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Relationships-More trouble than they're worth Options · View
Guest
Posted: Thursday, November 22, 2012 1:21:25 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 534,661
(Short Version)

I see all my friends, my family, I see them argue and bicker, they suck up and flatter and do things just to keep the other person from being upset. Then they leave or something ridiculous happens and they either cry or get angry. Why for Fucking Christ's shake should I ever indulge myself is such self-abuse. For what? To waste years or months of MY life to be with someone who will only leave or do something God-aweful? So tell me what is the point to such an asinine tradition. No about of pleasure can be worth such pain.
overmykneenow
Posted: Thursday, November 22, 2012 2:00:54 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 6/8/2010
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Location: United Kingdom
Relationships help us live our lives - be they romantic, family, business, casual, professional, whatever - we try and nurture them to maximise benefits but they can all break down in the manner you describe above.

There are so many things we do that on the face of it seem self-destructive but we measure the benefits ahead of the risk involved. We drink even though it damages our health. We drive yet we know we could crash. We fall in love usually blind to the fact that statistically it will end in heartache and tears.

Reading your blogs on here it appears you've started a course of anti-depressants. You should allow a couple of weeks before you start seeing any benefit from them. Revisit this thread at a later date, then see if your opinion is altered in any way. I hope you see an improvement soon.

Warning: The opinions above are those of an anonymous individual on the internet. They are opinions, unless they're facts. They may be ill-informed, out of touch with reality or just plain stupid. They may contain traces of irony. If reading these opinions causes you to be become outraged or you start displaying the symptoms of outrage, stop reading them immediately. If symptoms persist, consult a psychiatrist.

Why not read some stories instead

NEW! Want a quick read for your coffee break? Why not try this... Flash Erotica: Scrubber
Guest
Posted: Thursday, November 22, 2012 2:26:03 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 534,661
I'm glad to read you saw a doctor Perd. Sometimes when we are feeling so low we do need a little help and there is no shame in seeking it. Living in society today has so many pressures for us all, you would be very surprised at just how many people seek help for depression however a great many of them don't talk about it. Keep in contact with your doctor, hopefully you have found one you can talk to, it really helps to get things 'out', and if you have been prescribed anti-depressants take them as your doctor directed you to. If they don't help straight away don't give up, there are many many different ones and it wouldn't take long to find the best one for you. Sometimes you have to try a couple of them before you feel better.

Just because you might start a medication for this, does not mean you will be on it forever. Sometimes it only takes a few months to get things back on track. Whatever you do, DON'T GIVE UP. There is always someone to talk to, a family member, your doctor. I hope you feel better soon.
Guest
Posted: Thursday, November 22, 2012 2:36:28 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 534,661
Trinket wrote:
I'm glad to read you saw a doctor Perd. Sometimes when we are feeling so low we do need a little help and there is no shame in seeking it. Living in society today has so many pressures for us all, you would be very surprised at just how many people seek help for depression however a great many of them don't talk about it. Keep in contact with your doctor, hopefully you have found one you can talk to, it really helps to get things 'out', and if you have been prescribed anti-depressants take them as your doctor directed you to. If they don't help straight away don't give up, there are many many different ones and it wouldn't take long to find the best one for you. Sometimes you have to try a couple of them before you feel better.

Just because you might start a medication for this, does not mean you will be on it forever. Sometimes it only takes a few months to get things back on track. Whatever you do, DON'T GIVE UP. There is always someone to talk to, a family member, your doctor. I hope you feel better soon.



What does that have to do with what I wrote?
Guest
Posted: Thursday, November 22, 2012 2:39:23 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 534,661
The point to my post is that it seems to me you are depressed, your profile says you are depressed and that you have seen a doctor and been prescribed medication. When someone is depressed, it can sometimes be harder to cope with things that bother us, or problems we have. Hopefully, after you have been treated for a little while, the things you mentioned in your post, may be easier to cope with. Im sorry I didn't make that clear.

Edited to add : If you don't like what I wrote I am happy to remove it from the thread
Shylass
Posted: Thursday, November 22, 2012 2:55:02 PM

Rank: Gingerbread Lover

Joined: 1/6/2012
Posts: 3,595
Location: Trumpton, United Kingdom
perd wrote:



What does that have to do with what I wrote?


Whilst it might not be the answer you were looking for, actually, our mood and mental health can have a huge impact on our relationships, how we view people and the world, as well as ourselves and our ability to deal with ourselves and others.

It's no secret that I struggle with depression. When I am feeling particularly poorly, I can only see the negative. I don't trust anybody, and if anybody did ever want a real relationship with me, I feel like it wouldn't be worth their while for various reasons, although I wish it would be.

We often observe others treating partners negatively or spouting off about them. I think this is because we are more likely to be vocal to others about the crap. We miss the secret smiles and joy between couples, because they are busy living it. But when we are low, we also take more notice of the things we find difficult or want to run away crying from. The nicer things don't stand out so much.

I would love to take a risk of sharing my life with somebody, should they exist for me, and whilst I have been burned horribly by somebody, the treasures I can only dream of might actually be reality. I would give everything I had and risk it all for that hope, to experience even a day of joy of being loved and loving back.

In my darker moments, I wish the world away. Trinket had a very relevant point, even if you can't see it.


Ut incepit fidelis, sic permanet.

***
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Guest
Posted: Friday, November 23, 2012 7:30:49 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 534,661
For a flower, or anything for that matter to grow, there are several "ingredients" needed, water, sunlight, nutrients or fertilizer...

Relationships are (choose anyone you like by the way...I'll choose sunlight) the sunlight by which we grow, whilst relationships are often fraught with conflict and tensions, they are also frequently sources of great joy and pleasure.

We as human beings are group animals, and that really means that we "Need" people so that our needs can be met, relationships are the sunlight, or the water, or the fertilizer...we need them on a basic evolutionary level...

If we millions of years ago didn't exist in groups then we may not have evolved.

The point of relationships, (in whatever form, family, friends, lovers, partners, co-workers) however asinine, is that without them we would wilt...

Guest
Posted: Wednesday, November 28, 2012 7:13:59 AM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 534,661
So let me get this straight...I ask what the point of getting a BF/GF is and the general answer is 'go see a doctor?" Ok fine. How about this one?

I think that sums up all my thoughts pretty well. What? I have to have someone because its 'necessary'? Are you fucking kidding me? 'Its a struggle, but worth it in the end'? What kinda Fairy Tale world do you think this is? Maybe I do need a Doctor because I'm sick to my stomach.
blazestcyr
Posted: Wednesday, November 28, 2012 10:22:28 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/19/2011
Posts: 737
Location: where bugs die
because when it is good..it is fabulous...dont let your bitterness rule your...life
blazestcyr
Posted: Wednesday, November 28, 2012 10:23:22 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/19/2011
Posts: 737
Location: where bugs die
ps why are u so mad..and what is with th swearing...they did YOU the honor of answering your question...wow...u must be..very...young....
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, November 28, 2012 11:32:27 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 534,661
I'm pissed because I'm 20 and have only been drunk once, had sex once, never been in a relationship, never done drugs and so on. My friends basically say i've never lived. They think I"M the stupid one for wanting to be single. WTF?! I mean excuse me if I don't see that sit as important. Sex can't be that great and neither can be leaning against your girl or being held by a man. I tried it once, didn't work. it ended in a mess I still don't understand. And that wasn't the first time I gave my heart out like a fucking idiot knowing it could never happen. But i held her in such high regard I thought she'd be different.

people are truly blinded by love. Two of my friends were dating and living together for over a year, when they broke up they basically said it was a waste of all that time. If they knew it was a waste then why do it? PS the break up was caused by a nother 'friend' having her own relationship issues and fucking up their's. There can be no amount of pleasure worth that pain. The teasing, the lying, the arguing, such work for something that won't ever last.
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, November 28, 2012 11:38:18 AM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 534,661
blazestcyr wrote:
ps why are u so mad..and what is with th swearing...they did YOU the honor of answering your question...wow...u must be..very...young....
Also Why does it matter if I'm young?!
overmykneenow
Posted: Wednesday, November 28, 2012 11:42:22 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 6/8/2010
Posts: 1,020
Location: United Kingdom
I hate to say this but replying to this thread seems more trouble than it's worth.

Relationships should always be a personal choice, if you don't see the point of them or get anything out of them then don't get involved - there's no law (in most countries anyway) that says you have to.

Warning: The opinions above are those of an anonymous individual on the internet. They are opinions, unless they're facts. They may be ill-informed, out of touch with reality or just plain stupid. They may contain traces of irony. If reading these opinions causes you to be become outraged or you start displaying the symptoms of outrage, stop reading them immediately. If symptoms persist, consult a psychiatrist.

Why not read some stories instead

NEW! Want a quick read for your coffee break? Why not try this... Flash Erotica: Scrubber
Shylass
Posted: Wednesday, November 28, 2012 12:18:43 PM

Rank: Gingerbread Lover

Joined: 1/6/2012
Posts: 3,595
Location: Trumpton, United Kingdom
perd wrote:
I'm pissed because I'm 20 and have only been drunk once, had sex once, never been in a relationship, never done drugs and so on. My friends basically say i've never lived. They think I"M the stupid one for wanting to be single. WTF?! I mean excuse me if I don't see that sit as important. Sex can't be that great and neither can be leaning against your girl or being held by a man. I tried it once, didn't work. it ended in a mess I still don't understand. And that wasn't the first time I gave my heart out like a fucking idiot knowing it could never happen. But i held her in such high regard I thought she'd be different.

people are truly blinded by love. Two of my friends were dating and living together for over a year, when they broke up they basically said it was a waste of all that time. If they knew it was a waste then why do it? PS the break up was caused by a nother 'friend' having her own relationship issues and fucking up their's. There can be no amount of pleasure worth that pain. The teasing, the lying, the arguing, such work for something that won't ever last.


You asked a question. We answered, based on the information you have provided. You didn't like the answers. Deal with it.

Attitude is everything, and you have clearly demonstrated yours.

You aren't the only one to have suffered, been hurt, or watched others go through pain, anger and needless crap. But it's how you deal with those things and respond that show the sort of person you are, and it either makes you stronger, or just embitters you.

Good luck.


Ut incepit fidelis, sic permanet.

***
********************************CLICK THE BANNERS TO BUY THESE WILLY-STIFFENING BOOKS!********************************
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, November 28, 2012 12:28:01 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 534,661
I was married for 9 years and even though we had some good times we also had a lot of tough times because he was sick with heart disease for 6 of those years. I stood by him through it all and he passed away in April of 2011. I have no desire to ever remarry again and go through that again. I know it would probably be different then it was with my husband but there is also the fact that men and women think very differently and bridging that communication gap is a lot of work. I'm not sure the benefits are worth the effort, especially when most of the men I have ever known in my life are not willing to work at a relationship as hard as a woman usually is willing to. Most of the relationships I have seen up close are like a team of horses hitched to a wagon and they are supposed to be working together but only one horse is doing most of the work. And usually, but not always, it is the woman that does most of the work. Here is a perfect example....when a couple has children, who is the one that does most of the raising of those children? Generally it is the woman. Most of the time the man is on the fringes and earns the money but doesn't necessarily do all the rest of the work required in raising children, like changing diapers or cleaning up after a sick child etc.... That is why I am glad I do not have children and don't want any. Now before anyone has a fit at me ...these are all generalities...I am fully aware that there are some men out there that do the majority of raising their kids and I applaud them for it!!! But, in general, this is what I see and what I have no desire to be a part of again. That is why I like lush....I can have some fun online but do not have to deal with the complications of a relationship!!
TheGulfCoaster
Posted: Wednesday, November 28, 2012 12:46:21 PM

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Joined: 1/2/2011
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Location: Sarasota County, United States
At 20 (guys especially) I don't think ANYONE is good at having relationships. It's like anything else, there are skills and lessons that need to be learned in order to be prepared to enter into a serious, successful relationship. I think the best advice I could give is for you to wait before entering into a serious relationship until you've learned some of those skills and lessons (and no, I'm not just talking about sex - communication skills, diplomacy skills, etc.). Most of the lessons and skills can be learned by dating. By dating you will also learn more about what kind of person you want to be with and what kind of people want to be with you, at that point you can look for your soul-mate and hopefully it will be a long term, successful relationship. In the meantime, you can have a lot of fun getting to that point by doing more casual dating.
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, November 28, 2012 4:10:52 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 534,661
TheGulfCoaster wrote:
At 20 (guys especially) I don't think ANYONE is good at having relationships. It's like anything else, there are skills and lessons that need to be learned in order to be prepared to enter into a serious, successful relationship. I think the best advice I could give is for you to wait before entering into a serious relationship until you've learned some of those skills and lessons (and no, I'm not just talking about sex - communication skills, diplomacy skills, etc.). Most of the lessons and skills can be learned by dating. By dating you will also learn more about what kind of person you want to be with and what kind of people want to be with you, at that point you can look for your soul-mate and hopefully it will be a long term, successful relationship. In the meantime, you can have a lot of fun getting to that point by doing more casual dating.


Huh...I think that might have been what happened with th first person I dated. I've never done anything like it so I wasn't sure what it was. She wasn't much help either in helping me understand. So...what is dating then? What do I do? How is it done? What do I need to feel?
LOVES4PLAY
Posted: Wednesday, November 28, 2012 5:21:10 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/14/2010
Posts: 944
Location: JUST A CLICK AWAY, United States
I think your question was ARE RELATIONSHIPS WORTH WORKING FOR!......................" ABSOlLOUTLY !
For whats its worth , I was the one that checked on my son every morning,& changed him..
Would I do it again? I'D LOVE TO..
A very knowledgeable man once said ..... " A GOOD WOMAN IS WORTH HER WEIGHT IN GOLD"
Guest
Posted: Friday, November 30, 2012 11:41:26 AM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 534,661
Well if what you guys are saying is even true where do I start? What do I do? I've only been on a like two, three dates and they were...strange. I know nothing of relationships. How close am I supposed to be to my person I'm dating and so on?
Guest
Posted: Saturday, December 01, 2012 8:54:34 PM

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I'll give other men the same advise on relationships and I give for marriage..........JUST DON'T DO IT!!!!!!
Guest
Posted: Saturday, December 01, 2012 11:31:33 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 534,661
menarealwaysignorged wrote:
I'll give other men the same advise on relationships and I give for marriage..........JUST DON'T DO IT!!!!!!


Why not?
sprite
Posted: Saturday, December 01, 2012 11:45:04 PM

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menarealwaysignorged wrote:
I'll give other men the same advise on relationships and I give for marriage..........JUST DON'T DO IT!!!!!!


and for that, i give thanks! god, to be married to someone who shares your thoughts and opinions on women? there's a reason i went lesbian, you know! ;)

http://www.lushstories.com/stories/hardcore/west-coast-games-part-one-the-beach.aspx
Guest
Posted: Sunday, December 02, 2012 5:09:15 AM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 534,661
menarealwaysignorged wrote:
I'll give other men the same advise on relationships and I give for marriage..........JUST DON'T DO IT!!!!!!

Eric I love ya like a brother man but you really need to let go, the past is the past man, it's time....well pass time that you realize that
Guest
Posted: Sunday, December 02, 2012 10:52:34 AM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
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Well know i really don't know what to think. See isn't is that bad? not worth the pain? I don't understand why ppl do it. Sure I long for fee someone love me and touch me and say that they missed me, but is it really worth all that pain and suffering?
crazydiamond
Posted: Sunday, December 02, 2012 1:06:16 PM

Rank: Clever Gem

Joined: 7/17/2011
Posts: 2,286
Location: Exactly where I should be!, Canada
Well then don't, you've obviously made up your mind.
Just make sure you have the experience to make that decision before you make it.

Yes! Relationships can be tough, but they are also a very poignant part of growth when figuring out who you are, and what you want.
Simply dismissing that, to me would be ignorant.

Surely without the exprience you can not grow and learn and decide for yourself?

Good luck Perd x

DLizze
Posted: Sunday, December 02, 2012 2:35:34 PM

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Joined: 4/23/2011
Posts: 2,552
perd wrote:
but is it really worth all that pain and suffering?


THe short answer is: yes.
The long anwer is: not only yes, but HELL, yes!

You can only go 'round once. Grab life by the balls and LIVE IT!

"There's only three tempos: slow, medium and fast. When you get between in the cracks, ain't nuthin' happenin'." Ben Webster
crazydiamond
Posted: Sunday, December 02, 2012 2:39:12 PM

Rank: Clever Gem

Joined: 7/17/2011
Posts: 2,286
Location: Exactly where I should be!, Canada
DLizze wrote:


THe short answer is: yes.
The long anwer is: not only yes, but HELL, yes!

You can only go 'round once. Grab life by the balls and LIVE IT!


Applause

Guest
Posted: Sunday, December 02, 2012 3:09:44 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 534,661
crazydiamond wrote:
Well then don't, you've obviously made up your mind.
Just make sure you have the experience to make that decision before you make it.

Yes! Relationships can be tough, but they are also a very poignant part of growth when figuring out who you are, and what you want.
Simply dismissing that, to me would be ignorant.

Surely without the exprience you can not grow and learn and decide for yourself?

Good luck Perd x


so...like this...?
freakycactus
Posted: Sunday, December 02, 2012 4:31:54 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 5/12/2010
Posts: 409
Location: On my cloud, United Kingdom
Yes, like that. Don't let the bad things stop you from enjoying the good things.

Life is hard, bad things happen and sometimes people are shit and make you question why you even bothered trying or hoping for better in the first place. Then there are the people who give you hope, sometimes it's as simple as a thank you, or a smile, or saying something kind when you least expect it, someone making you smile.

We all go through hard times, when something bad happen you're not alone. And when good things happen, it's even better to have someone to celebrate it with.

Buz
Posted: Sunday, December 02, 2012 8:46:58 PM

Rank: The Linebacker

Joined: 3/2/2011
Posts: 5,778
Location: Atlanta, United States
In my opinion yes. I am married almost 2 years.

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