first night.

The person you’re with may assume you do this often and the last thing a guy wants to hear is, “I don’t always do this” – it’s such a cliché.

There are safety issues too. It’s essential you wear a condom as you cannot know a stranger’s sexual history and there’s also the risk that they could be an axe-wielding maniac!

Rushing into sex takes all the romance and the chase out of being with a new man.

The thing about a good orgasm is the longer you build up to it the more impact it will have and I definitely think that translates into dating as well.

If you’ve anticipated that first time together there’s going to be more excitement and more tension.

People could argue it’s probably nice to get it out of the way but I like the excitement of the build-up.

The argument that you’re having sex early on only because you know you want a long-term relationship with this person is mad.

How do you know that’s what he’s thinking? You could end up having a lot of terrible one-night stands and feel used."

NO
DR PETRA BOYNTON is a sex researcher at University College, London

"The decision to have sex on a first date depends on many factors, not least the individuals concerned.

Maybe you’ve got to know the person beforehand via email or internet dating so while it’s technically a first date you’ve spoken to them a fair bit already.

It tends to work when there’s a genuine sense of trust from the beginning and you’ve gone for it because you really fancy each other without unrealistic expectations.

It tends to be a problem when you think if I don’t sleep with this guy, I won’t see him again.

Many dating books still advice all couples to wait but there’s certainly evidence of couples who’ve slept together fairly early on and have stayed together.

I slept with my partner the first night we went out and we’re now expecting a baby together.

But some guys have double standards where they really like you, sleep with you and then decide they don’t want to be with you.

It’s probably not going to work with the kind of man who’s likely to judge you or leave you based on certain things you do early on in a relationship.

On the other hand, it’s easy for couples to get so hung up on when they should sleep together and how they should sleep together that it actually stops them enjoying the relationship.

There becomes this pressure to have incredible sex.

Don’t do it just to keep somebody happy or because you’ve been single for ages and you feel that if you don’t do it now you’ll never have sex again.

The bottom line is that if you have a great evening, feel safe and fancy the hell out of each other, go for it."

I have an uneasy feeling that females who "drop them" on a first date are seeking more than the obvious.

I cannot speak for any female other than myself, but to my mind there is a huge difference between mere sex on a first date, and the loving sexual intimacy that comes from having a deeply loving, longer term relationship, which can bring with it an uninhibited and honest gift of body and being.