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Rank: Lurker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Posts: 327,066
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How do I get my husband to be more dominant in the bedroom? We have tried reading different web-sites and taking advice from the web sites, we've talked about it, he also has asked me for advice. I would like help from you all. I would like to know in what ways I could be of help to him? I would also know if there is anything I could do to make him feel more comfortable? Can you all help me please???
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 4/3/2010
Posts: 3,232
Location: California
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There is no cure for being a pussy. I think it's one of those nature vs nurture things or some shit. His brain is already wired. There is no cure, I'm sorry, but you can try a couple things.. Start being more of a bitch. Boss his ass around more. Do the shit you want to do. Disagree with him a lot. Eventually he'll want to angry fuck you. If that doesn't work, slap him in the face really hard next time you're fucking. I promise the next stroke will be harder.
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Rank: Lurker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Posts: 327,066
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have tired for years .... I have learned there is NO way in the world..
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 9/11/2012
Posts: 292
Location: United States
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Have you asked to be fucked hard, to be tied up and spanked? One more thing is while having sex tell him how much you love his cock, his hard cock, shit like that
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 9/11/2012
Posts: 292
Location: United States
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I can't wait for my next session. My wife better hold on!
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Rank: Lurker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Posts: 327,066
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doctorlove wrote:Have you asked to be fucked hard, to be tied up and spanked? One more thing is while having sex tell him how much you love his cock, his hard cock, shit like that I will, thank you for the advice. I appreciate it a lot.
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Rank: Her Royal Spriteness
Joined: 6/18/2010
Posts: 8,173
Location: Oz, United States
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Magical_felix wrote:There is no cure for being a pussy. I think it's one of those nature vs nurture things or some shit. His brain is already wired.
There is no cure, I'm sorry, but you can try a couple things..
Start being more of a bitch. Boss his ass around more. Do the shit you want to do. Disagree with him a lot. Eventually he'll want to angry fuck you.
If that doesn't work, slap him in the face really hard next time you're fucking. I promise the next stroke will be harder. actually, if you read through this carefully, there's a lot of truth here. some people are naturally dominant, some naturally submissive, and most fall somewhere in between. a lot of people feel uncomfortable taking a dominant role - they might do it to appease you, but it's going to feel forced and awkward and probably neither of you will enjoy it. my advice, try baby steps - don't go for like leather and whips the first time, see how he feels about something playful, like a spanking, or some really soft core bondage, like a blind fold and scarves. if he's just not feeling it, and you REALLY need it AND you have an open marriage, look to finding a Master, otherwise, live with it.
 Bitches in the Basement on Amazon by our own Dancing Doll
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 9/11/2012
Posts: 292
Location: United States
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whisper it to him and if that does not work get louder.
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Rank: Detention Seeker
Joined: 8/17/2010
Posts: 728
Location: Over your Knee Screaming and Kicking!, United King
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It really depends on him, when I first got together with my wife I wanted her to be more dominant after many failed attempts I asked her why. She explained that she could never hurt me because she loved me. We talked about my need to be dominated before we agreed that I should see someone else for my need, of course my wife is also bi so we agreed to have an open relationship. I know it might not be the answer you expected but it has always worked for us.
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Rank: Constant Gardener
Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 9,517
Location: Cakeland, United States
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You all are being trolled by what's his face...the guy who claimed he lived in Hawaii and was great friends with Rico, his bisexual room mate. Bigguns? Actually, it is difficult to tell... Bigguns is probably, actually Carolyn/Mark from 2009/2010. Been around so long, it seems like up to me.
 The best thing you can do for your fellow,
next to rousing his conscience, is - not to give him things
to think about, but to wake things up that are in him...
to make him think things for himself - George MacDonald
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 6/8/2010
Posts: 716
Location: United Kingdom
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@WMM really? I thought Bigguns was now thePlayer/Hotmama? Shows what I know
Warning: The opinions above are those of an anonymous individual on the internet. They are opinions, unless they're facts. They may be ill-informed, out of touch with reality or just plain stupid. They may contain traces of irony. If reading these opinions causes you to be become outraged or you start displaying the symptoms of outrage, stop reading them immediately. If symptoms persist, consult a psychiatrist. Why not read some stories instead
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Rank: Lurker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Posts: 327,066
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WellMadeMale wrote:You all are being trolled by what's his face...the guy who claimed he lived in Hawaii and was great friends with Rico, his bisexual room mate.
Bigguns?
Actually, it is difficult to tell... Bigguns is probably, actually Carolyn/Mark from 2009/2010.
Been around so long, it seems like up to me. Just to let YOU ALL know NONE of you are being TROLLED. MY HUSBAND and I are BOTH real people. IF YOU have any QUESTIONS message US. WellMadeMale, YOU NEED TO BACK THE FUCK OFF! I think you are the ONE trolling people.
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Rank: Constant Gardener
Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 9,517
Location: Cakeland, United States
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To the OP, your, ahem...husband is never going to be as dominant as you apparently are. 
That all capital letter thing you have going -- is priceless, incidentally.The alternating/split personalities found on so many internet forum websites are truly, one of the more interesting phenomena, I've found. (if you're a fan of observing human behavior, I mean.)This internet watching thing can never match that of actual in-field experience with the human menagerie. *I could be wrong, OMKN with my guess of personalities...I have been in the past (and fooled here myself more times than I care to admit) all over the internutz.
The best thing you can do for your fellow,
next to rousing his conscience, is - not to give him things
to think about, but to wake things up that are in him...
to make him think things for himself - George MacDonald
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Rank: Active Ink Slinger
Joined: 3/4/2008
Posts: 34
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Ask him to spank you and hand him a hairbrush. If he refuses then suggest you spank him. I bet he spanks you staright after that.
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Rank: Gingerbread Lover
Joined: 1/6/2012
Posts: 3,289
Location: Trumpton, United Kingdom
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Alright, people. This is forum that any member can post on. Therefore, expect a variety of replies. They won't all be helpful, necessarily. But that is the risk we take.
If you feel you are being targeted, use the "Contact Us" button and report the person.
But I will lock this thread down if people cannot keep their replies civil. Abusive behaviour will not be tolerated. Consider yourselves warned.
Ut incepit fidelis, sic permanet.
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 12/6/2009
Posts: 3,567
Location: Hanging around, Glasgow, United Kingdom
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I think you need to ascertain why he doesn't seem to want to be more dominant. I'm a fan of the talking approach. Is he afraid of hurting you? Does he think he might go too far? These are both valid questions. Perhaps he should consider taking some self assertiveness classes. Is he gentle by nature? Exactly how do you want him to be more dominant? Spanking? Taking control? Being more vocal about his desires? My best advice is to talk to the man and find out if he has anxieties about being dominant and work them out together. It may require that one or both of you make a compromise, but if you're both happy and find a balance, it'll work out.
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Rank: Forum Guru
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I think Magical_felix is pretty dead on but not entirely. I was with a man for nearly five years and tried to encourage him to be more dominant. It use to drive me mad how sensitive and slow and shit he was. I'd talk dirty to him, beg him, even demand him to fuck me harder. To give me what I deserve. We talked about it nonstop through the years but he never really did anything. He was a wuss. {Not saying your husband is.}
I thought maybe this was all men. When I got into my next relationship he told me he was a bit submissive, and didn't have a lot of experience with sex of any kind under his belt. We would cyber, phone sex all of it. I was more then Dom at first but when we met and started having sex in person he quickly took the role of the Dom and I easily gave into being his submissive. It was a big change, shocking as it was. But it was fricken incredible. I think with him all he needed was a little practice and time. But he was open to the idea of it all.
I really think it's all in what they truly want sexually. A lot of people think they know but truly don't. Some people aren't sure at all. Some people don't have an open mind to new things.
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Rank: Brawling Berserker
Joined: 2/12/2012
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Location: Not on your radar, Norway
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Unless he can't do it on his own, even just a little, then it's difficult if not impossible. Like it's been stated; you can't train a pussy to be a boss. It's in you from day one. Maybe you've bossed him around too much in your every day life and now it's coming back to haunt you in the bedroom. It's personality, not something you can train.
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 2/24/2012
Posts: 171
Location: In the shadows..., United States
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Being dominant is something that comes naturally.. you can't train it like seals.. here's a test.. next Friday night.. after a hard day at work.. serve him cold meatloaf and wax beans for dinner.. give him a 12 pack of warm beer.. slam his hand in a door.. and tell him you fucked his brother.. if he doesn't get dominant after that. put a ribbon in his hair and call him Polly..
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Rank: Wise Ass
Joined: 11/12/2010
Posts: 4,928
Location: The center of the universe, Canada
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Warlock wrote:Being dominant is something that comes naturally.. you can't train it like seals.. here's a test.. next Friday night.. after a hard day at work.. serve him cold meatloaf and wax beans for dinner.. give him a 12 pack of warm beer.. slam his hand in a door.. and tell him you fucked his brother.. if he doesn't get dominant after that. put a ribbon in his hair and call him Polly.. Huh?
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Rank: The Linebacker
Joined: 3/2/2011
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Location: Atlanta, United States
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Hell he's not going to be dominant. Just go ahead and bring some well hung guys home and make him watch you getting ravished. I bet WellMadeMale and Magical'Felix are available if you offer them cold beer. You might even get Dudealicious to come over if you have a sports car.
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You can't change a zebras stripes sweetie, and that's okay. But it seems like he's actually wanting and willing to work with you, so that is a good sign. Talk dirty to him and let his inhibitions take over. Tell him you want it rough, you want him to take charge and have complete control over your body. Sometimes tapping into the S&M spiel of things will work.
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"Huh?" here as well. That sounds like it's not a recipe for making him dominant in bed. That's a recipe for making him kick you out (or move out himself). I'm wrestling with my relative lack of sexual dominance (not BDSM dominance necessarily, but taking charge and asking for what I desire) myself and, to be honest, it is a function of personality. I'm not that strong or dominant in other areas as well. I have to push myself at work a lot to take charge and it isn't always a comfortable feeling so I'm unlikely to push that way in bed where I'm supposed to be enjoying myself. No real advice beyond try to broach it with him in a way that makes both of you comfortable. if he know you're comfortable with it and that he doesn't need to feel uncomfortable being a bit dominant and even rough with you in the sack, then maybe he'll be able to relax and enjoy being the big man in charge a bit.
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Rank: Forum Guru
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It was a facetious response fellas.. try to keep up..
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Rank: Forum Guru
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The more submissive you act the more dominant he will feel. Try that.
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Rank: Lurker
Joined: 11/30/2006
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slap him hard
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Rank: Rookie Scribe
Joined: 10/6/2012
Posts: 2
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I have the same problem. I know how you feel. He is just not into it
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 7/24/2012
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Location: Central NJ, United States
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People are who they are but that is not to say one can't learn or be taught how to be a Dominant or a submissive if the tendencies are there already. That is the key: there has to be a tendency to be D or s or even switch so that it can be expanded. The D/s aspect of the lifestyle is not for all people, or for all couples. If one partner wants to explore and the other doesn't that will often spell trouble if there can be no meeting of the minds to venture down the path in that way. Some people will remain a frustrated spouse who doesn't get the chance to explore and may seek out the porn on the internet. The frustration may likely manifest itself in some other aspect or his/her relationship or in other ways. Some people will step out on their spouses to find what they desperately seek. The secret can be kept for many, many years but ultimately it is discovered. And still others will decide to leave their relationship after deciding that ending the relationship will bring more fulfillment for both people in the long run.
So in answer to the question how to get him to be more dominant: you must communicate your needs and desires as step 1. Only you can determine step 2.
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Rank: Forum Guru
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Being dominant or submissive in the bedroom is part of personality, you cannot make someone to be more dominant if he is submissive and all he wants is to suck your toes. You just didn't chose right for yourself.
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Rank: Lurker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Posts: 327,066
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if he is not dominamt then you dominate him
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