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BigShyPussyKins
Posted: Tuesday, June 26, 2012 2:44:34 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 6/26/2012
Posts: 111
Location: United Kingdom
What tips and advice would you give to someone who is shy and not very confident when it comes to all matters to do with sex. Its like its all up in my head but I have lived a very sheltered life and find it hard to talk about 'it'. I'm better then I used to be but sometimes I just clam up.

The other week for example this guy who was so drunk just started chatting to me an my friend and wasn't particularly nice. I just felt so uncomfortable and he kept invading my personal space. However, about a week before that another guy was talking to me and I was perfectly fine with it and even flirted with him.

Its not the first time I've shut down like that either :/ Is it just the situation or the fact I'm inexperienced etc.

Love to know your thoughts and help please. Sometimes I get so fed up of being alone I cry myself to sleep. Other times when I hear about all the trouble my friends have with men I'm grateful.

Could it be I the fact I never really let the inner me out for fear of what my friends would think??
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, June 26, 2012 3:04:00 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 530,472
It's not shyness when you don't want to talk to a drunk guy who isn't being nice. It's being discretionary with whom you're comfortable.
freakycactus
Posted: Thursday, June 28, 2012 10:04:46 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 5/12/2010
Posts: 409
Location: On my cloud, United Kingdom
It's not a shyness thing. I'm a friendly, chatty person. If someone invades my personal space and makes me feel uncomfortable I become all but monosyllabic.

When you meet someone who's worth getting to know, like the guy from the week before, you'll feel more comfortable with them and you'll talk more. Which you did.

When you do find someone and start a relationship, when it comes to the sex they should make you feel comfortable to be around them, naked in front of them and to be able to talk about what you enjoy and don't enjoy, as well as fantasies. That doesn't happen straight away but it will come in time.

As for not feeling comfortable to be yourself in front of your friends, you should be able to be yourself around them. Is it because you feel they won't accept you or because you have confidence issues? If they can't accept you for who you are then are they really friends?

blazestcyr
Posted: Thursday, June 28, 2012 3:23:49 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/19/2011
Posts: 737
Location: where bugs die
have to agree with the above..drunk guys who get too close are seriously icky..so maybe you are just a good judge of character...the right guy..the right moment will come along..until then..take your shyess as your guy radar....weaning out the losers in life.
JesseS
Posted: Thursday, June 28, 2012 4:07:31 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/1/2010
Posts: 119
Location: United States
This might sound like over-kill, but why not take a karate course? It's great exercise, builds self-confidence, comes in handy for self-defense [like from drunk jerks] and you will get to talk to some new people.
lakelakelake
Posted: Thursday, June 28, 2012 4:50:12 PM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 4/11/2012
Posts: 4
Location: United States
the drunk guy is an ass . i'll chat about any thing if it turns to sex great if not great too long as you enjoy your self. when you find that some one you can talk to ask the to help you to start talking about sex at your pace
BigShyPussyKins
Posted: Friday, June 29, 2012 11:33:08 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 6/26/2012
Posts: 111
Location: United Kingdom
Thanks for the replies everyone and advise.

I think its a confidence not being myself around some of my friends - there is one who I can be. I've always been a bit of recluse almost when it came to going out with work etc as afraid (and still feel like it at times) that everyone is pointing and talking about me due to my size.

I guess I'm shy around memebrs of the opposite sex too which doesn't help.

Drunk guy was a definite ughh where as the other guy was 10 years younger lol, he had been drinking too but he was sweet, although I did spend all the next day doing numbers in my head like was it a joke with his mates to chat up the fat chick, did they take pics of it and are laughing at me etc.

samanthajones
Posted: Tuesday, July 24, 2012 7:45:04 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 7/2/2012
Posts: 13
If your having trouble being shy find someone or a group your comfortable being around. When your ready to try and take it to the next level, start by dressing in cute cloths and if you see there noticing you try flirting to break the ice. Be cautious it can go either way.
Emimeni
Posted: Tuesday, July 24, 2012 7:08:12 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 7/24/2011
Posts: 66
Location: United States
It's totally okay to be shy around drunk guys. Don't worry about them the day after, though; it's just as likely that they now regret how they were acting the night before.



From,
Emimeni
1ball
Posted: Thursday, July 26, 2012 11:00:39 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/13/2011
Posts: 970
Location: United States
BigShyPussyKins wrote:
What tips and advice would you give to someone who is shy and not very confident when it comes to all matters to do with sex. Its like its all up in my head but I have lived a very sheltered life and find it hard to talk about 'it'. I'm better then I used to be but sometimes I just clam up.


I have to wonder whether you've tried online dating or matchmaking services. I personally know a woman who never had a date until she was more than 40 years old when she joined one of the matchmaker sites. She's been in a committed relationship for about 8 years now. I'm not sure if I can mention the site or if you have it in the UK, but it's match.com. She got matched to one guy who was really a dud, but the second guy is the guy she's still with. She told him exactly what to expect before they met and the honesty made it much easier for her to overcome her shyness when they met. There are guys out there that either don't have a problem with or actually prefer almost any of the things that place someone outside the range of normal. If a computer can sort through 10,000 people and find 5 to match you with, that's still 5 people that you can practice overcoming your shyness with.



My latest story is too hot to publish. My most recent story before that is Even Stranger In Lust
BigShyPussyKins
Posted: Friday, July 27, 2012 12:15:49 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 6/26/2012
Posts: 111
Location: United Kingdom
Hi 1ball :)

No I've not tried dating sites yet. I need to get over the embarrasment of using them first, if that makes sense. I know loads of people use them regularly but to me, if people I know find out I'm on them, I worry what they would think :/ I'm 40 in February and can see life slipping away from me and destined to be single for ever. I would like to know what it feels like to be loved at least once in my life though :/

Having said that, I'm getting closer to joining more and more each day - so we shall see :)
2706ali
Posted: Friday, July 27, 2012 2:01:05 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/5/2010
Posts: 285
Location: London
i think you are on the perfect site to ask without embarrasement,and to be able try those awkward quesstions on the forum
1ball
Posted: Friday, July 27, 2012 2:49:25 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/13/2011
Posts: 970
Location: United States
BigShyPussyKins wrote:
Hi 1ball :)

No I've not tried dating sites yet. I need to get over the embarrasment of using them first, if that makes sense. I know loads of people use them regularly but to me, if people I know find out I'm on them, I worry what they would think :/ I'm 40 in February and can see life slipping away from me and destined to be single for ever. I would like to know what it feels like to be loved at least once in my life though :/

Having said that, I'm getting closer to joining more and more each day - so we shall see :)


I know exactly what you mean. There was a stigma attached to using matchmaker services here in the US since the first "computer dating" services started. People judged people for "having to resort to" getting such help finding someone. But there have always been ways to get help finding someone. Blind dates and introductions through friends and family are just two examples and your friends and family members are failing you. It isn't their fault and it isn't their job, but they shouldn't judge you for having to go looking where the field is already sorted by people's stated preferences. The stigma eventually went almost completely away here in the US. Think of it more as a sorting service instead of a dating service.

Nobody necessarily needs to know you're using one. When you finally decide to see someone, you can say it was someone you met online in a forum. That would be the truth, sort of.



My latest story is too hot to publish. My most recent story before that is Even Stranger In Lust
adele
Posted: Tuesday, October 02, 2012 2:05:16 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/8/2011
Posts: 20,668
Location: if I knew where I was then I would not be here...
I have to ask a couple of questions here that you don't need to answer, but think about anyway.

Are you just shy discussing sex or talking to guys in general?
Do you have the same issues talking about sex to female friends?
How "experienced" are you?

If you are rather inexperienced sexually, that could be a big part of your issues. You mentioned being a "fat chick". Could it be that you feel that by discussing sex with guys, they might think you were desperate for sex or perhaps slutty? Or it could just be that the subject has come up in less than optimal situations (i.e. in bars with a bunch of drunk guys around). In a more private social situation, with just closer friends around, it may be easier. you may need to start expanding your comfort zone some. practice a few dirty jokes or sexual innuendos you can use to kind of break the ice.

I understand this in that, while experienced in sex with men, I have no experience with women. After having recently discovering an attraction towards them, I find that I am still a bit shy discussing it with other women at first. Putting myself into situations where I know it will come up and I will have to discuss is helping to expand my comfort zone. Talking to people here on Lush provides enough anonymity to make it comfortable to talk about openly.


There is no mark of self,
And no mark of others,
No mark of living beings,
And no mark of a life.


-- The Diamond Sutra
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