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Best way to move on? Options · View
Guest
Posted: Friday, November 16, 2012 7:21:16 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 534,753
I'm best friends with this one guy and for the past year and half we've had feelings for each other. We didn't get together because when we first developed feelings for each other, I was 16 and he was 22. Now that I am 18, he is in a relationship with someone else and the opportunity for me to ever be with him has dropped to slim to none because he said he hasn't been this happy in years. After all this time, I now love him(which he knows) and it kills me to see him with her because he and I had made so many plans about being together once I turned 18. I'm in an immense amount of pain and am spiraling down into a depression(other things in life are pretty bad right now too). Any advice on how to move on without destroying our friendship? dontknow
crazydiamond
Posted: Saturday, November 17, 2012 2:10:57 PM

Rank: Clever Gem

Joined: 7/17/2011
Posts: 2,286
Location: Exactly where I should be!, Canada
For now, concentrate on you, it's impossible I know, but put him in another compartment of your brain. He'll still be there, but you must choose to move him from the forefront.
Now what you do, is surround yourself with everything you knew and loved before him.
Get back to you.
It will still ache.. it will for a while, but if you focus on the things you love and return to the YOU, the you were before him, slowly but surely you will get back to just that! You know what, one day believe it or not you will be absolutely fine!

You must also remember, you are still young, this may occur a few more times in your life yet, and it may not!
Best to realise how to deal with it now, and learn how to positively move forward.

elitfromnorth
Posted: Sunday, November 18, 2012 3:39:35 PM

Rank: Brawling Berserker

Joined: 2/12/2012
Posts: 1,619
Location: Burrowed, Norway
Find something to keep you busy. School, work or a hobby. Whatever it is, as long as it keeps you busy and it takes your mind off him. Socialise with other people where you won't meet him and in places where you don't have many memories from. For instance, if it was a certain restaurant or somewhere you two used to go then avoid that place as much as you can. Things like that will help push it away.

Find ways to wear you out. After my break up a friend of me told me to run. Run as fast as you can, as long as you can, run until you feel the taste of blood in your mouth. It might sound extreme, but burning energy and wearing yourself out in a physical way will help put things off.

Those are the long term means. Short term would of course to do the good old get drunk and sleep around a bit, but that depends on if you're the kind of person that get drunk. In any case, if friends ask you to go out with them then do it. The last thing you should do is sit home alone and think about him. Socialise with others.

And lastly; stay the fuck away from him. If he suddenly calls you and goes "Why haven't I heard from you lately?" then you have every right in the world to tell him that he stabbed you in the back and he can go to his girlfriend.

"It's at that point you realise Lady Luck is actually a hooker, and you're fresh out of cash."
automaticwoman
Posted: Monday, November 19, 2012 5:42:43 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 5/5/2012
Posts: 36
Location: United States
It's a hard situation for sure, been there a few times advice already given is great. I know it's the last thing you want to do right now, but going out on dates with other guys is the best thing. You'll be stronger because you'll learn what you like and dislike and be distracted.
overmykneenow
Posted: Tuesday, November 20, 2012 2:46:10 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 6/8/2010
Posts: 1,021
Location: United Kingdom
Before you move on, you're going to have to be quite brutally honest with yourself. If you want to remain friends, can you genuinely support the decision he's made and the happiness he's found in his relationship? Being glad he's found happiness should be your first step to acceptance and moving on.

Remember, you never had a relationship with him, you had the fantasy of a relationship. If you don't reconcile your feelings for him you'll constantly be comparing EVERY MAN you meet with this idealised fantasy and no one will be able to live up to it.

What you're going through probably isn't clinical depression but it does sound like part of the grieving process. Find new things you can focus on, change your surroundings, meet new people - anything that offers variety and the sense that life always has more to offer and stimulate you.

Warning: The opinions above are those of an anonymous individual on the internet. They are opinions, unless they're facts. They may be ill-informed, out of touch with reality or just plain stupid. They may contain traces of irony. If reading these opinions causes you to be become outraged or you start displaying the symptoms of outrage, stop reading them immediately. If symptoms persist, consult a psychiatrist.

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Guest
Posted: Thursday, November 29, 2012 2:42:50 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 534,753
Thank you all for your suggestions, I really appreciate it and have tried a few out. Luckily, we didn't hang out many places so for the most part it's easy to not go there, but we did meet up at the front of my house a lot so...can't avoid there haha. I don't drink so can't do that either lol. However, I know I'm not ready to date, but I have been talking to this one guy I met. We met almost 2 weeks ago and have skyped every night since we met. It's been a great distraction.

I'm gonna do the best I can and be happy for my friend too though. It's really hard because she didn't even like me hanging out with him as a friend to begin with so I don't like the idea of him being with someone who tries keeping him from me just because I'm a girl. It's just not fair and it's not fair that I know if i were 18 just a year sooner, he would've been with me and not her. Even if we broke up, I'd be happy knowing he'd give me a chance. It also hurts because he told me over the weekend that he still wants to have a 3some with me and our guy friend. If he's willing to cheat on her, why can't he just break up with her? Grrr...


Either way, it's time to move on. I need to keep reminding myself that if he really wants me, he would be with me... :P
Nikki703
Posted: Thursday, November 29, 2012 3:28:10 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/7/2009
Posts: 12,669
Location: The Other Side Of The Mirror
FireAngel12 wrote:
Thank you all for your suggestions, I really appreciate it and have tried a few out. Luckily, we didn't hang out many places so for the most part it's easy to not go there, but we did meet up at the front of my house a lot so...can't avoid there haha. I don't drink so can't do that either lol. However, I know I'm not ready to date, but I have been talking to this one guy I met. We met almost 2 weeks ago and have skyped every night since we met. It's been a great distraction.

I'm gonna do the best I can and be happy for my friend too though. It's really hard because she didn't even like me hanging out with him as a friend to begin with so I don't like the idea of him being with someone who tries keeping him from me just because I'm a girl. It's just not fair and it's not fair that I know if i were 18 just a year sooner, he would've been with me and not her. Even if we broke up, I'd be happy knowing he'd give me a chance. It also hurts because he told me over the weekend that he still wants to have a 3some with me and our guy friend. If he's willing to cheat on her, why can't he just break up with her? Grrr...


Either way, it's time to move on. I need to keep reminding myself that if he really wants me, he would be with me... :P


I know I really dont know the entire story but he says he is very happy meanwhile he is willing to risk what he has with this girl to have a 3some with you and his friend. Like I said, I dont know the whole story or the guy but he seems like he is just looking to have a good time and is not serious about his relationships. Maybe he will break up with her and go with you. But then will he be having a 3 some with her and that guy, or maybe with one of her friends too?

I know it is easy for me to say, but just go out with some other guys and Im sure you will find someone who makes you forget "what's his name"!! You have your whole life ahead of you!! Why worry about 1 guy at 18!! Enjoy your life!!
Fate
Posted: Friday, November 30, 2012 9:31:02 PM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 5/19/2011
Posts: 4
Location: United States
In all relationships I think the best way to move on requires a few things. First acceptance, second the will to do it. Also I try to look at it as progress, don't look at a breakup or something like that as a failure it puts way too much negativity on you and your partner. You can't change the past, but moving forward will save you time for regrets. Last advice, think about this, people spend more time avoiding word and worrying about stuff than doing it, so just do it because even though a little painful but you'll be ok in the end and you'll heal from it. Good luck.
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