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Olivia
Posted: Wednesday, August 10, 2011 8:19:13 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 8/7/2011
Posts: 82
Women often have that desire to compare things with their girlfriends... whether it's the inside of her shoe closet or how much money they spent on their last haircut.

So when it comes down to the glorious pussy, women want to know how they measure up. A quick scan of skin magazines and porn typically tells us that it should be either smooth and hairless or have a short, neat landing strip. The lips should be symmetrical, trim and neat. The colour should be a lovely flushed pink. And the scent (according to some douching products) should be akin to a lovely island breeze. Well now we find out that pussy is supposed to taste like mint!

In the quest to achieve these standards, women go to many lengths ranging from a brazilian wax all the way up to labiaplasty to reduce a floppy or irregular vulva. Now, those crafty marketing gurus are taking it a step further by exploiting female insecurity and selling us more ideas on things we need to do in order to become a front-runner in the pussy competition.

So today I bring you some interesting information about the top three most bizarre things you could consider doing in order to achieve the perfect vagina.

What do we think of this, my dear Lushies? Is the pussy now supposed to be pink, minty and tighter than an asshole?

Olivia says No... but comments are welcome.


*** *** *** *** ***

Problem: Your Vagina Tastes Bad
Solution: Vagina Mints


If your partner is reluctant to give you oral sex, it's not because of pervasive cultural belief that cunnilingus is complicated to the point of being impossible and that vaginas are inherently icky it's because your vagina tastes bad. Enter the Linger Internal Vaginal Flavoring, or Altoids for your vagina. Linger assumes you already feel bad about your nether regions, stating on its Web site that the mint-flavored pill "decreases self-consciousness" and tosses out the unattributed statistic that 72 percent of women feel self conscious about their taste and odor. Dubious marketing practices aside, the Linger mint isn't just a harmless, if asinine, oddity. Mother Jones magazine did some digging into the origins of Linger and discovered that the vagina mint is no different from a regular mint. In other words, it's made out of sugar. And putting sugar-based mint directly into your vagina is a recipe for a mint-flavored yeast infection.


Problem: Your Vagina Is the Wrong Color
Solution: Vaginal Bleaching and Dying


Many women are under the impression that it's OK to have a vagina colored vagina. They're wrong, of course. They should be pink, and exceptionally so. What's a woman with a vagina colored vagina to do? Bleach it. Accomoclitic Laser and Wax Studio in Lakewood, Colorado, purveyors of an anal bleaching product called "Pink Wink," also sell something called Bleach Babe, a cream that promises to do away with the "natural discoloration surrounding the exterior of the vagina." Bleach Babe contains Kojic acid, the same ingredient that keeps salmon meat pink. South Beach Solutions sells a similar lightening product with Sodium hydroxide, which can also be found in drain decloggers and septic tank cleansers.

If bleaching fails to render your vagina the color of a Barbie Dream House, you can try My New Pink Button, billed as a "Genital Cosmetic Colorant that restores the "Pink" back to woman's genitals." Because vaginas that aren't vibrantly pink are old and sad. My New Pink Button is meant to be painted onto the vagina (it comes in powder form and must be scooped up with a moist Q-tip like device) and lasts 48 to 72 hours. After which, one supposes, users must reapply in order to maintain the youthful status of their genitals.


Problem: Your Vagina Is Too Loose
Solution: Vaginal Rejuvenation


Let's face it. Nature really screwed up when it made the vagina. Never mind that that it accommodates the birth of a child or that it's fundamentally better designed than male genitalia. (Who wants to carry their most sensitive reproductive organs on the outside?) While nature was busy dishing out things like multiple orgasms, it forgot to make vaginas vice-tight. Luckily, plastic surgeons have stepped in to put an end to womankind's collective suffering.

Laser Vaginal Rejuvenation is a trademarked phrase that refers to a practice developed and popularized by Dr. David Matlock, who's made several appearances on the E! channel's plastic surgery reality show, Dr.90210. Matlock and other doctors who carry out LVR claim that the $4,000 to $20,000 procedure makes women's vaginas tighter, thus increasing sexual pleasure.

But many doctors disagree. The American Urogynocology Society won't endorse it. And the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists cautioned in a 2007 statement that women seeking "designer vaginas" should be "informed about the lack of data supporting the efficacy of these procedures and their potential complications, including infection, altered sensation, dyspareunia, adhesions, and scarring." Sexy!


motherjones.com/riff/2010/02/6-weirdest-things-women-do-their-vaginas

Makavelli
Posted: Wednesday, August 10, 2011 8:33:21 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/15/2010
Posts: 2,176
Location: United States
Informative
Dancing_Doll
Posted: Wednesday, August 10, 2011 9:06:53 PM

Rank: Alpha Blonde

Joined: 2/17/2010
Posts: 5,988
Location: In your dirty fantasies
I want my pussy to glow in the dark and taste like bubblegum.


nicola
Posted: Wednesday, August 10, 2011 9:22:32 PM

Rank: Matriarch

Joined: 12/6/2006
Posts: 24,909
Location: Sydney, Australia
Dancing_Doll wrote:
I want my pussy to glow in the dark and taste like bubblegum.


laughing9

If you do your kegels regularly, you might be able to chew gum down there in a few weeks, maybe that's a start?

Sorry Olivia, couldn't resist.
Dudealicious
Posted: Wednesday, August 10, 2011 9:25:56 PM

Rank: Wise Ass

Joined: 11/12/2010
Posts: 5,340
Location: The center of the universe, Canada
Quote:
Problem: Your Vagina Tastes Bad
Solution: Vagina Mints

If your partner is reluctant to give you oral sex, it's not because of pervasive cultural belief that cunnilingus is complicated to the point of being impossible and that vaginas are inherently icky it's because your vagina tastes bad. Enter the Linger Internal Vaginal Flavoring, or Altoids for your vagina. Linger assumes you already feel bad about your nether regions, stating on its Web site that the mint-flavored pill "decreases self-consciousness" and tosses out the unattributed statistic that 72 percent of women feel self conscious about their taste and odor. Dubious marketing practices aside, the Linger mint isn't just a harmless, if asinine, oddity. Mother Jones magazine did some digging into the origins of Linger and discovered that the vagina mint is no different from a regular mint. In other words, it's made out of sugar. And putting sugar-based mint directly into your vagina is a recipe for a mint-flavored yeast infection.


]

Ummm Sorry I like the taste of a woman, some more than others I am not sure you need to put something "up there" to make things taste better. Women please don't do this, a yeast infection will sideline you for weeks at a time.

Quote:
Problem: Your Vagina Is the Wrong Color
Solution: Vaginal Bleaching and Dying

Many women are under the impression that it's OK to have a vagina colored vagina. They're wrong, of course. They should be pink, and exceptionally so. What's a woman with a vagina colored vagina to do? Bleach it. Accomoclitic Laser and Wax Studio in Lakewood, Colorado, purveyors of an anal bleaching product called "Pink Wink," also sell something called Bleach Babe, a cream that promises to do away with the "natural discoloration surrounding the exterior of the vagina." Bleach Babe contains Kojic acid, the same ingredient that keeps salmon meat pink. South Beach Solutions sells a similar lightening product with Sodium hydroxide, which can also be found in drain decloggers and septic tank cleansers.

If bleaching fails to render your vagina the color of a Barbie Dream House, you can try My New Pink Button, billed as a "Genital Cosmetic Colorant that restores the "Pink" back to woman's genitals." Because vaginas that aren't vibrantly pink are old and sad. My New Pink Button is meant to be painted onto the vagina (it comes in powder form and must be scooped up with a moist Q-tip like device) and lasts 48 to 72 hours. After which, one supposes, users must reapply in order to maintain the youthful status of their genitals.



Are you kidding me??? The turn on of a woman is to see all her shades as you go down on her, yes she may be a little darker "down there" but it's so sexy when you see those lips engorged. I could give a rats ass if they are bleached. I want to see a woman in her natural state!

The night that changed my life, a four part series of a married man lusting after his co-worker

Dancing_Doll
Posted: Wednesday, August 10, 2011 9:33:12 PM

Rank: Alpha Blonde

Joined: 2/17/2010
Posts: 5,988
Location: In your dirty fantasies
nicola wrote:
Dancing_Doll wrote:
I want my pussy to glow in the dark and taste like bubblegum.


laughing9

If you do your kegels regularly, you might be able to chew gum down there in a few weeks, maybe that's a start?

Sorry Olivia, couldn't resist.


And then soon enough I'll be able to blow bubbles! drunken


Re the designer pussy specs listed above, I'm still catching up on all these new options. I think I'm ok with the idea of a labiaplasty in extreme situations and maybe the rejuvenation surgery if a woman has had tons of kids or somehow she was just born with a loose vagina (if such things are possible) and feels extremely self-conscious about it. I'm all for self-improvements if it makes a woman more confident. It's all personal choice. But... the mints are just embarrassing, especially if a woman is popping one in there before sex and thinking the guy is supposed to think she just tastes 'refreshing' in a natural way. Actually, I think they need to reverse this trend and start making Pussy-Flavoured Mints! thumbup


Jingle
Posted: Wednesday, August 10, 2011 9:39:49 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 6/8/2011
Posts: 164
Location: In my favourite blankey.
I know to each their own, but this all hits me as disgusting. Chop off parts of your cooter? Wut?? Why?! It's uneven? HA! Men better start whittling away at that testicle that hangs a little lower than the other, then.

sprite
Posted: Wednesday, August 10, 2011 10:57:51 PM

Rank: Her Royal Spriteness

Joined: 6/18/2010
Posts: 13,724
Location: My Tower, United States
Dancing_Doll wrote:
I want my pussy to glow in the dark and taste like bubblegum.


Copy cat! :D
Boss01
Posted: Thursday, August 11, 2011 9:17:38 AM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 5/19/2011
Posts: 87
I think that if I went down on a woman who tasted "Minty Fresh", I'd get a little worried. However, as for a pussy that glows in the dark, that would go great with my glow-in-the-dark condoms. Sort of a Star Wars light-saber effect. But would there be a switch to turn it off?

Writing quality explicit material for nearly one one-hundreth of a century.
Buz
Posted: Thursday, August 11, 2011 7:08:55 PM

Rank: The Linebacker

Joined: 3/2/2011
Posts: 5,186
Location: Atlanta, United States
I like the pussy lips to be full, fat and a little dark. That screams "lick me, eat me and fuck me!"
I like for the pussy lips to tease me through sheer fabric of the panties. They should be fun and have playability! And get real wet, too!

Too small and tight looking with little lips says more of a "don't hurt me!"

That's just me.

I have written a new poem. It is called 'Long Twisty Woman.'
You can read it at: http://www.lushstories.com/stories/erotic-poems/long-twisty-woman.aspxx
Also, if you wish, check out my co-authored a story with the wonderful DanielleX. It is called 'Focus on Sex.'
You can read it at: http://www.lushstories.com/stories/quickie-sex/focused-on-sex-1.aspx

Buz
Posted: Thursday, August 11, 2011 7:11:30 PM

Rank: The Linebacker

Joined: 3/2/2011
Posts: 5,186
Location: Atlanta, United States
Hey! And if they glow in the dark and taste like bubble gum then it just don't get any better than that.

PS. if they taste like bubble gum do they come with baseball cards?

Oops! Dancing_Doll is gonna get me!!!

I have written a new poem. It is called 'Long Twisty Woman.'
You can read it at: http://www.lushstories.com/stories/erotic-poems/long-twisty-woman.aspxx
Also, if you wish, check out my co-authored a story with the wonderful DanielleX. It is called 'Focus on Sex.'
You can read it at: http://www.lushstories.com/stories/quickie-sex/focused-on-sex-1.aspx

Magical_felix
Posted: Thursday, August 11, 2011 7:18:23 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/3/2010
Posts: 4,569
Location: California
Dancing_Doll wrote:
I want my pussy to glow in the dark and taste like bubblegum.


Wash up with this but on your lips... "Down there."



Then apply some of this glow in the dark body paint... "Down there."



Just call me agony uncle Felix Whistle




Red_Dragon
Posted: Thursday, August 11, 2011 10:07:50 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/4/2011
Posts: 731
Location: Charleston , United States
Don't ask me In the Navy we have a saying "Pussy is Pussy"

redhotmommacita
Posted: Friday, August 12, 2011 10:21:55 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 11/9/2009
Posts: 1,124
Location: In my own little world., United States
*we women have to take care of our pussies so they don't stink..

I always use Vagisil products and FDS products...I never leave my house without: washing it, deoderant on it, and powdering my crotch....My man says he has never seen a woman so worried about how her Pussy smells and taste...I have always been like this I guess I am OCD in the pussy area...LOL...







These are just my necessary things I can not live without in my daily routine.. I can go without makeup but not with out my clean Pussy....and Pussy products...

**Now the subject of taste..
I mainly watch what I eat so it wont reflect in my pussy... I don't eat too much fish or bitter things.. yes my pussy is sweet cause I eat plenty fruits to keep it sweet.

*** the size and looks of the pussy is always going to be just how it is. some women are unfortunate to never give birth naturally. I was blessed with 3 natural child births and to huge boys yes my sons were all big I had two that weighed over 13 pounds or 5.89670081 kilograms yes they tore me up... I was blessed with a great OBGYN doctor who fixed my Pussy making me really feel like a virgin.....He sewed me up till I still feel tight today some 19 years later.. but I also do kegals exercises all day long as I work....so if you dont do Kegals I recommend you starting today.. it is great to be able to take control of your mans Dick and squeeze and not let go till you feel it shocking him and driving him over the edge as you make Love with him....



Behind every strong soldier there is even a stronger woman who raised him " Proud Army Mom"


1curiouscat
Posted: Friday, August 12, 2011 10:36:18 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/25/2011
Posts: 1,144
Location: São Paulo , Brazil
Dancing_Doll wrote:
Actually, I think they need to reverse this trend and start making Pussy-Flavoured Mints! thumbup


Lapplause laughing6



Overwhelming Reality

From Across the Room
MMonroe
Posted: Friday, August 12, 2011 11:34:06 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/10/2009
Posts: 1,891
Location: United Kingdom
The only lengths i would go to to have the perfect pussy is to make sure i stay well trimmed/shaved and clean down there. All other options for colour and shape etc are jut far too extreme and unecessary imo (unless of course for medical reasons).

I dont feel like i have the perfect pussy at all, i hate the way i look down there when im aroused, quite puffy and swollen (although buz's description of his perfect one cheered me up somewhat) but i have never had any complaints and hey, if a guy cares that much about how it looks he can go fuck a pornstar



*Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?*



naughtynurse
Posted: Friday, August 12, 2011 1:00:27 PM

Rank: Head Nurse

Joined: 4/15/2011
Posts: 6,505
Location: Soaking up the sun, United States
redhotmommacita wrote:
*we women have to take care of our pussies so they don't stink..

I always use Vagisil products and FDS products...I never leave my house without: washing it, deoderant on it, and powdering my crotch....My man says he has never seen a woman so worried about how her Pussy smells and taste...I have always been like this I guess I am OCD in the pussy area...LOL...







These are just my necessary things I can not live without in my daily routine.. I can go without makeup but not with out my clean Pussy....and Pussy products...

**Now the subject of taste..
I mainly watch what I eat so it wont reflect in my pussy... I don't eat too much fish or bitter things.. yes my pussy is sweet cause I eat plenty fruits to keep it sweet.

*** the size and looks of the pussy is always going to be just how it is. some women are unfortunate to never give birth naturally. I was blessed with 3 natural child births and to huge boys yes my sons were all big I had two that weighed over 13 pounds or 5.89670081 kilograms yes they tore me up... I was blessed with a great OBGYN doctor who fixed my Pussy making me really feel like a virgin.....He sewed me up till I still feel tight today some 19 years later.. but I also do kegals exercises all day long as I work....so if you dont do Kegals I recommend you starting today.. it is great to be able to take control of your mans Dick and squeeze and not let go till you feel it shocking him and driving him over the edge as you make Love with him....



kegals are great not just for the sexual purposes but also for those who have had vaginal births it helps to maintain the pelvic floor muscles and prevent urinary incontinence.

However, many of the washes available are actually more harmful for the body. If you kill of the normal flora in the vagina you are actually inviting more serious infections and causing the odors you are trying to prevent.


An Editor's Pick

My latest Recomended Read: Something Borrowed
Cummings76
Posted: Friday, August 12, 2011 1:57:04 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 8/2/2011
Posts: 10
Location: Aurora
From outside to inside. Hairless lips with a strip or patch above. The bald thing for me is a bit to "young" looking. Plump outerlips and a clit hood that is hidden. Thin inner lips not extending past the outer lips. Tight enough for two fingers to fit confortably. Taste is going to very but nothing to strong. Clit should be about pea sized or smaller. The premier would be a squirter.

Aaron Parsons
GiganticTager
Posted: Friday, August 12, 2011 4:00:30 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 7/10/2011
Posts: 48
Location: United Kingdom
The perfect pussy is.......wait for it..............a pussy. Dont worry to much on what i looks like or how pink it is. as long as it is clean and healthy a man will love it :) all the advice posted is just visual or you are going into the porn business.
Red_Dragon
Posted: Friday, August 12, 2011 4:33:41 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/4/2011
Posts: 731
Location: Charleston , United States
thumbright You got it exactly right Tager

Nikki703
Posted: Friday, August 12, 2011 4:59:27 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/7/2009
Posts: 12,335
Location: The Other Side Of The Mirror
Dancing_Doll wrote:
nicola wrote:
Dancing_Doll wrote:
I want my pussy to glow in the dark and taste like bubblegum.


laughing9

If you do your kegels regularly, you might be able to chew gum down there in a few weeks, maybe that's a start?

Sorry Olivia, couldn't resist.


And then soon enough I'll be able to blow bubbles! drunken




I wish I could blow bubbles with my pussy since I cant blow bubbles with my mouth. And I always wanted to be able to blow bubbles but at least Im good at blowing other things, LOL!!!

The Perfect Pussy!!! Like the perfect cock, it depends more on what it is attached to than anything else, although hygiene comes more into play here!!
Guest
Posted: Friday, August 12, 2011 5:22:56 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 473,806
It will all end in everybody being perfectly identically in every way, from head to feet, all looking the same,
acting the same, smelling the same, like factory built people.

I thought we were all supposed to be unique?

heartoftheweb
Posted: Saturday, August 13, 2011 8:40:43 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 7/21/2011
Posts: 83
Location: In the darkness of your heart
And here I thought I was yummy just the way I was dontknow dontknow

spank me hard please
Buz
Posted: Monday, August 15, 2011 6:37:07 AM

Rank: The Linebacker

Joined: 3/2/2011
Posts: 5,186
Location: Atlanta, United States
There do seem to be a hell of a lot more pussy products than cock products.There could be a lot of money to be made in the cock product industry if someone has any ideas and money to invest.

I know the perfect place to set up a business to specialize in all kinds of adult products. It is a town just north of Atlanta named Cumming. Yes it is a real place, Cumming, Georgia USA.
Look it up if you think I'm pulling one on you.

All kinds of great stuff could be produced there. Any investers?

I have written a new poem. It is called 'Long Twisty Woman.'
You can read it at: http://www.lushstories.com/stories/erotic-poems/long-twisty-woman.aspxx
Also, if you wish, check out my co-authored a story with the wonderful DanielleX. It is called 'Focus on Sex.'
You can read it at: http://www.lushstories.com/stories/quickie-sex/focused-on-sex-1.aspx

WellMadeMale
Posted: Monday, August 15, 2011 7:15:19 AM

Rank: Constant Gardener

Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 10,212
Location: Cakeland, United States
The perfect pussy is whichever one belongs to the woman who I am enthralled with - at the moment.

Feels like home, to me.

If ya can't beat 'em... pay someone to do it for you.
DirtyMartini
Posted: Monday, August 15, 2011 7:55:19 AM

Rank: Purveyor of Poetry & Porn

Joined: 10/19/2009
Posts: 5,725
Location: Right here on Lush Stories...
Dancing_Doll wrote:

And then soon enough I'll be able to blow bubbles! drunken



Btw Doll, when you've mastered that trick be sure to post a video in the forum...

Just saying...happy8


You know you want it, you know you need it bad...get it now on Amazon.com...
Lush Erotica, an Anthology of Award Winning Sex Stories

NOLANCMike
Posted: Monday, August 15, 2011 5:31:49 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 6/20/2011
Posts: 37
I prefer natural above and shaved below. No landing strip or designs. As for labia? Leave them as they are. Pink, dark doesn't matter. Labia are beautiful and should be loved...often. I think normal hygiene would take care of bad tastes and smells. Even after a work out or a day at the office shouldn't matter. I've been lucky enough to catch my wife taking off the spandex or skirt a time or two. She'd rather be freshly showered and scrubbed when I eat her, but I think she's hotter and sexier before the soap and water.
dirtyoleman
Posted: Thursday, August 18, 2011 7:57:34 AM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 5/27/2011
Posts: 94
Location: Midstate IL
Red_Dragon wrote:
Don't ask me In the Navy we have a saying "Pussy is Pussy"


and if god made anything better he kept it for himself!
ShyDreaming
Posted: Friday, August 19, 2011 11:37:56 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 7/24/2011
Posts: 889
Location: Between where I was and where I'm gonna be
This ridiculous... I'm gonna start hearing about "pussy lips implants from 12B to 16C" any day now or the hell knows what else.
As far as I'm concerned it's very simple: Is it healthy? Is it clean? Is it doing what it's suppose to do? Good. End of discussion.

Guest
Posted: Monday, September 12, 2011 12:37:56 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 473,806
Buz wrote:
There do seem to be a hell of a lot more pussy products than cock products.There could be a lot of money to be made in the cock product industry if someone has any ideas and money to invest.

I know the perfect place to set up a business to specialize in all kinds of adult products. It is a town just north of Atlanta named Cumming. Yes it is a real place, Cumming, Georgia USA.
Look it up if you think I'm pulling one on you.

All kinds of great stuff could be produced there. Any investers?


Oh, no, leave cocks alone they are perfect just the way they are, just keep it clean and take care of the manscaping that is all that is needed.
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