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Rank: Lurker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Posts: 327,267
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...the erectile function test? I was led by the hand to a small, sterile room and asked to remove my clothing. Once naked, I stood in front of the small woman as she, in turn, reached toward me and ...
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 8/11/2009
Posts: 2,018
Location: whispering conspiratorially in your ear, Bermuda
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....removed all the lint from my belly button and carefully placed in it a small glass jar. She then opened the door, letting in an 8 foot tall gorilla, and left me standing there waiting for.....
"Whoa, lady, I only speak two languages, English and bad English." - Korben Dallas, from The Fifth Element
"If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must man be of learning from experience?" - George Bernard Shaw
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Rank: Lurker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Posts: 327,267
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...him to inspect the lint in the jar. Once he had completed the task, he licked his lips, looked down at me with those brown beady eyes, and ...
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Rank: Lurker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Posts: 327,267
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.... said, you know what? I see a lot of lint in my job but this is high content Viscose, Its really bad for sensitive skin like yours! I not sure if I was more amazed at the fact he could talk or when he dropped his trousers and showed me his....
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Rank: Divine Rapscallion
Joined: 8/14/2010
Posts: 3,048
Location: On the ragged edge of disaster
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...'scientific credentials' allowing him to conduct research on primates. Hey, I'm a primate, I thought a millisecond too late, after the gorilla had already...
Maggie Rascal
(Please note, I am no longer active on Lush and will not be responding to messages or friend requests.)
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Rank: Lurker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Posts: 327,267
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... scooped me into his strong arms, and commenced that Highland Fling, treating me as though I were a set of bag pipes. As my wind box was compressed to the maximum tolerable...
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Rank: Divine Rapscallion
Joined: 8/14/2010
Posts: 3,048
Location: On the ragged edge of disaster
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...compression ratio allowed under guidelines of the International Society of Pulmonary Physicians (see the paper, Maximum Tolerable Laryngeal Effect of Being Squeezed Like a Bagpipe by an 8-Foot Gorilla, 2006), my mind drifted to thoughts of the lead researcher on that project, a firm and statuesque Swedish scientist who...
Maggie Rascal
(Please note, I am no longer active on Lush and will not be responding to messages or friend requests.)
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 8/11/2009
Posts: 2,018
Location: whispering conspiratorially in your ear, Bermuda
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.....slipped my mind when, with a deafening below from his lungs, Tarzan swung down from the rafters and scooped me out of the arms of the Gorilla and we flew out of the window landing on the grassy verge overlooking I95. "You not Jane," he said sadly, right before he.............
"Whoa, lady, I only speak two languages, English and bad English." - Korben Dallas, from The Fifth Element
"If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must man be of learning from experience?" - George Bernard Shaw
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Rank: Lurker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Posts: 327,267
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... he got right into performing that Highland Fling, which we all hope will be completed before the end of the month. To his surprise, The Village People joined in with a chorus of YMCA, and scooped him into their midst, making Jane realise that she was better off dating...
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 8/11/2009
Posts: 2,018
Location: whispering conspiratorially in your ear, Bermuda
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.... Gypsy because of her renowned silver tongue and her collection of 'Strap ons'. Turning her back forever on Tarzan, she pulled out her iphone and dialled....
"Whoa, lady, I only speak two languages, English and bad English." - Korben Dallas, from The Fifth Element
"If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must man be of learning from experience?" - George Bernard Shaw
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Rank: Constant Gardener
Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 9,516
Location: Cakeland, United States
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Miss Cleo, of the Psychic Reader's Network. Gypsy had developed her own hunch, but she desired a second opinion and...
 The best thing you can do for your fellow,
next to rousing his conscience, is - not to give him things
to think about, but to wake things up that are in him...
to make him think things for himself - George MacDonald
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Rank: Divine Rapscallion
Joined: 8/14/2010
Posts: 3,048
Location: On the ragged edge of disaster
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...her prescient notion was confirmed — they were, indeed, destined to perform the Highland Fling before month's end. But just as Jane and Gypsy were in the midst of their all-female flinging frenzy, they caught sight of Tarzan and the gorilla striding toward them, both bearing expressions of pure...
Maggie Rascal
(Please note, I am no longer active on Lush and will not be responding to messages or friend requests.)
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Rank: Lurker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Posts: 327,267
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.... astonishment!! "My god, is that a real set of bag pipes or is Olly the Octopus enjoying being blown?" said Tarzan to the captivated onlookers whose eyes seemed transfixed on.....
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Rank: Lurker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Posts: 327,267
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...his grip of the thick vine. It had been a hot summer, and sales of his Tarzan Mud Block® sunblock had gone through the forest roof. Why, just the other day he saw a buxom blonde...
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Rank: Lurker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Posts: 327,267
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... filing her nails while smoking an unfiltered French cigarette, leaving tell tale rings of deep red lip stick on his...
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Rank: Lurker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Posts: 327,267
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... equine propagating proboscis. He wondered, "will that stain?" as he carefully removed he tell tail marks with tongue spit, and a hankie that he procured from his ...
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Rank: Lurker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Posts: 327,267
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magic top hat. 'Thank goodness for extra big hats' he thought happily. He decided that he would channel his inner 'Oompa-Loompa' at the National Mime Awards later. He put on his...
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Rank: Constant Gardener
Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 9,516
Location: Cakeland, United States
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recyclable condom, the pretty ribbed lavender colored Magnum, which had only been used 43 times at last count. Creeping stealthily to the window facing his grandparent's backyard, he...
The best thing you can do for your fellow,
next to rousing his conscience, is - not to give him things
to think about, but to wake things up that are in him...
to make him think things for himself - George MacDonald
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 8/11/2009
Posts: 2,018
Location: whispering conspiratorially in your ear, Bermuda
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...pulled out his squeegy and began to clean the windows, cursing the way his chores kept him from logging into his Lush account. As he moved around the house ready to clean the sliding glass doors, he saw....
"Whoa, lady, I only speak two languages, English and bad English." - Korben Dallas, from The Fifth Element
"If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must man be of learning from experience?" - George Bernard Shaw
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Rank: Lurker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Posts: 327,267
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A killer cyborg from Outer Space walk past.Well he certainly looked to him like one, though he had never actually seen on until this very moment. He cleaned his monocle and pulled out a rifle from his kitchen cabinet. It was his 'Just in case of Zombie Outbreak Emergency' rifle. As he was inserting armour piercing bullets into it he looked up in horror as ....
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Rank: Constant Gardener
Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 9,516
Location: Cakeland, United States
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he felt first one, then two cyborg digits begin to invade and then probe his anal grommet. He was enjoying the moment, terrified that he might not be the heterosexual prude he had always prided himself to be, but instead...
The best thing you can do for your fellow,
next to rousing his conscience, is - not to give him things
to think about, but to wake things up that are in him...
to make him think things for himself - George MacDonald
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 8/11/2009
Posts: 2,018
Location: whispering conspiratorially in your ear, Bermuda
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......slapped the cyborg upside his head and (disappointedly?) pointed to the 115volt socket telling the cyborg, "That's where you re-charge, you donkey!" He staggered out of the room leaving the cyborg, a throbbing mass of flesh and machine, recharging on the floor when Gypsy entered from the side door and, mouth agape, approached the man-machine and......
"Whoa, lady, I only speak two languages, English and bad English." - Korben Dallas, from The Fifth Element
"If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must man be of learning from experience?" - George Bernard Shaw
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Rank: Lurker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Posts: 327,267
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... calmly read the care tag which indicated that the Life Time Unlimited Warranty had been written in such a way that it was an acrostic, revealing the secrets of self-rejuvenation. She kicked the pile of cyborg junk aside and laughed, knowing that...
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 8/11/2009
Posts: 2,018
Location: whispering conspiratorially in your ear, Bermuda
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......machines are never as good as the real thing and in her heart still yearned for her Mercian Knight to slip on that kilt and have a fling with her. She rushed to her computer, logged on to her e-mail account and positively glowed when she saw......
"Whoa, lady, I only speak two languages, English and bad English." - Korben Dallas, from The Fifth Element
"If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must man be of learning from experience?" - George Bernard Shaw
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Rank: Active Ink Slinger
Joined: 10/31/2010
Posts: 11
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that a Nigerian relative, of whose existence she had never been aware, had left her fifteen million dollars in his will, and she had only to follow these simple instructions to inherit. First,
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 8/11/2009
Posts: 2,018
Location: whispering conspiratorially in your ear, Bermuda
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.....she needed to switch her web-cam on, resplendent in "Madonna-esque" basque with tassles. Second.....
"Whoa, lady, I only speak two languages, English and bad English." - Korben Dallas, from The Fifth Element
"If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must man be of learning from experience?" - George Bernard Shaw
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Rank: Constant Gardener
Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 9,516
Location: Cakeland, United States
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she needed to pick up and clean, at least the room and immediate vicinity which the web camera could see. Clothing, underwear, stockings and shoes piled in masses about the flat would give a wrong message, not to mention...
The best thing you can do for your fellow,
next to rousing his conscience, is - not to give him things
to think about, but to wake things up that are in him...
to make him think things for himself - George MacDonald
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 8/11/2009
Posts: 2,018
Location: whispering conspiratorially in your ear, Bermuda
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......taking down her 'Fathead' poster of Larry the Cable Guy. Suitably prepared, she logged onto the the url given in the email and...........
"Whoa, lady, I only speak two languages, English and bad English." - Korben Dallas, from The Fifth Element
"If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must man be of learning from experience?" - George Bernard Shaw
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Rank: Constant Gardener
Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 9,516
Location: Cakeland, United States
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discovered to her chagrin that she had been rerouted to the last page of the internet. Looking down her bare torso, she noticed a lint bunny peeking out of her...
The best thing you can do for your fellow,
next to rousing his conscience, is - not to give him things
to think about, but to wake things up that are in him...
to make him think things for himself - George MacDonald
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Rank: Divine Rapscallion
Joined: 8/14/2010
Posts: 3,048
Location: On the ragged edge of disaster
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...keyboard, wedged between the "m" key and the space bar. This, she figured, was what had caused the unfortunate misdirection. She used tweezers to pry out the lint, and as she removed the last speck of it, the computer spontaneously started over at the beginning of the Internet — the web page for Al Gore, Inventor of the Internet — where she was surprised to learn...
Maggie Rascal
(Please note, I am no longer active on Lush and will not be responding to messages or friend requests.)
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