Sheperd's Pie is a Meat and Vegetable Pie that is TRADITIONALLY cooked with Minced (Ground) Lamb... Then the Meat/Veg mixture is topped with Creamed Mashed Potato and baked in the oven until the potato pie crust turns Golden Brown on top...
(But here's how I cook it...)
I find PURE Ground Lamb to be a bit too RICH in flavor, so I use TWO parts Ground Lean Beef to ONE part Ground Lamb.
I add onions, a little garlic, some celery, some carrots, some Green Beans, some sweetcorn, sliced Mushrooms, Whatever veggies you LIKE, really...
(Before you do the Pie Filling, you need to BOIL some potatos, MASH 'EM UP, add Butter, Cream and a SPRITZ of Olive Oil, and I add some GRATED White Cheddar cheese for flavour...)
BOIL the carrots, celery, green beans, sweetcorn until cooked. Drain.
FLASH FRY the diced onion, garlic and mushroom on a pan.
ADD the Meat mix, (Which you have blended with a little salt, pepper and herbs. (I use Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme!!!!)
Brown the meat mixture and fold the Veg mix into the ground meat mix...
Then add the COOKED BOILED VEGETABLES to the Onion/Mushroom/Garlic/Meat mix...
Stir the FUCK out of this, Mixing everything. Add a spoonfull of tomato puree, a glass of Red Wine, a Beef Stock Cube... Mix, Mix, Mix!!!!!
WE'RE READY TO ROCK!!!
Place the meat/Veg mix in a casserole dish. SMOOTH your Creamed potato mix over the top. (Decorate this with swirls from a a fork... If I'm cooking for a PARTICULAR partner I'll often WRITE her Initials in the topping!!!!!) But I am stupidly cute... SPRINKLE some Shredded Red Cheddar over the top...
IN a pre-heated HOT oven, slide the casserole dish GENTLY inside the hot heat of her waiting oven.....
I'm sorry... Where was I?
In 20 minutes the potato topping will have turned Golden Brown... (But snowy-soft underneath...) The red cheddar will be bubbling... The meaty/herb-y scent will be AMAZING!!!!!
Take it out, place it in front of your diner, scoop out a portion, serve, and watch! (There is already a selection of breads on the table...)
You'll have already poured her a glass of a full red... The first of several...
DELIGHT in her pleasure as she eats...
(Background music is good... Think Fleetwood Mac's 'Rumors' rather than anything by And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead...)
MOST IMPORTANTLY!!!!!!!!! Without BEING A GIRL ABOUT IT, (DON'T wear a FUCKING APRON!!!!!!) CLEAN UP as she finishes... (If you're in luck, she'll be waking up in this place tomorrow... She won't want to see a dirty kitchen...)
AS YOU clean up, (She'll OFFER to help but you'll say it's fine...) serve her dessert and Brandy Coffees...
When everything is packed in the dishwasher, sit with her again and light a cigarette/joint... (She'll say she hates that you smoke but fuck her...Mention that Brad Pitt smokes 40 a day and coughs like a Siberian Coal Miner... He DOESN'T but she won't know that...)
Talk to her for about a half hour. THEN tell her, in a wry coquettish Robert Downey Jr ironic way, she looks 'TIRED' and looks like she needs to go to bed....
She'll race you to the bedroom, trust me...
(And she WON'T be tired at ALL!!!!!)
Fuck her for about three hours. (LOADS of ORAL for her. I CAN'T stress this enough. Obviously YOU DON'T DO THIS AS A RULE, (but she'll think you do...) Make a POINT of asking her if you're too big and are hurting her. (You aren't but she'll believe you MUST be big and so she'll be thrilled. And because you're not hurting her she'll think all you're other girlfriend's must have had tighter pussies so she'll make more effort...)
When You Have Finished, cuddle her for about 20 minutes and tell her how amazing that just was... (Real OPERATORS will use this cuddle time... Ask if she has pets and tell her the story of how your puppy Minstrel was run over by a truck when you were six... Play this carefully... Embarrassedly choked up is GOOD... Tears are Gay. (NIAGW). THEN, (because by now she WILL be tired) turn around from her BUT place your hand on her hip... (Girls HATE clingy Guys!!!! BUT they like to know you know they are there...)
Fall asleep.
(Then in Five hours, wake up, fuck her again and get up and make her bacon, mushrooms, pancakes and coffee...)
xx SF
(I should charge for this shit...)
Lurker
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