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Zaren
Posted: Wednesday, March 07, 2012 11:14:12 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 5/27/2011
Posts: 18
Location: United States
i recently got divorced and currently have a friend with benefits. i told her my situation and that i had just gotten out of the 8 yr marriage and wasn't looking for anything in the aspect. i did this before we ever started doing anything sexually. yet she is starting to develop feelings for me that i'm not ready for. it has not been long at all since my divorce in which i was cheated on. my question is what should i do at this point in time. i have already reminded her of what i originally said in which she still thinks my feeling will change. any help is appreciated and i'm open for questions.
littlemissbitch
Posted: Thursday, March 08, 2012 7:30:43 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/6/2011
Posts: 776
Location: the land of enchantment, United States
well id stop sleeping with her. with some women it doesnt matter what you SAY if you are still having sex with them they will interpret as meaning more. try to go back to just being friends, which will be difficult. good luck...it sucks when FWB crashes and burns.

p.s.. your picture creeps me out.

littlemissbitch ~ professional face ripper offer, at your service..
Zaren
Posted: Thursday, March 08, 2012 9:59:21 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 5/27/2011
Posts: 18
Location: United States
lol sorry the pic freaks you out
littlemissbitch
Posted: Thursday, March 08, 2012 10:06:11 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/6/2011
Posts: 776
Location: the land of enchantment, United States
you know what...i should have asked. do you think your feelings might change over time or is it for sure no?

littlemissbitch ~ professional face ripper offer, at your service..
Dancing_Doll
Posted: Thursday, March 08, 2012 10:26:25 AM

Rank: Alpha Blonde

Joined: 2/17/2010
Posts: 6,268
Location: West Coast
You just got out of a long-term marriage, so you're totally in the right to not be looking for anything serious right now. Honestly, she should know better. You gave her fair warning up front and if she was socially aware, she would know that you need time right now to have fun and enjoy some breathing room before thinking of diving back into any kind of emotional commitment.

I would cool things off with her - don't hook up with her as often, and if you do - keep it more physical based. The problem with friends-with-benefits vs fuckbuddy is that fuckbuddies are the people you call up for sex only, whereas FWB are people that you are technically friends with but also happen to sleep with (hence, it falls quickly into the category of casual dating).

I would start seeing other women, or if you're not, I would allude to the fact that you are (to her). This will make her think that she's not the "only one" and reset her expectations. You don't even have to openly tell her there are other women - if she talks to you and you say, "yeah, I have plans on Saturday night" and she asks what they are, just say with an awkward smile, "I'd rather not talk about it, if that's ok - I just have plans".... She should interpret this as 'you have a date' and that you're trying to be honest yet trying not to hurt her feelings at the same time. Do this a few times and it should get her understanding that there's other women in the picture and you're in no hurry to settle down or see her as a serious commitment.


Shylass
Posted: Thursday, March 08, 2012 2:22:30 PM

Rank: Gingerbread Lover

Joined: 1/6/2012
Posts: 3,595
Location: Trumpton, United Kingdom
Dancing_Doll, please be my life coach!

Zaren, I wonder how many people have a different interpretation of "Friends With Benefits"? Maybe when you started off with the lass she already had something a bit deeper in mind, and was hoping you might too? So it may have been something she has been thinking of for a lot longer than just her feelings developing over time, which means she will be holding out a lot more hope than you think. Sometimes I agree with people about certain things, whilst secretly hoping there will be something more, even though I don't express that. Maybe she is like that too, only she was open about it.

I do commend you for being clear with yourself about what you are and aren't ready for, as that is half the battle won already, in my opinion.

Good luck!


Ut incepit fidelis, sic permanet.

***
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Zaren
Posted: Thursday, March 08, 2012 10:13:32 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 5/27/2011
Posts: 18
Location: United States
to answer your question littlemiss the no i dont see myself developing any kind of feeling for her. I have also started distancing myself from her a bit as you said. she also knows she is not the only person i have been seeing or talking to. i enjoy having sex with her of course but outside of that there isnt anything there for me. i'm a very honest and up front person that doesnt like drama at all (why i hated high school i suppose). guess that's why i tend to get things out in the open as quickly as possible.
sherleen
Posted: Monday, March 19, 2012 11:23:48 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 12/4/2011
Posts: 35
Location: United States
Stupid feelings always mess things up.
littlemissbitch
Posted: Tuesday, March 20, 2012 6:03:20 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/6/2011
Posts: 776
Location: the land of enchantment, United States
Zaren wrote:
to answer your question littlemiss the no i dont see myself developing any kind of feeling for her. I have also started distancing myself from her a bit as you said. she also knows she is not the only person i have been seeing or talking to. i enjoy having sex with her of course but outside of that there isnt anything there for me. i'm a very honest and up front person that doesnt like drama at all (why i hated high school i suppose). guess that's why i tend to get things out in the open as quickly as possible.


you shoulda stopped sleeping with her though.


any updates??

littlemissbitch ~ professional face ripper offer, at your service..
Zaren
Posted: Wednesday, March 21, 2012 8:10:04 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 5/27/2011
Posts: 18
Location: United States
haven't really talked to her in almost 2 weeks and she hasn't text me or anything so i'm guessing it's done and over with. which it how i figured it was going to end considering where it was going.
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