I'm curious how people here go about telling their partners what they want. When is it too soon to say, "So have you ever tried anal?" or "Do you find Muppets sexy?" Those are fairly extreme examples I know. When I was married neither of us were great about expressing our desires, even relatively tame ones, and I'm curious how others go about it.
If you could fulfill any fantasy for one night, without fear of the repercussions, what would it be?
Just tell them you're into scat, auto-asphyxiation and granny shagging, whilst being fisted by dwarves. Wait a few seconds until that sinks in, then say "Im only joking", then you're actual desire to be pissed on will seem tame in comparison, and she'll be mighty relieved. Everyone's a winner.
Open, honest, and direct communication is essential. So is proper timing and location. Talking about your kinky desires and plans is best done in a private, intimate location. One of the best ways is to use some appropriate segue, like an erotic story or photograph that displays your particular kink is a good manner. Then you can gauge their reaction. If it's negative, don't push the issue. If it's positive, don't just jump right into it with them. Give it time to settle with the knowledge they "might" like to try it. Then wait for the proper setting and time. Always front load an idea when you can. Want to try anal? Then get them worked up "normally" first before trying it so they are receptive. Want to try bondage (them on you), let them catch you with your hands tied or cuffed and appear a little embarrassed at how turned on you are. See if they pick up on the cue that, you might like it. Use your imaginations, people.
Slowly and honestly, with a lot of courage. It is only fair that she know who I am and accept or reject me. I should be dealt with the same way by her. She should be honest with me, taking life's chances. Often, great things come out of a couple's differences.
@Urbancoyote, good answer. Like asking mom for a new baby brother when you wanted a puppy. Good advice, all. It's weird how sex makes the world go round but it is so awkward for most people to talk about.
First, let me say that adults; ESPECIALLY BEFORE they marry, should NEVER be afraid to be open and honest with their partner about their sexual desires! THAT mistake has lead to MANY a divorce! My best suggestion on drawing someone out is get some porn and look at it together and ASK what the other person thinks about this or that and whether or not it turns them on. I had a former girlfriend who told me that the lezzie scenes in porn made her extra horny; so I helped her enjoy a fantasy about it (fantasy has a couple of HUGE advantages over reality, fantasy NEVER disappoints, no one EVER gets hurt and a fantasy REALIZED loses it's ability to arouse.) Oh, and YES; she was even hornier than usual when we got it on.
