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Susan
Posted: Tuesday, December 02, 2008 3:19:04 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 5/30/2008
Posts: 1,574
Location: Azeroth, United States
EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DAILY DIARY:
8:00 a.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9:30 a.m. Wow! A car ride! This is a blast!
9:40 a.m. Got to go to the park! Rolled in some really nasty stuff, was so proud of myself. Humans were less than impressed.
10:30 a.m. Got my tummy rubbed and petted -- I'm in love!
12:00 p.m. Lunch: yummy!
1:00 p.m. Played in the yard: I loved it!
3:00 p.m. Stared adoringly at my masters ... they're the best!
4:00 p.m. Hooray! The kids got home! I was so happy I was bouncing off the walls!
5:00 p.m. Milkbones -- awesome!
7:00 p.m. Got to play ball! What a day, this was too good to be true!
8:00 p.m. Wow: watching TV with my master! Heavenly!
****
EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DAILY DIARY:
Day 683 of My Captivity:
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomited on the floor.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ''good little hunter'' I am. The audacity!!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to my power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow-- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released--and he seems more than willing to return! He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant-- I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. The captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe-- for now. But I can wait.
It is only a matter of time...



Batman
Posted: Tuesday, December 02, 2008 5:15:29 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/9/2008
Posts: 1,909
Oh, how true it is.

Bat
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, December 02, 2008 8:40:07 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 472,630
This guy gets spoiled rotten
Birdie
Posted: Tuesday, December 02, 2008 8:54:54 PM

Rank: Lush Legend

Joined: 8/18/2008
Posts: 2,067
That's funny Susan! I always wonder what my cat is thinking when he stares at me the way he does sometimes...Like he is trying to send me some telepathic message or something...This explains it all. LOL
Zafia
Posted: Wednesday, December 03, 2008 12:37:10 AM

Rank: Lush Legend

Joined: 4/13/2008
Posts: 5,209
Location: Shoe Heaven
LOL@Susan.....

"Love all, trust a few, and do wrong to none."





nicola
Posted: Wednesday, December 03, 2008 12:41:30 AM

Rank: Matriarch

Joined: 12/6/2006
Posts: 24,870
Location: Sydney, Australia
I love chocky labs.
Susan
Posted: Wednesday, December 03, 2008 12:50:42 AM

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Joined: 5/30/2008
Posts: 1,574
Location: Azeroth, United States
Lil_Birdie wrote:
That's funny Susan! I always wonder what my cat is thinking when he stares at me the way he does sometimes...Like he is trying to send me some telepathic message or something...This explains it all. LOL


if he ever looks at you like this what ever you do dont turn you back on him. LOL


Birdie
Posted: Wednesday, December 03, 2008 6:38:04 AM

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Joined: 8/18/2008
Posts: 2,067
Funny...it is really similar to that....
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, December 03, 2008 9:15:29 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 472,630
So true and so funny.
Zafia
Posted: Wednesday, December 03, 2008 10:31:49 PM

Rank: Lush Legend

Joined: 4/13/2008
Posts: 5,209
Location: Shoe Heaven
That is why I don't like cats.......coffee

"Love all, trust a few, and do wrong to none."





Zafia
Posted: Friday, December 05, 2008 11:28:59 PM

Rank: Lush Legend

Joined: 4/13/2008
Posts: 5,209
Location: Shoe Heaven


"Love all, trust a few, and do wrong to none."





Susan
Posted: Sunday, December 07, 2008 6:51:13 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 5/30/2008
Posts: 1,574
Location: Azeroth, United States
techgoddess
Posted: Sunday, December 07, 2008 1:27:31 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 2/9/2008
Posts: 1,980
Location: In my own little world, United States


~~Tech
Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do...
techgoddess
Posted: Sunday, December 07, 2008 1:56:45 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 2/9/2008
Posts: 1,980
Location: In my own little world, United States


~~Tech
Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do...
Zafia
Posted: Sunday, December 07, 2008 2:23:12 PM

Rank: Lush Legend

Joined: 4/13/2008
Posts: 5,209
Location: Shoe Heaven
LMAO!!!! good one Tech......

"Love all, trust a few, and do wrong to none."





techgoddess
Posted: Sunday, December 07, 2008 2:42:39 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 2/9/2008
Posts: 1,980
Location: In my own little world, United States
Thanks Z! Here's another one I like:



~~Tech
Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do...
Susan
Posted: Sunday, December 07, 2008 2:49:33 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 5/30/2008
Posts: 1,574
Location: Azeroth, United States
LMAO ladies those are funny
techgoddess
Posted: Sunday, December 07, 2008 4:05:33 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 2/9/2008
Posts: 1,980
Location: In my own little world, United States
But wait...there's more....LOL:



~~Tech
Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do...
Zafia
Posted: Sunday, December 07, 2008 6:43:16 PM

Rank: Lush Legend

Joined: 4/13/2008
Posts: 5,209
Location: Shoe Heaven
Tech....you and Roc....heh heh....



"Love all, trust a few, and do wrong to none."





techgoddess
Posted: Sunday, December 07, 2008 7:25:48 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 2/9/2008
Posts: 1,980
Location: In my own little world, United States


~~Tech
Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do...
techgoddess
Posted: Tuesday, December 09, 2008 5:00:11 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 2/9/2008
Posts: 1,980
Location: In my own little world, United States


~~Tech
Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do...
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, December 09, 2008 8:52:43 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 472,630
I love all these pics.
Susan
Posted: Tuesday, December 09, 2008 5:07:43 PM

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Joined: 5/30/2008
Posts: 1,574
Location: Azeroth, United States
techgoddess
Posted: Tuesday, December 09, 2008 5:18:26 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 2/9/2008
Posts: 1,980
Location: In my own little world, United States
Zafia wrote:
Tech....you and Roc....heh heh....


Awww...I didn't see this part of the post originally. love3

~~Tech
Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do...
Zafia
Posted: Tuesday, December 09, 2008 9:19:04 PM

Rank: Lush Legend

Joined: 4/13/2008
Posts: 5,209
Location: Shoe Heaven
techgoddess wrote:
Zafia wrote:
Tech....you and Roc....heh heh....


Awww...I didn't see this part of the post originally. love3


Lwinking

"Love all, trust a few, and do wrong to none."





techgoddess
Posted: Wednesday, December 10, 2008 4:24:26 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 2/9/2008
Posts: 1,980
Location: In my own little world, United States


~~Tech
Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do...
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, December 10, 2008 8:42:38 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 472,630
my cats would sell my dog in a second. That was funny.
Batman
Posted: Wednesday, December 10, 2008 6:41:22 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/9/2008
Posts: 1,909
For the 3 that seem to 'love CATS' - - - S, Z & T




We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top this one:

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying.

On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new acquisition was no problem.




Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.

'Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it.'

'You know where the button is,' I protested through the shower pitter-patter and steam. 'Reset it yourself!'

'But I'm scared!' she persisted. 'What if it starts going and sucks me in?'

There was a meaningful pause and then, 'C'mon, it'll only take you a second.'

So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as extremely cowardly.

Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing.

It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region.

Wild animals are sometimes faced with a 'fight or flight' syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the 'flight' option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent. The impact knocked me out cold.

When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me.

Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor butt naked in front of a group of 'been-there, done-that' paramedics. Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter......and not succeeding.

Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it was.

'What's the matter?' They all asked, 'Cat got your tongue?'





Why is it that only the women laugh at this?


Bat
techgoddess
Posted: Wednesday, December 10, 2008 8:43:23 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 2/9/2008
Posts: 1,980
Location: In my own little world, United States
Kinda like this?



~~Tech
Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do...
Birdie
Posted: Thursday, December 11, 2008 6:23:26 AM

Rank: Lush Legend

Joined: 8/18/2008
Posts: 2,067
LMAO @ Bat!


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