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Posted: Thursday, May 10, 2012 7:52:16 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 531,839
Ok I'm new to the whole dating thing. Just got out of 5yr long relationship few months ago. We got together year after I finished school and ended up having a baby and staying together and so on and so forth... Ok so my problem is, I've been seeing a guy, we have been on a 2 dates but were talking and flirting and what not for bout a month before the first date. I really like him and I hope he likes me but the problem I have is, how does it go from going on dates to 'being in a relationship'. Is it just when one of us asks the other to be bf/gf?? I'm completely confused by the whole thing lol so any advice is much appreciated :)

Sorry if I sound like a complete idiot btw
Posted: Thursday, May 10, 2012 8:01:47 AM

Rank: Alpha Blonde

Joined: 2/17/2010
Posts: 6,237
Location: West Coast
Well, right now you're in a casual relationship - flirting, a couple of dates etc.

You will need to have the 'exclusivity' talk before you can assume commitment.

I think it's way too early in the game for that though. Not sure if you've been intimate yet etc, but I'd wait until you're spending the majority of your weekends together (days and nights) and seeing each other a few times a week before you bring that up.

I know there are people who just meet someone and they are instantly smitten and jump in head-first being committed from day one, but that's not the usual norm for most people. As well, since you just got out of a long-term relationship a few months ago, I'd take this one slow.

But yeah, I wouldn't assume anything until you have the actual 'relationship talk'. I've known a lot of girls that thought they were in relationships because they were dating/having sex with a guy, and were shocked later to find out that the guy wasn't that serious about them and/or had other girls on the go at the same time.

Posted: Thursday, May 10, 2012 8:12:54 AM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 531,839
Yeah I haven't assumed anything yet, actually I'm sleeping with one of my mates at the moment, kind of a stress release, chance for me to learn and try new things. The long term relationship thing, it had been over for a long time before I got the guts to leave him. I mean at least a few years... Just seemed easier to stay (I know... Stupid).
The 'intimate' thing... We have only made out, he stopped things before they went any further, said he didn't want me to think he was 'that kind of guy' but he continued to tease me for the rest of the day (which really didn't help). It's hard spending a lot of time together now that I'm a single mum and I have my daughter all the time and he is away with work a lot so we can't spend weeked together and stuff like that because I don't want to introduce him till my daughter till I know it's more than just 'a few dates' and seeing as my daughter is almost always with me, makes it hard.
Thanks for the advice though, I asked him how do I know the diff between dating an relationship the other day (just in general, not in regards to the two of us) and he said he didn't know either, he is still new to it all too, similar circumstance, except he was married young and got divorced and doesn't have a child. I'm 24 an he's 28 if that's any help as well
Posted: Thursday, May 10, 2012 8:24:12 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/25/2011
Posts: 1,144
Location: São Paulo , Brazil
Give it time.

I´m a beliver that these things start becoming more clear as your start seeing each other more. As DD says above, go out on more dates, maybe even become more intimate. For now, I would focus on making the most of the time you two are spending together. If he likes you back as much as you like him, he will give you signs, it will become more obvious as your relationship takes its natural course. The opposite is also a reality, it will be clear if he is not as invested as you, you must be alert to these sings - they vary a lot.

Eventually, there will be a moment when you two will have to consciously choose to stay together or part ways - this relationship talk can be very natural. for example, after a nice dinner, and the mood is warm and you sense it will be safe to expose your feelings.

Now, your experiences are based on long term feelings... I would advise you not to jump into this "safe" feeling again. Let yourself be uncomfortable for a while. Explore yourself and others... Don´t be in such a rush to stabalize yourself again.

Overwhelming Reality

From Across the Room
Posted: Thursday, May 10, 2012 2:00:13 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/14/2011
Posts: 387
It's too early to tell. Give it a few more dates before you give him "the talk" and just be yourself! Get to know one another without the pressure of love and relationship jumbo. As long as you stay true to who you are, I am sure he will see that you're a beautiful girl. Let time decide what will come of you two. Don't rush nature! Good luck Xx

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Posted: Thursday, May 10, 2012 6:49:38 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 531,839
My boyfriend asked me to be his girlfriend on the second "date..." But maybe not all guys are ready to just jump right into a relationship after having met you, give it a little time and if he doesn't get serious than approach him directly about it.
Posted: Thursday, May 10, 2012 7:25:37 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 531,839
Thanks guys, that really helps, yeah I'm not sure if I'm ready for a relationship yet but I wanted to see what the normal thing is lol it's actually a lot more complicated because I also like the friend I'm sleeping with but I think it might just be the sex.
Posted: Friday, June 08, 2012 9:49:51 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 11/16/2011
Posts: 54
Location: JNB, South Africa
Does whatever you are doing have to have a label as in "dating"; "just friends"; "seeing each other" etc? Labels tend to define what you should or should not be doing according to you own norms / rules, and those of your peers. I'm inclined to let life go to wherever it takes me and enjoy the ride. You will know intuitively, without it having a label, if the relationship is getting serious and at that point you need to start listening to your inner conversations.
Posted: Saturday, June 16, 2012 7:38:40 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 4/8/2011
Posts: 28
Location: On Your Dick
judging from what you said as to your past..i would say to continue doing as u all are..perhaps you both can have conversations about it..however, do not rush in take ur time and grow into a relationship, become friends, best friends and lovers...a label u did not expect may come !
Posted: Tuesday, June 19, 2012 3:08:17 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/19/2011
Posts: 737
Location: where bugs die
let it ride.....

Posted: Tuesday, August 07, 2012 3:06:57 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 5/15/2012
Posts: 21
just take some more time if you are not ready and get to know each other more and may be both finds the end well..
Posted: Tuesday, August 07, 2012 3:20:44 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 5/15/2012
Posts: 21
Message removed by admin: dating spam.
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