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simplyjohn
Posted: Monday, March 04, 2013 12:18:05 AM

Rank: Chat Moderator

Joined: 11/24/2011
Posts: 6,429
Location: Eating bloody salad, United Kingdom
went off to the pub with his mates for a few beers.

When I returned she was upset and ..
MrLosAngeles
Posted: Monday, March 04, 2013 12:23:25 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 2/11/2013
Posts: 484
Location: Marina del Rey, United States
"When I returned, she was upset and threatened to cut off my cock with her fireman's axe."

Meanwhile, the two tiny aliens had been in her underwear drawer, found the Hitachi wand and..."
Guest
Posted: Monday, March 04, 2013 12:27:35 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,338
found the Hitachi wand and... then couldn't find any fucking batteries!

So they went to the.......
SittingBallerina
Posted: Monday, March 04, 2013 12:33:13 AM

Rank: Story Verifier

Joined: 7/15/2012
Posts: 2,448
Location: Under The Bright Lights, United States
So they went to the beach to unwind from their frustrations.

After that they...
MrLosAngeles
Posted: Monday, March 04, 2013 1:37:47 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 2/11/2013
Posts: 484
Location: Marina del Rey, United States
trinket wrote:
found the Hitachi wand and... then couldn't find any fucking batteries! [NOTE: The Hitachi Wand is a plug-in. LOL]

So they went to the.......
MrLosAngeles
Posted: Monday, March 04, 2013 1:40:47 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 2/11/2013
Posts: 484
Location: Marina del Rey, United States
"After that they built an obscene sand castle dungeon to play in."

A man came running down the beach toward them, flopping his...
SittingBallerina
Posted: Monday, March 04, 2013 1:47:18 AM

Rank: Story Verifier

Joined: 7/15/2012
Posts: 2,448
Location: Under The Bright Lights, United States
A man came running down the beach toward them, flopping his scuba fins, but then he tripped and fell.

Everyone started laughing when they heard....
lightheart
Posted: Monday, March 04, 2013 3:24:49 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 11/14/2011
Posts: 4,702
Location: India
Everyone started laughing when they heard him singing a romantic song in his scuba fins

and making expression of....
SugarBaby2013
Posted: Monday, March 04, 2013 3:30:16 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/1/2013
Posts: 2,749
Location: Chasing grizzly bears in Alaska, United States
And making expression of pain when the shark bit him on his butt!

But then the huge whale swam over and then......



simplyjohn
Posted: Monday, March 04, 2013 8:57:36 AM

Rank: Chat Moderator

Joined: 11/24/2011
Posts: 6,429
Location: Eating bloody salad, United Kingdom
gave him a great big sloppy kiss and said .. hru .. wassup ... wanna pvt?

He said I wish you would read my profile since ...
Guest
Posted: Monday, March 04, 2013 8:58:13 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,338
But then the huge whale swam over and then everyone got really mellow, there was a measurable change in the atmosphere, smiles crossed people's lips and laughter fell across the beach. Happy times indeed for the people of the beach, but, little did they know that this was all a cunning plan; a plot, a scheme to make them all subservient. The whale laughed to himself, believing the people to be entirely enraptured by his beguiling song, he relaxed.

Seizing his opportunity, our intrepid, courageous, heroic champion.....
SugarBaby2013
Posted: Monday, March 04, 2013 9:33:44 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/1/2013
Posts: 2,749
Location: Chasing grizzly bears in Alaska, United States
Seizing his opportunity, our intrepid, courageous, heroic champion jumped in to save everyone on the beach...knowing the danger to come, then the whale swallowed him!

Everyone screamed, and then ran in terror towards......

SittingBallerina
Posted: Monday, March 04, 2013 10:26:48 PM

Rank: Story Verifier

Joined: 7/15/2012
Posts: 2,448
Location: Under The Bright Lights, United States
Everyone screamed, and then ran in terror towards town where all their eyes landed on the local bar. They all ran inside and took shots of tequila and lime and quite quickly their terror ceased.

After plenty of shots at the bar, everyone...
Guest
Posted: Monday, March 04, 2013 10:35:26 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,338
After plenty of shots at the bar, everyone became quite hungry. They ordered some rice and fried chicken.

But when the meals arrived
lightheart
Posted: Tuesday, March 05, 2013 3:20:16 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 11/14/2011
Posts: 4,702
Location: India
But when the meals arrived little late everybody got busy taking the shots and singing

and later all were so

Guest
Posted: Tuesday, March 05, 2013 5:45:46 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,338
Later all were so fucking pissed none of them could remember their names or anyone else's names which rendered the whole lot of the bastards useless to anybody except maybe a scientist researching the amount of information an alcohol ridden brain can store before their eyes pop out and bounce out the door onto the road where a car runs over them and squishes them.

I miss my eyes because...
SugarBaby2013
Posted: Tuesday, March 05, 2013 5:49:30 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/1/2013
Posts: 2,749
Location: Chasing grizzly bears in Alaska, United States
I miss my eyes, because I didn't see the rampaging moose coming to stomp everyone so I could warn them to RUN!

Then after everyone screamed "Call 911".........

Guest
Posted: Tuesday, March 05, 2013 8:16:07 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,338
Then after everyone screamed "Call 911", the moose was all like, cool, chill out dudes and dudettes; i'm just here to hang with my moose friends, have a few shots of orange juice and watch the cricket on tv. everyone stopped running like headless chickens and looked at each other and then at the moose, suspiciously. a sudden noise from the door made them all turn their heads quickly, causing many to crick their necks. there, large as life lay the whale. he was most unhappy. the moose turned nonchalantly and stared at him.
What choo want, fucker?" the moose drawled

the whale opened his mouth and
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, March 05, 2013 1:16:27 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,338
said "where's Jonah"?


Someone ran off to get Jonah and



HiddenTalent
Posted: Tuesday, March 05, 2013 1:24:34 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/26/2012
Posts: 3,453
Location: United Kingdom
tell him to hurry up and get back in the whale cos his dinner was ready and the whale was really pissed at him for not being there

Jonah came running...
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, March 05, 2013 1:27:06 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,338
and tripped over his dinner in the Whales's mouth which was a good thing because the whale had foul breath and someone should tell him he really needs a trip to the dentist.

Jonah called the dentist for an appointment and.....
HiddenTalent
Posted: Tuesday, March 05, 2013 1:33:41 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/26/2012
Posts: 3,453
Location: United Kingdom
Jonah called the dentist for an appointment but the dentist said he was sorry but he didn't do home visits and they would have to bring the whale to him. The whole town had to get together and decide how they were gonna get the whale to the dentist because to be frank, the whales breath was getting worse and it had paralysed two tourists who had accidently wandered too close to the whales mouth

Once everyone decided..
ginger86
Posted: Tuesday, March 05, 2013 2:11:22 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 5/4/2012
Posts: 11,449
Location: Lost, United States
to give up on the dentist and went to buy a hundred gallons of listerine but couldn't figure out how to get the whale to gargle so.......

LYFBUZ
Posted: Tuesday, March 05, 2013 4:32:54 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 12/27/2012
Posts: 3,383
Location: 1st star to the left, Canada
to give up on the dentist and went to buy a hundred gallons of listerine but couldn't figure out how to get the whale to gargle so.......they stood around scratching their heads until little Johnny said " I know, we just have to induce a gag reflex!" There was stunned silence, then slowly, as though controlled by puppet strings, everyone turned in unison to look at Jonah.....
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, March 06, 2013 12:25:45 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,338
everyone turned in unison to look at Jonah who suddenly burst into a rendition of "a spoonful of sugar", then dropped dead on the floor,

The moose smiled and
littlebitnaughty
Posted: Wednesday, March 06, 2013 2:33:29 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 12/10/2012
Posts: 506
Location: in a play house :D, United Kingdom
the moose smiled and dragged his hoof through the ground, he began to charged straight into me!

sat on a bench, when
SugarBaby2013
Posted: Wednesday, March 06, 2013 4:50:26 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/1/2013
Posts: 2,749
Location: Chasing grizzly bears in Alaska, United States
Sat on a bench when a moose decided to visit McD's!



But found out he forgot to bring his credit card so......

Guest
Posted: Wednesday, March 06, 2013 6:24:39 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,338
so he came to me and asked for some money. I gave him my I Card and told him to show it to the shop owner. The shop owner saw my I Card and gave that moose 10 cheese pizzas free. He offered me 9 of them but...
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, March 06, 2013 8:50:04 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,338
He offered me 9 of them but 8 of them were not cheesey enough.

i needed to
Nikki703
Posted: Wednesday, March 06, 2013 9:03:53 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/7/2009
Posts: 12,674
Location: The Other Side Of The Mirror
i needed to return the 8 non-cheesey cheesey pizzas and the store owner offered me 2 large Big Sauasge pizzas instead. When I opened the boxes, I was surprised to see that the sausage was not sausage at all but really...........................
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