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Can a woman's sordid sexual history prevent her from being "the one"? Options · View
Guest
Posted: Monday, July 26, 2010 3:24:12 PM

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the past is the past... as long as its not like wellmademale said... bestiality or something like that...
Guest
Posted: Saturday, September 04, 2010 12:18:35 PM

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I'm turned on by sexually liberated women. Whether or not she will be the "one" depends on whether she does it with class.
OldGeezer
Posted: Saturday, September 04, 2010 1:42:34 PM

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What does it matter what "the one" has done? After all, you might have done all of it and more yourself, and doens that matter to you? Of cours eit doesn't.
So get over it, and perhaps enjoy the fact that your love life with her will be uninhibited and far more gratifying than if you had met a tight assed vrigin, who though the sight of your precum leaking was an illness.
Me? I married on eof the latter types, and have spent 40 years opening her up. Now we're older, she's glad I was such a dirty bugger, as our sex life continues to be good and very active. If she had been like me to start with, just think how much more fun we might have had - though I dearly love her for so many other things.
Guest
Posted: Saturday, September 04, 2010 5:51:57 PM

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NO! Why does the past relate to the present? If she's the one it's not because she's virginal or hasn't experienced enough sex. It's about the compatibility of the two that is more important, the psychological connection to each other.
romeoindian
Posted: Saturday, September 22, 2012 11:02:28 AM

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No, not really. If I find her desirable, anything in her past doesn't matter.
blackpoolguy
Posted: Saturday, September 22, 2012 3:47:49 PM

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Being honest with each other is the only way to know and you can't change your past only your future and without trust you don't have a future together
Milik_Redman
Posted: Saturday, September 22, 2012 9:23:44 PM

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If she is the one it won't matter at all. Come to think of it, if she isn't the one I'm not likely going to care either

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― Marcus Tullius Cicero


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1ball
Posted: Saturday, September 22, 2012 9:30:13 PM

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If her sexual history makes her the kind of person who could not be the one, then yes. I knew a woman who was damaged by her history. It made her bitter and gave her a number of other undesirable personality traits. Or maybe those were just there and contributed to her history. Either way, it was the personality that excluded her, not the history. And besides, she dumped me. Whistle

I didn't look to marry a virgin or a "nice" girl, but I did look to find a woman who wasn't such an extrovert that being with her drove me bananas. Women tend to be extroverts, but I think women with "sordid" sexual histories probably tend to be more extroverted than average and wouldn't want me as a life-mate because I'm not likely to provide what she needs emotionally from a partner.

Athletes, being highly focused on their individual performance, are often introverts, people who need to be alone much more than average, even though they can be very gregarious for periods of time. So maybe it isn't a matter of sexual history, but a difference between who is fun to spend some time with and who is compatible over the long run. An introvert can have fun with an extrovert for a while, but unless the extrovert has enough other sources of emotional support, they can overwhelm an introvert.


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aussiephil
Posted: Saturday, September 22, 2012 11:03:17 PM

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Well i wont be a hyprocrit and say it would worry me to much..After all most of the people who visit Lush read about all of the afore mentioned things includingbeastiality,incest,and much worse things...So no itn would not upset me..Probably excite me
CenterLine
Posted: Saturday, September 22, 2012 11:14:22 PM

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No, I think not.

She would have to have a current sexual interest that I couldn't deal with, and there are few. I only considered the addendum in the first place because you mentioned an incestuous relationship. That would be hard for me to deal with, but since nearly all incestuous relations are scenarios of abuse, I guess it would be a deal-breaker if she were the abuser. If I found out that my partner had a history of sexually abusing anybody though, I'd be tremendously upset and would begin reconsidering things.

With that said, both my partner and I are quite adventurous, and it's great. If we talk about I've had a number of relatively adventurous (and unfortunately traumatic) experiences in my sexual past, but it has yet to be a problem for us. In fact, my ability to be open about it when we were first together indeed strengthened our relationship. Really, before my current girlfriend, I had not that much sex in my life, but what I lacked in quantity, I more than made up for in intensity and unusual circumstance.

In summation (and a direct answer to your question) I would have to say that the only "deal-breaker", as you say, would be if somebody were an abuser of any kind, but I think maybe that's not quite what you were talking about.
TheGulfCoaster
Posted: Saturday, September 22, 2012 11:31:58 PM

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If you fall in love with a girl, everything that has happened in her life up until that point has formed her into the girl you've fallen in love with, the talk about past relationships or sexual activities rarely takes place until that 'love connection' is made, so to change the way you feel about her because of something in her past is hypocritical and nobody likes a hypocrite.
Ben_C
Posted: Sunday, September 23, 2012 5:14:17 AM

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Dancing_Doll wrote:
Let's say that you met a woman and were quickly considering that she might be "the one" that you'd like to marry, settle down with, bring home to mom, and/or have children with.

Are there things in a woman's sexual history that would be a deal-breaker for you... or if not, would there be things that you'd rather not know or have her tell you?

In the realm of fantasy, porn, and imagination, a highly sexed, wildly-adventurous woman is a turn-on.

But what if you found out she'd been involved in gangbangs, double-penetration threesomes with two guys, still enjoyed having sex with women (jealousy issues?), had been involved with an incestuous relationship, or was into maybe into certain fetishes that you weren't interested in.

If you found out early on in the relationship, would any of these factors dissuade you from considering her as a life-partner?

Be honest!


I don't think there would be much that would put me off, unless she was into domintation, as I'm a dom myself so there would be a clash in the bedroom and ultimately wouldnt work. Other than that if she wanted to persue an open realtionship, that wouldnt work either. I'm pretty sure 'the one' for me is going to be a pretty experienced sizequeen anyways.
musicluver
Posted: Tuesday, September 25, 2012 10:56:46 AM

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[quote=Guest]the past is the past...

As long as she is open and honest the past doesnt matter. What matters is the present and the future.
Mikewithadick
Posted: Tuesday, October 16, 2012 5:45:47 AM

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Not for me it isn't!!! Matter of fact, I love ti hear the sirdid details whilst i'm fucking her good and hard. Such a turn-on.
Mikewithadick
Posted: Tuesday, October 16, 2012 5:46:35 AM

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Not for me it isn't!!! Matter of fact, I love ti hear the sirdid details whilst i'm fucking her good and hard. Such a turn-on.
lafayettemister
Posted: Tuesday, October 16, 2012 8:24:39 AM

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Dancing_Doll wrote:
Let's say that you met a woman and were quickly considering that she might be "the one" that you'd like to marry, settle down with, bring home to mom, and/or have children with.

Are there things in a woman's sexual history that would be a deal-breaker for you... or if not, would there be things that you'd rather not know or have her tell you?

In the realm of fantasy, porn, and imagination, a highly sexed, wildly-adventurous woman is a turn-on.

But what if you found out she'd been involved in gangbangs, double-penetration threesomes with two guys, still enjoyed having sex with women (jealousy issues?), had been involved with an incestuous relationship, or was into maybe into certain fetishes that you weren't interested in.

If you found out early on in the relationship, would any of these factors dissuade you from considering her as a life-partner?

Be honest!


There are definitely some things that could prevent a woman from being my "one". If she was the main attraction in a donkey show, that would probably be a deal breaker. Past threesomes or sex with women wouldn't concern me much. Gangbang... eh. If she broke the gangbang record and pulled a 200 man chain that could turn me off. Weird, it wouldn't bother me if she'd had sex with 200 men in her past, but if she did them all at the same time it would. That may be my issue, not her's.

Incestuous relationship would be a problem, especially if it was a father-daughter thing. If she's "the one" for me, will she bring that concept of love to our son? I wouldn't want to be involved with that, nor would I want my kid involved with it. If it was with her brother, sister, cousin, uncle, aunt it could still be an issue because that person would still be a part of her life. And old habits are hard to break.







When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser. Socrates
Nikki703
Posted: Tuesday, October 16, 2012 9:17:36 AM

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Speaking as a woman, the past is the past. People do things when they were young that they wouldnt necessarily do as they mature. People make mistakes. Hopefully they learn from them. I have done a lot of things in my life that I am not proud of, but also not ashamed of either. Its part of growing up. But whats done is done, I cant change the past. But I dont think it makes me a bad person and hopefully it helped my daughters not make the same mistakes I did.

So I wouldnt hold the past against anyone(as long as it wasnt something really heinous) just like I would hope they wouldnt hold mine against me. Like I said, we have all probably done something we arent proud of.
Nickcaeb
Posted: Tuesday, October 16, 2012 10:53:44 AM

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It depends on whether or not they're done and have gotten it ot of their system. I personally wouldn't want to know of anything really wild/terrible/way out there. I worked with a woman who enjoyed talking about all the things she and her boyfriend did. Don't think I'd want to be her next boyfriend knowing this.
Glerian
Posted: Tuesday, October 16, 2012 11:32:00 AM

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Personally I think it depends some on the individual. If the woman has a nice personality, then a strong sexual past speaks of confidence, of knowing what they want and not caring about being labeled a slut because they know they are not. On the flip side, if the person is a totaly bore, and does nothing but constantly refer to their past sexual adventures, then I don't think of them as relationship material. All in all I don't think the sex part makes that much of a difference, what happened, happened, so be honest and it won't be a problem.
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, October 16, 2012 12:21:44 PM

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The only deal breaker for me would be a life long STD.

Another consideration that wasn't mentioned was whether or not I was HER "The One" too. The idea for me about a keeper is that I'd like to be in the same category. If we each see the other as "THE ONE" then it seems that the past is just that....The past....

Irish.
rlf1
Posted: Thursday, October 18, 2012 9:46:18 PM

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Heres the thing with me. I have what could be considered a very colorful sexual past, and if she doesn't mind my past, I don't mind hers. I have been involved in gangbangs, threesomes, group sex, random sex with strangers etc. I enjoy certian fetishes, and am willing to be introduced to new ones.

There are things that I will not participate in, and if my intended partner is into the fetish or sexual situation that I won't participate in, I can't see it stopping me from considering her to be the one, so long as we agree that I would not be participating in the act. If she absolutely has to indulge in the practice, I will let her go off on her own and play, so long as she comes home to me.

In return, I would expect the same from her.
Guest
Posted: Saturday, January 12, 2013 6:22:19 AM

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Good responses.

For me, the answer is a HUGE yes it would. I have my limits and have issues with certain things. I will NOT list them, but know that most everyone has their lines, where we place them is different. I find it best to be honest, but also not volunteer things if you have a very sorted sexual history. And for guys.... learn to not ask, except basic things that might be an issue with you or whatever. I find that a lot of people want to know, but then it can truly negatively affect their relationship from that point on. Just like fantasies... some are BEST left as such.

In fact, I have walked away from "online" relationships because of certain things along those lines. It is best to know YOURSELF and be true to YOURSELF because that is the only think you can really control (sometimes). I try, in the real world and online, to pick my partners and friends (sexual or otherwise) based on what I know about myself. It saves a lot of headaches/heartaches (most of the time).
LordOmega
Posted: Saturday, January 12, 2013 6:59:03 AM

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Call me crazy, but I am the opposite of many of the above. I believe there is a point where if that person is to be "the one", that you have to talk about your pasts because that makes you who you are.

Also in this day and age there are serious things from that past that could come out. The most important of which is the possibility of an STD.

That said, that would be the only way that the past would be a deal breaker. I have worked hard to stay clean. So that is important to me.

Other than that what is done is done and if she wants that to continue then that talk is where we will find out if we can handle those hurdles as a couple.

If you have read 50 Shades of Gray and think that you are ready to be a dom or a sub. Then you have a lot to learn.

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BallChinian
Posted: Saturday, January 12, 2013 7:20:21 AM

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Sure, in particular if there were illegal activities that were more of an indication of poor character. An example would be a high school teacher who had sex with her students. Or, a dog walker who..... Well you get my drift.

Generally I'd want to know what void in her life (mentally or emotionally) she was trying to fill with the sordid sexual activities since past behavior may be an indicator of the future if not addressed. I'd want to make sure I was capable of filling that void so I did I don't come home one day catching her getting plowed by the neighbor, gardener and weather man at the same time (assuming this isn't something we both are ok with).

"I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set her free." -Michelangelo


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Sol_Invictus
Posted: Saturday, January 12, 2013 9:00:33 AM

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No, we all have pasts and have done things that we aren't proud of. What would matter is what she's like now, if she's learned from her experiences and what she intends to do in the future.
loveslegs
Posted: Saturday, January 12, 2013 9:41:40 AM

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This is an extremely complicated question to be answered without actually experiencing it...

But in short, yes if it involved certain sexual 'adventures' I frown upon and no if it was merely a very long list of partners and 'harmful' kinks
BelleduJour
Posted: Saturday, January 12, 2013 12:54:37 PM

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loveslegs wrote:
This is an extremely complicated question to be answered without actually experiencing it...

But in short, yes if it involved certain sexual 'adventures' I frown upon and no if it was merely a very long list of partners and 'harmful' kinks


Good answer thumbup I will echo this response as it applies in reverse.

simplyjohn
Posted: Saturday, January 12, 2013 1:05:59 PM

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I would say if there is mutual and real love then no ... history ..
CenterLine
Posted: Saturday, January 12, 2013 3:02:01 PM

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Hah!

How silly a question. No, it cannot. At least for me. Then again, I'm not looking anymore.
kylie_kained
Posted: Saturday, January 12, 2013 3:38:15 PM

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To me it would make no difference the woman I fall in love with would be a keeper.
















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