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Notenough
Posted: Sunday, October 14, 2012 8:56:21 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/16/2010
Posts: 122
Location: In the woods near my cabin, United States
Hasabrain2 wrote:
Ok, let met set the record staight, I am not an ass. The way I set it, the selfish thing to do would a divorce. See that way the money I set aside for the kids' college fund would to child support, and I wouldn't be there to take the kids to school in the morning, or take the them the dentist or band practice, or school rehersal, etc. For the sake of the children I'm staying in the marraige. The selfish thing would be to leave.

Incidentally, I was there with my wife when her father and helped clean out her grandmother's apartment when her grandmother had to go into a nursing home. I als listen to her when she complains about "so and so" at work. Yet despite my support support groups etc,. she still hides sweets like an alcoholic hides booze.

Imagine your significant other 75 pounds overweight, often stinky with gas, and poor knees, and kids who need your daily love and attention, and look me in the eye and try to tell me I'm ass. I'm just human.



WOW. You say you are not selfish...Let me break it down for you my dear.

"The way I set it, the selfish thing to do would a divorce. See that way the money I set aside for the kids' college fund would to child support, and I wouldn't be there to take the kids to school in the morning, or take the them the dentist or band practice, or school rehersal, etc."

You say if you get a divorce that the money you put aside would go for child support instead of the college fund. Well let me clue you in on some facts. Fact, if you actually do this then the judge would order it to continue.

You say that you wouldn't be able to be there for the children. I know many parents that still work together. I know one father that comes to the mothers house and takes the children to school Comes to the practice sessions. A divorce wouldn't stop that unless you were abusive and would need a guardian enlighten.

You then say that ," I was there with my wife when her father and helped clean out her grandmother's apartment when her grandmother had to go into a nursing home. I als listen to her when she complains about "so and so" at work. Yet despite my support support groups etc,. " THAT WHATS MARRIAGE IS ALL ABOUT!!!!

"She still hides sweets like an alcoholic hides booze."

With your attitude and statments, I'm not suprised. " I wonder if you every give her a word of encouragement...I seriously doubt it. I read your words and its all about you. How about really looking at yourself. You seem to thank she should still have a great body after having kids. Well it doesnt work that way. Instead of support you put her down. Eating disorders are no different than an alchoholic. I bet you were constantly reminding her that if she ate something or too much that she would gain the weight back.

I have seen people (men and women) with the same attitude. What it really comes down to is you are afraid if you divorce its not you who will find the happiness. You are afraid she will find the happiness.

"Imagine your significant other 75 pounds overweight, often stinky with gas, and poor knees, and kids who need your daily love and attention, and look me in the eye and try to tell me I'm ass. I'm just human. "

I dont have to imagine it. He is overweight more than 75 lbs and did does have gas, he has poor knees and yes, we do have a child that needs love and attention. I WISH HE HAD MANY MORE DAYS TO BE FARTY, STINKY, IN HIS RIGHT MIND, AND NOT DYING.

You got one thing right. Yes you are human and a very selfish one at that. I suggest you be thankful that you have a wife with bad traits and all. I'm sure you are not without faults. Trust me, your not. No one is without faults.








Dancing_Doll
Posted: Monday, October 15, 2012 9:31:50 AM

Rank: Alpha Blonde

Joined: 2/17/2010
Posts: 6,302
Location: West Coast
I hate it when people give arguments that basically sound like "hey, I'm doing her a favour by staying with her."

It's rarely the case.

Have some respect for what you used to have and for the children you created together, and let her go.

It's one thing to not have the attraction anymore, it's another thing to deceive, lie and manipulate so that you can have your sex-cake on the side and stay with a woman you aren't attracted to, don't love and don't have compassion for. Not placing blame there - just calling it like it is.

The kids will be better off with two separate parental units that have chosen to respectfully end the marriage but still be there for them as any parent would.

You having an affair, trying to hide it, her low self-esteem probably getting lower, suspicions, resentment, anger... yeah, it's not a pic-nic for any kid to have to deal with.

Imagine this has fast-forwarded to the the future and this is your daughter in the same situation. Would you think it in her best interests to stick it out with a guy that was completely disinterested in her and enduring the situation while cheating on her.

Or if it were you - and you were ill, on meds that caused major weight gain, impotent, disabled or whatever and you knew you had become physically repulsive to her, would you rather that she just find another guy(s) on the side to make her happy while enduring her marriage vows with you?

I don't get why people think 'staying in the marriage' is the better option when things trainwreck like this. Both people will be happier outside of the emotional egg-shells they're likely living on while cohabiting in the same residence. Talk it out, end things respectfully, and move on.


sprite
Posted: Monday, October 15, 2012 9:40:07 AM

Rank: Her Royal Spriteness

Joined: 6/18/2010
Posts: 14,667
Location: My Tower, United States
affairs are for cowards. if you're really that unhappy, leave. as if, you're making both yourselves miserable - why stay in a marriage that you obviously want out of?

http://www.lushstories.com/stories/hardcore/west-coast-games-part-one-the-beach.aspx
lafayettemister
Posted: Monday, October 15, 2012 10:05:57 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/4/2010
Posts: 6,376
Location: Alabama, United States
To the OP. You may be a really shitty guy, but maybe not. It's a little easy to paint this guy as an awful person, but he's not a murderer. There is a slight double standard here. If a wife came onto Lush talking about how her husband has gotten big and fat and has horribly foul smelling farts and he wasn't satisfying her needs... no one would be calling her a names like: dick, selfish, nasty, dickhead, jerk. Everyone would be "there there, it's ok. if he's not fulfilling your every need and desire as a woman you should definitely go out and find some young big dicked stud to fuck your lights out. You go girl!" Give me a break.

As he said, leaving isn't an option because of the kids. Maybe he does, maybe he doesn't love his wife. But he clearly loves his kids. People always talk about deadbeat dads and men that leave the wives and children, talk about how we wish men would "think of the kids". Well, here's a guy that's doing that. We're going to shit on the guy because he wants to be around to raise his kids? Nah, I'm not buying that. Nor do I buy the concept that kids are "better off" when their parents divorce and all the stress of home life goes away. If there's daily yelling, screaming, arguing, fighting or constant verbal/physical confrontations, yes. Otherwise, sticking around for the kids isn't such a bad thing. As mentioned earlier, he never said he loves his wife. Never said he doesn't either. Maybe he loves her but isn't "IN" love with her.

Leaving isn't as easy as it sounds. As the father of children it's hard to just up and leave knowing that in our society you'll only get partial custody and your relationship with your kids will be limited. How many wives would leave their husbands if they knew that after leaving, they'd only see their kids every other weekend? And that the person you were unable to live with is the person raising your kids without your input. Not many, I promise you.

Dude, if you want to have an affair do it. But know that it's not good for your own personal soul. From one cheater to a potential cheater, don't go down that road unless you're certain you can live with it. And know that if you get caught, you will lose in divorce. You'll lose the kids and doing all those things you mentioned. No band practice, doctor's appointments, all that stuff will be done by the primary custodian. Your wife. You may "get" to do it on occassion, but it won't be your choice when you can or can't. After you cheat, you'll see a different man in the mirror. It's not all pussy and cum, it will weigh on your mind.


edit.... A quick search of Lush stories with the tag "cheating" opens 28 pages totaling 693 stories





When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser. Socrates
Guest
Posted: Monday, October 15, 2012 10:13:03 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,966
sprite wrote:
affairs are for cowards. if you're really that unhappy, leave. as if, you're making both yourselves miserable - why stay in a marriage that you obviously want out of?


This is pretty judgmental, and an oversimplification of a situation that's not cut and dry due to little ones.
Magical_felix
Posted: Monday, October 15, 2012 10:19:13 AM

Rank: Wild at Heart

Joined: 4/3/2010
Posts: 4,913
Location: California
lafayettemister wrote:
To the OP. You may be a really shitty guy, but maybe not. It's a little easy to paint this guy as an awful person, but he's not a murderer. There is a slight double standard here. If a wife came onto Lush talking about how her husband has gotten big and fat and has horribly foul smelling farts and he wasn't satisfying her needs... no one would be calling her a names like: dick, selfish, nasty, dickhead, jerk. Everyone would be "there there, it's ok. if he's not fulfilling your every need and desire as a woman you should definitely go out and find some young big dicked stud to fuck your lights out. You go girl!" Give me a break.

As he said, leaving isn't an option because of the kids. Maybe he does, maybe he doesn't love his wife. But he clearly loves his kids. People always talk about deadbeat dads and men that leave the wives and children, talk about how we wish men would "think of the kids". Well, here's a guy that's doing that. We're going to shit on the guy because he wants to be around to raise his kids? Nah, I'm not buying that. Nor do I buy the concept that kids are "better off" when their parents divorce and all the stress of home life goes away. If there's daily yelling, screaming, arguing, fighting or constant verbal/physical confrontations, yes. Otherwise, sticking around for the kids isn't such a bad thing. As mentioned earlier, he never said he loves his wife. Never said he doesn't either. Maybe he loves her but isn't "IN" love with her.

Leaving isn't as easy as it sounds. As the father of children it's hard to just up and leave knowing that in our society you'll only get partial custody and your relationship with your kids will be limited. How many wives would leave their husbands if they knew that after leaving, they'd only see their kids every other weekend? And that the person you were unable to live with is the person raising your kids without your input. Not many, I promise you.

Dude, if you want to have an affair do it. But know that it's not good for your own personal soul. From one cheater to a potential cheater, don't go down that road unless you're certain you can live with it. And know that if you get caught, you will lose in divorce. You'll lose the kids and doing all those things you mentioned. No band practice, doctor's appointments, all that stuff will be done by the primary custodian. Your wife. You may "get" to do it on occassion, but it won't be your choice when you can or can't. After you cheat, you'll see a different man in the mirror. It's not all pussy and cum, it will weigh on your mind.


No, no, I am pretty sure I would call that woman an ungrateful bitch who probably isn't all that anyway. That's why she got stuck with her shitty husband.

Also you're right. We may not know what he is really like in person or the whole situation. What we do know is that he came in here and was extremely disrespectful toward the person that probably cares about him the most. It's a major douchebag move. It reminds me of those guys at the bar that say something awful about their wives when the wife goes to the bathroom. He says she hides candy and eats it on the down low. Why? she's obviously extremely unhappy and her desire to eat the candy outweighs the desire to make him happy because he is probably a total fucking asshole to her on a daily basis. Situations like this don't just happen. She probably thinks he's not worth taking care of herself for.



lafayettemister
Posted: Monday, October 15, 2012 10:36:58 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/4/2010
Posts: 6,376
Location: Alabama, United States
Ok for wife to cheat, not ok for husband to cheat


Jillian22 wrote:
Sex at home is almost non - existent. I've been running in the park every morning and have met a really hot Black guy who has expressed interest in me. He says I have a black girls booty and I'm sure he fantasizes about having sex with me as I do about him when I masturbate. But It's not something i've ever done before and I can't imagine ever cheating on my husband, but I want to feel a man who appreciates me thrusting into me so badly. Plus I know he has a big penis from the bulge in his pants. I really want to feel it inside of me. But I'm afraid. I am married but it just seems like I'm living with my brother and not my husband. Advice? anyone did this before? Been in this situation? I am greek and would be completely disowned by my family even knew I was thinking about a black cock. I need advice. Live? or let it go? help me sisters!!!


Magical_felix wrote:
My answer would be, yes.

And since you are Greek, I suggest you do it Greek-style.


wrote:
I think its funny that i just read another thread similar situation, married, not getting laid, the only difference was that the one saying "should i cheat?" was a guy and all the girls and guys jump at him saying he was dumb, a bastard and an asshole.cussing

LOL read here if you wanna see the other side of the coin http://www.lushstories.com/forum/yaf_postst21659_What39s-your-view-on-married-men-seeking-casual-sex.aspx








When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser. Socrates
Dancing_Doll
Posted: Monday, October 15, 2012 10:40:23 AM

Rank: Alpha Blonde

Joined: 2/17/2010
Posts: 6,302
Location: West Coast
lafayettemister wrote:

edit.... A quick search of Lush stories with the tag "cheating" opens 28 pages totaling 693 stories


Cheating when there are children involved is a WHOLE other kind of situation. It's no longer about two adults with life experience taking risks and playing relationship-roullette if they get caught.

Worst case scenario if you get caught cheating - someone is emotionally devastated - both people make a judgement call based on their own best interests - and life goes on. You even have that option of never talking to that person again.

When you cheat with kids involved in the peripherals of the situation, you run the risk of losing access to the kids, those kids hating you for hurting mommy or daddy, emotional manipulation and blackmail... and those kids are inheriting major emotional baggage because of it. Kids are innocent in these situations, it's not fair to have them accidentally caught in the cross-fires when a cheating parent gets caught. The risk potential is off the charts.

When you chose to have kids, it means you lose the luxury of 'me, me, me' and have to think about the bigger picture and the emotional and psychological well-being of those beings that you created, especially when you chose to make decisions involving deception and tossing respect out the window in matters of the 'family unit'.


Magical_felix
Posted: Monday, October 15, 2012 10:40:34 AM

Rank: Wild at Heart

Joined: 4/3/2010
Posts: 4,913
Location: California


I believe I was joking. It was an easy anal joke. I mean, I suggest greek style because she is greek.




lafayettemister
Posted: Monday, October 15, 2012 10:45:45 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/4/2010
Posts: 6,376
Location: Alabama, United States
Dancing_Doll wrote:


Cheating when there are children involved is a WHOLE other kind of situation. It's no longer about two adults with life experience taking risks and playing relationship-roullette if they get caught.

Worst case scenario if you get caught cheating - someone is emotionally devastated - both people make a judgement call based on their own best interests - and life goes on. You even have that option of never talking to that person again.

When you cheat with kids involved in the peripherals of the situation, you run the risk of losing access to the kids, those kids hating you for hurting mommy or daddy, emotional manipulation and blackmail... and those kids are inheriting major emotional baggage because of it. Kids are innocent in these situations, it's not fair to have them accidentally caught in the cross-fires when a cheating parent gets caught. The risk potential is off the charts.

When you chose to have kids, it means you lose the luxury of 'me, me, me' and have to think about the bigger picture and the emotional and psychological well-being of those beings that you created, especially when you chose to make decisions involving deception and tossing respect out the window in matters of the 'family unit'.


I agree with all that. Cheating with kids is not a good idea. And I think he should reconsider.





When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser. Socrates
Guest
Posted: Monday, October 15, 2012 10:48:49 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,966
Dancing_Doll wrote:
I don't get why people think 'staying in the marriage' is the better option when things trainwreck like this. Both people will be happier outside of the emotional egg-shells they're likely living on while cohabiting in the same residence. Talk it out, end things respectfully, and move on.


Whilst I agree with a lot of your points I think that the reason people do think it may be better to stay is that sometimes it is. It's a rare thing for sure, but there are situations where it can be better. I certainly know two families, that are close friends of my own family, where one of the parents is staying in the relationship for the children. I can also see that none of the children are aware of this by watching their behaviour... these children are aged between 11 and 20 now (although this situation has been going on in both families for a fair while). Sure, people can hide how they feel or think but the 20yr old is a friend I've known forever - I'd have picked up if she realised the situation with her parents.

I think it's something that needs constant reevaluation and for sure it doesn't work in all cases... but one can't rule it out as a viable option.

Although, in relation to the question I do think that if you're going to stay in the relationship (for the sake of the children, etc) you shouldn't be having an affair or cheating. I do agree wholeheartedly with you there that that will, without doubt, create a nasty environment.
lafayettemister
Posted: Monday, October 15, 2012 10:49:06 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/4/2010
Posts: 6,376
Location: Alabama, United States
Magical_felix wrote:


I believe I was joking. It was an easy anal joke. I mean, I suggest greek style because she is greek.


Fair enough. However, there were others in that thread that thought she should go through with it. Others that didn't. But in that thread there's is lack of name calling and hatred for her. People weren't calling her a bitch, whore, slut, coward, selfish, need, miss nasty pants. She saw a black guy with a big bulge in her pants and she got lots of supportive, "you should think about it and talk to your hubby" kind of talk. This guys gets crucified.

edit.. just read further. there was one a-hole that called her.. overly done





When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser. Socrates
Magical_felix
Posted: Monday, October 15, 2012 10:55:34 AM

Rank: Wild at Heart

Joined: 4/3/2010
Posts: 4,913
Location: California
lafayettemister wrote:


Fair enough. However, there were others in that thread that thought she should go through with it. Others that didn't. But in that thread there's is lack of name calling and hatred for her. People weren't calling her a bitch, whore, slut, coward, selfish, need, miss nasty pants. She saw a black guy with a big bulge in her pants and she got lots of supportive, "you should think about it and talk to your hubby" kind of talk. This guys gets crucified.

edit.. just read further. there was one a-hole that called her.. overly done


I think everyone saw how comedic the way she asked her question was. Plus she doesn't insult her husband in the same way this guy insults his wife.

Plus, there is a double standard. You're a southern man right? Or maybe not a double standard but it's called being a gentleman.



lafayettemister
Posted: Monday, October 15, 2012 11:00:36 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/4/2010
Posts: 6,376
Location: Alabama, United States
Magical_felix wrote:


I think everyone saw how comedic the way she asked her question was. Plus she doesn't insult her husband in the same way this guy insults his wife.

Plus, there is a double standard. You're a southern man right? Or maybe not a double standard but it's called being a gentleman.


Some did, some didn't. And you're right, I do agree. His presentation of the situation was pretty tactless and surely didn't endear him to anyone. Do you think he'd have gotten any different response had he worded it differently or less offensive? I don't know.

I am a southern man and at one time I was a gentleman. Not so much anymore, my mistakes and transgressions don't allow me to call myself a southern gentleman anymore. Even though I wouldn't publicly shame my wife like he did, I'm still not the model husband to be making judgments on others.





When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser. Socrates
sprite
Posted: Monday, October 15, 2012 11:08:10 AM

Rank: Her Royal Spriteness

Joined: 6/18/2010
Posts: 14,667
Location: My Tower, United States
brossela wrote:


This is pretty judgmental, and an oversimplification of a situation that's not cut and dry due to little ones.


oh, i think it's pretty much cut and dry. his wife disgusts him, he is actively looking to fuck around on the side and hide it, lie about it, do it in secret until she figures it out or he leaves her. not confronting her with the problem is cowardly. not being honest, not talking to her is out of fear, not concern for the kids or her. it's selfish - he doesn't want to to deal with the aftermath or the work involved in fixing his relationship.

for the record, my opinion would be the same if the genders were reversed. if you are in a relationship and you are fucking someone on the side SECRETLY - it's cowardly and dishonest and hurtful. doesn't make you a bad person, but the act is bad. for the record. i have cheated on partners, and been cheated on. i am not perfect.

http://www.lushstories.com/stories/hardcore/west-coast-games-part-one-the-beach.aspx
Magical_felix
Posted: Monday, October 15, 2012 11:11:01 AM

Rank: Wild at Heart

Joined: 4/3/2010
Posts: 4,913
Location: California
lafayettemister wrote:


Some did, some didn't. And you're right, I do agree. His presentation of the situation was pretty tactless and surely didn't endear him to anyone. Do you think he'd have gotten any different response had he worded it differently or less offensive? I don't know.


That's impossible to say. But I do think if he would have worded it in a serious way than yeah. I don't think people would have cracked on him so hard.

lafayettemister wrote:
I am a southern man and at one time I was a gentleman. Not so much anymore, my mistakes and transgressions don't allow me to call myself a southern gentleman anymore. Even though I wouldn't publicly shame my wife like he did, I'm still not the model husband to be making judgments on others.


I don't know about all that you just said there....... But,

I was just meaning, come on man, relax... I was referring to you saying woman have a double standard. They don't really. It's just good to be a gentleman.



sprite
Posted: Monday, October 15, 2012 11:11:44 AM

Rank: Her Royal Spriteness

Joined: 6/18/2010
Posts: 14,667
Location: My Tower, United States
oh, and one other thing. kids are way smarter and intuitive then you give them credit for. they pick up on stuff like 'daddy hates mommy, but he likes that blonde lady' or 'mommy really like 'uncle' John'. if you have kids, and you're cheating, think of the lessons you are teaching them. kids learn by example.

http://www.lushstories.com/stories/hardcore/west-coast-games-part-one-the-beach.aspx
lafayettemister
Posted: Monday, October 15, 2012 11:14:51 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/4/2010
Posts: 6,376
Location: Alabama, United States
Magical_felix wrote:


I don't know about all that.......

I was just meaning, come on man, relax... I was referring to you saying woman have a double standard. They don't really. It's just good to be a gentleman.


I'll agree, wording it more seriously would have been better. It's easy for me to sympathize with a cheater...

Being a gentleman is a good thing. I'll back you on that notion all day.





When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser. Socrates
lafayettemister
Posted: Monday, October 15, 2012 11:18:08 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/4/2010
Posts: 6,376
Location: Alabama, United States
sprite wrote:
oh, and one other thing. kids are way smarter and intuitive then you give them credit for. they pick up on stuff like 'daddy hates mommy, but he likes that blonde lady' or 'mommy really like 'uncle' John'. if you have kids, and you're cheating, think of the lessons you are teaching them. kids learn by example.


That's not necessarily true. Many marriages fall apart but it doesn't mean that daddy hates mommy or mommy hates daddy. I've known many couples that weren't meant to be together anymore, but they didn't hate each other. It's possible to live "normal" lives together for the kids without sending off hateful and hurtful vibes. Kids do pick up on that stuff and it should be avoided. Get out if that's the case but most marriages end because of incompatibility rather than hate.





When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser. Socrates
overmykneenow
Posted: Monday, October 15, 2012 3:44:27 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 6/8/2010
Posts: 1,024
Location: United Kingdom
lafayettemister wrote:
A quick search of Lush stories with the tag "cheating" opens 28 pages totaling 693 stories

Without checking, I would reckon of those stories (well the ones that bother to explain the motivations behind the cheating partner) over 90% of those stories will fall into one of two categories:

1) The husband cheats because he's morally incapable
2) The wife cheats because the husband is physically incapable

Either way the responsibility will be seen to fall on the man. Even in these so-called enlighted times, the head of the family is still seen as the man and therefore must be the one to assume ultimate responsibility of any breakdown. Of course this isn't an accurate reflection of real life but perceptions of this nature are very difficult to change - especially on a website that is tacitly female dominated.

Warning: The opinions above are those of an anonymous individual on the internet. They are opinions, unless they're facts. They may be ill-informed, out of touch with reality or just plain stupid. They may contain traces of irony. If reading these opinions causes you to be become outraged or you start displaying the symptoms of outrage, stop reading them immediately. If symptoms persist, consult a psychiatrist.

Why not read some stories instead

NEW! Want a quick read for your coffee break? Why not try this... Flash Erotica: Scrubber
LadyX
Posted: Monday, October 15, 2012 4:06:57 PM

Rank: Artistic Tart

Joined: 9/25/2009
Posts: 4,827
overmykneenow wrote:

Without checking, I would reckon of those stories (well the ones that bother to explain the motivations behind the cheating partner) over 90% of those stories will fall into one of two categories:

1) The husband cheats because he's morally incapable
2) The wife cheats because the husband is physically incapable

Either way the responsibility will be seen to fall on the man. Even in these so-called enlighted times, the head of the family is still seen as the man and therefore must be the one to assume ultimate responsibility of any breakdown. Of course this isn't an accurate reflection of real life but perceptions of this nature are very difficult to change - especially on a website that is tacitly female dominated.


That's excellent analysis! I never thought about it, but I'm sure you're right about this.
Destinedmortality
Posted: Monday, October 15, 2012 10:43:00 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 10/16/2011
Posts: 19
Location: United Kingdom
elitfromnorth wrote:


This is the important part. If you have an affair and shit hits the fan then if you have any kind of decency in you(and I think you do, since you actually seem concerened about your kids, but hey, maybe I'm just naive here) then a broken marriage due to your affair will cause you to sit down and regret it, because it affected you AND your wife in a bad way. Same way that the affair, like overmykneenow, will cost you a lot of money.

If you try and talk to her and she pretty much gives you the finger and starts being defensive and hostile towards you with no intention what so ever of trying to change her way, then you start thinking if her being like that is a good place for you to be in. It's a pragmatist view and many will brand me as an asshole for saying so, but you're only one man and there's only so much you can do. If the misery is so big then maybe divorce is the only option that you have.

As of yet you haven't really done anything wrong. You've thought about maybe having an affair or sex outside the marriage, but you haven't done it yet! These people telling you that you should burn in hell and that you're a low life is something you should disregard.

But ultimately you should make a decision based on what is both short term and long term the best for your children. They are your number 1 priority.



Id take this guys advice, he speaks sense.

Ignore all those judging you. Things happen and ultimately a high percent of marriages are not fairytales. I dont agree with staying with someone that makes you miserable due to there being kids involved as in doing that you defeat the object and will hurt them anyway. If by getting the best from their 'rents means separation, then so be it. Those calling you derragotatory things are quite simply narrow minded, if you are not getting attention etc at home then eventually your eyes will wander.

I dont agree with cheating and regardless of how your marraige is now, you clearly loved your wife once, she has gave you children and someone who has shared such part of your life deserves honesty.

If you no longer want to be with her, get a divorce.

I speak from experiance when i say a woman would much rather have a relationship finished before an affair etc occurs, than afterwards and usually finding out the unsavory details.

Feelings and wrath could be spared if people thought more logically and about other peoples feelings first before reacting on their urges when there are other people still involed.
WellMadeMale
Posted: Tuesday, October 16, 2012 6:08:34 PM

Rank: Constant Gardener

Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 10,304
Location: Cakeland, United States
overmykneenow wrote:

especially on a website that is tacitly female dominated.


Thank gawd for that.

If ya can't beat 'em... pay someone to do it for you.
Dani
Posted: Tuesday, October 16, 2012 7:06:55 PM

Rank: Big-Haired Bitch

Joined: 12/25/2010
Posts: 4,728
Location: Under Your Bed, United States
Hasabrain2 wrote:
Ok, let met set the record staight, I am not an ass. The way I set it, the selfish thing to do would a divorce. See that way the money I set aside for the kids' college fund would to child support, and I wouldn't be there to take the kids to school in the morning, or take the them the dentist or band practice, or school rehersal, etc. For the sake of the children I'm staying in the marraige. The selfish thing would be to leave.

Incidentally, I was there with my wife when her father and helped clean out her grandmother's apartment when her grandmother had to go into a nursing home. I als listen to her when she complains about "so and so" at work. Yet despite my support support groups etc,. she still hides sweets like an alcoholic hides booze.

Imagine your significant other 75 pounds overweight, often stinky with gas, and poor knees, and kids who need your daily love and attention, and look me in the eye and try to tell me I'm ass. I'm just human.


Oh bully for you...actually having to be a husband and father. I can't look you in the eyes because this is the internet, but I'm still gonna say you're an ass. Being an ass doesn't make you any less human. But don't try to sugar coat it. Call it what it is. You wanna fuck around on your wife for extremely shallow reasons.



Baby put your arms around me, tell me I'm a problem...

Sensei
Posted: Wednesday, October 17, 2012 10:24:45 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 5/16/2012
Posts: 478
Location: United States
Well, the only thing I need to add here is, "Successful troll is successful."


My novel, The Society, is available now in the Kindle Store: http://www.amazon.com/The-Society-ebook/dp/B00BPF9U2I
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, October 17, 2012 4:52:51 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,966
Wow, what the fuck?!? Seriously? You do not THINK you are an ass? Maybe you should put yourself in your WIFE'S shoes for once. Maybe, then you'll see how it feels to be her for once. Maybe you will think twice before you have an affair. Maybe you should think about all the stress you put her under. All the hurtful things you say to her. I am pissed that a man would even say this about his wife and his children. I am sorry, but YOU'RE are one sorry ass excuse for a HUSBAND and FATHER!! Your kids were right you are nothing but a fucking asshole. Get your head out of your god-damn ass and treat your kids and wife with some fucking respect.

cussing cussing cussing cussing cussing cussing cussing cussing cussing cussing cussing cussing cussing cussing
TheDevilsWeakness
Posted: Wednesday, October 17, 2012 9:06:02 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 7/19/2011
Posts: 1,302
Location: I'm the girl that your father hoped he could date.
While I don't condone cheating, I'm beginning to understand it a bit more from personal experience.
Sometimes you have to be a bit selfish or you're doomed to be unhappy.

LauraLee_sugah
Posted: Wednesday, October 17, 2012 10:00:28 PM

Rank: Purveyor of Sweetness

Joined: 9/10/2011
Posts: 2,345
Location: the sweet, sunny south, United States
i am too sweet to really say the things i think but let me see if i understand.

your wife had surgery because she was fat and you did not want her. a sad side-affect was that she has gas because her body does not digest fats correctly anymore... since you still don't want her she started eating to get her emotional needs met and is right back where she started before she risked her life on the operating table... fat and unloved....

go to counseling... please.... for everyone's sake...

Guest
Posted: Thursday, October 18, 2012 12:13:12 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,966
LauraLee_sugah wrote:
i am too sweet to really say the things i think but let me see if i understand.

your wife had surgery because she was fat and you did not want her. a sad side-affect was that she has gas because her body does not digest fats correctly anymore... since you still don't want her she started eating to get her emotional needs met and is right back where she started before she risked her life on the operating table... fat and unloved....

go to counseling... please.... for everyone's sake...



Great response........

If only everyone could gather themselves the courage to speak openly with their spouses. Having a counselor could be the key. It can be a useful tool to see whether being married is really what you want anyway. You obviously do not want to be committed to this woman.

I'm not going to kick you in the nuts BUT>>>>>>>

Please take this into consideration:
Does she not deserve to have a man that really does want her?
She is a human being. She wants to be loved fully.

If you cannot be that man, then bow out of her life. Allow her the chance to find someone she can be proud of. Try to have the best relationship you can with your children.

Be a gentleman to your ex. The kids deserve that.

I really hope you do some soul searching before you go off and Not be honorable......

Irish
blazestcyr
Posted: Thursday, October 18, 2012 11:42:05 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/19/2011
Posts: 737
Location: where bugs die
wow u are a major dick!

i had gallbladder surgery not only was it extremely PAINFUL due to scar tissue

i have never heard of the gas factor

more likely she was trying to be the size zero YOU wanted her to be due to your MASSIVE insecurity issue..thus the bypass created

issues in her bowels...

did you honestly think we all we be like hey wow this poor guy...

i hope she makes your life as stinky..as YOU are

wow HUGE bad taste in my mouth..oh wait..that's you


HUGE kudos to all of you who stood up for this poor woman you are hero's unlike this zero here!
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