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Marrying a woman who doesn't like sex...would you? Options · View
caramelvixxen
Posted: Thursday, April 12, 2012 11:03:02 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 2/8/2012
Posts: 97
Location: MA, United States
I have a dear friend whose girlfriend is on a different sexual wavelength. He loves sex...whenever, whereever, as often as possible, and he loves exploring and trying new things. She could care less about it and doesn't seem to enjoy it. He holds back from telling her about things he wants to do and feels like a perv because he's always the one initiating...

He's considering marriage and I feel like he's setting himself up for disaster because if it's like this now, it will only get worse once they are married.

What advice would you give him? Would you/Could you marry such a woman...?



***Click here to read my latest true story about nocturnal urges***

bigblue9094
Posted: Thursday, April 12, 2012 11:33:27 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 11/25/2008
Posts: 30
Location: Spokane, United States
You are correct. In a marriage there has to be some give and take, but if you aren't close in amount of sex you like it will only lead to him cheating on her or using his hands. He will get tired of that and then he will find another way to relieve himself. It sounds like your friend needs to rethink this before he goes down a road that could have a horrible ending.
MMonroe
Posted: Friday, April 13, 2012 5:06:56 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/10/2009
Posts: 1,893
Location: United Kingdom
I cant see this one ending well. He will just get more and more frustrated and they'll end up resenting each other because he wont feel wanted, and she'll feel like he's pestering her and not respecting her feelings. Soon he'll be like one of the guys posting on here moaning that he and his wife havent had sex in 50 years.

At first glance I wouldnt have said sex could be a deal breaker, but thinking about it, i think it kinda is



*Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?*



eroticideas
Posted: Friday, April 13, 2012 6:37:11 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 7/31/2011
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Location: London, United Kingdom
I married a woman who came to not want sex! There is no point in getting married without sex, its the basis for the difference with a friend to friend relationship surely?
Michael
Posted: Friday, April 13, 2012 11:02:23 AM

Rank: Author

Joined: 10/22/2011
Posts: 2,005
Location: Expat in, Russia
caramelvixxen wrote:
I have a dear friend whose girlfriend is on a different sexual wavelength. He loves sex...whenever, whereever, as often as possible, and he loves exploring and trying new things. She could care less about it and doesn't seem to enjoy it. He holds back from telling her about things he wants to do and feels like a perv because he's always the one initiating...

He's considering marriage and I feel like he's setting himself up for disaster because if it's like this now, it will only get worse once they are married.

What do you guys think about this? Am I right? Or are there other factors that outweigh this incompatibility? What impact will this sexual frustration on his part have on the marriage?


So many questions... Your friend will confide in you his deepest sexual thoughts yet is afraid to openly speak to his girlfriend...

That is the real issue... without honesty between them there is little hope they will find any happiness.



caramelvixxen
Posted: Friday, April 13, 2012 11:08:05 AM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 2/8/2012
Posts: 97
Location: MA, United States
FtLMale wrote:


So many questions... Your friend will confide in you his deepest sexual thoughts yet is afraid to openly speak to his girlfriend...

That is the real issue... without honesty between them there is little hope they will find any happiness.



well said... i'm concerned by the same thing that he can confide in me about everything and anything but is afraid to really let her see who he is



***Click here to read my latest true story about nocturnal urges***

Michael
Posted: Friday, April 13, 2012 11:12:41 AM

Rank: Author

Joined: 10/22/2011
Posts: 2,005
Location: Expat in, Russia
caramelvixxen wrote:


well said... i'm concerned by the same thing that he can confide in me about everything and anything but is afraid to really let her see who he is


Do you think he is hoping that you will be his sexual outlet while his wife is kept in the dark?

caramelvixxen
Posted: Friday, April 13, 2012 11:18:14 AM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 2/8/2012
Posts: 97
Location: MA, United States
FtLMale wrote:


Do you think he is hoping that you will be his sexual outlet while his wife is kept in the dark?


It's more than hoping...I am his sexual outlet (and she's still his gf at this point)



***Click here to read my latest true story about nocturnal urges***

MMonroe
Posted: Friday, April 13, 2012 12:07:41 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/10/2009
Posts: 1,893
Location: United Kingdom
So he's happy cheating on her, but is considering being bound to her for the rest of his life? Im assuming he's expecting her to remain loyal



*Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?*



Michael
Posted: Friday, April 13, 2012 12:26:08 PM

Rank: Author

Joined: 10/22/2011
Posts: 2,005
Location: Expat in, Russia
Karrine,

you do realize how this all shakes out...
He will get caught.
His wife will blame you.

and then it only gets worse, alot worse.

You could end up in court yourself.

Please be your own best friend and tell him it just ain't gonna happen.


caramelvixxen
Posted: Friday, April 13, 2012 12:31:06 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 2/8/2012
Posts: 97
Location: MA, United States
MMonroe wrote:
So he's happy cheating on her, but is considering being bound to her for the rest of his life? Im assuming he's expecting her to remain loyal


i asked him how he would feel if she did the same...he could not answer...which I intepreted as meaning it would be a problem if she did...



***Click here to read my latest true story about nocturnal urges***

caramelvixxen
Posted: Friday, April 13, 2012 12:33:26 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 2/8/2012
Posts: 97
Location: MA, United States
FtLMale wrote:
Karrine,

you do realize how this all shakes out...
He will get caught.
His wife will blame you.

and then it only gets worse, alot worse.

You could end up in court yourself.

Please be your own best friend and tell him it just ain't gonna happen.


a tough truth to hear...but good advice. thank you....



***Click here to read my latest true story about nocturnal urges***

Frank
Posted: Friday, April 13, 2012 12:40:46 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 11/16/2011
Posts: 9,261
Location: Pleasure dome, United Kingdom
I do agree with so much already said.
It is one thing to not want everything your partner wants, but not to even be able to talk about it is another.
I have a friend whose sexual situation has changed since marriage and both parties deal with it in a particular way now. It is something they do with great thought and sensitivity towards each other. It has developed and they have their past to help them.
This appears to be a platonic relationship destined to failure. Sexual tension to be satisfied with another that will potentially develop into a full relationship.
Lets be honest most of us are here for a little extra, but not the whole thing.

________________________________________________________________

Experience is not what happens to you; it's what you do with what happens to you.
Aldous Huxley

Michael
Posted: Friday, April 13, 2012 1:25:44 PM

Rank: Author

Joined: 10/22/2011
Posts: 2,005
Location: Expat in, Russia
It would work if you marry him then allow him the platonic relationship with his old girlfriend.....

But that still sucks.


clum
Posted: Friday, April 13, 2012 3:38:43 PM

Rank: Clumeleon

Joined: 5/13/2011
Posts: 4,245
Location: Edinburgh, United Kingdom
caramelvixxen wrote:
I have a dear friend whose girlfriend is on a different sexual wavelength. He loves sex...whenever, whereever, as often as possible, and he loves exploring and trying new things. She could care less about it and doesn't seem to enjoy it. He holds back from telling her about things he wants to do and feels like a perv because he's always the one initiating...

He's considering marriage and I feel like he's setting himself up for disaster because if it's like this now, it will only get worse once they are married.

What advice would you give him? Would you/Could you marry such a woman...?


UGH! Take four minutes out of your life to watch this, please. http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/video/2010/may/20/language-usa?fb=native&CMP=FBCNETTXT9038

As to your actual question...

As long as he knows what he's getting into and doesn't let it become an issue several months into the marriage then I wish him the best of luck. If it's going to be a problem for him and if he already feels like it's affecting their relationship, he should take a step back. However, if he's considering marriage, the relationship must be pretty solid.

Would I do it? Yeah. I like sex and all but I could definitely live without it for the right person.

Every day is a school day.
stephanie
Posted: Friday, April 13, 2012 8:05:23 PM

Rank: Bohemian

Joined: 1/1/2010
Posts: 4,862
Location: Dublin, Ire., Ireland
clum wrote:


Would I do it? Yeah. I like sex and all but I could definitely live without it for the right person.


Surely, in a relationship, if there's no sex then she's NOT the right person? I couldn't live without it. Shallow Bastard that I am.....

xx SF

"I'm a writer... Honesty is not my first language..." (Stephen Flashman)
Guest
Posted: Friday, April 13, 2012 8:13:36 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 530,465
Hmm, been there...

A sexless (pretty much) marriage is ultimately what brought me to Lush (long story)

Now, while I could be without sex, what I couldn't abide was me trying for sex and getting knocked back all of the time...

I mean, Come on!!! It's soul-destroying after a while...

Now, as for your friend, I think that it's all well and good and honourable that he feels this way now, but I fear that after time he'll resent her and the marriage will suffer...

I don't think it's a good idea...
Guest
Posted: Friday, April 13, 2012 10:53:52 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 530,465
No, I would not because sex is very important in a relationship. If I cannot be intimate with her, most likely I am going to cheat. Therefore, I do not think it is a smart decision to marry her.
simplyjohn
Posted: Saturday, April 14, 2012 12:11:13 AM

Rank: Chat Moderator

Joined: 11/24/2011
Posts: 5,546
Location: Eating steak and chips, United Kingdom
If a sexual relationship is so very important to him then clearly and logically its not going to work unless in this modern day, for want of a better expression, they can come to some sort of agreement on how it could work, i.e. he satisfies his sexual desires outside of the marriage.

I personally believe sex is over-rated. LOVE is the key to a successful relationship/marriage and there are people who for various reasons do not engage in sexual activities but are very content and happy with their lot in life. Surely you can love someone to bits but not enjoy or be interested in sex.


Gramps
Posted: Saturday, April 14, 2012 1:13:43 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/15/2007
Posts: 316
Location: Sun Coast, United States
They could have a long and mostly happy life together with only minimal sex, but it would be very difficult. A married life is much more than sez, on-going and spontaneous sex together is important.

First hand knowledge, I've been there an had the experience. My wife wouldn't have sex with me before marriage but once we married, the sex was good and plentiful until after we had our kids, them the good old "sister-school nun of this" kicked back in and she cut off all sex. We've stayed together for almost a half century because we had a life other than sex.

Gramps

The quiet and always horny old guy in Sunny Florida USA
DannyBoyy
Posted: Wednesday, April 18, 2012 1:15:37 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 4/17/2012
Posts: 19
Location: United Kingdom
if he hasnt changed her mind so far, hes never going to! he should find someone who is more or less on the same wavelength
Also, if he can tell her what he really wants then what is the point of being married?
jaws23
Posted: Thursday, April 19, 2012 9:42:15 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 1/1/2012
Posts: 16
Location: United States
i did and its brutal
firefytr31
Posted: Thursday, April 19, 2012 11:24:18 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 11/8/2009
Posts: 144
Location: Canada
Firstly he needs to be honest with her and himself, if she is not interested then he has to consider both sides. I know from experience I thought after agreeing to a MFM with my girlfriend at the time(now my wife) she would be open to other things it turns out she is very conservative. She has told me if I want to be more adventurous I can look for it else where. Everyone know that is a mixture for disaster. Don't get me wrong we have sex 4-7 times a week.
Would I marry someone not interested in sex NO I am what some would call a sex addict, I think about sex daily.
Should your friend? that is his decision but let him weigh all the aspects of what life would be like.
perverse_cowboy
Posted: Monday, October 22, 2012 2:22:19 AM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 10/8/2011
Posts: 63
Location: West Central, United States
Hell no! My addiction is too strong for that! I've been married to two women who DO like sex and marriage is tough enough to keep together without having to deal with that!
vic2631
Posted: Monday, October 22, 2012 4:18:26 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 2/10/2011
Posts: 63
Location: Chicago , United States
Don't do it
blazestcyr
Posted: Tuesday, October 23, 2012 7:28:22 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/19/2011
Posts: 737
Location: where bugs die
did this..i thought once we got married and live together..he would change

nope...

if your buddy wants a roomate he has to support go for it

me i think he has the hots for you....

and is looking for something..something..on the side

but alas in the last 5 weeks i am become very cynical...

tell him to talk to his fiancee..why we dont have sex prenuptials ..i will never know....
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, October 23, 2012 8:20:50 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 530,465
I did it... Read all above and you know how funny it is
TheGulfCoaster
Posted: Tuesday, October 23, 2012 9:19:51 AM

Rank: Story Verifier

Joined: 1/2/2011
Posts: 581
Location: Sarasota County, United States
There are way too many unanswered questions to really give any advice. How long have they been together? Does the girl have any interest in marrying him? Does she suspect he cheats? Do they live together or at least live on their own, away from parents? Is the guy being honest or just looking for extracurricular sex? What is the age of the parties? Is the girl physically uninterested in sex or is it a moral/religious/right-wrong issue? Is the guy physically fit and attractive?

I've personally met guys who had great sex lives with their girlfriend but used the 'I don't get enough sex' or 'she doesn't like sex' arguments to cheat. Maybe he just isn't any good at sex (a sexual brute, inconsiderate, inadequate, doesn't provide foreplay or do anything to make her want it, into things she doesn't like/desire, never brings her off, a 'wham, bam, thankyou ma'am' kind of lover uninterested in her satisfaction or comfort, poor hygiene, obesity or he simply doesn't turn her on)

If she has no physical desire for sex (and has it always been that way?), and she is 'younger' she may grow to like it more as she gets older. If she is mid-20's or older and the guy is being honest (I doubt he is) I would guess it's time to move on. The fact he's reached a point where he is interested in marriage but still making this complaint just doesn't add up. If the complaints are true, what's made him stick around this long?
Frank
Posted: Tuesday, October 23, 2012 12:53:07 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 11/16/2011
Posts: 9,261
Location: Pleasure dome, United Kingdom


________________________________________________________________

Experience is not what happens to you; it's what you do with what happens to you.
Aldous Huxley

caramelvixxen
Posted: Tuesday, October 23, 2012 2:26:54 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 2/8/2012
Posts: 97
Location: MA, United States
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