Hi everybody.
Ive not been on for a long while but I really need help and think that the wordly wise, lovely people of Lush might be able to help!
Ive reached a point in my life where I have no idea what to do! Im 24, Ive worked at a coffee shop for 8 years but left to do something else, have a change, earn more money, be more respected etc. Ive got a job at an insurance company in customer services and a bit of admin, been there 6 weeks now and I just know that this isnt for me for a long term career. I dont know what I do want but I sure as hell dont want desks, computer screens, sitting on my ass all day, typing like a mindless zombie. Luckily its a 6 month contract so Im forcing myself to think of other things, and make sure that the next job I get is one I could stay in for a few years, I just dont know what
The other part is my living situation. I still live at home as I know its the most sensible option to save money and hopefully buy a house one day, but Im missing the social, freedom, independent living side of things! I should be able to get wasted, go out and get more wasted, burst through the door at 3am without worrying about waking anyone, not text home everytime I wanna stay out late. I think that if you want something in life you should go and get it, money can always be earnt but time can't. Everyone keeps telling me to stay and save though and I dont want to make the wrong decision.
Soooo there. A bit of a rant and a ask for help really. I have so many options in life now and am terrified of making the wrong one. Whatever job I choose i'll need to be happy in for the next 2/3 years minimum and wherever I choose to live i'll be sacrificing something.
If anyone has any advice for me I'll be so grateful as my family are sick to death of my whining,. Hope there's still a few old faces around!
What are some things you enjoy as a hobby?
Maybe one of those will make a good career.
Not sure about the housing situation, will have to think on that one a bit
Good question:
1: save like crazy (a few pounds may give you options)
2: see above post..how about something related to retro music/memorabilia? Maybe shop of your own someday
3: is going back to school an option?
4: you are still young enough..try a lot of different things to see what you like
5: move out? see #1 above... but I love my independence
6: keep a journal especially to record what you enjoy or dislike maybe it will spark an idea or two
7: think long term...2-3 years of happy?..that ain't long...what's your plan for year 3?
Not sure if this helps but take your time and think about it...life changes all the time...what is really important to YOU?
Take a step back. Look at what you've got and how it will get you to where you want to be. Check the money situation; do you have enough to rent and if not, how long is it going to take? Just take things one step at a time; there's no need for a radical overhaul. All in all, don't take huge risks and don't be afraid to ask for help. You learn from mistakes so don't be afraid to make them - everyone normal screws up at least a couple of times.
First thing for sure is to be sure you've lined up another job before your 6 months is up. You certainly don't want to quit and have nothing else lined up. Even if that means going back to the coffee shop on a temporary basis.
What are you passionate about? Photography? Exercise? Eating healthy? Massage? Fashion? What makes your clock tick, what motivates you? Find out what that is then find a way to do it for a living. Maybe you'll have to take the money you've saved while living at home and put it towards cosmetology school, massage school, computer/tech school. You may have to work at night at a coffee shop or restaurant while schooling in the day. Or vice versa.
If you can find a job that has long term potential and it's something you'd enjoy, move out of your folks place. Money will definitely be tigher, but you could live with a roommate or two to subsidize the expenses. Then you'd have the freedom to come and go as you please without worrying about waking your parents or checking in when you're out late. At 24, you'd probably love the roommate experience with like minded and similar aged people. The worst decision you could make is to NOT make a decision.
Take the bull by the horns. If you make a mistake, you'll learn from it and work it out. And you'll always have your parents' place as a fall back if something really fucked up happens. Don't wait for life to happen, you gotta make it happen.
When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser. Socrates Thanks guys.
I have some small idea of a career I'd like and trying to find out more about it. I have a meeting with a career advisor in a couple of weeks.
I know Im the only one who can change things, no one will do it for me. Im just so terrified of making the wrong decision. I know Ill always have my parents place to fall back on, theyve told me, but thats probably one of the most depressing outcome i can think of. Ive already done a year of a teaching course which came to nothing, so I dont want to start on the next thing until im 1000% sure its what i want.
First:
Stop worrying about making the wrong decision. We ALL do that and usually more often than we want to. I have many times but each one taught me more than a good one would have. I became an engineer because that's what everything led me to. I became a Taoist because that's how I want to live my life.
Now pick that one thing that you never want to stop doing. If it's sex then you will run into many hurdles that'll make family and friends unhappy but if that's it then??? You get to decide.
You will screw it up! Just try to not let it hurt you when you do. Listen to all this advice but keep in mind that it's YOUR life and you'll have to live it so make up your own mind. Ask questions if your unsure, study it, take whatever time you need then jump off that very fricking high cliff.
You'll either fly or crash at the bottom. Try to make the crash soft then pick up everything and climb back up and get ready to try again. Anything else is giving up and that's just a slow way to die unhappy. The ONLY failures are those that just don't get up again.
This is what we call life.
No one in the universe is in charge of you except you! NO ONE!
Of course this is all just advice from an old fart. I have walked down a lot of dead end roads in my life though and would like to help others.
The fact you say you have to have a job and want the security of a 9-5 says to me you're willing to settle for what you don't want.
If you truly want the freedom you say you do them it's balls to the wall and you go get whatever it is you want, or wake up 40 years later and say, "What happened?"
There are no wrong decisions there are only decisions - and you learn from making them to do them again or not to do them again.
You want true freedom then you must be willing to pay a price for it. Working for a living/paycheck is addicting. Then one day you're an addict and you're old and tired and you die.
You can hide your indecision behind sex, drugs, and rock and roll, but in the end the sex stops, the drugs either kill or deaden you, and the rockers have moved on with the money you gave them.
Thoreau said, "Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.”
Go to the graveyards and listen to the songs coming out of the graves, it's deafening.
You're 24 years old you've got the world by the ass, or the world has you by the ass. Your choice.
Scared of walking away from it all - hell yes, it's scary and that's when you know you are alive.
Go talk to those people that you work with that are now in their 30s & 40s and over ask them if they could have done it different would they?
Or bend over and let others drive you where they want you.
There are two acronyms for J-O-B "Jackass Of the Boss" or "Just Over Broke".
I've been scared many times and I've been wealthy and I've been broke and I've been places where I wouldn't send my worse enemy, but I wouldn't trade it all for a 9-5, the house with the white picket fence, and to rent a cottage in the Isle of Wright, if it's not too dear. I've slept rough, I've had guns put to my head, I'v nearly died several time, beaten, ridiculed because of the way I think and live. I have had two wives and three fantastic kids.
What people with degrees don't realize is that the people who started the universities DID NOT HAVE DEGREES they took a RISK that they could help make their lives and the lives of others better. They lived on the edge if their Uni was going to make it or not. Now everyone seeks that all mighty degree to go out and get a JOB, and one day the gold watch and say where did it all go?
After getting out of the US Air Force at 22 I bought an old Mustang, got my dog, and traveled around the USA. When I needed money I'd sweep out a gas station for gas. I'd do dishes for food for myself and my dog. I met and laid many great looking women and two that later became famous. Smoked a little weed, but nothing else. I still have many friends from those days. But what's more important is that I have many great memories of happiness and fulfillment. How many people working 9-5 40+ hours a week can say that?
I'm 67 and I took a test by a psychologist to determine my mental or actual age and it told me that I had an age of 30. Not bad I thought. In fact I prefer women 18-30.
Then I met my first wife and bought into the house, car, job and it all goes to hell because she gets into drug. I moved on with our son. Got into the house job etc for him to have a home and grow up with security.
My 1st ex always said we had to have the house, car, job etc. She's now lives in a wheelchair, her house is paid for, and our son cares for her. She's been in and out of hospitals, she traveled once to the UK, and has done nothing but work and save her money. When she dies my son gets the house, car and money.
My 2nd wife soon to be ex lives in fear and superstition dumped me for a , serial cheat, serial user of prostitutes, and now he's left her. She has to have the security of a job, house, car, education. She told me she always wanted a degree like I had. I opened the filing cabinet one day and said, "Take your pick, you can one of the many I have."
A degree means only you have completed a set requirement it's doesn't give you anything but a piece of expensive paper. Take it to your coffee shop, or the butcher and ask to trade it for coffee or food. Can you take the laughter?
I'll leave you with one last example when I was in high school my best friend wanted to be a doctor, and he did it. After school and in practice for over ten years he told me he wasn't happy. I asked him what would make him happy. He said, "I want to paint." "Then go paint."
We left it at that. I saw him again at our 40 year class reunion. I asked him what he was doing and he said he took my advice and gave up medicine. He went into painting, painting houses for money to keep the food on the table and when not doing that he painted paintings. He’s damn good had a showing in Chicago and sold 3 pieces for over $50,000.
Me I travel and write. I owe no one anything and I'm debt free. And I wouldn’t trade my life for any 9-5 40+ hour job again. When I die I’ll die peacefully with out the song of desperation. My oldest son asked me if I wanted Sinatra’s song “I did it my way” played at my funeral. I told him no I wanted Janis Joplin’s song “Me & Bobby McGee”.
Your choice mate, live your dreams or die with them.
I lived my life in fear of making the wrong decisions and made many wrong ones because of that. I allowed myself to live in the shadows of what other people wanted for me and said. That had never been my personality (as I am independant and rebellious at times). I ended up as flotsam & jetsam, going with the flow, listening to too many people and wishing I "knew" what I was supposed to do. I am saying this because deep down I think we know things. So~ Take a breath . . . and keep in mind that this little mini-life crisis or crossroad may strike again, even more than once. You will build faith and experience that you can do this, but it may require some practice and learning. IF you are doing your best, stay calm, worrying will not help...
More than "getting it right" - seek to learn. This is usually how life works~ less "our way" and what we plan and more a journey where the destination is not even the point. (I KNOW it is important to you, but sometimes mistakes are part of the process and unavoidable, too, it is part of being human, so do NOT beat yourself up. if you grow, that is good).
1. I would be less concerned with partying and getting wasted (unless that was just a metaphor). Freedom can be great and HUGE relief but will NOT help you if it gets wasted on the wrong people and things~ really, be careful. (Speaking as somone who has been with roommates and no roommates, partied, lived at home and been married... as well as repeated several of these!) -One of the most important things to me to have is inner peace, and I value that more than probably anything else-...and that is what is important to me today.
2. Like others said, I was most content when going to school and working toward doing something I really liked rather than just working. No desk job? No mediocre job? Sometimes these are stepping stones, when willing, but if you like something or have a passion, like gardening or landscape, you could seek a plant nursery if you want to be doing something non-desk related ~ or something that fits more your tastes. Maybe you can pick versatile things you can grow into, that way maybe you can even have your own business someday?
3. Sacrifice, balance, and going for it. Maybe you have to decide what is more important RIGHT NOW (to you & overall) and what you would REGRET later? ~ it is a toughie. *Sometimes pros and cons list helps.
4. Sometimes I have resorted to lists to help me, (as someone mentioned a journal)... I have made a list of goals (5 year goals, 10 year goals - but don't limit yourself, that is just for an idea of what you want right now, things change and sometimes for the better!) You can make a gratitude list to help you maintain some serenity and the goals list to help you stay focused and take little baby steps to reach the first goals.
5. This may not be for you, but more than anything that is practical *PRAYING* has helped me more than anything, even when it did not seem to or to produce an obvious answer when I wanted it. (It gives me that peace that means so much to me & helps guide me where I really need to be that maybe I cannot see & helps to take care of those needs & not having those regrets in the things that really matter.)
Take anything I say that might help, if I can, I glad to, even if you do not know me... then leave what you do not want.
Thanks everyone,
I think the thing thats bothering me most is deciding on a 'career' path to take. I know that many people have several careers these days but I want to make sure the next job i get is one that i can stay in for a few years at least. Its all very well saying if you dont like it, then leave, but who is gonna wanna employ me after 8 years in coffee, 6 months insurance, then 5 minutes in another poorly chosen, half assed job. I'll have to live it with for 2-3 years and thats alot of pressure to get right, and like i say Im terrified of making the wrong decision.
I could cope with the coffee shop job for 8 years because it was never meant to be a career, just a way to earn money. Now though I'd at least like something I can earn enough money in and have room to move up.
I think part of you probably just wants something new in your life, so maybe don't worry overly about what you do or dont want to do for work but get a regular income your not going to hate and just make some plans to expand your social life, you may find by doing this you find the thing you really want in the mean time. One of the triggers for the mini midlife crisis is feeling unfulfilled, so you could find the perfect job but still not feel happy because there was still that something missing from your life.
I suggest that you have an Astrology Chart done and from this you will get a pretty good idea of what you are best suited to and then go towards that direction, obviously learn as much as you can , in the position that you are in. You might be surprised when the skills that you pick up from this job, will help you in the next one, or perhaps the 10th job down the track
but I would not trade it, no. 
