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Guest
Posted: Monday, November 26, 2012 2:58:39 PM

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Wasn't sure to put this in the advice section or not but here it goes

I have had discussions before where people say if you don't have sex allot and very often then the relationship can get boring and wont last long. My personal opinion is that even if you don't have sex often that it can work if you want it to because relationships don't revolve around sex, What do you think?
And do you also think long distance relationships work,for some people, or not really?
Snowyman8
Posted: Monday, November 26, 2012 3:12:02 PM

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Let me cover the long distance thing first.
I think it depends. As a general rule, for new relationships, I've found that the long distance thing is a killer. I've had two and the didn't work out. I've known many people in my life and none that worked out.
Now, that said, I did state this was regarding new relationships. In other words, a couple that is not in a marriage or long term committment. I also think that time, in some cases, matters.
I know several military couples that have spent tons of time apart, yet are able to keep the relationship strong and lasting. I also have a friend who's been married for nearly ten years and yet is away for work for periods of 30-60 days at a time.
So, I think it really matters on the circumstances and the two people involved as well as where they see the relationship going.
Make sense?
Hope this helped....


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Guest
Posted: Monday, November 26, 2012 4:12:32 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 472,630
If a couple is living together, why would they not be having sex? I have a friend that says he really loves his wife if she would just have sex with him they would have a perfect marriage. He has spoken with her about this on many occasions and she says that she just doesn't like it. He asked if she would mind if he could have a friend on the side and she flew off the handle. They only have sex about 4 times a year unless she wants to have a baby....I think that is wrong.


As far as long distance relationships go? I am not a fan. To me it's like having an online lover. It wanes in time. At least with a long distance relationship there is the ability or the idea of actually hooking up......


Fiasco
Posted: Monday, November 26, 2012 9:30:09 PM

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My opinion is that you should marry your best friend. You should be comfortable enough with that person that you can be your unfiltered self around them. If you're not at this point, marriage is probably not the best thing for you and will either end in a split or an unhappy "til death". I also think that the only thing separating great friends from being intimate lovers/marriage material is a shared set of sexual priorities (to an extent). If you aren't sexually attracted to the person, why do you want to marry them? There's probably someone else you could think to marry if sex was off the table...but sex is just another thing to work out before marriage. Like pooping with the door open.

As for long distance....that would require near saint-like patience, self-control, and trust.
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, November 27, 2012 2:44:46 AM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 472,630
Emily69 wrote:
Wasn't sure to put this in the advice section or not but here it goes

I have had discussions before where people say if you don't have sex allot and very often then the relationship can get boring and wont last long. My personal opinion is that even if you don't have sex often that it can work if you want it to because relationships don't revolve around sex, What do you think?
And do you also think long distance relationships work,for some people, or not really?



I totally agree. If you hinge the relationship solely on sex then inevitably it won't be a happy and meaningful one when the excitement dies down. There has to be much more to a commited relationship than just sex. Otherwise it's not much of a relationship at all. And for some people the line between love and lust can be a little blurred. Long distance relationships tend not to work out. They're a bad idea in my opinion.
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, November 27, 2012 2:45:25 AM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
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Fiasco wrote:
My opinion is that you should marry your best friend. You should be comfortable enough with that person that you can be your unfiltered self around them. If you're not at this point, marriage is probably not the best thing for you and will either end in a split or an unhappy "til death". I also think that the only thing separating great friends from being intimate lovers/marriage material is a shared set of sexual priorities (to an extent). If you aren't sexually attracted to the person, why do you want to marry them? There's probably someone else you could think to marry if sex was off the table...but sex is just another thing to work out before marriage. Like pooping with the door open.

As for long distance....that would require near saint-like patience, self-control, and trust.



Indeed! - Splendid.
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, November 27, 2012 2:48:10 AM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 472,630
Irishdandy wrote:
If a couple is living together, why would they not be having sex? I have a friend that says he really loves his wife if she would just have sex with him they would have a perfect marriage. He has spoken with her about this on many occasions and she says that she just doesn't like it. He asked if she would mind if he could have a friend on the side and she flew off the handle. They only have sex about 4 times a year unless she wants to have a baby....I think that is wrong.


As far as long distance relationships go? I am not a fan. To me it's like having an online lover. It wanes in time. At least with a long distance relationship there is the ability or the idea of actually hooking up......




Yeh agreed, sex should form part of the chemistry in a relationship. But the relationship shouldn't revolve solely around sex. I think was the OP's point.
BelleduJour
Posted: Tuesday, November 27, 2012 6:41:26 AM

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Location: Canada
A relationship, any relationship, takes two people to make it work. If you both want it bad enough and are happy with whatever arrangements you have or are forced to deal with because of distance or whatever, then all is well in the world. Sex is definitely an important part of any relationship, especially a marriage but you also need a bucket full of other great things to hold and keep you together through the good and bad. I think quality can sometimes be better than quantity but again, it only really works if you're both on the same page - the second one person isn't, that's when it can get complicated and a bit tricky - take it from me. Been there and done that.

tryagian
Posted: Tuesday, November 27, 2012 7:18:13 AM

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First I think age and maturity is a factor, the older you get you get more inolved in other aspects of you life, work,kids,ect. also it depends on each ones sex drive some have higher needs than others. I think the question is can two people find a happy meadium that keeps both happy.most marriages break up because o money or sex problems that why it's important to talk to each other and also pay attetion to the others needs.
freakycactus
Posted: Tuesday, November 27, 2012 7:49:08 AM

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I used to get really grumpy if I had go without sex for long, the sex with my fiancé at the time was bad, really bad (as opposed to the awesome sex I have now). The reason I was grumpy was because I was missing the intimacy the bad sex provided. Personally, I think intimacy is more important for maintaining a healthy relationship, doing something simple like holding hands, sending a text to let the other person know you're thinking of them, a kiss hello or goodbye. It lets the other person know that you care and feeling loved is incredibly important. Sex shouldn't be more important than intimacy but it should be part of it.

Sex is an important part of a relationship but it should never be the most important part of it, unless it's a fuck buddy situation.

I've had long distance relationships and they can work, as long as both people work hard at it.

Delphi
Posted: Tuesday, November 27, 2012 8:29:02 AM

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If the partners in the relationship are comfortable with the amount of sex they're having, then the sex part of the relationship isn't the problem. I don't think relationships fail because of sex (or lack of) alone. There's usually a bigger problem.
Long distance relationships are rough, and not in a fun way. It's the rare couple that can both begin a relationship and maintain it while being separated by hundreds of miles. I think it can work better if the couple has been together for awhile and have worked out their issues before being separated, but I don't know anyone who has done it successfully for long periods of time.



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weplay
Posted: Wednesday, November 28, 2012 2:07:42 AM

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We agree as long as there is trust , loyalty and understanding of each other and communication between each other not to mention friendship and a lot of laughs it will work but a lot of fucking don't hurtBig Hugs
blazestcyr
Posted: Monday, December 03, 2012 7:11:53 AM

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Location: where bugs die
long distance just is too hard...but..it can work..if YOU both...are committed to being without for periods of time...

having been in a sexless marriage..no.no and no..i find it just hilarious that people say that sex is not important

ask the person going without ...the one BEGGING for it..and you will hear a different tune

to me those vows...love...the first..word..means..sex..love is sex in a marriage

to deny sex..is to deny...love..period
seeker4
Posted: Monday, December 03, 2012 1:41:10 PM

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Location: In the great, beautiful Cosmos, Canada
Irishdandy wrote:
If a couple is living together, why would they not be having sex?


Depends. Health issues could be one reason. Been there, done that.

A relationship needs to be a holistic thing in which all the bits fit together. Sex is one of those bits and the relationship is definitely going to be affected if you lose/minimize that bit. That's not to say the relationship is doomed, but the partners will need to adjust their expectations and desires accordingly. I'd also say that if one bit, including sex, dominates to the exclusion of all other bits, that can be a problem, too.


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principessa
Posted: Monday, December 03, 2012 2:10:51 PM

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What I am about to say is contradictory. Sex is important when it is not working. When it is, you don't have think about it - it happens organically because of the chemistry between you. The rest of your relationship is important as well. You should be friends and companions, share enough interests and values to be compatible and have enough differences to make your relationship interesting. You should remain curious about each other. You should want the best for each other. You should be kind to each other.

As to long distance relationships, they can work if you can manage time together regularly, even if that is measured in weeks rather than days. The key is to remain in contact in the interim - talk, email, text, Skype, whatever is your preference. For me the sound of a lover's voice always provides intimacy. It is not easy to sustain this, and I understand that a lot of people fail, but it can be done if both of you are committed to it.

Shaman
Posted: Wednesday, October 09, 2013 1:29:48 PM

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If your relationship is only sea you don't have a relationship
Guest
Posted: Sunday, November 03, 2013 1:13:32 PM

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Life is about balance. A great romance should be able to stand the test of time. It should have commitment, passion, sex, desire, communication. You should want to spend the whole night together, whether on the couch with good movie, in the club, just talking all night or making love. That quality time is what counts. You must make memories that tell the story of your love or your story will get put back on the shelf to gather dust.
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