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Rank: Lurker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Posts: 326,941
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 My bf and I don't have as much sex as I'd like. And I feel like he doesn't find me as attractive as he used to. Any time we have sex I have to BEG for a VERY long time...or come on to him super hard. I don't mind coming on to him..but all the time????? I've asked him about it many times and he said he still finds me attractive and nothing is wrong with me. But of course I think it is me..and I've tried a lot of things...I've tried looking 'glamourous' looking 'natural' & many other things. I want him to actually be turned on by me..w/o me having to come on to him or jump thru 100 hoops. I mean my confidence has gone down A LOT. Not just from the lack of sex. There are many other factors that go into my lack of confidence...but the lack of sex just adds on to it.  I'd be willing to take any suggestion!!
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 9/29/2012
Posts: 411
Location: Netherlands
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Hey, Sorry, your BF sounds like an arrogant asshole. I saw your pics, you are simply very beautiful! Don't be insecure, you can have at least 10 guys at one finger ;) Start to play hard to get in stead of working your ass off to get layed! Let him work for you, and if he doesn't want's to work for you, he's not worth it.... And NEVER beg for sex.....please, you can fuck the world if you want, come on you don't need that guy! Just respect yourself! Good luck 
Monica's Birthday turns into an unexpected family orgyHow hot and nasty can a birthday become....http://www.lushstories.com/stories/incest/monicas-birthday-turns-into-an.aspxScott learns all about oral sex from his NurseA post-op visit to the clinic becomes a lesson in cunnilingushttp://www.lushstories.com/stories/oral-sex/scott-learns-all-about-oral-sex-from.aspx
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 9/19/2012
Posts: 657
Location: Jersey, United States
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UltimateSeduction wrote:Hey, Sorry, your BF sounds like an arrogant asshole. I saw your pics, you are simply very beautiful! Don't be insecure, you can have at least 10 guys at one finger ;) Start to play hard to get in stead of working your ass off to get layed! Let him work for you, and if he doesn't want's to work for you, he's not worth it.... And NEVER beg for sex.....please, you can fuck the world if you want, come on you don't need that guy! Just respect yourself! Good luck Couldn't have said it better myself.
"I'd much rather be a woman than a man. Women can cry, they can wear cute clothes, and they are the first to be rescued off of sinking ships." — Gilda Radner
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Rank: Detention Seeker
Joined: 8/17/2010
Posts: 722
Location: Over your Knee Screaming and Kicking!, United King
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You really are Gorgeous stop chasing him and he will soon realize that i'ts him that needs to do the chasing. As has been said already there's plenty of guy's out there who would give there right arm to be with you.
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 9/16/2010
Posts: 122
Location: In the woods near my cabin, United States
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I saw your post and thought I would just say that it isnt you. My ex done that to me and I thought the same thing. Found out he was cheating, now that doesnt mean your BF is doing the same thing. My ex was bipolar and refused to take his meds. maybe your guy just likes to have his ego stroked. believe it or not some men tend to need to feel that a woman desires them. Try talking it out and not arguing. If that doesnt work then seeing is believing. Show him wheather it be being a carbon copy of him. But make sure you are reading the signs right. I can not really say since I dont know his age or anything about him. Ex: occupation, stressors in his life, things like this. Some men are just plain wore out after working at some jobs. My friends hubby works construction. When he comes home he just wants supper and a nice comfy bed. Look at the broader side and weigh in all possiblities.
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Rank: Lurker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Posts: 326,941
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Thinking it`s your fault for his feelings for you is a trap that you must never get into. You are very beautiful and sexy. There are plenty of guys that would treat you like a goddess.
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 5/17/2010
Posts: 374
Location: Las Vegas, United States
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Maybe he just has something on his mind? Or, he may feel that you're more interested in sex than having a relationship with him? The more you come hard at him, the more you might be driving him away; at least, that's the way it seems.
I suggest having a real heart-to-heart talk with him and finding out the real problem since he's the one you're in a relationship with; I know you've tried talking to him before, but I think you need to remind him that communication between the two of you is what's gonna keep the relationship going and that right now the relationship needs a bit of communication. Sometimes, people need that to snap them back into reality from whatever is distracting them.
And honestly, a lot of guys aren't that interested in sex. Maybe your bf is like this? I know a lot of guys who were never really into being intimate, but has he always been this way? If so, then why are you expecting him to suddenly change?
It's a number of things that you should consider and bring to him in conversation. Just remember to come from a place of hurt and not from a place of aggression and accusations.
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Rank: Lurker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Posts: 326,941
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Rank: Lurker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Posts: 326,941
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Thanks for the advice guys!
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 1/14/2011
Posts: 380
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NEVER beg for what you want, move to someone else who will be more than happy to treat you well. Sure, you should always go for what you want but if you're banging your head against a wall to get any sort of attention- let it go. I was engaged to a man for 3 years and had to do the same.. drop him like a hot pancake. I knew nothing was wrong with ME, he just acted entitled, controlling, and it fucked with my head. I'm sure you're a lovely gorgeous looking girl, please don't settle for second best when you can have someone who is as mutually crazy for you as you are for them. Healthy relationships are the best kind! Oh, and no one can make you feel inferior without your consent so don't allow them to get under your skin. Xx
Click > here < to read my first feature story, Techno Aphrodite by Piquet!
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Rank: Story Verifier
Joined: 4/15/2011
Posts: 3,811
Location: Gainesville, United States
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Guest wrote: My bf and I don't have as much sex as I'd like. And I feel like he doesn't find me as attractive as he used to. Any time we have sex I have to BEG for a VERY long time...or come on to him super hard. I don't mind coming on to him..but all the time????? I've asked him about it many times and he said he still finds me attractive and nothing is wrong with me. But of course I think it is me..and I've tried a lot of things...I've tried looking 'glamourous' looking 'natural' & many other things. I want him to actually be turned on by me..w/o me having to come on to him or jump thru 100 hoops. I mean my confidence has gone down A LOT. Not just from the lack of sex. There are many other factors that go into my lack of confidence...but the lack of sex just adds on to it. I'd be willing to take any suggestion!! I can understand this. I've been here myself. He's probably telling you the truth, it's not you. He might have problems. Try having him checked out at the doctor. He might have some problems going on. Is her over tired, working to hard? Unhappy with himself? All of this can affect his sex drive. If this doesn't change then it comes down to your options. Your options are pretty simple and yet oh so complicated. A) you can leave. This sometimes is much more complicated or harder then it sounds. Its easy for those outside your relationship to say "leave," but only you can decide. B)You can stay. This leaves you with a couple more options. 1) You can decide to cheat and get your fulfillment elsewhere. more complications, in obvious and not so obvious ways. 2) you can be faithful. Know that he is not likely to change and you are consigning your self to a sexless existence. Only you can make the choices for your unique situations.
Who would have guessed that my little tale, the very First one I ever submitted to Lush would be read by so many? It shocks me a little to realize that it has now served over 20,000! Charge NurseThank you so very much to those who have read it!
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 3/16/2012
Posts: 269
Location: Eastern, United States
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Don't buy into his bull, chances are in the past he's used you. Get all you can in other ways and get out.
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 10/19/2011
Posts: 737
Location: where bugs die
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married to man who didnt want sex
it is their problem..not yours
tried therapy...he had a hang up
but see if it is work...or if he is stressing about something or even weight gain causes men to stop it
but to me..the fact is this
why beat yourself up...if there are no kids involved or a marriage to dissolve
tell him unless the sex increases...you are done
and trust me..you will meet a guy who will want u 24/7 and be a good guy
you are sexy..and worthy of love...hugs
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Rank: Active Ink Slinger
Joined: 10/3/2012
Posts: 28
Location: Yuma, United States
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The one question that I haven't seen asked is, how often do you want sex? A lot of people came up with real suggestions that took into consideration his mental and physical states. Those avenues should be explored, on the other hand, if you are looking to have sex multiple times daily, the reality of it is that you may have just worn him out. You do need to communicate with each other in a way that does not put pressure on each other.
Another thing that you should think about is how you can fix your low self esteem issues. If you were to feel better about yourself, you may not need the constant validation that you are looking for from him through sex. The same thing goes for him. If he has some issues that he is experiencing, he too needs to work on fixing them so that he is more receptive to your needs be they self esteem or sexual. If the two of you are committed to making the relationship work, you both need to be honest about your desires, sexual as well as non sexual.
Just a thought.
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Rank: Lurker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Posts: 326,941
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being in the same situation know how you must feel the question comes how much you love him if you still do then you need to talk to him and sort it out
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 1/7/2013
Posts: 200
Location: Hinesville, georgia, United States
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Where the hell are women who actually want sex? Never turned it down, always had to instigate but never turned it down.
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 10/19/2011
Posts: 737
Location: where bugs die
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never ever turned my husband down..ever ...he turned me down...lots of women love sex and dont use it as a weapon
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 1/7/2013
Posts: 200
Location: Hinesville, georgia, United States
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Beg to differe, a small minority of women may not use sex as a weapon...intentionally. The vast majority, may as well need a concealed carry permit
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Rank: Her Royal Spriteness
Joined: 6/18/2010
Posts: 8,080
Location: Oz, United States
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oldhound wrote:Beg to differe, a small minority of women may not use sex as a weapon...intentionally. The vast majority, may as well need a concealed carry permit nice to know you think so highly of us. :)
 Bitches in the Basement on Amazon by our own Dancing Doll
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 1/7/2013
Posts: 200
Location: Hinesville, georgia, United States
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Always respect an adversary, always fight as if its to the death, when you dont, you lose.
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Rank: Her Royal Spriteness
Joined: 6/18/2010
Posts: 8,080
Location: Oz, United States
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oldhound wrote:Always respect an adversary, always fight as if its to the death, when you dont, you lose. dude! when did relationships become an armed conflict?
Bitches in the Basement on Amazon by our own Dancing Doll
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 1/7/2013
Posts: 200
Location: Hinesville, georgia, United States
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Sorry, limited frame of reference, but the theory still holds. If I let my guard down, chances are she will tear my heart out again. So, treat all women as a ”threat” and Ill survive
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Rank: Her Royal Spriteness
Joined: 6/18/2010
Posts: 8,080
Location: Oz, United States
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oldhound wrote:Sorry, limited frame of reference, but the theory still holds. If I let my guard down, chances are she will tear my heart out again. So, treat all women as a ”threat” and Ill survive cool, i like that! i think from now on i'm going to treat all men as rapists and abusers! that'll make my life so much more fulfilling. :)
Bitches in the Basement on Amazon by our own Dancing Doll
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 1/7/2013
Posts: 200
Location: Hinesville, georgia, United States
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Fulfilling? You people keep using terms like that and happy and well all that other muck. I explained my issue, goody for me it kept piling on, I guess now Im to the point I just want to be verified, that Im not nuts, that at least where Im concerned, women are a valid threat. Hell I can go back to second freakin grade with games and stunts the gender has pulled on me, so can you fault me for my thoughrs and reactions?
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Rank: Her Royal Spriteness
Joined: 6/18/2010
Posts: 8,080
Location: Oz, United States
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oldhound wrote:Fulfilling? You people keep using terms like that and happy and well all that other muck. I explained my issue, goody for me it kept piling on, I guess now Im to the point I just want to be verified, that Im not nuts, that at least where Im concerned, women are a valid threat. Hell I can go back to second freakin grade with games and stunts the gender has pulled on me, so can you fault me for my thoughrs and reactions? *shrugs* i bet a lot of people could say the same and yet, they don't treat the other gender as the enemy. what i don't get is, if you truly feel this way, why are you even interested in having a relationship? seems to me you would prefer not to. i think you might be a bit conflicted. :) btw, i have been dumped, physically abused, and raped in my life time and yet i don't have the same attitude you do and you know why? you're only hurting yourself - instead of concentrating on the negatives, try finding ways to, yes, be happy, lead a fulfilling life, climb out of the hole of bitterness you've so embraced instead of wallowing in it - do you need help? yes, but no one can help you if you aren't willing to let them, you know.
Bitches in the Basement on Amazon by our own Dancing Doll
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 1/7/2013
Posts: 200
Location: Hinesville, georgia, United States
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Hell yes Im conflicted. I want to be fulfiled and happy, I was ecstatic when I thought I had a chance. I knew she was dating other guys, didnt care, we were by no means exclusive. It was HOW she did the last bit, she.knew she was wrong for whatever reason. I dont claim my issues are more than anyones, especially a rape victims, All I wajt is one of that damn gender to admit why they do this to me and others like me instead of using lines like, everything happens for a.reason, she is out there if youre patient, you need to change ypur atmosphere and change your outcomes, maybe youre just aiming too high, all that crap and just admit ”yeah , giys like you are fun to torture”.
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Rank: Constant Gardener
Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 9,487
Location: Cakeland, United States
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Hound, I'm gonna pass on a bit of a gem, free of charge. An anecdote from my past/youth. Over 25 years ago...I was walking around thinking out loud and using such derogatory slang such as: Fucking Bitches, gawdamned cunts, HeartSlashing Broad, gold digging girlfriend, etc... You see where I'm going with this? I was a toxic motherfucker towards all women (while only referencing at the time) one such person...who I felt had ripped me a new asshole - emotionally/mentally and almost literally. A coworker... about 30 years older than me, who I would casually hang out with on weekends and some evenings after work...finally got tired of hearing me badmouthing the other gender and said to me, while we were grilling some massive hunk of beef on his spit...and sharing a couple cases of ice cold beer. "Jeff, maybe you can't get a date because the girlies don't really have to pay close attention to how you talk about them...as an entire class of degenerated and worthless people." A moment of clarity slammed me almost sober. And for another several months, I did still harbor ill thoughts towards Cindy...but I quit speaking my thoughts out loud and I definitely changed how I 'felt' towards the other 4 billion women I share this planet with. Amazingly, Hound... I began to actually not only get laid again...some few months later, but a lot of those women I started to meet... were not anything like my former girlfriend, the fucking firebreathing cuntdragon of mental ruination.  We've all heard your story over the last week or thereabouts. Last Monday & Tuesday it was so frequently advertised that you basically hated women because of how 33 females had turned your heart to stone and then chipped chunks off of it as if they were amateur or professional emotional grifters.... many of us thought you to be a Troll. I've explained this all to you in a few PMs we traded last week. I'm not speaking out of turn here now. You are the only one who can change your current point of view. Eventually, if you keep this shit up...we will laugh - not with you, but at you...or, we'll do what you're wanting the women to do - we'll fucking ignore you. And brother - that's even worse. There's love, there's like, there is dislike and there is hate. And then there is: I could give a fuck.
 The best thing you can do for your fellow,
next to rousing his conscience, is - not to give him things
to think about, but to wake things up that are in him...
to make him think things for himself - George MacDonald
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Rank: Alpha Blonde
Joined: 2/17/2010
Posts: 4,340
Location: In your dirty fantasies
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oldhound wrote:Hell yes Im conflicted. I want to be fulfiled and happy, I was ecstatic when I thought I had a chance. I knew she was dating other guys, didnt care, we were by no means exclusive. It was HOW she did the last bit, she.knew she was wrong for whatever reason. I dont claim my issues are more than anyones, especially a rape victims, All I wajt is one of that damn gender to admit why they do this to me and others like me instead of using lines like, everything happens for a.reason, she is out there if youre patient, you need to change ypur atmosphere and change your outcomes, maybe youre just aiming too high, all that crap and just admit ”yeah , giys like you are fun to torture”. You've been going on about this ad nauseam for over a week, insulting an entire gender in almost every single post throughout the forum under the passive-aggressive guise of being emotionally wounded because some chick you liked picked another guy instead of you. Nobody's advice is right or helpful so let me summarize it all for you: Give up on women. Seriously. Join a monastery. Explore the world of men. Maybe you'll have better luck with your own gender. As you have said over and over again - you will never have a happy relationship. Accept it and move on with your life. Cheers.
 The complete 50,000+ word novel, inspired by the original short story, is now available for instant download on Amazon.com *Forum Announcement and More Dirty Details* *** Click here to read my NEW Hardcore rough sex story. Now a Lush Editor's Pick selection! ***
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 1/7/2013
Posts: 226
Location: United States
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One question I haven't heard is how old he is. It could be a medical issue and he is embarassed to talk about it or face it. With all you say you are doing don't ever buy into it that it is you. It is most likely not you! I've been there.
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 1/7/2013
Posts: 200
Location: Hinesville, georgia, United States
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Well, since this will probably be the last post, and may or may not be read, let me answer everything. Ms doll: I did take advice from here. After a lovely visit with a psychlogist, I got bumped up to see a psychiatrist at 0730 today, my time. Got the info I listed above. He did say he would increase the nuerontin Im already, to level my mood. Not going gay, one reason, same issues, different plumbing. Two, not gay. No monasteries for my faith. Well mademale: this was my only place to rant, rage, get info, other side of arguements. Still not sure what trolling is, the doc actually said writing in here was good, he read all my posts, helped speed his diagnosis. I kept writing cause it kept hitting me, over and over. Just trying to find light at the end of the tunnel and it turns out to be a train. Folks and I had a nice long talk after plthey got done calling me a soulless heathen, they matched what she said, and what yall have said in here, I radiate victim. They told me why my first wife left me, she needed a father figure, I wasnt that...only three years older. Second wife, needed me to get away from her second husband, she still wont give me the info I need to find him and compare notes. Not legally anyway. Reading all my posts, while true, many were so unnecessary Im surprised I didnt get booted. Again, trying to keep my temper in check. I have no clue how to not emit victim, I told my folks this. Only recourse was to not speak a word about myself should I meet a woman. With Ms dolls advice and what youve mentioned as my only forseeable outcome here...well I just wanted an answer, thats what it really boils down too, what was wrong with me. The whys of old, I get, peer pressure, cliques, that crap. But why...now, just hurts. I know hes going to hurt her, bad. And I cant do a damn thing about it. This may allllll be my ptsd,, the thing that makes me the worst guy to go.to.a.domestic call, rearing up in a way to try and make me do something reallly stupid, more than what Ive done here. I grew up on heroes most nowadays know nothing about, and it may be my grace and fault. No, not all women are evil. Thats like saying all cops are bad, or eat donuts (which I stoppec doing 22 years ago). Or all service members killed innocents, or all priests are child molesters. Iet my anger at stjpid people into one of them. I let the bad memories erase the good. Coincidentally, while 33 girls have hurt me, thats also tye number Ive been with, just put that together now. Ill take my bow out and fire off arrows till I shoot the stupid out of myself. Find a stable, rent a horse and ride till Im numb. Thanks for all you did.
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