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New Girlfriend, new challenge... her Herpes! Help. Options · View
MidKnightMan
Posted: Tuesday, October 09, 2012 6:34:11 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 9/18/2012
Posts: 13
Location: Spokane, United States
I want to thank everyone that weighed in with their valuable experience and oppinions here, and encouraged me to continue doing research and homework. This is a brand new relationship and not too complicated yet, nor with a set expectation from either party, so this will be an easy decision for me. After doing my do dilligence, I am going to keep the relationship platonic for obvious reasons. I am a guy who has worked hard his whole life to be healthy and fit. It is part of my lifestyle, something I'm proud of. I also am a guy who revels in the senses... ALL the senses, and do not want to rob myself of the experience of a woman or a relationship in all it's nuances and "flavors", all it's subtle joys and experiences. I'm too hungry for exploration and new experiences to be limited. Life is short, live it to the fullest, but in manners to do no harm to others! Thank you one and all. I know what an important subject this is for everyone, so glad it came up, even if at the expense of my confession. I'll move on.

Original post:

I have a new girlfriend who shared with me that she has had herpes since she was in her late teens. She is in her late 40's now. She says she controls it with diet, as she does not want to endure the possible side effect of a repressed immune system with herpes medications. I'm just starting to educate myself. Are all herpes medications risky (as risky as unprotected sex with such a partner - don't have to warn me there)? Is she correct to worry. I'm all for natural anything if it can be successful, of course.
I have combined natural with western pharmaceuticals in the past. Also, she says she can tell when it's active ("rarely") as she gets symptoms, especially in her legs. She might have been trying to assauge my fears of oral sex in this case (which I have not practiced with her). Is there a cure yet? We want to practice oral sex for one thing. I can use a condome for intercourse, though I hate to (I had a vesectomy years ago). Any medical advice here would be appreciated, especially straight information, from perhaps a medical professional. Thanks.
Dani
Posted: Tuesday, October 09, 2012 6:47:25 PM

Rank: Penguin Wrangler

Joined: 12/25/2010
Posts: 3,999
Location: Under Your Bed, United States
Well there's really no way around it. Although it may not be that big of a deal for her, it's different for everyone. Unless herpes is something you're ready to deal with, I'd say hold off on the whole oral sex thing. Or any unprotected sex for that matter. While Herpes is manageable, I'm sure you don't want it for the rest of your life. I didn't do any research or anything, but I'm fairly certain there's nothing that supports having any type of raw sex with someone with herpes.

But I do applaud you for wanting to try and coping with it. I wish you all the best.



We're tiny. We're toony. We're all a little looney. And in this cartoony, we're invading your TV.

WellMadeMale
Posted: Tuesday, October 09, 2012 9:33:45 PM

Rank: Constant Gardener

Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 10,212
Location: Cakeland, United States
I'm no doctor, but I can pretend to be one on the internet.
Where's that Dancing_Doll woman at, she knows a real doctor I think.

Pardner I'd say you're safe enjoying oral sex with her. I mean her, blowing you.

I wouldn't go down on her for all the tea in China. That might sound cold, but here's my rationale.

I don't want that stuff. I don't wanna take her word for when she thinks she's breaking out, she's had it for a long time, but...there are meds for that, have been since the late 80s and those medications have been becoming more effective.

It was nice of her to inform you before things between you two became fast n furious.

I've been 'there' before too. A woman I'd come to know over the internet, then via phone conversations, then a few actual dates. We enjoyed each other's company quite a bit.

Then she decided to have the talk with me. She claimed that it would be all right if I chose not to stay with her.

I declined to take things further, she may have been a bit upset, but she was a good sport about it...she and I stayed friendly (did things together) etc...but never escalated the friendship physically to include rubbing soft bits hard.

She eventually became married a few years later, so there are some guys out there who can overlook this.

Where's DD to chime in here.

If ya can't beat 'em... pay someone to do it for you.
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, October 09, 2012 10:11:51 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 470,102
If you desire sexual contact with this woman, then I urge you to use protection. There is no cure for Herpes. Type 1 or type 2. It's a virus. It can be passed even if she hasn't had an outbreak. If you want intercourse and not catch it. use a condom if she isn't in active outbreak. If she is in active outbreak, abstain altogether. As far as oral sex goes, use a dental damn. If you don't have one handy then the next best thing is a sheet of saran wrap. No kidding. It works like a champ and it is thin enough to allow her to receive pleasure.

Even with all of the advancements of modern medicine. There is still no cure for herpes. It is still a growing std. The numbers don't lie. Look up the stats. If you are in a committed relationship and don't ever plan on being with another partner, then maybe going without protection isn't such a big deal. Just make sure she is very in tune with her body.

I'm not a medical professional. I'm a swinger.....We look into this shit....Very thoroughly.

Id
MarySweets
Posted: Tuesday, October 09, 2012 10:48:04 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/5/2012
Posts: 292
Location: In my fantastic mind, Australia
I agree with others on here.

Myself honestly I wouldn't want to have any sexual contact with someone who has this disorder. After all if she is a girlfriend and not a wife persae I don't think I would risk it.

That's just me. However sweetie I think you need to do a bit of research into Herpes and really have a deep long think about it.

Even if her herpes are laying low at times please use protection.

X

"Sexual pleasure in woman is a kind of magic spell; it demands complete abandon; if words or movements oppose the magic of caresses, the spell is broken."

Simone de Beauvoir
FelineFantasy
Posted: Wednesday, October 10, 2012 12:37:32 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/14/2011
Posts: 387
I think asking for advice is one thing but don't make your final decision based off a few people's thoughts online. You need to consult your physician and gain their insight on the matter. You don't have to be stuck with wearing condoms all the time, the world of medicine has come a long way.. getting a proper medical opinion is the only solution. Express your concerns and discuss what type of medication she takes, how and what you can do to prevent yourself from contracting this STD.

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Magical_felix
Posted: Wednesday, October 10, 2012 8:20:15 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/3/2010
Posts: 4,531
Location: California
You should see what her friend, without herpes, is doing friday night.



myself
Posted: Wednesday, October 10, 2012 8:44:46 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/17/2010
Posts: 966
Location: .showyourdick.org/
“All paths are the same: they lead nowhere. ... Does this path have a heart? If it does, the path is good; if it doesn't, it is of no use. Both paths lead nowhere; but one has a heart, the other doesn't. One makes for a joyful journey; as long as you follow it, you are one with it. The other will make you curse your life. One makes you strong; the other weakens you.”
― Carlos Castaneda, The Teachings of Don Juan: A Yaqui Way of Knowledge

Torture the data long enough and they will confess to anything.
Dancing_Doll
Posted: Wednesday, October 10, 2012 8:52:14 AM

Rank: Alpha Blonde

Joined: 2/17/2010
Posts: 5,945
Location: In your dirty fantasies
Some quick facts on herpes from someone who is paranoid about STDS and likes to know the facts:

Condoms don't offer fully protection. The issue is 'viral shedding' (ie. herpes cells) that shed from the entire boxer short area. Condoms don't cover this entire area, but hey, it's better than nothing.

7 out of 10 cases of new herpes have occurred when the person had no visible symptoms of herpes (ie. sores). So... thinking it's safe just cause she's not having an outbreak will land you in trouble.

She can take a once a day anti-viral pill like Valtrex (long-term) to reduce the herpes-cell shedding and therefore reduce risk to you, and more nasty outbreaks for her.

Otherwise... yeah, it's just up to you how much risk you're willing to incur here. If you're really into here, I would definitely not have sex without condoms though... *especially* if she's not taking meds. Just way too risky, unless you don't care if you get them or maybe plan on her being "the one".

Herpes can also lay dormant (no symptoms) for years and then just pop up randomly from an infected partner you had years prior.

Oh yeah, and someone who has a cold sore and performs oral can end up giving you genital herpes.

I have two female friends who have herpes. They both are in functional long-term relationships (one had a baby). There's medical ways around things. Of course, I have no idea what the status is of their significant others now. I don't really want to ask.

As far as STDs go - this is probably one of the worst you can get since there's no cure.... so... yeah, assess your risks and be careful.

Edit: Funny to note - I've been in several bars and clubs where they have herpes posters (with scary facts) on the inside stall-doors of the bathroom so you can learn all about it while you pee and reconsider having sex with the cute guy that's been buying you drinks all night. Talk about a reality check. clown




lafayettemister
Posted: Wednesday, October 10, 2012 9:02:52 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/4/2010
Posts: 6,341
Location: Alabama, United States
I'm going to go with no sex at all. Definitely not your performing oral sex on her. And as DD said, a condom won't protect you. If you stay in this relationship and it becomes a long term commited thing, then you'll have some decisions to make. If you have any sexual contact with her you have to accept the fact that you could very possibly contract herpes. It may not be very PC, but it's your body and if you don't want to get herpes, then you need to move on. Unless you stay with this woman for the rest of your life, then you'll have to tell all YOUR future partners of your condition and risk losing them when they decide against staying with you. Could be your future soulmate that walks away. Sometimes life sucks, this is one of those times you may have to make a choice that is hurtful to someone else but is in your very best interest.





When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser. Socrates
WellMadeMale
Posted: Wednesday, October 10, 2012 9:48:10 AM

Rank: Constant Gardener

Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 10,212
Location: Cakeland, United States
Several years (a decade or so) ago, I read about an adult dating website for men & women who had contracted herpes.

It was not this one, but...

I bet the owner/operator clean$ up!

If ya can't beat 'em... pay someone to do it for you.
PhareDuFour
Posted: Thursday, December 13, 2012 5:23:15 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 10/23/2012
Posts: 57
Location: United Kingdom
Recently I looked this up after a girlfiend contracted Bell's Palsey, which is believed to be linked to HSV.

A couple things you should know in addition to Dancing Doll's tips:

Herpes 1 - most people already have it (80-90% of the population)
Herpes 2 - is genital herpes and is on the spread.

The damnest thing about HSV 2 is that is MORE contagious than AIDS. Basically you can get HSV 2 if you have ANY KIND of body contact with someone who has it - including through kissing, oral sex, straight sex (even with a condom), anal sex and even touching. It's highly contagious.

And just like AIDS, there is NO CURE for HSV 2. No vaccine (They almost had one, but it failed to protect anymore than 20% of the people who tested it).

The most curious thing about HSV 2 is that doesn't affect everyone. About 4 out 5 people get the disease, and never "break out". They never get the pain and the itching and the whole mess that goes along with it. That means there are a lot of people out their who have HSV 2 and have no clue they have it because they never get those icky sore on their genitals. Yet they can STILL give this disease to other people, and many do, because they don't even know they have it.

You might wonder why they have no clue, if they get blood tests at the doctors regularly. That's because they test for every kind of STD EXCEPT Herpes. You have to get an extra test for that.

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