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Rank: Active Ink Slinger
Joined: 9/25/2011
Posts: 11
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Well this post is for other women with teenage daughters like me. I'd like your thoughts as I'm confused and in a dark place. I started dating a really nice man named David about four months ago. We had a mutual interest in sailing and crewed on a boat together and we sort of "sparked". Well David is a bit younger than me at 34, but he made me laugh and he was a very talented and attentive lover. The sex was simply wonderful after being in a neglected state for so long since my separation and divorce. Yes I've had short term relationships, but nothing sustained with a strong and attentive lover. I started to bloom again I think and smiled a lot. I started to go to movies and restaurants again and really have fun. All of a sudden about a month ago he just ended everything with no real explanation. Then my daughter Stephanie started to act funny and to stay out much later than she did before and to "sleep over" at friends houses?? Something didn't feel right and then I confronted her when I called her friend's mother and she wasn't really at their house. It turns out she is seeing David now and they started sleeping together when I thought I was still dating him? I feel betrayed, but even more betrayed by my daughter. The last few days has seen a lot of tears by us both. Stephanie says she loves David and that their time together makes her feel wonderful. I don't know what to do? Should I try to force her to stop seeing him? She's nineteen so I don't really have much control. I know she was shattered by my divorce and this affected her feelings towards men. I feel like I have lost my husband (good riddance) but I don't want to lose my daughter as well? Confused and depressed? Any ideas ladies? Sorry this is so long?
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 9/4/2012
Posts: 279
Location: Indianapolis, United States
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This relationship between your daughter and your boyfriend probably won't last. Your relationship with your daughter will. I know it's hard to see the big picture when you're feeling betrayed, but my advice would be to let them be together if they want. If he's the kind of man who would dump you for your daughter, then he's not the man for you anyway. He'll probably dump her for someone else too.
Sooner or later he'll be out of the picture. Don't let your relationship with your daughter take a hit because of this asshole. Suck it up and be her friend - she's going to need one.
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 8/7/2009
Posts: 10,566
Location: The Other Side Of The Mirror
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I am a divorced mom of 3 daughters (late teens, early 20's). Luckily I have never experienced what you have and truly feel for you. I agree with Darcy. The guy is a jerk and is just looking for sex. Your daughter may think she loves him but she will eventaully realize the kind of man he is. Your daughter did betray you but she is young and I am sure it was not her intention. She probably fell for his fake charms and was so overwhelmed. And she will eventaully realize how she hurt you and apologize. She is your daughter, just love her and be there for her. She will need you always!! Just be strong for both of your sakes.
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Rank: Her Royal Spriteness
Joined: 6/18/2010
Posts: 8,128
Location: Oz, United States
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i don't have children. that said... the guys a douche bag. your daughter is 19. i did a lot of dumb things when i was 19. we all did. eventually, i figured it out. when i was 19 i was on the outs with my dad. big time. but you know, when i needed him, he was still there for me, and eventually we patched things up and i'm SO glad that i had that chance, that he gave me that chance. i would have been heartbroken if he hadn't. what she did hurt you, obviously - she is going to figure that out one day, probably when you're there for her after this douche bag starts fucking some other hottie. and she'll grow up and you'll end up with a better relationship because of all this.
 Bitches in the Basement on Amazon by our own Dancing Doll
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Rank: Internet Sensation
Joined: 3/30/2009
Posts: 3,976
Location: Cloudy dreams., Sweden
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She's your daughter, she's bound to have somewhat same taste in men as you do. He might leave her, she might leave him, but if they don't I think it's better for you to accept the fact that these two persons fell in love and are now a couple. This summer my mother and I met the same man during the same weekend. She was devastated when she found me walking around with him. He was a gentleman, bought both of us beer. My mum told me about her attraction to him so I, as the obedient child, let him go. She didn't even want him later on.. sheesh.. But she told me about him and how sweet he was and how hot he was in only boxers.. (gee thanks mum, for stealing him and rubbing it in.) There are other men who've been after me who when they can't have me try with my mother. Makes me realise how very right I was turning them down.
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 4/30/2012
Posts: 329
Location: under bright lights, United States
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This man/child is without ethics or morals and hopefully your daughter will see through him sooner than later, stick by her, she will need your love, wisdom, and understanding.
Good luck in a difficult situation.
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 5/27/2010
Posts: 903
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tazznjazz wrote:This man/child is without ethics or morals and hopefully your daughter will see through him sooner than later, stick by her, she will need your love, wisdom, and understanding.
Good luck in a difficult situation. I so agree here. The single most important person here has to be your Daughter. The guy's a toad, but sadly your Daughter, more than likely, is going to have to learn that for herself, most probably, the hard way. Stick with her, shield your own emotions and be supportive. She will be needing everything you can give her very soon, no doubt. She will, however, come out of the situation a stronger, young woman. Good luck x
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Rank: Rookie Scribe
Joined: 8/12/2012
Posts: 8
Location: Greater Washington DC Region, United States
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Your daughter is forever. Embrace her, support her and love her.
Its all good.
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 10/19/2011
Posts: 737
Location: where bugs die
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omg!! what kind of a asshole sleeps with a mother and a daughter at the same time??(that is.. not a lush story)
you dump that guy, you get your girl to dump this guy
my god...get into therapy with your daughter asap..there is a LOT more to this than u are telling us..i am 100 percent sure
your girl is the most important thing here...
wow....this guy makes me want to wretch...
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 4/16/2011
Posts: 839
Location: The Sprawl, United States
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1 month isn't love. Smh
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Rank: Thread Mediator
Joined: 12/25/2010
Posts: 1,540
Location: Under Your Bed, United States
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I agree with the general consensus here. She's 19. She's still figuring out a lot of shit. This guy is much older and knows exactly what to say to get her to fall for him. And I'm sure since she's your daughter, you've talked a lot about her...especially to him while you guys were dating. My guess is that he used that to his advantage. The best thing you can do is be there for your daughter, because she's gonna need you big time. And when he eventually breaks her heart, don't be all "I told you so." about it. She's going to be humiliated enough as it is. Just support her as best you can.
"Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You." - Dr. Seuss
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 3/29/2009
Posts: 215
Location: Nebraska, United States
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first of all the guy is a total and complete moral cesspool of the worst sort. he found you, jojo, and exploited you - divorced, lonely, self-esteem and sexual-esteem at a low. then he finds your daughter as well and does the same damn thing to her and behind your back just for good measure. I don't know if you can talk to your daughter about this at all but she needs to understand just how badly fucked up and that is, what a complete asshole this guy is and that she will simply be the next notch on this bastards head board. if you could have the guy checked out by someone you'll probably find that he is not just schtupping your daughter. this complete bonerheaded ass-stain makes me 
sorry you had to go through all this... - g
"Women should be obscene and not heard."
Groucho Marx
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 9/14/2012
Posts: 522
Location: somewhere boring, United States
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I know this is supposed to be for the ladies but i wanted to just say the guy sounds like a sexual leech or something like that, the fact he would treat you so nice and then turn around and then do that with your daughter is not only sick and wrong but its cruel not only to you but to your daughter. I dont see their relationship as something that will last and then your daughter will feel im sure as badly as you if not worse. The only thing i could think to do in a situation like that would be to sit down with your daughter and just talk to her. There isnt much else you can do but i do not believe you have lost your daughter.
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Rank: Advanced Wordsmith
Joined: 3/4/2012
Posts: 70
Location: United States
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Actually I can totally sorta relate to this situation. My mom is divorced and kinda went "boy crazy" after my dad left. Given her age and the way the world is today she started dating younger guys. Actually I have been quite attracted to some of them. I think this can be natural. Your daughter is young and inexperienced and probably the divorce left her shattered. When my dad left I got really fucked up and had a relationship with a much older man who took my virginity. It actually turned out fine, but as a mother you need to go with the flow and accept her mistakes. Just love her as much as you can even though I'm sure you're furious. At her age I'm sure he seems very sophisticated and stuff and probably the sex is much better than with the younger guys she's used to. I'm sure his "shine" will dull in time and she'll come back to you if you accept her.
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Rank: Active Ink Slinger
Joined: 9/25/2011
Posts: 11
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I want to thank all of you who took the time from your no doubt busy days to post suggestions. My FURY has abated somewhat, but it is still hard to deal with. I have resolved to maintain my love for my daughter irrespective of her insensitivity to my feelings. I feel it is part of my role as a mother to be wounded and to accept the pain. I do not accept what Stephanie has done, but I hope she will return to me at some point and we can repair our relationship. It was very hard yesterday when Stephanie got ready to go out and I saw her all dressed up and realized she would be meeting David. Painful does not even come close, but I didn't say a single word. (Thanks ladies...you helped). Stephanie did not come home last night and I got little sleep, but I have become determined to overcome this situation. I have dealt with my divorce so I know I can deal with this.
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Rank: Active Ink Slinger
Joined: 7/27/2012
Posts: 15
Location: United States
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Well I really feel for you.....gosh....if my daughter ever did that to me (haha don't laugh it could happen) I'd cut off her phone, her credit card, her internet.....I'd think about violent abuse.....probably later I'd calm down since it's only a man. They are pathetic/weak creatures who generally just follow their little head wherever it leads. As Tazz said he's a "man/child", but generally they all are. They are just built that way I find. Your daughter is 19 and at the point in her life when her body and her skin is the most radiant and the most appealing to men. Most probably from the divorce she is looking for a male father-figure type in her life and this fellow just happened along. I'm sure she'll get him out of her system after a few weeks. Good luck darling.....hugs from a distant place are being sent your direction.
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 11/16/2011
Posts: 5,900
Location: United Kingdom
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