That kind of guy who plays fair, he's polite, gentlemanish, no backstabbing, that kind of guy tends to be regarded as boring, compared to the macho type, the "bad guy".
What do you think about it?
I love nice guys, as long as he's not a pushover or kissing my ass too much. But he better not be so nice in the bedroom.
I won't date a jerk or a guy who is "full of himself."
There is such a thing as being too nice.
I have a friend at uni who as a crush at me, everybody knows it. Thing is, he'll suck up to me to get me to like him, agree with what i say, says he has the exact same opinions as me even if he doesnt, just to stay in my good books. He irritates the hell out of me sometimes. Yes i want a kind gentleman who will open doors for me etc but also someone who has theyre own opinions and has the balls to contradict me!!
I never was into "nice guys", and I guess I'm still not when it comes right down to it. Not that I'm never attracted to guys that are nice, or that I'm not sometimes put off by guys that are arrogant bad boys- but to really catch my interest, there has to be some sort of edge to him.
In other words, there has to be something about him more dominant or apparent than "wow, this guy really wants to please me!" If that's his whole identity to me, then yes, I'm bored quickly and not interested for long. There's no challenge, nothing to chase after, nothing to conquer. Besides that, somebody who is trying that hard (too hard) and is that eager about 'us' is actually putting pressure on me, and I hate pressure. I know myself, and I'm just not reliable and stable enough to be some guy's 'rock', and always be there for him, but I get this sense that if he's attaching himself emotionally to me that quickly, then the time will come that he'll want that from me in return, and I probably can't do it, even if I'm "in love" with him. At least I'm honest enough with myself to know that.
I don't want to 'settle down' with anybody; if I did, I might be grateful for somebody who saw his whole world in my eyes, etc. That's how I define "nice guys"- the kind I really am not attracted to.
A "bad boy" has his own agenda- if I'm going to generalize about it- and that means he's his own person; I might or might not make the cut to be a part of his world, and the same is true for me.* It really has nothing to do about how agreeable they are when you meet them on the street. "Bad boys" often draw a crowd and have charm to spare, they just aren't always genuine, they keep you guessing. "Nice guys" aren't always all that nice- sometimes they are single-minded, manipulative, and don't know when to quit.
I love to be flattered, and I love to be treated, taken out, shown off- all of the superficial stuff- I eat it up. But I don't want to be able to push him over easily and walk all over him, or have my ass kissed. There is a difference, even if its hard to really explain it here.
It's not fair how nice guys get such a bum rap- but if you aren't exactly a "bad boy", but also aren't really funny, or passionate about something other than the girl you're trying to win over, or have that quiet-intensity thing going, then there's just not much for us to latch onto and fantasize about. And if our imagination isn't into you, then our body won't be either.
*which I guess makes me a "bad girl"? Guilty as charged, for better and worse.
A i love nice guys you can be too nice and boring but the whole polite cute gentel man thing is very cute and sweet and i wish more guys were like that
Spoken quite eloquently Dancing_D.
I like to stay in the nice guy-bad boy range my own self.
And your right; taming of the bad boy, seems to drive em nuts!
But don't let that secret out to just any one.
When in Rome, I do as the Romans do.
If I encounter an ass hole
I can become an even bigger one.
It's the only language an ass hole comprehends
There's an idea for a story Dancing_Doll
Taming the Bad Boy
I've actually never had the desire to tame a bad boy. It hardly seems like a worthwhile endeavor.
I wouldn't mind someone taming me though....
I see this has opened up for both sexes, so I'll take a stab at it; give a male's perspective.
It all depends on what the woman wants, doesn't it? If she's already gone through the "mystery" and the "don't really care" attitudes from a string of "bad boys", it would seem to me she either:
a. Is addicted to that personality because she knows it means no commitment. There will be no strings attached. Her needs were met for that day. Whoopee!
b. Wants something more, and getting dumped for another woman doesn't cut it anymore. It smacks of disrespect and dishonor.
It sounds to me like the whole "good guy" image is being portrayed as a guy who is too shy and too afraid to say or do anything romantic at all. He's not a communicator. Nobody likes a "puppy dog", a submissive-type of man who doesn't have the balls to say what he feels or communicate in some way how he can rock her boat, etc. That "one dimensional" stereotype is what I'm picking up from you gals.
How about a different one?
What about that guy that doesn't have the tats and the long greasy hair? What about the man that dresses well, gives that sly grin, makes the cocky/funny comments, and leaves you wanting to know more (air of mystery, but from a CLEAN GUY)? No, he won't laugh at all your jokes; he'll make fun of some of them, creating MORE attraction for you. Oh, he's his own person alright. He doesn't need your approval because you know he'll just go to that blonde over there and talk to her, getting her interest after a courteous "good night" to you. Politeness and chivalry have nothing to do with being "needy" or "submissive" towards a woman. No way!
He's that same guy that is "new" to this bar and the word has already spread. "Have you met this guy yet?" He knows how to work the room; he's got that comfortable, confident vibe going. He smiles, he's pleasant, he dresses well, the bartenders know him and joke with him. And here he comes, over to talk to YOU.
So you talk to him and find out a few key things about him. You find out he's got no "issues" (you tick that off), he's not dating anyone else and you tend to believe him (tick that off), rapport was created instantly and you feel like you've known him your whole life (tick that BIG one off), he's got CLASS and HUMOR and RESPECT, things those idiot "bad boys" never had, as they sit over there so smug and treat you like yesterday's newspaper.
So you make a second date and this "clean, good guy" communicates to you somehow, some way, that Good Things are to be had on the horizon. You start going on amazing, romantic dates, instead of one "ride on a bad boy's bike". This guy didn't just take off and leave you forever. There is something to be said about commitment. Women DO want someone who will treat them right. Just ask a lot of divorced women.
Since a broad generalization was made about us "good guys", I had to add the qualities that DO make us very desirable to women. Those guys some of you described are simply wimpy and can't communicate well to women.
Women who think long-term, who've been there and got taken advantage of and got left out in the cold and were left wanting, know a "real man" is "into" her; he shares a life worth living - one filled with unconditional love, acceptance, excitement and passion now and in the future, honor for the ONE woman, a peacefulness from trust, and a centeredness; all the things a fucking punk "bad boy" cannot provide.
Here's the key: both parties know it's not what you GET from a relationship, it's what you GIVE. No matter what kind of relationship we're talking about, whether romantic or flings or fuck buddies or "good guy" vs "bad boy", anytime one party is doing all the getting and the other is doing all the giving...there will be problems. So grab all your one-night stands and your flings and your bragging about it to your girlfriends, and throw it in the nearest garbage can. It was all selfish and temporary.
No matter what you say, the "clean guy" brings a better package of benefits to a woman than any "baggage" from a "bad boy".
i agree with rocco . but something tells me he letting us know what he is like and a good clean boy
Actually I'm thinking the term "nice guy" and "bad boy" are more outdated concepts. I think after reading everyone's responses and knowing that everyone has a different definition for these stereotypes... I think it's easier summed up as the alpha-male versus beta-male. And as females, most of us are instinctively drawn to the alpha male type... which is definitely the better way of defining the description Rocco gave (of the guy in the bar that everyone either knows, or wants to know).
The old way of looking at a bad-boy (as an unemployed, dirty-haired artist or rebel without a cause type who refuses to follow the rules) is probably a whole other cultural sub-genre, and is probably not what most women are thinking of when we say "bad boy". It's not really "clean" versus "dirty". We're more looking for "edge" rather than a guy with criminal history, poor hygiene habits, or one who completely rejects society's rules.
So... I do think it's more about the allure of the alpha male (who isn't all nice, nor all bad), but has the drive and confidence to get what he wants. As I'm reading what we've all written, the one-dimensional, wimpy, ass-kissing or boring character we've all assigned as the "nice guy" is actually just a beta-male.
I think when it comes down to it, this is just another example of our biological inclinations at work... females will always be drawn to the alphas.
I definitely know girls who drop their panties at the sight of a cop or a firefighter. But honestly, those professions have never really clicked with me. I'm not into that whole "tough guy" image.
An alpha-male doesn't have to be in a specific profession, but in my opinion, he does have to be employed. And preferably in a profession where he has to use his brain.
I do have a thing for lawyers though.....
Nice Guy-Alpha Male is that not what we all really want.
To me he has confidence, abilities that are marketable and is willing to use those marketable skills. Will protect you and your children from the dangers of the world, even when you know that you are completly capable of protecting yourself. The man that does not run when times are tough and sticks with you until the issue can be resolved.
The man that respects your thoughts and positions, even when they are 180 degrees from his. The man accepts you as you are and does not try to change you into his perfect woman. Kids we all have flaws and the partner that accepts them along with your blessings is a blessing. The man that you know will always be there when you need him today, next month and next year. He will offer you support even if you have split up.
Having said that it DOES NOT mean he must be boring in the bedroom or where ever the need should arrive, does not restrict your needs to be with others and can find avenues of sexual expression that is not in your Kink Primer.
This is my Alpha Man, and I hope you find yours also.
Yes I knew I would never be the wife and mom that most desire to be with my history. But when my Alpha Man came along he did not care what I had done in the past and had little concern of the sexual adventure I may embark on in the future. He has always respected me and has never tried to change me. Certainly he has all the same previleges.
Don't we all want an Alpha Man?
An Alpha Man can be just as Macho as any Bad Boy!!
I know some of you know my story, but maybe some of you don't.[color=red]
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