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Sexual identity crisis or just time to move on?

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CliffordAClavin
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I just had a weekend I can't explain to myself. I've been with this partner once or twice a year since about 2003. We're both married and live relatively straight lives, but once in a while go to the lake or camping for the weekend and have a fuckfest together. We've never kissed. Frankly, it has nothing to do with the gayness of it, but rather, it's the scruffiness of a male face that I don't like the feel of. But this weekend was odd because there was no oral at all, not even a little bit and frankly I was pretty grossed out by his precum. The sex was ok, but not quite up to its usual stellar level.

So, I'm having this internal debate. I've always loved receiving anal play, even with my first girlfriend in high school. Most of my ex's were cool with strap on play. Now I'm wondering if my male on male play has really been bisexual activity or just some form of objectifying men for their equipment and what it can do for me. I've never lusted after a guy, but I have been caught up in the moment and sucked, handled and played in various ways with dicks. I've enjoyed giving full body massages, but that's something I enjoy so much that I get hard giving a massage to my wife every single time. My internal debate is whether this is really a sexual orientation issue (heaven forbid, I might be straight with an anal fetish) or if maybe it was more about my partner and he just doesn't do it for me any more (put on a few pounds, the age gap is significant, etc).

Any thoughts or insights?
CliffordAClavin
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Whew! That was a close one. I ended up hooking up with my other partner and had a great time. No hesitation doing oral. I'm officially back in the middle of the road.

Scary. For a minute there I was afraid I might be turning straight. Instead, it's just clear that I need to move on from a partner that just doesn't turn me on anymore.
dpw
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Quote by CliffordAClavin
Whew! That was a close one. I ended up hooking up with my other partner and had a great time. No hesitation doing oral. I'm officially back in the middle of the road.

Scary. For a minute there I was afraid I might be turning straight. Instead, it's just clear that I need to move on from a partner that just doesn't turn me on anymore.

I can't believe that I missed the first post! Not like me to miss a question here. I'm glad that you've sorted it out.
The age gap can be a problem when you can't keep up with the young guys any more, lol. He might have got over his daddy fetish.
I wouldn't call you middle of the road though. More like, just stepped off the kerb. The thing that I like about kissing a guy is the "scruffiness", the raw masculinity of it. I'm not into soft skinned twinks, I like men.
I regard you as 80-90% straight. Open enough to have explored the other part of their sexuality. I think that most bisexual men fall into the 70-90% range of straightness.
It seems to me that there are very few gay bisexual men. Maybe after all the problems of coming out, they won't admit to still liking women.
CliffordAClavin
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No argument here, dpw. I realize my same sex urges are different than my opposite sex urges in a number of ways. The emotional connection I'm desire is different, the scope of what I want is different in the bedroom, and I doubt id ever seriously pursue an exclusively same sex relationship because of that. My bi side remains a fascinating enigma that I enjoy exploring from time to time.