Alright guys and gals I just have to get this out somewhere... and I figure what better place than here.
well I'm lonely like really lonely :/ I'm quite shy when it comes to going out alone and what not. also I can't really say I have much time to go out :/
I really miss having someone there to say good night to, or to wake up to.
anyone have advice on dealing with this little problem? thanks in advance
Joel,
I can tell you that this happens to the best of us. There is an ebb and flow in all of our lives where we feel lonely for some reason. At times it can happen when you are with someone you think you "love".
It's natural, as they say. Time heals all wounds, you'll be just fine.
I have lived alone since my divorce 5 years ago. I went through a time of loneliness. Even though I have lots of friends, I was even lonely when I was with them. I decided that I needed to make a change in my life. I now had the time to do the things I could never do when I was with someone.
One of my hobbies was photography, but I could never go out and spend any length of time shooting because my significant other would get bored. Now I can spend all day shooting. I wound up meeting other photographers. Even dating one or two. The lack of conversation was a non-issue. We had a lot to talk about because of our mutual hobby.
I have become accustomed to being alone, and I enjoy my alone time without feeling lonely. My life is full of so many things I want to do, that I don't even think about being lonely anymore. You can sit and dwell on how lonely you are, but if you get out and do all the things that you enjoy doing, you won't be lonely anymore.
Been there before too. Lisa is quite correct you have to get out there and meet people join a club or try out some sports and you will make friends. Best of luck
Joel,
Dudelicious has made excellent points above. You have most of your life ahead of you so enjoy every moment, whether you are alone or with someone. We have all be there at some point, believe me, the only people that haven't are liars. Everything will work out, let it come to you.
My Stories
No Ordinary Gal
Fucked and Taken
That Special Evening
You need a hug. *HUG*
Loneliness is a very painful feeling but it is a natural part of life. I travel a lot and I sit in hotels and it is lonely. Even though I am happy with my husband, he travels a lot too. So there are different types of loneliness.
But you have to get out and make it a point to be visible. You have to change your patterns and work on the things that are keeping you in this state. I also find, the more you get out there, the easier it will become. Do something new everyday that is different from what you usually do.
I hear you, Joel, believe me. Loneliness sucks ass, big-time.
It's all really good advice here, even Magical_felix's. Dude, where the fuck were you ten years ago?! That's gold!
Joining clubs and hobby groups is a great way of meeting people who share similar interests, and it gives you something to talk about. What I found worked really well for me was dance classes. You're probably better off with Latin at your age, as you'll get cooler, younger women at salsa classes. Although ballroom is typically an older, nerdier, more awkward crowd, they're often a lot more friendly and welcoming.
There's nearly always a shortage of men. You don't actually have to talk too much, because you're both busy learning the steps. And there's something instantly bonding about it, because you're breaking the touch barrier.
We had a guy at one of our classes who was so nervous at the beginning, he literally trembled through every lesson. But as he got more comfortable, he eventually had no reason to be shy anymore. Now we can't shut him up.
Years later, even though I've given up dancing, I've still got those friends. Honestly, they saved my life.
My latest story is a racy little piece about what happens when someone cute from work invites you over to watch Netflix and Chill. I think loneliness is something we all live with at some time(s)...
Indeed, I know several people who, although involved in a relationship, will still describe themselves as rather lonely...
I can't really add to the observations of previous posters except to say this. Not everyone is outgoing and 'chatty' in social situations. Very often, a person who will simply listen and allow another person to talk is hugely valued by those who feel more comfortable 'chatting' or talking. I've found that if one tries hard to remain positive in oneself while genuinely interested in others, others will respond.
The very honesty of your initial post suggests a person who is self-aware and willing enough to ask for opinion. (To me that suggests a really nice person...)
Positivity is all. Focus NOT upon the fact that you're not the 'life and soul of the party' type but rather that you have other, and perhaps more valuable qualities.
Above all, don't let it get you down. People are naturally drawn to happy, positive people. The most attractive attribute is confidence, even if that is the quiet confidence of a person who is comfortable and accepting of who they are.
Of course we're not always comfortable with who we are, nobody is, but we attract others by being ourselves. (Everyone dislikes a Player...) Explore and acknowledge your strengths and recognize that they make you special. (With true friends we later allow ourselves to discuss more complicated issues... If we're lucky...)
(Imagine if EVERYONE was an empty headed chatterbox! Or try that out by getting a job in Media... *Laughs!*)
Your best is often what you least understand.
Bon Chance, Ami...
xx SF
Love urself and u'll never feel lonely..
It may be cliche to say be yourself, but it really works.
I find that some people are inherently feeling more lonely than others outside of being in a relationship (and sometimes after break-ups the feelings mount). I have had many friends who felt this way at different times in their lives and it seems to reoccur for most of them. No, you are not alone. On the other hand, I have been alone-alone for very long spans and am a recluse by nature (an introvert/extrovert) and do not ever feel alone or bored. I do not crave companionship or people and I do not seek it. I know I can if I want to and have no problem making friends. Some people really really struggle with this and I think it is VERY sad. It can be dangerous, too in the suicidal tendancy sense of some people. I think you kind of have to make a decision to work on this "within"- because as you said,this is your nature, you are shy and not very initially open to be talkative and go out. Baby steps.... at least to try to redo patterns on the hardwiring of your brain, and step out to try and keep trying things outside your comfort zone.
Escorts. Not gutter whore hookers, but those high class women who wear cocktail dresses to their appointments and drive fancy cars. You'll never be lonely and you won't have to worry about a messy breakup.
But really, have a talk with yourself first and decide what you really want, and whether you want to get it or not. That will determine a lot, and lead your steps. :)
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