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Advice on shifting tenses (Story development through recollection)

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sdimdm

Posted: Thursday, July 19, 2012 12:33:21 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 7/10/2012
Posts: 32

Hi,

I may be committing a cardinal writing sin, but I have a story that I have nearly finished which basically revolves around a chance encounter between a guy and girl, but I am writing it from the point of view of the guy the morning after. It is looking likely to be 4-5000 words.

Basically, in summary:

Start of the story involves him waking up, then trying to recollect what happened.

Basically, he makes about three distinct moves around the flat he is in, recollecting more and more about what happened and who he was with.

It ends when she comes back and they talk.

OK, so my question, or my request for advice, is about how to handle the change in tenses. Within the context of the actual writing, I am happy with the way it is reading, but my BIG CONCERN, is how it will read. Should I do something in the formatting to differentiate between the present and the recollections?

Any advice appreciated.

SDIMDM

RumpleForeskin

Posted: Thursday, July 19, 2012 5:33:39 AM

Rank: The Right Rev of Lush

Joined: 7/3/2009
Posts: 2,531
Location: Lost in the ozone somewhere east of Luckenbach Tx,

There's no hard and fast rule when it comes to flashbacks, except, don't confuse the reader. As you mentioned, they can be alerted most reliably with a punctuation mark such as a series of three astericks or number signs.

It's the going into a flashback that's the trickiest.

You might google 'flashbacks in writing' to get more (and better) advice. Just one writer-to-writer type suggestion. Consider opening in the flashback, then have him wake up (flash forward), do what you want, then have the female join the scene. This way you avoid a flashback and can then, if you wish, open with a bit more action.

glasses8

Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed of, but do it in private and wash your hands afterwords. - ROBERT HEINLEIN

FROM: Becky -- FOR: Matt -- With Love a Festive contest winner - honest
(audio version - very sexy)

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sdimdm

Posted: Thursday, July 19, 2012 9:38:22 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 7/10/2012
Posts: 32

Thank you ... I'd love your opinion on the result of my efforts!

Its the story striking for gold on the front page at the moment!

RumpleForeskin

Posted: Thursday, July 19, 2012 11:35:13 AM

Rank: The Right Rev of Lush

Joined: 7/3/2009
Posts: 2,531
Location: Lost in the ozone somewhere east of Luckenbach Tx,

Skinny, as I mentioned in my comments, you have a real talent as a story-teller. There are technical, 'craft of writing' type areas, such as wordiness that need work, but all of them can be fixed.

As for your flashback, IMHO, the transition into the flashback lasted too long. Variations of 'remember' appeared for several paragraphs into the FB. I believe it was the writing coach,
Sol Stein who said to get out of the transition ASAP. In your story, the reader doesn't need to be reminded this is a flashback.

Bottom line is, you earned the five I gave you. Yes, there are areas that need work, but they can be learned.

Thanks for the read and good luck with your writing.

:glasses8

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