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Can a woman's sordid sexual history prevent her from being "the one"? Options · View
Dancing_Doll
Posted: Saturday, April 17, 2010 5:03:58 AM

Rank: Alpha Blonde

Joined: 2/17/2010
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Location: West Coast
Let's say that you met a woman and were quickly considering that she might be "the one" that you'd like to marry, settle down with, bring home to mom, and/or have children with.

Are there things in a woman's sexual history that would be a deal-breaker for you... or if not, would there be things that you'd rather not know or have her tell you?

In the realm of fantasy, porn, and imagination, a highly sexed, wildly-adventurous woman is a turn-on.

But what if you found out she'd been involved in more extreme sex experiences than you were used to - for example - gangbangs, bukkakes, double-penetration group sex, still enjoyed having sex with women, was involved in porn or online sex sites for pay as a performer, model or webcam girl, was a stripper at one point, worked in prostitution/escorting or was into maybe into certain fetishes that you weren't interested in.

If you found out early on in the relationship, would any of these factors dissuade you from considering her as a life-partner?

Be honest!


Milik_Redman
Posted: Saturday, April 17, 2010 5:17:00 AM

Rank: Internet Philosopher

Joined: 8/14/2009
Posts: 4,412
Location: somewhere deep under the Earth, United States
If I loved here, then all else would be secondary. If she felt she needed to feel the touch of another woman from time to time, that would be difficult but whether it could be overcome would depend on the context of what would have to become our relationships. If she felt comfortable enough to make me part of it, then I would be ok. If it was somthing she didn't, well the fact that she didn't more than the desire to feel it itself would be something to worry about.

Things in her past are just that, in the past

β€œIt is a great thing to know your vices.”
― Marcus Tullius Cicero


My New collaboration with Dirty _D is one I am extremely proud to offer:





thepainter
Posted: Saturday, April 17, 2010 7:04:29 AM

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Location: hell, Netherlands
I don't believe in the romantic notion of "the one" but I'll play along. I'll even go out on a limb and say, yes, a sordid sexual history might be a deal breaker for me.
I'd love to take a higher moral ground and echo Milik's sentiments but if I'm honest with myself I can't say for sure. Considering my track history with women it's rather implausible that I'd ever meet such a woman though haha.
I'm just old-fashioned and want a monogamous relationship but am willing to experiment within that confinement.

Now, where did I put my walking cane...

Insert typical super smart ass comment courtesy of thepainter here.
Guest
Posted: Saturday, April 17, 2010 7:09:41 AM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,774
If I found out early in the relationship, it would be a deal-breaker. I think tact and taste come into play. I really, really don't want to know what her past is all about, and I would not reveal mine, either. Respect for feelings comes into play. In my opinion, it's the worst time to brag about sexual conquests (if there ever IS a time to do that). I'm all about looking forward and seeing where the relationship is going, and not dwelling on the past deeds with someone else.
WellMadeMale
Posted: Saturday, April 17, 2010 11:09:51 AM

Rank: Constant Gardener

Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 10,301
Location: Cakeland, United States
Deal breaker fetishes for me would include beastiality, pedophilia, necrophilia, scat interests, infantilism, extreme to chocolate BDSM, and cross dressing. If she had admitted to me that she engaged in any of the above, willingly, at any time...

There would be no further courting ritual for me. I'd have to exert some effort to learn about the range of her BDSM preferences, for instance, before I could make a decision. I may well not be able to satisfy her in those desires, for instance. And few things are worse, in my opinion than limiting a persons scope of pleasure, simply because something she might find enjoyable would turn my stomach, etc...

Everything else, in her past (or with me in our futures) is: game on or to be under consideration. icon_smile

I told you, Doll...about a previous 24 year old girlfriend of mine. Her past experiences (even had she not ever told me of them) molded her to the person she was, when I met her...and she was all that she'd experienced at the point I found myself growing into love with her.

The same would be true of any woman.

IMO, similar to what Rocco stated above...I don't feel that there is ever a good time to 'have that sexual experience story-swapping conversation' with anyone you might think you want to spend a great deal of time with. But, if she had herpes, or a similar STD which she was dealing with...I'd want to know, before I dipped my tongue or cock, within her. Likewise, if I was sentenced to such a life altering issue...I'd tell any woman, before things progressed even to kissing.

Everything in our past(s) has molded us into the person we all are, today. For better or worse.



If ya can't beat 'em... pay someone to do it for you.
Guest
Posted: Saturday, April 17, 2010 11:25:29 AM

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Quote:
if she had herpes, or a similar STD which she was dealing with...I'd want to know


That's a good point. I didn't think of that.
Guest
Posted: Saturday, April 17, 2010 11:57:59 AM

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Her past is none of my business for the most part although I know the past effects future outcomes.
What is important among other thinjgs is how we bond emotionally and intellectually.

Somethings should not be kept from the other. If a woman has a thing for other woman, that will not change just because she gets involved with you. She will still have that desire/need for another woman. Hypothetically, if she were honest and upfront from the start I believe I could deal with it under certain conditions. If we were emotionally bonded, had potential as a partnership and had a general interest in the well being of the other then I'd be be open to her having a female lover within our relationship. I would have to be friends with her female lover. Sexual participation with them would not be a factor. I am sure there would be much soul searching on my part but once I came to a decision I would be good with it. This is not a trivial situation, it is very complex and this kind or triangle wouldn't work with most people.

I like to connect with the other, so I am not big into fantasy, I like to keep it real. Bluntly, I don't want to pretend anything when I am fucking, or kissing or touching or smiling at you. I want you to be the object of my lust and/or love and I want you to know that you are. I would want to know you are here with me. My idea of fantasy is candles, incense, maybe some music, sexy lingerie for her and light drawstring pants for myself no shirt. So fetishes, except in the mildest case are not my thing.

If she has a past with gangbanging, multiple male partners as a single woman that is her business. If she still desires that than it is a deal breaker.
Guest
Posted: Saturday, April 17, 2010 1:35:54 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
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Honestly speaking, I would find myself affected by such a revelation. How much so would depend on how early in the relationship, what kind of questionable thing they had been involved in, and how much I truly loved this person.

But on that note, you described this person as "The One". That indicates some deep feeling. Perhaps I can say that though it would have on us an effect, it would not alter the final outcome.

But even that, opens a little can of worms. Any situation can play way out of what you expected it to be. Perhaps my initial negative reaction to her sexual past brings up something else, and some other deep wound or insecurity. Another thing surfaces, and another thing. Words are said, and the relationship ends regardless.

Life is generally unpredictable that way.

My own sexual exploits are considered bad, in some contexts. If she can accept me for it, I can definitely accept her for it. She was always the same woman who did these things. Me knowing about it now doesn't change who she is, or how I would feel. Had I truly met this hypothetical "One"
Dancing_Doll
Posted: Saturday, April 17, 2010 1:53:24 PM

Rank: Alpha Blonde

Joined: 2/17/2010
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Location: West Coast
I really appreciate all your thoughtful and candid responses gentlemen!

I was originally brought to consider this question because I've watched a number of guy friends/acquaintances over the years spend their time dating and having sex with "the dirty girls". Two were professional athletes and the girls I saw them date were really kinky adventurous types. I always enjoyed hearing about their crazy sexual adventures from the sidelines and they definitely were obsessively infatuated with some of these girls because the excitement level was always so intense.

Then suddenly I get word that they are engaged.. and I go meet the woman they're choosing to spend their lives with (or at least until they're divorced etc), and I see that they have chosen the antithesis of the girls they had always dated and slept with.

Literally, these fiancees are fresh-faced, cookie-baking schoolteachers that are all walt-disney eyed. I have considered that maybe these girls might have a dark side and are just hiding it well. But after getting to know some of them, I can definitely say No... They are just good girls with wholesome values and not particularly wild in any intentions.

So I've often wondered if the hot party girls they coveted all along had a sexual past that was just a deal-breaker. Some of those girls were nice (not screwed up), but just definitely much more confident and open sexually. Maybe these guys want to start their lives with a 'good girl' instead, even though I notice that these couples tend to have very little in common because they share such different mindsets.

A few of the guys still play around on the side with the "dirty girls" despite being married, and have told me they are bored at home. So I have never understood why they choose 'vanilla' when they still obviously crave 'chocolate'...

God.. these ice-cream analogies have to stop... no


Dancing_Doll
Posted: Saturday, April 17, 2010 1:56:36 PM

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roccotool wrote:
I really, really don't want to know what her past is all about, and I would not reveal mine, either. Respect for feelings comes into play. In my opinion, it's the worst time to brag about sexual conquests (if there ever IS a time to do that).


You're so right with this Rocco... I think some people reveal too much about their sexual histories.
It's always a fine line because on one hand you want to share everything with the right person, but on the other hand, it can definitely open up a can of worms you may never be able to close again.


WellMadeMale
Posted: Saturday, April 17, 2010 1:58:49 PM

Rank: Constant Gardener

Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 10,301
Location: Cakeland, United States
Dancing_Doll wrote:
I see that they have chosen the antithesis of the girls they had always dated and slept with.

Literally, these fiancees are fresh-faced, cookie-baking schoolteachers that are all walt-disney eyed. I have considered that maybe these girls might have a dark side and are just hiding it well. But after getting to know some of them, I can definitely say No... They are just good girls with wholesome values and not particularly wild in any intentions.

A few of the guys still play around on the side with the "dirty girls" despite being married, and have told me they are bored at home. So I have never understood why they choose 'vanilla' when they still obviously crave 'chocolate'...

no


Sounds like some of those fellows might be setting themselves up for Future F A I L

Or, they just got their wild oats scattered and retreated to their own societal realities?

If ya can't beat 'em... pay someone to do it for you.
Dancing_Doll
Posted: Saturday, April 17, 2010 2:27:43 PM

Rank: Alpha Blonde

Joined: 2/17/2010
Posts: 6,300
Location: West Coast
WellMadeMale wrote:
Dancing_Doll wrote:
I see that they have chosen the antithesis of the girls they had always dated and slept with.

Literally, these fiancees are fresh-faced, cookie-baking schoolteachers that are all walt-disney eyed. I have considered that maybe these girls might have a dark side and are just hiding it well. But after getting to know some of them, I can definitely say No... They are just good girls with wholesome values and not particularly wild in any intentions.

A few of the guys still play around on the side with the "dirty girls" despite being married, and have told me they are bored at home. So I have never understood why they choose 'vanilla' when they still obviously crave 'chocolate'...

no


Sounds like some of those fellows might be setting themselves up for Future F A I L

Or, they just got their wild oats scattered and retreated to their own societal realities?


I do think that the dirty boys belong with the dirty girls.
I couldn't imagine forging a successful future with an innocently-minded missionary-style kind of guy.
I've dated a few (on advice from friends to go for 'the nice guy'), and always feel like I'm faking it. I can't really be myself when I fear the real me would be judged and condemned.
Plus the boredom sets in way too fast...
I think its better to find someone with common grounds and a similar outlook and sexual style.
But I've found men often have a double standard when it comes to who they ultimately envision themselves marrying.


LaceyChains
Posted: Saturday, April 17, 2010 2:34:15 PM

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That explains why I can't keep a boyfriend.
WellMadeMale
Posted: Saturday, April 17, 2010 2:48:09 PM

Rank: Constant Gardener

Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 10,301
Location: Cakeland, United States
Dancing_Doll wrote:
But I've found men often have a double standard when it comes to who they ultimately envision themselves marrying.


heheh...I feel it is the female gender who is more often the puritan (after they've experimented).

I see a pattern here.

If ya can't beat 'em... pay someone to do it for you.
DamonX
Posted: Saturday, April 17, 2010 5:39:58 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/25/2009
Posts: 795
It would take a lot for me to discount a girl as being the "one". But I know that I am in the minority in that sense. I know that many men would discount a woman if she had a sordid past. Me, I like it. I love to hear about that stuff. The dirtier, the better. As long as she was still willing to be dirty with me! Probably the only thing that would turn me away would be if she was a former prostitute or someting like that.

I had a friend that claimed that if he ever found out a girl had given a guy a blowjob, he would never marry her! The opposite of me I guess. confused5
Dancing_Doll
Posted: Saturday, April 17, 2010 5:46:31 PM

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Location: West Coast
DamonX wrote:

I had a friend that claimed that if he ever found out a girl had given a guy a blowjob, he would never marry her!


Sooo... obviously he's still single then! evil4

(funny, I had to re-read that sentence about 8 times because I literally felt like I had to be reading it wrong for it to make sense).



DamonX
Posted: Saturday, April 17, 2010 5:53:58 PM

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Dancing_Doll wrote:
DamonX wrote:

I had a friend that claimed that if he ever found out a girl had given a guy a blowjob, he would never marry her!


Sooo... obviously he's still single then! evil4

(funny, I had to re-read that sentence about 8 times because I literally felt like I had to be reading it wrong for it to make sense).


Haha, he was still a virgin the last time I talked to him. I wonder if reality has sunk in by now...? He was quite delusional. He even stated that he would never even allow his own wife to give him a BJ. b229
Dancing_Doll
Posted: Saturday, April 17, 2010 6:06:19 PM

Rank: Alpha Blonde

Joined: 2/17/2010
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Location: West Coast
DamonX wrote:
Dancing_Doll wrote:
DamonX wrote:

I had a friend that claimed that if he ever found out a girl had given a guy a blowjob, he would never marry her!


Sooo... obviously he's still single then! evil4

(funny, I had to re-read that sentence about 8 times because I literally felt like I had to be reading it wrong for it to make sense).


Haha, he was still a virgin the last time I talked to him. I wonder if reality has sunk in by now...? He was quite delusional. He even stated that he would never even allow his own wife to give him a BJ. b229


I'd believe it actually!

I have a guy-friend that used to love strip-clubs/porn and was quite a party-guy on the scene. He recently married a woman and as I've gotten closer to his new wife, she's told me about some of his sexual hang-ups. Including the fact that he won't let her give him a blowjob because he finds it a 'demeaning' act for a 'wife' to perform. Even though it was ok for his previous sexual partners to do this. And yeah, he still watched lots of porn. She was quite upset about it and didn't understand his point of view. I didn't really want to ask about the rest of their sex life because I'm scared it might be one of those "missionary position/lights out" situations.


DamonX
Posted: Saturday, April 17, 2010 6:23:47 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/25/2009
Posts: 795
[/quote]

I'd believe it actually!

I have a guy-friend that used to love strip-clubs/porn and was quite a party-guy on the scene. He recently married a woman and as I've gotten closer to his new wife, she's told me about some of his sexual hang-ups. Including the fact that he won't let her give him a blowjob because he finds it a 'demeaning' act for a 'wife' to perform. Even though it was ok for his previous sexual partners to do this. And yeah, he still watched lots of porn. She was quite upset about it and didn't understand his point of view. I didn't really want to ask about the rest of their sex life because I'm scared it might be one of those "missionary position/lights out" situations.[/quote]

Yikes. Seems like a great example of the de-sexualization that some men place upon their wives after marriage. What a nightmare.

Good for guys like me though...I love sexally frustrated married women. icon_smile
LusciousLola
Posted: Sunday, April 18, 2010 4:36:17 AM

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Another great topic Dancingdoll!Lapplause

Thanks to all of you men responding here. I love reading your different point of views.
Lithium9
Posted: Tuesday, April 20, 2010 10:27:47 AM

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That's a case by case scenario as we all have our limits, but sex is sex and commitment is commitment. Everyone has a past and if people are just in it for fun that's one thing, but people (I hope) get married because they want to share an emotional bond with someone. That's what I hope for anyway. So is it a deal breaker? Probably not, but I couldn't say for sure unless I was put in the situation. Sorry it's not more of a definitive answer, but it's honest.
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, April 20, 2010 10:47:00 AM

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WellMadeMale wrote:
Deal breaker fetishes for me would include..cross dressing. If she had admitted to me that she engaged in any of the above, willingly, at any time...


What is a female cross-dresser? I wear hubby's shirts and sweaters all the time! Some guys (including hubby) think it's sexy when I wear one of his dress shirts. If I met you at the front door wearing nothing but one your dress shirts and a pair of heels would you break up with me?


MahlerSymphony
Posted: Tuesday, April 20, 2010 11:08:27 AM

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Location: California, United States
Alissa wrote:


What is a female cross-dresser? I wear hubby's shirts and sweaters all the time! Some guys (including hubby) think it's sexy when I wear one of his dress shirts. If I met you at the front door wearing nothing but one your dress shirts and a pair of heels would you break up with me?




I think something would be heavily starched, if you know what I mean.
WellMadeMale
Posted: Tuesday, April 20, 2010 12:53:16 PM

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Alissa wrote:
WellMadeMale wrote:
Deal breaker fetishes for me would include..cross dressing. If she had admitted to me that she engaged in any of the above, willingly, at any time...


What is a female cross-dresser? I wear hubby's shirts and sweaters all the time! Some guys (including hubby) think it's sexy when I wear one of his dress shirts. If I met you at the front door wearing nothing but one your dress shirts and a pair of heels would you break up with me?


Hardly, my dear...as a matter of fact, take your choice of shirts. I do have a preference for white, button down.

Perhaps I should have ironed it, beforehand?









If ya can't beat 'em... pay someone to do it for you.
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, April 20, 2010 7:36:39 PM

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I always keep a white shirt from my partner .... as proof in my photo gallery ....
mercianknight
Posted: Wednesday, April 21, 2010 8:09:18 AM

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Location: whispering conspiratorially in your ear, Bermuda
First of all, I DO believe in the concept of the ONE or your soul mate.

After that, timing, as Rocco pointed out, is everything. Too much info/history too soon may even shake my tolerance. We all have or will experiment and, within certain bounds, I can forgive (and move on) most things.

I would like to know, ASAP, about STD's of course, AND whether or not I'm going to lose my work shirts to this lady!!

clown

"Whoa, lady, I only speak two languages, English and bad English." - Korben Dallas, from The Fifth Element

"If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must man be of learning from experience?" - George Bernard Shaw
Guest
Posted: Sunday, July 04, 2010 2:20:00 PM

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dancenude A woman who has a sordid sexual history is a plus and a must with me.

-MV
Concretus
Posted: Thursday, July 08, 2010 9:30:54 AM

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It's interesting reading all the posts, and in our area, culture plays a big part in that. I know many men who wouldn't let their wives give them blowjobs. An ex colleague at work told me he once met a married friend in a resort with his girlfriend and his wife didn't know. When he asked him why he was cheating on his wife he said his GF does stuff that he wouldn't let his wife do, and that included a blow job......... wierd
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, July 14, 2010 5:23:01 AM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,774
Dancing_Doll wrote:


I do think that the dirty boys belong with the dirty girls.
I couldn't imagine forging a successful future with an innocently-minded missionary-style kind of guy.
I've dated a few (on advice from friends to go for 'the nice guy'), and always feel like I'm faking it. I can't really be myself when I fear the real me would be judged and condemned.
Plus the boredom sets in way too fast...
I think its better to find someone with common grounds and a similar outlook and sexual style.
But I've found men often have a double standard when it comes to who they ultimately envision themselves marrying.


I agree Dancing_Dollblah5 I do believe that some women have a double standard in regards to marriage. They want 'Johnny B Goode' and complain how boring and stagnant their sex lives are together.

Common grounds and a similar sexual craving are prerequisites for me. I appreciate a love for adventure in every aspect of life, and don't really see myself settling down with 'Susie Homemaker' in my lifeevil4
baddboy169
Posted: Thursday, July 15, 2010 1:05:14 PM

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Location: North carolina
I would be fine with a womans sexual past as long as i knew about it before hand. It would be great to have a woman that was that sexually open minded. We could even enjoy some of those thkngs together. but she could not have a double standard and be closed minded after the marrage.
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